Unwanted Pregnancy Advice

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Mojo said:
I loved it until you mentioned 'marriage'. 😂

At the moment, I can't imagine a point in time where I forgive her, but I'm convinced if I'm not the one bending backwards, she won't put my name on the birth certificate.

Her entire focus from Day 1 has been 'I want a baby'; and will do anything and everything to get what she wants.
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Ok makes sense.
She has screwed you and a dozen others.
Shut the **** up. Stay quiet.
Hard as it is wait. Stay quiet
Wait till January plan yourself but don't do another thing.
You ultimately can't do anything
Kids yours= congrats
Not= walk
 
Given she's still trying to figure things out I'd give her space.
If she decides she wants the child's father to be a part of their life and reaches out to you it's reasonable to ask for a DNA test given the circumstances.
While there's a few unknowns now is the time to be thinking ahead. If the DNA test comes back and you're the father what would you like to happen from there?
It's a tough spot to be in my man, I feel for you.
 
ash_1050 said:
Given she's still trying to figure things out I'd give her space.
If she decides she wants the child's father to be a part of their life and reaches out to you it's reasonable to ask for a DNA test given the circumstances.
While there's a few unknowns now is the time to be thinking ahead. If the DNA test comes back and you're the father what would you like to happen from there?
It's a tough spot to be in my man, I feel for you.
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I've always said I can't walk away.
 

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burge13 said:
It sounds like a fling with a crazy girl who you're not with. Don't let 30 seconds of fun ruin your life. She's choosing to keep it, that's on her, you can walk away guilt free imo
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OP is hardly the first ever person to get a fling pregnant.....the idea that it is going to "ruin your life" is one that isn't helpful, nor realistic. Plenty of people have had kids with randoms and they have had long, fulfilling lives.
 
imtall said:
OP is hardly the first ever person to get a fling pregnant.....the idea that it is going to "ruin your life" is one that isn't helpful, nor realistic. Plenty of people have had kids with randoms and they have had long, fulfilling lives.
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Fair, if it's massively unexpected and unwanted how else would you describe it though?
 
burge13 said:
Fair, if it's massively unexpected and unwanted how else would you describe it though?
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I'm not sure. Lots of people these days don't want kids - they are motivated purely by career - which is fair enough.

OP should see this as an opportunity for growth. People saying don't "ruin your life" have nothing of value to add.
 
Run n Spread said:
Mojo update please Hows it all going?
Baby born yet?
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Thanks for checking in, RnS.

I'm not really in a good place atm, tbh. I feel like this is a nightmare I can't escape.

I went to an ultrasound check-up 3 weeks ago. It was the first face-to-face meeting for several months. We obviously talked, but I didn't talk in depth enough for her liking - I still feel so wronged by her actions; possibly because she hasn't apologised or acknowledged any wrong-doing.

I've since implored her to go to a counselor with me, to begin resolving some of our issues before our daughter is born, but she won't agree to it.

I wake up everyday in disbelief this has happened.
 
Mojo said:
Thanks for checking in, RnS.

I'm not really in a good place atm, tbh. I feel like this is a nightmare I can't escape.

I went to an ultrasound check-up 3 weeks ago. It was the first face-to-face meeting for several months. We obviously talked, but I didn't talk in depth enough for her liking - I still feel so wronged by her actions; possibly because she hasn't apologised or acknowledged any wrong-doing.

I've since implored her to go to a counselor with me, to begin resolving some of our issues before our daughter is born, but she won't agree to it.

I wake up everyday in disbelief this has happened.
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Good on you. You've done everything you could possibly do. She screwed you sure in more ways than one. But it happens.
However DNA test DNA test DNA test can't stress that enough.
The second the kid is born DNA test. Then work out what's going on
 
Run n Spread said:
Good on you. You've done everything you could possibly do. She screwed you sure in more ways than one. But it happens.
However DNA test DNA test DNA test can't stress that enough.
The second the kid is born DNA test. Then work out what's going on
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This 100%

A guy i knew at my old cricket had this same situation . Was highly speculative the child was his but went though it all , doing the 'right' thing
When the kid was 5 the mother comes clean saying she isn't sure who the father is , do the DNA test and the guy isn't the father .

Far to say it was messy and not great for he but more importantly the child

Get it done asap
 
The hands of stone said:
This 100%

A guy i knew at my old cricket had this same situation . Was highly speculative the child was his but went though it all , doing the 'right' thing
When the kid was 5 the mother comes clean saying she isn't sure who the father is , do the DNA test and the guy isn't the father .

Far to say it was messy and not great for he but more importantly the child

Get it done asap
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I will, though she won't get one done until the baby is born - is that normal?
 

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Mojo said:
I told her that. She refused. I don't get it.
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Tough situation to be in. I would keep pressing it tbh .
You may be the Father but that is a huge red flag

Without knowing her at all it sounds like

  • she isn't sure that you are the Father and is buying time. Probably hoping after the birth you'll have an emotive attachment and then stay around no matter the result .
  • hoping for the above and that you simple will then not ask for one .

