Lets remove it from a war context and put it into a gangland context then - would people be upset if 2 gangs (males) fought each other and murdered each other - possibly not. But if there was collateral damage and some of their kids were killed and girlfriends and wives were also killed who were not in the actual "fight" when it occurred I would say most people would say that's terrible.
Unfortunately most wars are created by men and fought by men who often care very little for the collateral damage all under the guise of "fighting for what's right". Of course there are innocent men caught up in the killing but nowhere near as many as the innocent women I'm going to hazard a guess at.
Yeah some good points there. Id like to see the data before making that assumption however.