NFL 2015 NFL Team Previews

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So the Eagles preview is up.
 

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I want the Eagles one, I haven't noticed Dagless around at all lately.
I don't know why GG signed me up for it...

Travelling atm, won't be back to please Eagles fans with my posting til December :(
 
I don't know why GG signed me up for it...

Travelling atm, won't be back to please Eagles fans with my posting til December :(
You are to cease and desist enjoying the architecture of europe and write an eagles preview.
 
Introduction
If the movie Twins were used to describe football in New York, the Jets would be Danny DeVito to the Giants Arnold Schwarzenegger. A truly pathetic franchise, the Jets basked in accidental glory in 1968 and firmed as a breeding ground for corrupt, jealous NFL officials hell bent on sabotaging the greatest franchise in modern NFL history. As is the way with the world, the Jets found themselves looking up at the AFC East and were reminded of NFL hierarchy as Tom the Magnificent drove infidels from the NFC West back from whence they came capturing his fourth, most glorious title.

The writers for Groundhog Day couldn’t have perfected a better script as the J E T S Jets Jets Jets parted ways with their offensively challenged, lap-band aided head coach while handing Idzik my Didzik, the man who managed the Jets into cap nirvana, with his marching orders. In a IRS Viagra haze, Woody’s johnson subsided and he decided the team needed to reconnect with its irrelevant, vanilla roots by appointing some guy who coached the Cardinals D and a dentist to run football operations.

Let’s have a look at the 2015 Jets.

Positional Reviews
Quarterback

A truly pathetic collection of playcallers, back-ups from each of the Bills, Dolphins and Patriots could easily start for, and tremendously improve New York. The incumbent starter decided it was best to foster feelings of harmony and trust by headbutting a teammate’s fist. Naturally, the Jets brains trust applauded Geno’s team first approach granting him a stay of QB execution handing the passing duties to a journeyman known more for his Jeopardy ability than actual ability to decipher an NFL defence.

Running Back
Known for ground and pound, the Jets have done exceptionally well to commit to a particular style of game with meddling, mediocre talents. In 2015, that’s changed. A talent comparable to Adrian Peterson, Jamaal Charles and Marshawn Lynch, the Jets will build their offense around the explosive, playmaking ability of UDFA Chris Ivory, whose perennial 1000 yard seasons have become storied legend. Behind the rare talent of Ivory, the Jets host a who’s who collection of impressively skilled cast-off ball-carriers.

Wide Receiver
To compliment their Wonderlic extraordinaire, the Jets acquired Jay Cutler’s bipolar bestie and paired him with Peyton Manning’s gimp to form Country music’s next big thing; The Bestie and the Gimp with supporting vocals from Kerley Owusu. Will Bestie and the Gimp ride a wrecking ball through the AFC East or will it be another case of an achy breaky heart for Jets pass-catchers?

Tight End
Queer Eye for the Jace Guy didn’t last long in the Meadowlands as the team returned to Jeff Cumbersome, a part-time actor who starred next to Nick Holt in the critically acclaimed Warm Bodies which ironically, is an adequate description of Cumbersome. All Pro Autobot Rob Gronkowski, Charles Clay and Jordan Cameron are the respective starters for the Patriots, Bills and Dolphins.

Offensive Line
Thick as Bricks and the universally respected Nick Mangold, the Jets Offensive Line boasts 2 NFL quality linemen. The problem with this is the NFL requires 5 Offensive Linemen to be on the field during offensive plays. 11 out of 12 anonymous Chris Mortensen sources overheard Shane Warne remark “They can’t run and they can’t throw.” Turkish reckons they’re proper ****ed.

Defensive Line
There can be no denying the Jets possess one of the more talented defensive fronts in the NFL. The strawberry on top was Microfracture Williams, the coup of the 2015 NFL Draft. Old Knees went on record stating words similar to hoping Tom Brady would be his first sack in the NFL. A strong statement from the former USC standout. Interestingly, Sheldon Lannister appears to have taken Weeneesi under his wings and offers counsel. The thing is, the Jets don’t play the Patriots until week 7. Mind you, who could blame Old Knees? It’s not like Richardson would be stupid enough to find himself suspended for 4 weeks then get stoned, try to outrun cops driving a car full of guns and resist arrest. Nobody could possibly be that stupid right?

Linebacker
Their marquee linebacker, the Jets extended a 31 year old David Harris with a 3 year, 21.5 million contract. Harris thought long and hard about joining The Sanchisemaker at Buffalo but ultimately, the Jets paid him roughly 2 times his market worth and he remained a loyal soldier. If you’re going to lose to the Patriots, being paid well and living in the Big Apple sure beats Buffalo and pictures of Michelle’s feet in team meetings. Mind you, not even MacGyver could patchwork the shit behind Harris. It’s a truly deplorable unit, one that adequately represents the historic excellence of Jets football.

