- May 27, 2006
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I remember in the mid 2000s, as a slightly younger Headless, sitting through two losses against wooden spooners Carlton in a single season. Winning even one of those two games would have meant we finished top four. Instead, we threw away our double chance, and then missed finals for the following 11 seasons.
As you can imagine, such is my personality, I was UNBELIEVABLY ANGRY.
Such was my sheer disappointment that I didn’t even send my usual “thank you” handwritten letter to the barista who made my coffee at the Melbourne Cricket Ground and/or Colonial Stadium.
17 years later, we are, somehow, back in a semi final, and this time AGAINST Carlton. And though it feels like we’re physically and metaphorically limping toward the end, much like our disappointing end to 2022, we remain a chance to make a preliminary final in Brisbane. WE REMAIN A CHANCE.
Here are our recent match-ups against Carlton from the ever-helpful afl.com.au. They include an absolute thriller featuring Kysaiah Pickett brilliance, and somewhat less of a thriller featuring Christian Petracca almost brilliance. Recent history suggests this one COULD BE A CONTENDER for Name A Game pre-order.
The selection table is, like all tables, very interesting. I could speak for days about my favourite types of table, and there’s a strong chance I will do so in this very thread, but the table I want to speak of ON THIS OCCASION is of the selection ilk. So let’s do that.
From last week, Carlton will be without Harry McKay and Jack Martin. Melbourne will be without Angus Brayshaw and Jacob van Rooyen, leaving our forward options slim. On our end, reports have suggested both Max Gawn and Clayton Oliver are carrying injuries, and the former also went to the bathroom on several occasions the other day.
Here are some questions that I – that’s Headless from the anonymous online text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – would like answered.
Q. Will we break an all-time record for ineffective inside 50s this week?
Last week, we had 956 inside 50s for about one goal. We fared well on the “number of long kicks into a crowded forward line” metric, but less well on the “points scored” metric.
This week, I feel confident we can go one better and break the all-time inefficiency record.
Q. Will there be more Melbourne supporters, Carlton supporters, or Collingwood supporters on our board?
I’m sure we’re all looking forward to the measured and empathetic responses from the Collingwood faithful when we lose this game, along with the patronizing “sorry for the intrusion” posts from lovely Carlton folk.
Q. Do we have an MCG problem?
For practically all of Simon Goodwin’s time at the top, I’ve felt more confident going into interstate games than games at home. Why is that? Combined with the fact that our three most recent finals have been MCG losses that we debatably could or should have won, the question must be asked.
It must be. So I hope somebody asks it in this very thread.
Q. Who will kick our goals?
Since Harrison Petty and then Jake Melksham regrettably went down with injury, and even before that, we’ve really struggled with our mid-forward connection this season. A11dAtP0w3R will tell you that we’re working incredibly hard on it, but it is and has been a big issue. I’d personally like to see Christian Salem forward and Charlie Spargo back in the team, but who kicks our BIG SIX-POINTERS? Christian Petracca may need to play more forward minutes or, failing that, we may need to bring back David Neitz.
Good luck, everybody. I hope you have a wonderful, WONDERFUL time consuming this game of Australian football.
Please clap.
As you can imagine, such is my personality, I was UNBELIEVABLY ANGRY.
Such was my sheer disappointment that I didn’t even send my usual “thank you” handwritten letter to the barista who made my coffee at the Melbourne Cricket Ground and/or Colonial Stadium.17 years later, we are, somehow, back in a semi final, and this time AGAINST Carlton. And though it feels like we’re physically and metaphorically limping toward the end, much like our disappointing end to 2022, we remain a chance to make a preliminary final in Brisbane. WE REMAIN A CHANCE.
Here are our recent match-ups against Carlton from the ever-helpful afl.com.au. They include an absolute thriller featuring Kysaiah Pickett brilliance, and somewhat less of a thriller featuring Christian Petracca almost brilliance. Recent history suggests this one COULD BE A CONTENDER for Name A Game pre-order.
The selection table is, like all tables, very interesting. I could speak for days about my favourite types of table, and there’s a strong chance I will do so in this very thread, but the table I want to speak of ON THIS OCCASION is of the selection ilk. So let’s do that.
From last week, Carlton will be without Harry McKay and Jack Martin. Melbourne will be without Angus Brayshaw and Jacob van Rooyen, leaving our forward options slim. On our end, reports have suggested both Max Gawn and Clayton Oliver are carrying injuries, and the former also went to the bathroom on several occasions the other day.
Here are some questions that I – that’s Headless from the anonymous online text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – would like answered.
Q. Will we break an all-time record for ineffective inside 50s this week?
Last week, we had 956 inside 50s for about one goal. We fared well on the “number of long kicks into a crowded forward line” metric, but less well on the “points scored” metric.
This week, I feel confident we can go one better and break the all-time inefficiency record.
Q. Will there be more Melbourne supporters, Carlton supporters, or Collingwood supporters on our board?
I’m sure we’re all looking forward to the measured and empathetic responses from the Collingwood faithful when we lose this game, along with the patronizing “sorry for the intrusion” posts from lovely Carlton folk.
Q. Do we have an MCG problem?
For practically all of Simon Goodwin’s time at the top, I’ve felt more confident going into interstate games than games at home. Why is that? Combined with the fact that our three most recent finals have been MCG losses that we debatably could or should have won, the question must be asked.
It must be. So I hope somebody asks it in this very thread.
Q. Who will kick our goals?
Since Harrison Petty and then Jake Melksham regrettably went down with injury, and even before that, we’ve really struggled with our mid-forward connection this season. A11dAtP0w3R will tell you that we’re working incredibly hard on it, but it is and has been a big issue. I’d personally like to see Christian Salem forward and Charlie Spargo back in the team, but who kicks our BIG SIX-POINTERS? Christian Petracca may need to play more forward minutes or, failing that, we may need to bring back David Neitz.
Good luck, everybody. I hope you have a wonderful, WONDERFUL time consuming this game of Australian football.
Please clap.
