Family & Relationships worst breakups

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The Old Dark Navy's said:
Funny thing is I had a couple of major loves in my younger days, including this one. Both went cold on me and broke my heart. Both returned to my life at varying intervals after that, and this time I was in control. I was flattered by their attention again but could not trust them, and ended up realising that I had outgrown them, and walked away in a better position than they were in.
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good for you :thumbsu:

i know to many guys that have been suckered in like that and i am one of them, one girl i reckon it took me 3 chances to realize she was no good when she kept coming back :eek:
 
crownie said:
good for you :thumbsu:

i know to many guys that have been suckered in like that and i am one of them, one girl i reckon it took me 3 chances to realize she was no good when she kept coming back :eek:
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Doesn't mean I didn't sleep with them again though ... with no emotions invested. Man, was that closure and how!
 
Well my ex and I broke up about a year and a half ago. We met at a young age and were together for 4 and a half years. It was a mutual break up. I called her up a couple months later in hope of working things out. She told me she was dating a girl. I did the usual thing anyone does when they lose their loved one. Call them, beg for them back, show up unannounced at their house etc. Heck I even bought her a 2 thousand dollar bracelet to get her back. None of this helps in the end. It just pushes them further away imo.

Once I had realised i wasn't getting her back, i started the 'No-Contact' rule. Deleted her number, facebook, threw out all the photos, as hard as it was. NC helped heaps.

We still talk now and then. She is still seeing the girl. Full lesbian relationship. As much as i'd love her back, i'm happy for her.
 

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SeanConnery007 said:
Well my ex and I broke up about a year and a half ago. We met at a young age and were together for 4 and a half years. It was a mutual break up. I called her up a couple months later in hope of working things out. She told me she was dating a girl. I did the usual thing anyone does when they lose their loved one. Call them, beg for them back, show up unannounced at their house etc. Heck I even bought her a 2 thousand dollar bracelet to get her back. None of this helps in the end. It just pushes them further away imo.

Once I had realised i wasn't getting her back, i started the 'No-Contact' rule. Deleted her number, facebook, threw out all the photos, as hard as it was. NC helped heaps.

We still talk now and then. She is still seeing the girl. Full lesbian relationship. As much as i'd love her back, i'm happy for her.
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at least you can sleep at night knowing you have ruined other men for her :thumbsu:
 
The Old Dark Navy's said:
Well it wasn't one of those blood cousin deals. My Dad and his step dad were best mates their whole lives. My step mom and his Mum were best friends when they were young. Kind of weird that they all paired up down the track like that, meeting in completely different ways. Anyway, we spent a great deal of time growing up around each other, and the various parents were always Uncles and Aunties, you know the deal.

So yeah, not blood cousins, just brought up that way. He didn't like it when I told her in front of him that he was still pissing his pants when he was 12 years old ... awake in broad daylight as well. :D

Oh, this happened in 1990. We haven't spoken since. Hope he got his nuts chopped off in a harvester somewhere. Not that I'm bitter or anything.
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I still think it's different given the 'cousin' has been involved, family-wise, since birth. You may not have been biological cousins but still

SeanConnery007 said:
Well my ex and I broke up about a year and a half ago. We met at a young age and were together for 4 and a half years. It was a mutual break up. I called her up a couple months later in hope of working things out. She told me she was dating a girl. I did the usual thing anyone does when they lose their loved one. Call them, beg for them back, show up unannounced at their house etc. Heck I even bought her a 2 thousand dollar bracelet to get her back. None of this helps in the end. It just pushes them further away imo.

Once I had realised i wasn't getting her back, i started the 'No-Contact' rule. Deleted her number, facebook, threw out all the photos, as hard as it was. NC helped heaps.

We still talk now and then. She is still seeing the girl. Full lesbian relationship. As much as i'd love her back, i'm happy for her.
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As SOON as I read the bolded part, without even reading the next word, I assumed (hoped?) you tried for a threesome.
 
Jordan... said:
Farout a lot of guys here are dumbarses? What the hell, didn't realize so many guys "go back" or try buy their way back? When its over its over.. Glad I've never done anything, seems a bit embarrassing to try that hard for a girl who clearly doesn't want you.
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The problem is in the noises they make. If they said 'I am not happy, you are an arseh*le, piss off.' You don't bother. If they say 'I just need to do this for myself, I still love you, maybe we can still see each other now and then' to soften the blow, you tend to think you can win them over.

Sometimes the games women play make you think they are only after a little more attention and things will be okay. I reckon we are more dumbarses in not bringing out our A game until it is too late and they are already mentally out the door.
 
The Old Dark Navy's said:
The problem is in the noises they make. If they said 'I am not happy, you are an arseh*le, piss off.' You don't bother. If they say 'I just need to do this for myself, I still love you, maybe we can still see each other now and then' to soften the blow, you tend to think you can win them over.

