Matera92
Brownlow Medallist
Before I go any further, I have dedicated this small tribute to the umpires who officiated the West Coast V Carlton game last weekend.
With that out of the way, lets move onto the game that stops the nation, (Lets face it we are propping up the rest of this useless country) the Western Derby!
Head to Head
West Coast 21 wins
Fremantle 17 wins
We still hold a slender lead over the purple flog muppets, thanks to the West Coast of old, who unlike the current bunch of soft front runners knew how to really terrorize a team.
Andrew Embley Hadukens a hapless Steven Dodd.
Unfortunately in recent years the Dorkers have had our measure, with our last Derby win coming in Round 9, 2012, back when we looked like we might actually challenge for some silverware. With upcoming stars such as Naitanui, Darling, Shuey and the all mighty Tom Swift, Eagles fans were excited, especially in the pants region.
Obligatory Tom Swift Photo
How quickly things can change. In the space of 2 years we've gone from top four contenders, to Richmond like mediocrity.
Form Guide
Both teams have been shit. With the purple fairies being slightly less shit than us. The only reason why we still have a spot in the eight is because we beat up on the cellar dwellars in the first three rounds like a father beats a red headed step child. Spanked by Geelong, and losing to both Port and Carlscum due to a combination of wayward kicking and spectacularly bad umpiring, we go into this Derby with little form and still a number of key players out.
Freo on the other hand lost to LolNorf (Seriously Norf?) And the imploding Swans, who have the most expensive day care fee's of all time, requiring 1 million a year to look after Buddy. (And failing might I add) Their last win came against a PEDless Essendon.
Key Matchups
Eric Mackenzie vs The
Pavlova (Mathew Pavlich)
vs
Eric is our number one defender and has shut down some of the best forwards in the game. Anytime Big Nose is deep forward, I expect the Big Easy to take him. Pav is a giant silly and looks dumb in purple, therefore Eric wins.
Josh Kennedy vs Pharlap (Luke McPharlin)
vs
After scoring the goal that sent the Socceroos to the 2014 World Cup, big JK has been moonlighting as an AFL full forward for the West Coast Eagles. Unfortunately for us he's been rubbish this year, struggling to work out that you score more points for your team if you kick it through the big sticks, instead of through the little ones. Hopefully he's got his radar tuned this week because we'll need him to kick a bag if we are to have any hope of winning. His opponent will be Pharlap, a dead horse who despite being sealed away in a glass cabinet, still manages to get on the park once a week and do a reasonable impression of an AFL footballer. Still, Jesus lookalike vs a dead horse, JK should get the chocolates here.
Luke AKA Shane AKA Mitchell AKA Muhammad AKA Mathew Priddis vs Big Footy
vs
Week in, week out. Matt continues to do his thing, racking up possessions, sometimes giving them to his team mates, sometimes the opposition, who knows what he'll do next, I don't think even Matt knows. Regardless of his efforts, win, lose or draw. You just know there will be some spirited debate in the 37,000 threads that have been derailed into a Priddis discussion.
A typical Priddis debate
The Verdict
Freo on paper should win, they are the better team, with a midfield that should run rampant against our slow, midget brigade. So in all honesty I should be tipping them..
You know what though, **** that shit!
I'm sick of these purple blouse wearing poodle walkers, strutting around like they know a thing or two about winning. West Coast need to embrace the Us vs Them attitude. We need to play nasty, like the Eagles of old. I want to see blood, shitty, loser purple blood. These dishlickers from down the road think they own us, and frankly I'm done with it.
So West Coast by any amount, I don't care. All I want to see at the end of the game is the purple failboaters sent packing like the perennial also rans that they are.
EAD Freo.
Caaaarn West Coast!
With that out of the way, lets move onto the game that stops the nation, (Lets face it we are propping up the rest of this useless country) the Western Derby!
Head to Head
West Coast 21 wins
Fremantle 17 wins
We still hold a slender lead over the purple flog muppets, thanks to the West Coast of old, who unlike the current bunch of soft front runners knew how to really terrorize a team.
Andrew Embley Hadukens a hapless Steven Dodd.
Unfortunately in recent years the Dorkers have had our measure, with our last Derby win coming in Round 9, 2012, back when we looked like we might actually challenge for some silverware. With upcoming stars such as Naitanui, Darling, Shuey and the all mighty Tom Swift, Eagles fans were excited, especially in the pants region.
Obligatory Tom Swift Photo
How quickly things can change. In the space of 2 years we've gone from top four contenders, to Richmond like mediocrity.
Form Guide
Both teams have been shit. With the purple fairies being slightly less shit than us. The only reason why we still have a spot in the eight is because we beat up on the cellar dwellars in the first three rounds like a father beats a red headed step child. Spanked by Geelong, and losing to both Port and Carlscum due to a combination of wayward kicking and spectacularly bad umpiring, we go into this Derby with little form and still a number of key players out.
Freo on the other hand lost to LolNorf (Seriously Norf?) And the imploding Swans, who have the most expensive day care fee's of all time, requiring 1 million a year to look after Buddy. (And failing might I add) Their last win came against a PEDless Essendon.
Key Matchups
Eric Mackenzie vs The
Pavlova (Mathew Pavlich)
vs
Eric is our number one defender and has shut down some of the best forwards in the game. Anytime Big Nose is deep forward, I expect the Big Easy to take him. Pav is a giant silly and looks dumb in purple, therefore Eric wins.
Josh Kennedy vs Pharlap (Luke McPharlin)
vs
After scoring the goal that sent the Socceroos to the 2014 World Cup, big JK has been moonlighting as an AFL full forward for the West Coast Eagles. Unfortunately for us he's been rubbish this year, struggling to work out that you score more points for your team if you kick it through the big sticks, instead of through the little ones. Hopefully he's got his radar tuned this week because we'll need him to kick a bag if we are to have any hope of winning. His opponent will be Pharlap, a dead horse who despite being sealed away in a glass cabinet, still manages to get on the park once a week and do a reasonable impression of an AFL footballer. Still, Jesus lookalike vs a dead horse, JK should get the chocolates here.
Luke AKA Shane AKA Mitchell AKA Muhammad AKA Mathew Priddis vs Big Footy
vs
Week in, week out. Matt continues to do his thing, racking up possessions, sometimes giving them to his team mates, sometimes the opposition, who knows what he'll do next, I don't think even Matt knows. Regardless of his efforts, win, lose or draw. You just know there will be some spirited debate in the 37,000 threads that have been derailed into a Priddis discussion.
A typical Priddis debate
The Verdict
Freo on paper should win, they are the better team, with a midfield that should run rampant against our slow, midget brigade. So in all honesty I should be tipping them..
You know what though, **** that shit!
I'm sick of these purple blouse wearing poodle walkers, strutting around like they know a thing or two about winning. West Coast need to embrace the Us vs Them attitude. We need to play nasty, like the Eagles of old. I want to see blood, shitty, loser purple blood. These dishlickers from down the road think they own us, and frankly I'm done with it.
So West Coast by any amount, I don't care. All I want to see at the end of the game is the purple failboaters sent packing like the perennial also rans that they are.
EAD Freo.
Caaaarn West Coast!
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