How the sales pitch from Gale and Hardwick might have gone down.
Hardwick: Brett, look you’re a really important part of the side, we’re desperate to keep you.
Gale: Whatever GWS is offering you, we’ll match it. We’ve got loads of space in our cap, and we’ll throw in life membership.
Deledio: You already gave me life membership.
Gale: Dammit. Well I’ll get Kevin Bartlett to make sure you get All-Australian this year.
Hardwick: And we’ll go 10% over whatever GWS if offering you. Our backline can take a pay-cut.
Deledio: To be honest guys I don’t want to go to GWS, it’s not really about money. I’ve played 150 games and no finals yet. I want to be part of a successful side.
Hardwick: Hmmm fair enough. I’ll call Clarkson and work out a trade, I fancy Cyril.
Gale: Dimma, shut-up! Look Lids we know you want to play finals but it’s all going to be ok. There are 18 teams now, and soon there’ll be a final 9, which is perfect for us. Not to mention we’re only 3 years into our 5-year plan.
Deledio: I’m sick of 5-year plans. Frawley’s and Wallace’s failed and now we’ve got Hardwick’s one. I’m not sure they can work.
Hardwick: Don’t worry Brett, we know it’s frustrating. But the truth is…We’ve got a secret weapon up our sleeve. We’re trying not to let this out yet so keep it in the vault. Don’t tell Hutchy or Caro.
Gale: We’re making a new plan bigger and better than ever. In 15 years we’re going to have 150,000 members, an $8 million budget surplus, 5 Brownlow medals, 3 new pubs filled with pokies, 12 All-Australians, 15 finals appearances, 7 premierships, AND… there will be free Red Bull for the players after winning games.
Hardwick: It’s all part of our secret 15-year plan; ‘Richmond 2030’.
Deledio: *Sighs* I’m just not sure if that’s realistic guys. Look all I really want is a big medal around my neck, that’s all I’m playing for.
Gale: The Brownlow? It’s going to be a great place to get a Brownlow mate, Cotchin and Dusty are the only guys who can take any votes off you. It’ll be just like Brisbane 10 years ago with Black, Vossy, and Aker.
Deledio: No, no I don’t care about the Brownlow! I’m talking about a premiership. I was really hoping I could be captain too. After Newman leaves I think I could step up to that role.
Hardwick: Hmmm. The thing is Trent Cotchin is really…
Deledio: Oh Cotchin this, Cotchin that. He’s only 21 and I’ve won two B&F’s and should’ve been All-Australian last year. I’m the elder statesman and I’ve got leadership quality.
Hardwick: Ok… ok… we’ll think about the captaincy.
Gale: Think about loyalty Lids. Remember how proud you were to be drafted and how grateful you were when the club picked you up?
Deledio: Not really, any club would’ve taken me.
Hardwick: Ok well at least… ummmm….ummmm… At least we have an awesome theme song!!
Deledio: Yeah but we never freakin sing it! Screw this I’m leaving.
Hardwick: Uh… wait a second Brett. You’re not going anywhere.
Deledio: Excuse me?
Hardwick: You’re only a ‘Restricted Free Agent’. For two more years we can just match any offer and you have to stay.
Deledio: Oh for f***s sake. So I’m stuck here for another 2 years!?
Gale: *Hands Deledio the pen* Sign here mate.