Sometimes the games women play make you think they are only after a little more attention and things will be okay. I reckon we are more dumbarses in not bringing out our A game until it is too late and they are already mentally out the door.
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Well then I understand, but buying them 2 thousand dollar bracelets to try and win them back? :thumbsdown:No chance in hell.
 
Jordan... said:
Farout a lot of guys here are dumbarses? What the hell, didn't realize so many guys "go back" or try buy their way back? When its over its over.. Glad I've never done anything, seems a bit embarrassing to try that hard for a girl who clearly doesn't want you.
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Love can make you do crazy things. I haven't done anything crazy for over 5 years but i know how it feels to beg someone to come back to you and they wont. It's pleasurable torture, pleasurable because it's a nice feeling to want someone so bad, torture because you cannot have them.

Never has anyone had so much power over me and i doubt they ever will again. Unless i fall for the wrong guy again. Which i wont. ;)
 
The Old Dark Navy's said:
The problem is in the noises they make. If they said 'I am not happy, you are an arseh*le, piss off.' You don't bother. If they say 'I just need to do this for myself, I still love you, maybe we can still see each other now and then' to soften the blow, you tend to think you can win them over.
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Pretty much this. She said we'll still speak and maybe even date again in the future. It gave me false hope and i tried winning her over. I was only 19 at the time and had no previous experience with relationships. I agree though buying a bracelet was a stupid thing to do, but you live you learn i guess. Love makes you do crazy things.
 
The Old Dark Navy's said:
My first love took me through a cooling off period. Too young, moving out, back home with mother, still love you, we can stay together but ....

I was alone in our unit, just started a new job that I could not concentrate on. Met her in the city before she started work every single day. Then one day ... I think I need to be single for a while.

A few days later she confessed that she slept with my cousin on the ground in a forest. I saw him with her and we had a slanging match but this was in the middle of Brisbane. Not about to assault someone there. Bastard. He knew how much I loved her.

Anyway they lasted about a week, and I followed her around like a lost puppy totally humiliating myself for weeks trying to get her back before I realised it was a lost cause.

Never again have I allowed myself to be humiliated like that.

Funny thing is I had a couple of major loves in my younger days, including this one. Both went cold on me and broke my heart. Both returned to my life at varying intervals after that, and this time I was in control. I was flattered by their attention again but could not trust them, and ended up realising that I had outgrown them, and walked away in a better position than they were in.

I still love them in a way, but not the them that I know now ... the them that I loved way back then. More of an ideal than the person I guess.

My advice to everybody. Listen to your brain. You know when it is over. Don't hang on too long regardless of how much you love them, as your bitterness and ability to get over it is directly linked to how humiliated you feel out of the whole ordeal.
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IMO there are 3 reasons for actions like this and in order of likelihood

1. Child like mannerisms - I want what I cant have. Every child had a period in life where they went around stealing other kids toys at the playground. Some people grow out of it and some dont. Quite simply hes using you to let the inner 3 year old child out of him. Comes from a broken home im guessing and had a fairly non existant relationship with his mother too I imagine. Quite simply he may look like a 20 year old but he can still behavie like a 2 year old.

2. Your shadow - Not sure about how the relationship between you 4 went but within that group if your the Alpha male and both your dad and his dad saw you as the superior human being, a go at your girl might be a way of showing his superiority, proving himself and to his had that he is as good as you etc. As I said its hard to judge this based on little evidence but from examples ive seen alot of people steal girlfriends out of jealousy of the life that person is living for example and also to prove themselves superior to you

3. The upgrade - As I mentioned earlier most people want to upgrade as each relationship passes. Maybe she saw your cousins as a upgrade on you. Maybe she initiated it and he being well a horny loser jumped at the opportunity. Guy cops too much of the blame here when alot of time if the girl just takes the correct path in the break up she can leave you and see your cousin without being a complete mole

Quite simply the reason such actions occur IMO is because one of the 3 people involved want to climb the various ladders we have in life.
 

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I'd say number two. I was older, probably more confident. I didn't see him for a few years and as an adult, he had turned into a long haired bikie type with a bit of confidence about him. The fact that his Mum rang up and made some insensitive remark about me being bitter because he stole my girl probably bears out his desire to get one up on me.

Definitely not 3. She never met him before our separation. We were still seeing each other, but she moved. She met him coincidentally on the bus, and figured out who each other was. I had seen him prior to this though and he knew all about her. They only lasted a week or so and she was actually pretty pissed at him manipulating her into a seedy ground encounter. Reckoned she felt a little bit violated, but then that may have been for my benefit.
 