Defensive Back
The Patriots Super Bowl winning Cornerback formerly known as Darrelle and Octodad, Mcgarnacle decided his blueprint to best the 2015 Patriots was to return the 2010 Jets. Not only that, but Shooter McGavin paid a premium to do so by offering the sell-sword QB money and Child Support $700,000 per child per year. This unit appears to be much improved, especially in sub-packages, if you can overlook the simple fact that the starters will be joining Max and John in Wabasha in the not too distant future.

Special Teams
They have some guys who play Special Teams.

Projected Starters
QB Ryan Fitzpatrick
RB Chris Ivory
WR Brandon Marshall, Eric Decker, Jeremy Kerley
TE Jeff Cumberland
OL D’Brickashaw Ferguson, James Carpenter, Nick Mangold, Willie Colon, Breno Giacomini

DL Muhammad Wilkerson, Damon Harrison, Leonard Williams
LB Quinton Coples, Demario Davis, David Harris, Calvin Pace
DB Darrelle Revis, Antonio Cromartie, Calvin Pryor, Marcus Gilchrist

KI Nick Folk
PU Ryan Quigley
PR Jeremy Kerley
KR Chris Owusu
LS Tanner Purdum

Season Outlook
As their 389-464 win-loss record dictates, historically, the Jets are proven losers. Coming off a fruitful 4-12 season, the Jets appear primed and ready to conquer the next decade of NFL Drafts.

JEST-Sign.jpg
 
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New York Giants

Get ready to party like it's 4th of July, cos I've finally pulled my finger out for the Giants preview.

After an explosive off-season that has provided some cracking entertainment for fans of opposition teams and blown up the internet at times, let's fire up this bitch.

With all my JPP-related dad-puns done an dusted, lets get on with the show.

Ins & Outs

So they really did bugger all during Free Agency. After a pretty rubbish season last year, their fans could've expected a lot more than what they got.

The only real acquisition of note was Shane Vereen from the Patriots. A handy RB3 in fantasy if he can stay healthy, the Patriots would really only use him as a catching back out of the back field. He got a little more "bell cow" work towards the end of last season, but he's clearly too fragile to do that ongoing. They'll need a lot more out of Jennings and Williams.

That the second FA signing I would've mentioned is Brandon Meriweather speaks to their lack of FA action. **** him.

I guess on the other side of things though, they didn't lose a lot out of FA, managing to hang onto Larry Donnell who has become a pretty important part of that offence. Rolle and Thurwood are big outs given their lack of depth in the secondary I guess.

Of course, the really big out for the Giants this season are Jason Pierre-Paul's finger and part of his thumb - although thankfully the index finger ranks a lowly 5 on the Power Ranking of Important Digits! (source: w***ers on twitter)

He still hasn't signed the Franchise Tag they've put in front of him - although depending on who you listen to the Giants have pulled it. And while his people are saying he'll report this week or next week and will play "soon"... I'm not buying it.

I don't expect the Giants will have JPP much, if at all this season.

Finally - a quick shout out to Aussie Brad Wing, a great - if low-profile - story of redemption from a guy who has unseated fan favourite Steve Weatherford without playing a snap for the G-Men. Good luck son, go well! (Just not against the Eagles.)

The draft

Bored the **** off their fans, passing up the opportunity to take some great skill position players who were available to take Guards, safeties, corners etc.

That said, the reports on Flowers are looking good. He was drafted to be a right tackle, had an early injury, and has already been moved to left tackle to cover another injury, which is a LOT to put on a rookie. Apparently he's been ok - but at the same time, he's going to be a rookie. He's still going to get beaten occasionally, and he's going to give up penalties... not cos he's rubbish, just cos he's a rookie trying to play left tackle on a garbage O-line.

Landon Collins may well prove to be one of the steals of the draft. I don't remember why he fell so low, and I don't care to check - but at various points last season he could've gone in the top 12 or so of the draft. He's missed a bit of pre-season with an injury, but I quite liked him in college. Not huge, but very athletic, and I expect he's going to be able to make plays in the secondary. The battle he'll have is whether he has enough help in the Giants secondary to be a playmaker.

(Watch this space though... Kam Chancellor would be a big addition...)

I quite liked Odighizuwa coming into the draft, and would've been happy with the Eagles taking him. I wasn't sure about the 3rd round, but apparently he's looked ok in the pre-season as well, and looks like a guy who could make an impact off the weak side this season. He's probably the wild card among the draftees - he could be anything.

