Amusing Newspaper Headlines

[GetDimmaBack]

Sometime in the 80s, I think, Polly Farmer was coaching a WAFL side and was chasing Jimmy Krakouer, who was finishing at North.

The headline:

Polly Wants a Krakouer

 

[Mrs Meddles]

Not sure if it was a headline or just a bumper sticker:
Benny and Juddy are gone but we still have big Cox.
Clasic thread!

 

[mhill]

Raccoon bites off man's penis
Article from: PerthNowFont sizeecreaseIncreaseEmail article:EmailPrint articlerint
January 27, 2009 11:00am
A RAGING raccoon has bitten off a pervert's penis as he tried to rape the animal.

Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with friends when he leapt on the terrified animal.

“When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun,” he told stunned casualty surgeons

 

[danny!!]

"Young Boys Wankdorf erection relief"

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=337901&cc=3436

Very perverted but oh so funny. It's pretty old too, you've probably seen it.

 

[IluvHarvey]

Not sure if this has benn said yet but, a few years ago someone stole a head shot portait of Billy Goggin from Kadinia Park and the Geelong Addy went with something along the lines of "Someone's floggin goggin's noggin!"

 

[mhill]

A couple of good 'uns over the past couple of days......

Colingwood making a play for Darren Jolly

"JOLLYWOOD"

And the Storm winning the NRL

"PURPLE REIGN"

 

[roostersgal4eva]

After Michael O'Loughlin was a little off-target in the 2005 GF, in a post-match interview he was quite relieved. Next day's headline read:

"O Mickey not a pity, you've just won a flag"

People who knew the 1980s would know the 'reference'.

thats a classic

 

[Drewsy]

what about these...

Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
Miners refuse to work after death
Never withhold herpes from loved one

 

[roostersgal4eva]

Waite Loss was on the back of the Herald Sun, the Dodi one was on 3aw breakfast show - not a headline as such.

I could not believe the Waite Loss when I read it, another one in the Hun when the creator and writer of the opening jingle to the Beverley Hillbillies died was "Let me tell a story 'bout a man who is dead"

oh thats cold

 

[roostersgal4eva]

found one today on the realfooty website regarding Brock Mclean

"Between a Brock and a hard place"

 

[PortlandChris]

Due to my surname have the unfortunate nickname of "VD." When living up in Katherine NT, we used to play a bit of tennis and it got a write up in the local rag. One night had a pretty good evening and dared the lady who did the write up to add the following headline that ended up on the back page of the following weeks Katherine Times

VD RUNS RAMPENT!

 

[mhill]

Cat sparks gay/lesbian curry pot plot



A GAY man tried to poison his lesbian neighbours after they accused him of abducting their three-legged cat.

UK man Gary Stewart, 37, appeared in court in Manchester last month where he admitted attempting to poison his neighbours Marie Walton and Beverley Sales, the Daily Mail reports.

Stewart denied a charged of making threats to kill.

The court heard Stewart had laced a curry with slug pellets then offered it to the women, claiming he had ordered too much from the local Indian takeaway.

The women found the pellets when they started eating and called police, who arrested Stewart.

The poisoning attempt was the latest in an alleged hate campaign against the two women by Stewart, which allegedly included kidnapping their three-legged cat and dumping it three miles from their home in Denton, Manchester.



Stewart will reappear in court at a later date

 

[WCEforeverman]

"police help dog attack victim"

 

[the avoca drover]

Headline in an English newspaper after Sweden beat the English soccer team in a match.
Swedes 1 Turnips 0

 

[Pie eyed]

Raccoon bites off man's penis

This reminded me of this..

http://www.funny.co.uk/jokes/art_52-298-The-Flaming-Gerbil-Legend.html

[youtube]cTrOb8zyrZk[/youtube]

 

[Father Jack]

The Launceston Examiner has been having a bit of fun of late after the smoke bomb attack on Gunn's Ltd head John Gay. We got the headlines screaming out 'Gay attacked with bomb' etc etc for the next week.

 

[PrideOf]

Loved the headline when England were knocked over cheaply (for 51 I think) after Pieterson went to India for megabucks in the IPL.

"Kevin Pietersen: Dumbslog millionaire"

But my all-time favourite was from a UK tabloid who reported on an escapee from a mental institution who'd r*ped a cleaning woman in an office block and then fled.

The headline:

"Nut screws washer and bolts"

 

[mhill]

Loved the headline when England were knocked over cheaply (for 51 I think) after Pieterson went to India for megabucks in the IPL.

"Kevin Pietersen: Dumbslog millionaire"

But my all-time favourite was from a UK tabloid who reported on an escapee from a mental institution who'd r*ped a cleaning woman in an office block and then fled.

The headline:

"Nut screws washer and bolts"

Classic!

 

[TheGreatBarryB]

Never wish ill on anybody and many would call it bad taste but when Michael Jackson passed away one of the good old English papers....

WACKO JACKO HEART ATTACKO

 

[DeputyViceCaptain]

After Sav missed his childs birth due to a finals game and rushed to the hospital after

Rocca by Baby

 

[Toshowyouwhy]

Never wish ill on anybody and many would call it bad taste but when Michael Jackson passed away one of the good old English papers....

WACKO JACKO HEART ATTACKO

Surely cant be real. People would have gone beserk over that!

 

[roostersgal4eva]

Saw a foxsports one re Dees chasing saint killda's ball

Ball Tampering
Hard Ball Get

there must be loads

 

[roostersgal4eva]

I always enjoyed the Heralds headline after Pat Cash beat Ivan Lendl to win Wimbledon.

"Cash bounces Czech"

Czech Bouncs was one when Korda won in Aus

 

[roostersgal4eva]

A cricket one this moring when Paki captain Yousuf tore into Salman Butt for his attocious running between wickets that cost two teamates to be run out

Yousuf kicks lazy Salman's Butt

 

[mhill]

Olympic Champ tests positive for performance enhancing slug

Olympic 400 metres champ LaShawn Merritt of the United States has been suspended after testing positive for an anabolic steroid contained in an over-the-counter penis enlargement product.
Merritt, who is also the world champion at 400 metres, said in a statement via his lawyer that he was "deeply sorry" at failing three doping controls for the banned substance dehydroepiandrosterone.
The 23-year-old American, who faces a two-year ban, said: "To know that I've tested positive as a result of a product that I used for personal reasons is extremely difficult to wrap my hands around.