What are some of the best commentary one-liners in footy?

BigVic · Oct 11, 2023

"Oh Jesaulenko, you beauty", "I see it but I don't believe it" and "Leo Barry you star" are some of the most popular commentary one-liners in footy.

Also "Serong, seright" and "Thirteen, Thirteen" and "He came up behind him like a librarian" are some classics. Another one is "Like a cork in the ocean"

What are yours?

Drought Break · Oct 11, 2023

1990 GF. And that effort from Izzard was pathetic

Defabs · Oct 11, 2023

BigVic said:
"Oh Jesaulenko, you beauty", "I see it but I don't believe it" and "Leo Barry you star" are some of the most popular commentary one-liners in footy.

Also "Serong, seright" and "Thirteen, Thirteen" and "He came up behind him like a librarian" are some classics. Another one is "Like a cork in the ocean"

What are yours?

“Collingwood..what have they unleashed here”
“Ohhh he’s getting better….he’s getting bigger and better.”
“Can he do it again…you betcha.”
“Oh he’s done it again”
“Great tackle by you know who….the big guy”

All from the same game and from the same commentator in reference to the sane player. Gold!

Rewatch the highlights and you’ll agree these quotes win by the Flemington straight!

Del165198 · Oct 11, 2023

"FROM THE PAINT" - Dwayne "the maestro" Russell

Partridge · Oct 11, 2023

BigVic said:
"Oh Jesaulenko, you beauty", "I see it but I don't believe it" and "Leo Barry you star" are some of the most popular commentary one-liners in footy.

Also "Serong, seright" and "Thirteen, Thirteen" and "He came up behind him like a librarian" are some classics. Another one is "Like a cork in the ocean"

What are yours?

None.

If a commentator is doing their job I don't want to hear pat one-liners. They should blend in, not try to be the stars.

A major reason why all footy commentary absolutely sucks (with the sole exception of Adam Papalia), and why it is the worst it has ever been.

jakson68 · Oct 11, 2023

After a freakish goal, Dennis came up with.

"As far as miracles go, that is right up there with Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett"

It still gets me smiling

JackFlash · Oct 11, 2023

Michael Williamson during the St.kilda V Collingwood 1966 Grand Final..."My hand is still shaking"

mr bagcroft · Oct 11, 2023

jakson68 said:
After a freakish goal, Dennis came up with.

"As far as miracles go, that is right up there with Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett"

It still gets me smiling

We can end the thread on this one from Dennis talking about some dogs player I cant recall;

"goes into the pack optimistically, comes out misty optically".

jakson68 · Oct 11, 2023

mr bagcroft said:
We can end the thread on this one from Dennis talking about some dogs player I cant recall;

"goes into the pack optimistically, comes out misty optically".

Dennis was one of the best.

Commentators of today, have nothing on past commentators.

I Remember Bluey · Oct 11, 2023

Jack Dyer - "If you don't mind umpire"

MF · Oct 11, 2023

mr bagcroft said:
We can end the thread on this one from Dennis talking about some dogs player I cant recall;

"goes into the pack optimistically, comes out misty optically".

Commetti is the GOAT.

Percel · Oct 11, 2023

All Commeti gold (stolen from the net)

Remember the name: Y-Z-E – terrific young player, bad Scrabble hand.

On the work of Bulldogs star Tony Liberatore

Tony Liberatore

Age
58

Ht

163cm

Wt
77kg

Pos.
Mid

Career

Season

Last 5

D
20.1

5

K
10.5

4

HB
9.6

5

M
1.5

2

T
4.3

5

No current season stats available

D
10.0

3

K
5.2

2

HB
4.8

4

M
1.0

1

T
0.0

1

as he burrowed into a pack:

Liberatore went into that last pack optimistically and came out misty optically.

On former Melbourne, Sydney and Collingwood ruckman Darren Jolly

Darren Jolly

Age
43

Ht

200cm

Wt
108kg

Pos.
Ruck

Career

Season

Last 5

D
9.4

2

K
5.2

2

HB
4.2

3

CL
2.3

4

HO
21.0

5

No current season stats available

D
3.2

1

K
1.6

1

HB
1.6

2

HO
3.2

5

:

Jolly gets it to Green. Where’s the giant?

On a Carlton champion:

There’s Koutoufides – more vowels than possessions today.

Closely assessing the team list in his Football Record:

Barlow to Bateman...The Hawks are attacking alphabetically.

On the cliches of sport:

So it’s back to the old drawing board. Obviously a luxury that the guy who invented the drawing board didn’t have – Cometti on the struggles of coaches.

On Brisbane midfiedler Simon Black:

He’s like Diogenes or O.J. Simpson – he’s always searching.

On an errant shot at goal by former Richmond star Darren Gasper:

Ahh, Gasper the unfriendly post.

Upon seeing Port Adelaide’s Josh Carr

Josh Carr

Age
44

Ht

179cm

Wt
80kg

Pos.
Mid

Career

Season

Last 5

D
17.8

4

K
10.6

4

HB
7.2

4

M
4.0

4

T
3.3

5

CL
2.0

4

No current season stats available

D
12.2

3

K
7.2

3

HB
5.0

4

M
2.6

3

T
0.8

3

approached by a tackler:

Carr – covered by a third party.

On a collision between Carr’s brother Matthew and former Docker Trent Croad:

Carr was just poleaxed by his own team-mate. Does that qualify as Croad rage?

On the eternal struggles of the tall defender:

Right now Shannon Watt

Shannon Watt

Age
44

Ht

193cm

Wt
95kg

Pos.
Def

Career

Season

Last 5

D
9.3

2

K
5.5

2

HB
3.8

3

M
3.4

3

T
1.0

3

No current season stats available

D
2.8

1

K
1.4

1

HB
1.4

2

M
1.0

1

T
0.6

3

looks like a man in a darkened room trying to discover where all the furniture is.