Good luck I really hope it turns out
 
The hands of stone said:
Tough situation to be in. I would keep pressing it tbh .
You may be the Father but that is a huge red flag

Without knowing her at all it sounds like

  • she isn't sure that you are the Father and is buying time. Probably hoping after the birth you'll have an emotive attachment and then stay around no matter the result .
  • hoping for the above and that you simple will then not ask for one .

Good luck I really hope it turns out
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Wants him to be dad because compared to the others he's the most well adjusted/gainfully employed/goodlooking/she hasn't tracked them down/he's the only man she's been with and being asked to prove it is triggering something for her/he's the only man she was with consensually. Only she'd know what's going on there. Get a DNA test.
 
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Fuark, this is rough.

She has used you for a insurmountably massive, lifelong, very emotional (and likely financial) drain from you to benefit herself. she has the right to keep it, but the way she's refused to openly talk to you or give you the decency of a DNA test – while blocking you like a dumped teenager – is where this shit gets truly nasty.

I have had one or two situations close to this where a girl has quite clearly, in retrospect, encouraged unprotected sex and cut me out of contact the very next day. it scared me rigid. I had to get friends to follow her or look up her social media to make sure there was no baby in the frame. seeing that they were out drinking four months later was more of a relief than any beer could ever be...

I think this whole thing is gross though and people who feel entitled to a child while knowing what it saps from someone else are pricks. I'd feel bad stealing a bike and wondering if it meant something to its past owner; having a living, breathing, very real child and knowing the massive complications involved in its life... do you really need a baby that badly?

****ed up situation man.
 
errant bounce said:
Fuark, this is rough.

She has used you for a insurmountably massive, lifelong, very emotional (and likely financial) drain from you to benefit herself. she has the right to keep it, but the way she's refused to openly talk to you or give you the decency of a DNA test – while blocking you like a dumped teenager – is where this shit gets truly nasty.

I have had one or two situations close to this where a girl has quite clearly, in retrospect, encouraged unprotected sex and cut me out of contact the very next day. it scared me rigid. I had to get friends to follow her or look up her social media to make sure there was no baby in the frame. seeing that they were out drinking four months later was more of a relief than any beer could ever be...

I think this whole thing is gross though and people who feel entitled to a child while knowing what it saps from someone else are pricks. I'd feel bad stealing a bike and wondering if it meant something to its past owner; having a living, breathing, very real child and knowing the massive complications involved in its life... do you really need a baby that badly?

****ed up situation man.
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Nothing as drastic as that but yeah been in a near accident situation where she wanted kids and would gladly have kept it to spite telling me otherwise. Long story and not as dodgy as yours so I won't clog the thread

In answer to your question. Yes. Some women do want a baby that badly. Put it another way a woman's instinct to want a kid is as strong as a man's want to ####.
Even if she says otherwise when the reality of a pregnancy forms minds change very easily. Seen it happen.
It's why we've got it arse backwards on contraception. It would be better if men had more options/reliable stuff as it would even up the relationship playing field a lot more.
 
Mojo said:
I told her that. She refused. I don't get it.
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Ultimately it would be somewhat invasive and can't force her. You'll have to wait till the baby is born.
Mentally and emotionally look after yourself and plan how you'll tackle this. If she won't meet you halfway/be reasonable and honset your under no obligations to. Wait until the baby is born.
 
Run n Spread said:
Nothing as drastic as that but yeah been in a near accident situation where she wanted kids and would gladly have kept it to spite telling me otherwise. Long story and not as dodgy as yours so I won't clog the thread

In answer to your question. Yes. Some women do want a baby that badly. Put it another way a woman's instinct to want a kid is as strong as a man's want to ####.
Even if she says otherwise when the reality of a pregnancy forms minds change very easily. Seen it happen.
It's why we've got it arse backwards on contraception. It would be better if men had more options/reliable stuff as it would even up the relationship playing field a lot more.
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I'm 30 and if I wasn't committed, I would be extremely apprehensive about having sex with someone two years either side of me. if you have spent your 20s 'having fun' and 'chasing a career' and then '30 hits' then... they're happy to make a man's life miserable to have their own slightly bettered.

It's a ****ed up world.
 
errant bounce said:
I'm 30 and if I wasn't committed, I would be extremely apprehensive about having sex with someone two years either side of me. if you have spent your 20s 'having fun' and 'chasing a career' and then '30 hits' then... they're happy to make a man's life miserable to have their own slightly bettered.

It's a ****ed up world.
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I realised this several months ago.

It wasn't something that even crossed my mind. My stupid, naive, ignorant mind...
 
errant bounce women blocking you could be because they pick up on your any-woman-who-turns-28-is-a-****ing-campaigner outlook
 
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