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Tony_Clifton said:
I have a tablet that helps me sleep but also gives me the munchies. To combat this I don't have a lot of junk food in the pantry.

One night all I could find were the boxes of protein bars that were covered in so called chocolate. They are normally inedible but in my munchies state I ate about 10 of them.

I didn't realise what all these protein bars would do to my gut but sitting on the toilet I knew I was in real trouble. The girth and solidness of this thing had me freaking out that I would need medical help. In a state of panic I duck walked into the kitchen, grabbed the canola oil and a chopstick and went back to the bathroom.

You can fill in the blanks but in the end I did not have to go to the emergency room but any sense of self dignity had long since passed.

Good luck with your pain meds.
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Omfg. Surely this needs to be nominated for post of the year? Crying 😂😂😂
 
It was a fly out day for work much like any other. Got my window seat aisle 7A on the left. Beautiful view of Perth as I'm flying towards Tom Price. The guy next to me had fallen asleep pretty quickly. I was comfortable reading my book when I got this painful pang in my stomach...Again. then again. The sweats began shortly after and the pang changed to pain and being very uncomfortable. I ended up waking the guy and getting him to move. Of course the toilet was occupied so I had to wait.

I heard a fellow passenger say "That bloke is gonna shit himself." As I danced from foot to foot..finally the door opens and I run it to a crime scene. Pubes, and all manner of fecal matter on the seat. Holding butt cheeks together I clean it the best I can and unleash the fury of my bowels. Now the toilets in aeroplanes use a weight system and the metal plate was dropping but my shit was stuck to it...and there was so much. I flushed a few times and well...let's just say that it took a bit of negotiating to get it all down.

I must have made a bit of noise because a really nice flight attendant was waiting for me and asked it I was OK.

I can't look her in the eye whenever I see she's on my flight.
 

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freo84 said:
It was a fly out day for work much like any other. Got my window seat aisle 7A on the left. Beautiful view of Perth as I'm flying towards Tom Price. The guy next to me had fallen asleep pretty quickly. I was comfortable reading my book when I got this painful pang in my stomach...Again. then again. The sweats began shortly after and the pang changed to pain and being very uncomfortable. I ended up waking the guy and getting him to move. Of course the toilet was occupied so I had to wait.

I heard a fellow passenger say "That bloke is gonna shit himself." As I danced from foot to foot..finally the door opens and I run it to a crime scene. Pubes, and all manner of fecal matter on the seat. Holding butt cheeks together I clean it the best I can and unleash the fury of my bowels. Now the toilets in aeroplanes use a weight system and the metal plate was dropping but my shit was stuck to it...and there was so much. I flushed a few times and well...let's just say that it took a bit of negotiating to get it all down.

I must have made a bit of noise because a really nice flight attendant was waiting for me and asked it I was OK.

I can't look her in the eye whenever I see she's on my flight.
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Omg what the hell had you eaten?? Ngl having diarrhoea on a plane is one of my top fears. Also how’s the filthy bastard before you who left pubes and shit on the seat?!

My condolences but I really do love these types of stories.
 
MadEyeEmmy said:
Omg what the hell had you eaten?? Ngl having diarrhoea on a plane is one of my top fears. Also how’s the filthy bastard before you who left pubes and shit on the seat?!

My condolences but I really do love these types of stories.
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I don't know...I felt fine afterwards as well.
 
Raz said:
And then the plane vented that all out !!!
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Sad Fran Healy GIF by Travis
 

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Ok. So here's a good one for you all.

Our second kid was a few months old, and we'd fallen into a routine.
Baby would wake up, I'd get up, change it, hand over to mum for feeding and go back to sleep. Once feeding was done, I'd be woken to put the small one back to sleep.

One night, probs around 2am, the kidlet wakes. I've been doing this so often that I'm virtually on auto-pilot. Barely conscious.

Stumble to the nursery, retrieve the child, head to the change table.

Nice full nappy, time to change.

Nappy comes off, watch for any cheeky freedom wees, nope, all good.

Old nappy off, new nappy ready.

Lift up the legs to slide the diaper underneath, and a goddamn mother****ing shit rocket goes off.

Covered head to toe in yellow baby crap.

I'm in shock. the Nam flashbacks begin. "Babe..." I whisper meekly. "Umm.. help..."

I swear, it took me 5 minutes to register what had happened.
 
DragoDelph said:
Ok. So here's a good one for you all.

Our second kid was a few months old, and we'd fallen into a routine.
Baby would wake up, I'd get up, change it, hand over to mum for feeding and go back to sleep. Once feeding was done, I'd be woken to put the small one back to sleep.

One night, probs around 2am, the kidlet wakes. I've been doing this so often that I'm virtually on auto-pilot. Barely conscious.

Stumble to the nursery, retrieve the child, head to the change table.

Nice full nappy, time to change.

Nappy comes off, watch for any cheeky freedom wees, nope, all good.

Old nappy off, new nappy ready.

Lift up the legs to slide the diaper underneath, and a goddamn mother****ing shit rocket goes off.

Covered head to toe in yellow baby crap.

I'm in shock. the Nam flashbacks begin. "Babe..." I whisper meekly. "Umm.. help..."

I swear, it took me 5 minutes to register what had happened.
Click to expand...
Bahahaha as father of 4 I've experienced this and it sucks.

I'll never forget when I got woken up by my missus screaming because our then 2 year old had climbed up on her head and went to sleep. The nappy then leaked all over her face and hair and she woke up to face full of shit.
 
freo84 said:
Bahahaha as father of 4 I've experienced this and it sucks.

I'll never forget when I got woken up by my missus screaming because our then 2 year old had climbed up on her head and went to sleep. The nappy then leaked all over her face and hair and she woke up to face full of shit.
Click to expand...
The true horror of a Poonami
 
Tony_Clifton said:
I have a tablet that helps me sleep but also gives me the munchies. To combat this I don't have a lot of junk food in the pantry.

One night all I could find were the boxes of protein bars that were covered in so called chocolate. They are normally inedible but in my munchies state I ate about 10 of them.

I didn't realise what all these protein bars would do to my gut but sitting on the toilet I knew I was in real trouble. The girth and solidness of this thing had me freaking out that I would need medical help. In a state of panic I duck walked into the kitchen, grabbed the canola oil and a chopstick and went back to the bathroom.

You can fill in the blanks but in the end I did not have to go to the emergency room but any sense of self dignity had long since passed.

Good luck with your pain meds.
Click to expand...


Are you…a Chinese accountant?
 

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