On a West Coast Eagles champion:

The way Jakovich is playing today he’s closer to teething than retiring.

On Collingwood’s burly full-forward of the 2000s:

When Anthony Rocca

Anthony Rocca

Age
47

Ht

195cm

Wt
105kg

Pos.
Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D
11.3

3

K
8.1

3

HB
3.2

3

M
5.2

5

T
1.5

3

G
1.9

5

No current season stats available

D
10.8

3

K
7.2

3

HB
3.6

3

M
5.2

5

T
1.8

4

G
2.0

5

backs into a pack, he beeps.

The Dockers’ defence is in disarray. Everybody wants to be Gladys Knight, nobody wants to be the Pips.

On the unfortunate lot of a lumbering Adelaide ruckman:

Shaun Rehn has been terrific again today but look at him, he’s paid a price. Like a Saint Bernard in a heatwave.

On a Brownlow medal-winning former Bulldogs and Bears star:

Hardie decides to have a bounce. Look at him go. Amazing. Not bad for a guy who’s built like a pirate’s lunch table.

On St Kilda’s premiership drought:

The Saints have had more five-year plans than Fidel Castro.

On the one-dimensional kicking skills of Essendon forward Scott Lucas

Scott Lucas

Age
47

Ht

192cm

Wt
98kg

Pos.
Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D
15.5

4

K
12.4

5

HB
3.1

3

M
6.0

5

T
1.9

4

G
1.9

5

No current season stats available

D
17.2

5

K
12.4

5

HB
4.8

4

M
6.6

5

T
0.6

3

G
4.4

5

:

I think it’s safe to say Lucas takes his right leg out there purely for balance.

On his former colleague Robert DiPierdomenico:

That’s the latest from the huddles. For those of you who don’t know, Dipper is a graduate of the Don Corleone school of elocution.

On a former Adelaide and Geelong livewire’s unpredictable moves:

I swear if Ronnie Burns

Ronnie Burns

Age
51

Ht

183cm

Wt
86kg

Pos.
Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D
11.2

3

K
6.5

3

HB
4.7

3

M
2.3

2

T
1.3

3

G
1.7

5

No current season stats available

D
12.8

4

K
7.8

3

HB
5.0

4

M
2.4

3

T
0.4

3

G
1.6

5

were building a house he’d start with the roof.

On football tactics:

Some people might say that was a set play, but if it was, the Swans must have copied it off a Portuguese bus timetable.

On Simon Black, again:

A lot of talk these days is about ‘inside players’. Well, as we saw there, if Simon Black was any more inside he’d be a pancreas.

On a clash between Essendon and Hawthorn great Paul Salmon and the more slimline St Kilda star Nicky ‘Elvis’ Winmar:

Just as Winmar landed, big Salmon came crashing down on top of him. They’re slowly getting up and now I can report the building has left the Elvis.

Orange crush · Oct 11, 2023

The orange team ….

GhostofJimJess · Oct 11, 2023

Five minutes after he'd commentated on Heath Shaw kicking one off the side of his boot and out on the full, Dennis Cometti on Heath Shaw spotting up a nice short pass onto the chest of a teammate. - "That's the Shaw shank redemption"

Back One Out · Oct 11, 2023

"What a mark by Schwass! The ball just stuck in his outstretched hands. It was a real sticker. A Schwass-sticker!"

- Dennis Cometti in the early 90's.

Back One Out · Oct 11, 2023

1988 Grand Final... Hawthorn 22.20 (152) def. Melbourne 6.20 (56)

DENNIS: "Melbourne are like the kid at the wrong end of a driving range getting paid a dollar a bucket."

Partridge · Oct 11, 2023

GhostofJimJess said:
Five minutes after he'd commentated on Heath Shaw kicking one off the side of his boot and out on the full, Dennis Cometti on Heath Shaw spotting up a nice short pass onto the chest of a teammate. - "That's the Shaw shank redemption"

The thing was, the majority of Commetti's observations were very quick and impromptu - he had a flair for it. For a while I think he started trying to do it artificially, then very sensibly eased off and just went back to commentating.

Small wonder he was the best at it.

Neese · Oct 11, 2023

If you saw me and my Librarian colleagues in the pub you would not think we are quiet

Mister Dog · Oct 11, 2023

James Brayshaw:

“from downtown”

burge13 · Oct 11, 2023

The best will be when Derwayne says "im retiring"

010203 · Oct 11, 2023

Dennis Cometti - 2013 prellim Hawthorn vs Geelong - ''Get the hearse for the curse''.

Cometti again - "Metropolis, kicking to the City end".

Huddo - " The miracle on grass". "I see it but I don't believe it".

I liked Tim Lane's Bob Murray reference after Leo Barry's famous mark in dying seconds of the 2005 grand final.

StillAtLarge · Oct 11, 2023

Sandy Roberts underrated, he let the picture tell the story

ashep · Oct 11, 2023

"Franklin again. He might try for a 70 metre goal. Then he really would be worth all the money they're paying him! GIVE HIM A LONGER CONTRACT!!"

Dazzler9 · Oct 11, 2023

Neese said:
If you saw me and my Librarian colleagues in the pub you would not think we are quiet

SHOOSH!!

Dazzler9 · Oct 11, 2023

Not footy, but worthy of an entry.

David Gower - "He's on 69. A very comfortable position to be in."

Mens 2nd Test - Sri Lanka v Aus - Feb 6 to 10th

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What are some of the best commentary one-liners in footy?

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