2015 predictions

Remove this Banner Ad

Log in to remove this ad.

David King has opined that the swans have no chance of a GF - exactly one competitive game ago he thought they'd win the GF by 10 goals.

Flog.
Well hang on now. Clarification is important here. Does he have any $$$ riding on this?
If yes - lock it in baby!
If no - disregard him.
 
Premiers: Hawthorn
Coleman: Roughead (Although it would be sweet to see Waite reach his potential)
Brownlow: Gray (Abblett doe not come in the top 3 due to ongoing shoulder issues all year)
Rising Star: Cockatoo (Turner my smokey)
Smokey: Brisbane
 
Brownlow - Gray
Coleman - Franklin
Premiership - Hawthorn
Top 8 Smokey - GWS
 

(Log in to remove this ad.)

Brownlow: Gray
Coleman: White
Premiers: Blues
Norm Smith: Green
Rising star: Viojo-Rainbow

Yes, this sounds about right.
 
Adelaide: Patrick Dangerfield will re-sign on the proviso that he is allowed to spend Tuesday nights doing stand up comedy ala his namesake Rodney Dangerfield. His comedy will fall flat, but his footy will thrive & he will go close to winning the Brownlow.

Brisbane: Tom Rockliff or Rocky will follow the lead of his movie namesake and train by hitting cow carcasses in freezers. He will want to follow in the footsteps of the great captains Brisbane have had and will challenge anybody who gets rough with one of his team mates to a boxing bout. They will all decline, and Brisbane will be the toughest team on the park. Rocky will go close to winning the Brownlow.

Carlton: Marc Murphy will be unable to get opponents, Ben, Luke, Mitchell or Nathan to join him in reprising the Murphy Brown show, so will become inspired by the Blues Brothers (Carlton Blues) to re-form Murph & the Magictones. They won't be booked by anybody except for the Carlton Social Club & even they will cancel them after one horrible night. Murphy will however, go close to winning the Brownlow.

Collingwood: Dane Swan will open a tattoo parlour adjoining the Lexus Centre and it will become mandatory for Collingwood members to have one of Swanny's works of art inked onto their skin. Swanny will have a stellar year on the field and go close to winning the Brownlow.

Essendon: Dyson Heppell will discover a small habitat existing inside his hair. Being a good citizen, he will protect the animals and plants in his follicular family and will receive protection from the animals within. This will be highlighted when an opponent tries to tackle him & is bitten by a brown snake living in Heppel's hair. Dyson will go close to winning the Brownlow.

Fremantle: Nat Fyfe will play on a plane a metre above most of the rest of the competition and absolutely dominate every game. He will however, struggle to find a hairstyle that doesn't allow others to make fun of him, but he will go close to winning the Brownlow.

Geelong: James Kelly will decide to honour other Kelly's on a weekly basis. Paul Kelly will be honoured twice as a footy player & as a singer/songwriter, and the main problems will arise when he mimics Kelly Slater by wearing only boardies & a rashie, and when he plays as Ned Kelly, which inludes the famous helmet & firearms. He will have a fantastic year & go close to winning the Brownlow.

Gold Coast: Gary Ablett will be dropped to the reserves by new coach Eade to prove that the Suns are not a one man team. Gazza will get 100 possessions and 5 goals in the first half, before the rest of the Suns reserves decide to sit out the second half & the little champ still outscores the opposition. He will go close to winning the Brownlow.

Greater Western Sydney: Shane Mumford will lead the way as the Giants begin a growth regime. By season's end the smallest player on the list will have reached 212cm, and big Mummy will be an absolute Behemoth. He will travel to Japan in the off season and fight Godzilla, defeating the giant monster. He will go close to winning the Brownlow.

Hawthorn: Cyril Rioli will be encouraged to prepare for life after footy due to his dodgy hamstrings and will enter both My Kitchen Rules and Masterchef, winning both. He will go on to open THE new restaurant in Melbourne, called 'Delicious' & also go close to winning the Brownlow.

Melbourne: Christian Salem will begin a Salem type witch hunt throughout the league. His first name of Christian will protect him from any number of evil spells & he will be successful in getting Melbourne to change their nickname from the Demons to the 'Brothers'. He will go close to winning the Brownlow.

North Melbourne: Brent Harvey will reveal that he has just been diagnosed with Benjamin Button Syndrome, where he will begin ageing in reverse. The Kangaroos respond by offering him a 10 year contract & Boomer goes close to winning the Brownlow.

Port Adelaide: Ollie Wines will take offense to a supporter in the first row eating a garlic pull apart. "never tear us apart" he will yell as he leaps the fence and accosts the fan. He devours the bread morsel and skulls down their wines (Wines), before returning to dominate on the field. He will go close to winning the Brownlow.

Richmond: Dustin Martin will become so fantastic at the 'don't argue' that nobody will tackle him all year. This extends off field as well and his girlfriend leaves him as she just wants a cuddle. At the Richmond B&F which he wins, he gives a 'don't argue' to Kevin Bartlett who is attempting to hand the award to the star Tiger. Dusty will go close to winning the Brownlow.

St Kilda: Nick Riewoldt will be reminded of the time when he had just become captain and was seen crying after an injury. He notes that his team were much more successful during that period, so he decides to try it before a Saints game. The tears have the desired effect & St Nick decides to add a tissue box to his kit bag. Nick goes close to winning the Brownlow.

Sydney: Mike Pyke uses his Canadian knowhow to help his forwards to kick dribble goals. He keeps a broom against the point post and just like they do in curling, he sweeps in front of the rolling ball. Pyke goes close to winning the Brownlow.

West Coast: Nick Naitanui in a Western Derby, Freo are kicking at goal at the Subiaco end. NicNat takes a run up from behind the goals and jumps so high that he is standing on Aaron Sandilands' head. He gets a further ride and flies up metres into the air. His hair forms a kite of sorts & the Freo Doctor wind carries him far, far away. He is found during time on at Princess Margaret hospital where he is signing the casts of kids. He does go close to winning the Brownlow.

Western Bulldogs: Luke Dahlhaus is interviewed on television and it is revealed that he does actually live in a giant dollhouse. Hi fiance is Barbie, and you see the Bratz girls there, so we suspect that he is playing the field, but Luke has no time for Ken. His best mate outside of footy is GI Joe, but Luke is very focussed on his footy. He goes close to winning the Brownlow.
 

Remove this Banner Ad

2015 predictions

Remove this Banner Ad

Back
Top