Smoooothy
SACK THE LOT OF THEM!
- Jan 12, 2005
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i feel this alex williamson clip summarises the previous 100 pages
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AFLW 2024 - Round 10 - Chat, game threads, injury lists, team lineups and more.
Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories
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Zach Package
Prespakis2Tsatas
Love alex williamson
Far out. That was an absolute pisser.
I bleed Blue
Brownlow Medallist
Brilliant. Perfect for this thread. 
Zach Package
Prespakis2Tsatas
here's a summary of my tuesday
Went for a run today at my local oval, took a footy with me because I tend to get bored of just flat running.
So, I was running around and booting some goals and basically frolicking in the fields, and I run in to a girl I know, who lives in the area and also happened to be out for a jog.
Anyway, we stopped for a bit of a chat (she stretched, I ogled) and then she was like come on run some laps with me (I wasn't really running laps, more kick and chase kinda stuff), which I reluctantly agreed to, even though aerobically I knew I couldn't go with her.
So after doing surprisingly well keeping up with her, making some small talk and generally not dieing, I think to myself I'm gonna do something big and impressive here, so from about 55 on the boundary (way beyond my range) I load up and let rip with a perfect torpedo that bounces in the square and goes through the goalposts.
great, you all think, well not so.
She likes her footy so she realised that was pretty impressive, but unfortunately there was no celebration from me, I was on the ground 5 metres behind her, I had torn my adductor during the kick.
The next 25 minutes was a haze of her laughing at me and me groaning in pain as she helped walk me home (I got there unassisted but gee was that painful).
So yeah, tried to impress a chick, tore my groin, so no sympathy roots forthcoming either unless she's willing to do all the work.
had to call in sick from work for a couple of weeks as well, which isn't bad.
Went for a run today at my local oval, took a footy with me because I tend to get bored of just flat running.
So, I was running around and booting some goals and basically frolicking in the fields, and I run in to a girl I know, who lives in the area and also happened to be out for a jog.
Anyway, we stopped for a bit of a chat (she stretched, I ogled) and then she was like come on run some laps with me (I wasn't really running laps, more kick and chase kinda stuff), which I reluctantly agreed to, even though aerobically I knew I couldn't go with her.
So after doing surprisingly well keeping up with her, making some small talk and generally not dieing, I think to myself I'm gonna do something big and impressive here, so from about 55 on the boundary (way beyond my range) I load up and let rip with a perfect torpedo that bounces in the square and goes through the goalposts.
great, you all think, well not so.
She likes her footy so she realised that was pretty impressive, but unfortunately there was no celebration from me, I was on the ground 5 metres behind her, I had torn my adductor during the kick.
The next 25 minutes was a haze of her laughing at me and me groaning in pain as she helped walk me home (I got there unassisted but gee was that painful).
So yeah, tried to impress a chick, tore my groin, so no sympathy roots forthcoming either unless she's willing to do all the work.
had to call in sick from work for a couple of weeks as well, which isn't bad.
Igloo
Not a mod
That's fantastic. Well deserving of the "Winner" rating 
Poseidon
Kreuzer Sonata
10k Posts
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Bad luck Jack but I was chuckling at 'frolicking in the fields' for the entirety of your post
Zach Package
Prespakis2Tsatas
Bad luck Jack but I was chuckling at 'frolicking in the fields' for the entirety of your post
I genuinely feel like the experience brought us closer together. Watch this space once my pelvic region regains full motion
Should have got her to give you a rub down
SugarShane
C12 H22 O11
While everyone was laughing at "frolicking", this had me cackling. Top story.
I wouldn't write that off yet Jack. Heaps of relationships kick off with a funny little anecdote, and that's a harmless one that sounds like she's a good sport and a good sort.....
......unless you spat out "wat da heck are you laughing at bitch?" during your painful hazy walk home.
......unless you spat out "wat da heck are you laughing at bitch?" during your painful hazy walk home.
- Jun 14, 2011
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Should've asked her to kiss it better [user]Jack Package[user]
Should've asked her to lick it better Jack Package
Correct terminology please.
- Jul 31, 2010
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Still laughing! hahaha
Zach Package
Prespakis2Tsatas
Should've asked her to kiss it better [user]Jack Package[user]
I struggle with that kind of stuff, its probably my tone but I struggle to keep it light hearted. It always comes off way too serious
Senatorguesty
Cancelled
Well stop yelling it at them and shaking your fist.
Rubber fist?
A Swallow
Norm Smith Medallist
Okay, this is one that I was hesitant to tell, but f*ck it.
This was about two years ago, when a few girls I know used to drive to Billboard every Thursday night, and my mate and I would hitch a ride. Was the perfect arrangement, smash beers all the way there every week. They never once asked one of us to steer. Anyway that's largely irrelevant. This one time we decided to get a hotel room in the city (wasn't really sure why at the time). My mate and I got there in the early arvo and stuck right into a slab, polishing it off before heading out at around 10. We were getting 4 beers at a time from the bar, because you have to wait an eternity to get beers when Billboard packs out. Now I know what you're thinking - "very efficient, well done boys". Well it was, but it also got us ******ed in about two hours. We were talking to some mates we'd ran into in the smoker's area when all of a sudden my mate power spewed everywhere. Myself and some random good bloke tried to block the security guard's view, but let's be honest, it was making the stairs back down to the club look like Chunder Falls. So my mate got kicked out, and I obviously followed him out. I was tuning some bird at the time he threw up his kidneys though, so he told me to go back up and he'd just have a couple at the Exford across the road until I was done (Ultimate Wing Man 101). I went back up, and surprisingly, my mate's very public hurl made easy material for me to use to make her laugh, and we hooked up soon enough.