The keys

A change is in the air at the Giants. No, it's nothing to do with losing the centrepiece of their defence, cos their defence is shit.

The change is that this team is no longer going where Manning takes them. We know that Manning is, at best, an "average to good" QB.

The team is now going as Odell Beckham Junior takes them.

Cos Manning and their O-line suck, he's going to be catching a lot of ducks against the best corner in double coverage... and there'll be a lot of games this season where it's not going to matter, he's that ****ing good. (I took him as my first WR in Cutthroat at 13 overall, and I would've taken him above any WR except Brown I reckon - that's how much I love OBJ.)

I think this is where Vereen, and Jennings as their third down back become important - they're going to have room in the backfield, so schematically I think this is going to help them.

Just one more on their O-line too - don't underrate the loss of Beatty at left tackle. Statistically he was one of the best left tackles in the NFL last season, so Flowers is going to have WAY too much responsibility.

Tom Coughlin is an interesting one, and a testament to how much rope you get when you've won Superbowls intermingled with some real shit seasons. I don't think they'll ever sack him - but they need to make the play-offs this season for him to not "retire" on Black Monday next January.

The draw

We'll have a fair idea about the Giants before they even play the Eagles in week 6. Aside from the Cows in week 1, they play a series of teams that they will beat if they're a serious contender.

If they make an ugly start against the likes of the Falcons, Redskins, Bills & 49ers, they're already cooked.

Playing the NFC South looks like it'll be an advantage... but I just don't think they're as good as the Eagles and Cowboys, and the NFC is too strong for anyone to predict 2 wild cards coming out of the same division.

Predictions

1. The Giants will be inconsistent, finishing middle of the pack at around 7-9. And yes, we'll know by week 6 that they're no good, because they'll have lost to the Cowboys, Falcons and Bills by then.

2. We won't see JPP this season. It's not a good sign when the Giants still don't know the extent of the injury, when he hasn't signed a $14.3m franchise tag tender, and when he still hasn't reported in this season.

3. OBJ will make us all depressed that the most explosive (not a JPP reference!), most exciting play maker in the league plays for such an inept team. He'll still go for over 1500 yards this season in a team with a losing record, which is saying a bit.

4. The end is nigh for Eli. Let me buy into this for a minute - I don't understand the debate about whether Eli is a hall of famer. In my mind, you're a 2-time Superbowl winning QB, and there's no debate. I don't care that he probably wasn't the true MVP for either of those wins, and I don't care that the Giants kind of snuck into those Superbowl wins - you win 2 SBs as a QB, and not only are you a HOFer, but you're first ballot in my mind.

BUT... 2 seasons ago he was horrific. At the start of last season he was almost as bad - OBJ never got the credit he deserved for rescuing that offence.

So give Eli the monster contract G-men... and watch it torch your team for the next 3-4 years.

Still, he's better than Ryan Nassib...

Closing thoughts

I've already gone on for too long, so I will only say this:

The Giants aren't going to be much chop this season. I think teams will be able to pile on points, and good secondaries are going to hurt their ability to make up those points. But go out of your way to watch Odell Beckham Jr. As has become obvious in this post, I have a huge man-crush on him - I promise you will as well if you spend a bit of time watching him. He is SOOO much more than "the catch" that he took last season.

*No Madden curse. No Madden curse!!!*


Turns out I'm not that funny when talking about football, nor am I even a very good smack talker when I start actually giving analysis!

Hopefully this wasn't too long, and hopefully it isn't disappointing in its lack of Giants-trolling.

May JPP never find out that I chose to troll him instead, cos he could lose a whole hand next 4th of July and still whoop my arse.
 
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Thanks Licorice but my NFL knowledge pales in comparison to you guys.

I'm just doing research for my NFL future bets. You guys have got a pretty good grasp. Some of your previews are more detailed than the so called experts in the states and much more entertaining
 
Thanks Licorice but my NFL knowledge pales in comparison to you guys.

I'm just doing research for my NFL future bets. You guys have got a pretty good grasp. Some of your previews are more detailed than the so called experts in the states and much more entertaining

Your hard earned money being influenced by the BigFooty NFL "experts" will not end well for you.
 
Thanks Licorice but my NFL knowledge pales in comparison to you guys.

I'm just doing research for my NFL future bets. You guys have got a pretty good grasp. Some of your previews are more detailed than the so called experts in the states and much more entertaining
Fair enough

Denver Broncos looking good for Super Bowl Champs if you were gonna put a bet on that...
 
It proves that you don't know what you're talking about?

I'd put money on that.

Edit....How about this then gents...I will match you guys (Lic and yourself, Blacky) dollar for dollar on anything you put on the Broncos this year, I'll put on the 49ers.
 
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