T2B_
The Avo King
- Feb 13, 2011
- 54,649
- 93,374
- AFL Club
- Carlton
- Other Teams
- Tasmania Devils, Dragons FFC
Via Qox Sports News
While many thought the Dragons FFC would go into Round 1 without a coach on gameday, this would be dispelled early Wednesday morning as the club announced they had signed a new coach in the wake of controversial sacking of Dragons legend-turned-cruise-liner-mascot, AceAndy.
During a press conference, the Dragons FFC announced their new coach after an allegedly long and vigorous selection process. Proudly donning the Dragons logo once again and sporting a slightly unhinged grin, was former player and club legend, Andonis1997.
The following is from the Q&A held during the press conference.
Q. G'day Andonis1997, Tim from the Dragons Daily here. First of all congrats on the new job, I'm sure the Dragons ran a really tight selection process. How does it feel to return to Dragon Island as a coach?
Hi Tim, thanks mate. It was a very stringent process for a part-ti-
...Sorry, full-time job of course, being a Sweet FA Coach. Is it hot in here? Anyway, it's so great to be back at Dragon Island, and I've already seen a couple of old faces that make it feel like home again. Man, Laura at Reception hasn't aged a day in the 12 seasons I've been AWOL.
Q. It's no secret that your predecessor, AceAndy, had a bit of a controversial style of coaching with his unorthodox and constant interchanges. He won a flag during his time but it also probably cost his job in the end. What sort of coaching style do you think you will impart on the playing group?
Look, AceAndy was an old soul. It brings me back to the time I was dragged from the wing and put in the ruck 5 mins later. A five-foot nine-inch 16 year old at the time, against giants, and still managed 5 hit-outs. It's a bold move.
Oh, for those wondering, those were separate measurements. Just ask Laura at Reception when we re-acquainted ourselves a couple of hours ago...
But to answer your question, I want an angry, attacking team. I want them to remember where we finished last season, and to hit anyone in our sights once we cross that white line. Make our opponents hurt as much as we did - and still do.
Q. AceAndy was notable for playing his Switch, Animal Crossing I believe, during matches [laughter breaks out in the room]. Do you see yourself also playing games in the coaches box?
I understand the laughter, but it's a hell of a game. I just recently caught myself a hammerhead shark while fishing, beautiful creature. Did you know it can see 360° around itself? Wack.
The only games I can see myself playing are mindgames with the opposition coaches. Though the Roys coaching staff might be a tougher nut to crack, considering their brains are now as mushy as the food they eat at their nursing home.
Q. You've been out of the game a while, since about Season 23 I believe, yet some things don't change in Qooty, as they say. Are there things that you hope HAVE changed in the game in your time away?
Yeah.
All the other clubs approaching me to play for them.
[Andonis stands up from chair, grabbing microphone]
I AM TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF YOU! Plain and simple! Dragon Island is my home, I piss excellence and you all wish you could bathe in all its glory!
[Andonis clears throat, sits down, straightens club polo]
Sorry all. Sheesh, it's hot in here. They seriously still haven't fixed the A/C in here, hey?
Q. Hi Andonis, Paul from the Eastern Times here, I have to ask: AceAndy had a particular tradition of posting Rebecca Black's Friday song on, well, Fridays. Do you see yourself carrying on that tradition or something similar?
Hi Paul, I-
[Dragons skipper T2B_ makes throat cutting gestures from across the room while shaking his head before giving a death stare at Paul]
Um, well I was about to say that Rebecca and I have not been on good terms, ever since I kinda ran over her dog, and by 'kinda', I mean repeatedly.
But I can at least blast some tunes out on the weekend of the games for the boys. I find Anastacia's 'Left Outside Alone' really gets the blood pumping!
[multiple groans are heard from the room]
Q. Andonis, you've no doubt have had your fair share of advances over the years both as a player and coach. Viewers at home are probably wondering, was it the Dragons' free KFC and Subway from their sponsorships that got them over the line?
Two words. Zing. On.
While the KFC is a huge drawcard, to be honest I am more excited about the prospect of bringing this team to the finals, where we belong...
What? I'm serious. I love some dirty bird as much as anyone, but I want success. Then we can celebrate with all the Zinger boxes we could ever want. We'll work the kids harder than some Asian countries that weekend.
Q. You probably recognise a few particular veterans who are still playing for the mighty Dragons. Only a couple of seasons ago Pie 4 Life kept Tarkyn_24 goalless as he ran off him from full back and then kicked a goal which has gone down in folklore in the Sweet FA. More recently he won an All-SFA spot, while Hatchy1992 just won another, um, Hatchy1992 medal and Ljp86 is as lethal as ever on the wing. Do you reckon you can still teach a few of these old dogs new tricks
Wait, Tarkyn's still playing? Next you'll tell me ClarkeM and Frankston Rover are still around too, haha... hah...
[T2B_ whispers in Andonis' ear]
You're kidding. * me.
Back to Pie, I even saw that highlight on all my social media feeds, such a great moment and that effort and drive is what I want to base our new gameplan on. Classic Dragons Qooty.
And I can definitely get the old dogs behind me and what I'm trying to build here, especially if it includes blackmail for the things I saw and experienced as a 14 year old, back when Mrs. Ljp was givin-
[T2B_ interrupts] This interview is over!
DRAGONS FFC 
