Adelaide
Should contest for the top four and could be contenders, but BigFooty thinks that their midfield doesn’t run deep enough for them to match it with the best come finals. Haven’t featured in a grand final since Europe decided that they wanted to change to one currency. Teams that made a Grand Final more recently (not including expansion sides): Carlton, Essendon, North Melbourne, Melbourne, Brisbane and every other team with the exception of Richmond. But surely this is it right Crows fans? BigFooty says no.
Brisbane Lions
They’ve finally turned the corner with the amount of young talent that they’ve added in recent years, but BigFooty also thinks that there will be another year of pain ahead for Brisbane. Might finally collect that spoon they’ve been running away from, unless the next team is generous enough to take the bullet again.
Carlton
According to BigFooty, look away Carlton fans – it’s going to get ugly. But Cripps will be the bright light surrounded by GWS-lite. Looks like another non-shiny wooden spoon will be added to an impressive collection of 5 in 15 years. Then again, Carlton love that number one pick so it will be hard to stop them from getting their hands on it.
Collingwood
Another year, another mid-table finish. BigFooty has them in finals calculations on the back of a strong midfield group, but question their ability in defence and attack. This question pushes most to believe that 2017 will be the 4th consecutive year that they miss out on finals footy, costing Buckley his coaching career. Buckley’s press conference: “Well I didn’t know that having a forwardline and backline were important”.
Essendon
The big unknown of 2017. Some have them as a smokey for the eight, but according to most, this won’t be the year for the Bombers. Bomber fans seem to suffer from a form of amnesia according to BigFooty. Wasn’t this the same list that finished bottom four before the bans? Perhaps it is an adverse reaction to you know what. Well BigFooty certainly has a long memory when it comes to the Bombers, just as Essendon supporters shred evidence of 2015-2016 and skip to a more favourable year in 2014.
Fremantle
Another relative unknown for 2017. BigFooty cannot decide whether 2016 was an anomaly or not. Are the 2017 Dockers the 2015 version or the 2016 version? BigFooty has them between the two, but ultimately falling short of the eight. Well was it worth the wait McCarthy? Only room for one Fyfe-like man bun at Fremantle, so expect Fyfe to head to the brown and gold where they have the salary cap space for man buns. Sorry Shoenmakers, but your history of man buns means that you’re out.
Gold Coast Suns
BigFooty reckons that the “failed expansion side” is brimming full of young talent with a great spine. This team is however too inexperienced, although many players will look to return from injury. Not many are convinced that they have what it takes to play finals. We’ll see what other team will be hassled by them in the off-season when yet another star wants out. Could’ve shown the competition what Gold Coast are made of by sending O’Meara to Essendon for free… err… to the PSD as a sign of not being a pushover instead of milking Hawthorn for a good return. Don’t help yourself. Help Ess… err… your reputation!
GWS Giants
This is the team that the AFL… umm… the people are favouring. Premiership favourites. According to BigFooty, they’ll smash many teams and become the Giants that we (and the AFL, especially the AFL) all knew they would become. Put a red danger sign on your calendar when your team plays them.
Geelong
Dangerwood is the only thing that comes to mind on BigFooty when this team is discussed. Will be in finals calculation, but BigFooty doesn’t like their flag chances. Did I mention Dangerwood?
Hawthorn
Well Mitchell being at Hawthorn should keep them in flag cont… Wait that’s not Sam Mitchell? BigFooty says that Sam Mitchell > Mitchell + O’Meara, so expect to fall out of the top four and maybe even the eight Hawthorn fans. How is a guy with legs that are about to fall off according to BigFooty going to help you win a flag?
Melbourne
BigFooty is frothing at the prospect of Melbourne’s young guns. This is BigFooty’s big riser and a smokey for top four. Melbourne look set to break their finals drought with a big 2017… that is unless Melbourne return to being Melbourne and Melbourne things up.
North Melbourne
Well because of their ageing list, they might make the eight, but won’t conten… No Petrie, Boomer or Dal Santo? Well excuse us while we drop you straight to wooden spoon contention. There must be at least a 40 year old hiding in that list for BigFooty to consider you to be worthy of a top eight spot.
Port Adelaide
Port fans, look away now. BigFooty reckons your season will go as well as your China jumper situation. Looks like Kochie wasn’t the only one that didn’t think things through at Port. Hartlett still chomping on your salary cap space huh?
Richmond
Well Tigers. Fresh new additions. Rejuvenated gameplan. Great JLT wins. That’s just a perfect way to start your preseason delusion according to BigFooty. Unlike Fremantle, bigfooty has long decided that the 2016 Tigers are here to stay, with the 2015 Tigers a closed chapter of the Tiger finals train.
St Kilda
The other big riser of 2017. BigFooty can’t help but salivate at the round one game between big preseason riser number one and big preseason riser number two. But BigFooty didn’t need to say a word, because St Kilda are the preseason premiers courtesy of the influx of St Kilda supporters on the main board telling BigFooty how good their list is. Almost as if another team breaking their long premiership drought moved ahead of them on the premiership tally.
Sydney
There really is nothing much to say about this team for BigFooty other than reserving another spot for them in the 8. Well nowadays, it is a spot in the top four. We need to start recognising that there are seven spots available every year for the rest of the teams. BigFooty also secretly knows that Bulldogs got the run of the umps on Grand Final day, but BigFooty only cares 9.8%.
West Coast Eagles
BigFooty thinks that this team will be competing for a spot in the top four along with Adelaide (as BigFooty locks in Sydney, GWS and Bulldogs in the top four), but reckon that their midfield won’t stand up… Wait, Sam Mitchell has arrived at West Coast? Well don’t mind us while we jam them in the top four.
Western Bulldogs
Well wasn’t it a story. What a year. It is almost as if it didn’t happen. As if it was a dream. Thanks to Fox Footy, BigFooty will never forget it as it passive-aggressively reminds us that it was real every ad break… every day… and in game… between sides that don’t wear red, blue and white. Because it is so fresh in our minds, BigFooty cannot help but lock Bulldogs in the top four and throw the keys away.