SeanConnery007 said:
Well my ex and I broke up about a year and a half ago. We met at a young age and were together for 4 and a half years. It was a mutual break up. I called her up a couple months later in hope of working things out. She told me she was dating a girl. I did the usual thing anyone does when they lose their loved one. Call them, beg for them back, show up unannounced at their house etc. Heck I even bought her a 2 thousand dollar bracelet to get her back. None of this helps in the end. It just pushes them further away imo.

Once I had realised i wasn't getting her back, i started the 'No-Contact' rule. Deleted her number, facebook, threw out all the photos, as hard as it was. NC helped heaps.

We still talk now and then. She is still seeing the girl. Full lesbian relationship. As much as i'd love her back, i'm happy for her.
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My first love is now a lesbian. When she broke the news to me I was very happy - the thought of her with another man made me sick but the thought of her with a chick didn't. Probably helped that this was a couple of years after we broke up, but I don't think I got over her until that exact moment.
 
was seeing someone recently and found out she wasn't interested cos she was looking for someone who had more of a "badass image" me being too nice. lucky i found out early cos she probably wouldn't have told me. i found this out through our friends. what a lovely girl.
 
Not a break up story, but one that still affects me till this day.... basically had strong feelings for a guy I was friends with (its always the way isnt it- he likes her, but she doesnt like him- or the other way round in this case).. so yeah couldnt take it anymore, so broke off the friendship... that was... oh back in 2004? September 13th, 2004 I think, lol.

Anyways, still think about him to this very day. Even spoke to my bf about adding him onto my FB a while back, but in the end decided against it.

Just not worth going back imo.
 
Have a similar story Shell. I have always had the odd lady friend, just friends.

She has always used me as a bit of a crutch. Disappeared but came back when she needed someone to help her out or prop her up. She would be very flirtatious with me and I really did have the hots for her for years. I just started noticing how when I tried to get my life together, she would step up her flirtatious ways, and I would come running thinking something might happen. Something did happen once but alcohol was involved and it was clear it was swept under the carpet quickly. I stopped calling her, she stopped calling me, then some unattainable guy broke it off with her, she would fall to pieces and need me to rush over again and console her. The last dealings I had with her, she asked me to borrow money, but I was now engaged and that is a no-no, and asked me to put a word in for to keep some job. I sent her a message inviting her to my wedding a little while later, got no response and haven't heard from her for about 18 months.

It really was such a one way friendship for the best part of 18 years.

I agree though that friendship breakups can be just as difficult as relationship breakups and unrequited love is the pits.
 
Walesy said:
My first serious relationship is currently married to my brother.

Funnily, I didn't get an invite to the wedding- who'da thunk?
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Massive ouch!

Do the rest of your family ask you 'why you just can't be happy for them?'

Or say things like 'it was meant to be.'

Family is family but all the more reason why you don't satisfy yourselves at family's expense. The grudge would never go away for me. There are some things you just don't do.
 
The Old Dark Navy's said:
Have a similar story Shell. I have always had the odd lady friend, just friends.

I agree though that friendship breakups can be just as difficult as relationship breakups and unrequited love is the pits.
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I'm sorry to hear that story. She was taking advantage of you and your feelings, which is not on. :thumbsdown:

And yeah friendships ending are difficult. I am 100% happy with my bf, and adding someone on your FB is hardly getting back in touch with the person (seriously, do you actually TALK to old high school mates, etc etc on FB- I know I dont, just read their posts and look at their photos, lol)... but yeah somethings just holding me back.

I do miss the friendship tho. We used to work together like when we were younger at a part time job. Were fun times.. but you just cant go back can you??
 
Shell said:
I'm sorry to hear that story. She was taking advantage of you and your feelings, which is not on. :thumbsdown:

And yeah friendships ending are difficult. I am 100% happy with my bf, and adding someone on your FB is hardly getting back in touch with the person (seriously, do you actually TALK to old high school mates, etc etc on FB- I know I dont, just read their posts and look at their photos, lol)... but yeah somethings just holding me back.

I do miss the friendship tho. We used to work together like when we were younger at a part time job. Were fun times.. but you just cant go back can you??
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I found that first love of mine (the one I humiliated myself over the first time around) on FB. I sent a message saying 'hey stranger, how's things' but didn't add her. No response.

It's not because I want to recapture the past, but these people are part of your past, and sometimes they fill in blanks on events that occurred that got you to where you are now. Sometimes they help put you back in touch with others you long forgot about. Sometimes you see that they are not as good as you remember them, and you gain closure for your feelings of love. Sometimes you see that they are not as bad as you thought them after a bad breakup, and you are able to bury the hateful feelings that tend to fester and get taken out on newer relationships.

It's not all bad. All I can suggest, and I do have an ex on my FB, and my wife also has an ex on her FB, is that you never get tempted to meet.
 

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