Eventually she said goodbye and went back downstairs with her mates. I intended to go down as well to go find old mate at the Exford, when I was cut-off by one of the promoters who take your number down for cheap entry offers etc. He first asked if I would put my number down to be eligible for discounts etc, which I politely declined. He then told me I was cute and asked for my number for himself. A few people overheard and he said to them "Oh what? You've never seen someone get hit on before?" in the most camp style you can imagine. I was a little embarrassed, but pissed enough not to care. I made a quick apology and headed downstairs. Here's where it gets hazy. I ran into someone else I knew, who dragged me to the bar for a shot. After that, the rest of the time I was in Billboard I have no clue what occurred, other than I avoided the promoter where possible. Eventually I left, because at some point one of my girl mates pointed out to me that we had a hotel this time because one of the girls we were staying with was interested in me. I cursed myself for my naivety, and headed straight out and across to the Exford. The lights just outside Billboard were red, so there was traffic lined up waiting for green. I stumbled my way through a couple of cars before a carload of girls with music blaring confronted me. An attractive type in the back seat screamed at me to get in, and all other thoughts escaped my mind. I got in next to her, and after a few blocks I thought I should tell them that I'm only staying on Collins St in a hotel. They laughed about it and one kissed me and next thing I knew we were at a service station somewhere. I got out and thanked them for the ride, before attempting to find out where the f*ck I was. I decided I could figure that out after I bought an egg and lettuce sandwich from the servo.
Next thing I knew, I'm standing there chewing a mouthful of egg and lettuce sandwich - as pissed as ten men - when a brand new car pulled up beside me and told me to get in. I looked in through the passenger side window to see that it was none other than the gay promoter. I was a little gob-smacked, but asked him for a ride back to Collins St. Within a minute he was trying to put his hand on my leg, to which I continually pushed him away and ended up getting a little angry about. He told me he was in a long-term relationship (with another bloke), but was bored and looking for some fun. I told him I was flattered but not interested. He then proceeded to offer me $1000 if I would let him blow me. My mind basically exploded at this point, and my d*ck retreated into my rib-cage. I reluctantly declined, for once in my life thinking about my sober self the next morning, and how I would explain the random $1000 to my friends at the hotel. He kindly dropped me out the front of my hotel after numerous strange efforts to seduce me.
I was in the lift up to the room, with half an egg and lettuce sandwich in my hand, when I remembered that one of the girls was keen. I thought there was no chance now, with no idea what the time was, but assuming it was pretty late/early. I got to the room, opened the door to find both the girls asleep on the double bed, with a mate I didn't know was coming back with us asleep on the couch. The one who was apparently keen woke up and asked me where the f*ck I had been, at which point I offered her some of my sandwich. She laughed and I got in bed next to her. We fooled around a bit, but were interrupted by my mate who was at the Exford by himself, stumbling into the room absolutely sideways, with an half full Exford pot glass still in his hand. He walked into the toilet and I started making out with this girl again, when all of a sudden we hear this almighty thump. I got up and ran to the bathroom to find my mate lying in the shower, pants around his knees, holding his d*ck in one hand and the pot in the other. He tried to piss but lost his balance and didn't have the cognitive ability to stop himself falling. I lost my sh*t, got back into bed and fell asleep with this bird. She wasn't keen on much due to her mate being in the same bed - fair call.
This was about two years ago, when a few girls I know used to drive to Billboard every Thursday night, and my mate and I would hitch a ride. Was the perfect arrangement, smash beers all the way there every week. They never once asked one of us to steer. Anyway that's largely irrelevant. This one time we decided to get a hotel room in the city (wasn't really sure why at the time). My mate and I got there in the early arvo and stuck right into a slab, polishing it off before heading out at around 10. We were getting 4 beers at a time from the bar, because you have to wait an eternity to get beers when Billboard packs out. Now I know what you're thinking - "very efficient, well done boys". Well it was, but it also got us ******ed in about two hours. We were talking to some mates we'd ran into in the smoker's area when all of a sudden my mate power spewed everywhere. Myself and some random good bloke tried to block the security guard's view, but let's be honest, it was making the stairs back down to the club look like Chunder Falls. So my mate got kicked out, and I obviously followed him out. I was tuning some bird at the time he threw up his kidneys though, so he told me to go back up and he'd just have a couple at the Exford across the road until I was done (Ultimate Wing Man 101). I went back up, and surprisingly, my mate's very public hurl made easy material for me to use to make her laugh, and we hooked up soon enough.
Eventually she said goodbye and went back downstairs with her mates. I intended to go down as well to go find old mate at the Exford, when I was cut-off by one of the promoters who take your number down for cheap entry offers etc. He first asked if I would put my number down to be eligible for discounts etc, which I politely declined. He then told me I was cute and asked for my number for himself. A few people overheard and he said to them "Oh what? You've never seen someone get hit on before?" in the most camp style you can imagine. I was a little embarrassed, but pissed enough not to care. I made a quick apology and headed downstairs. Here's where it gets hazy. I ran into someone else I knew, who dragged me to the bar for a shot. After that, the rest of the time I was in Billboard I have no clue what occurred, other than I avoided the promoter where possible. Eventually I left, because at some point one of my girl mates pointed out to me that we had a hotel this time because one of the girls we were staying with was interested in me. I cursed myself for my naivety, and headed straight out and across to the Exford. The lights just outside Billboard were red, so there was traffic lined up waiting for green. I stumbled my way through a couple of cars before a carload of girls with music blaring confronted me. An attractive type in the back seat screamed at me to get in, and all other thoughts escaped my mind. I got in next to her, and after a few blocks I thought I should tell them that I'm only staying on Collins St in a hotel. They laughed about it and one kissed me and next thing I knew we were at a service station somewhere. I got out and thanked them for the ride, before attempting to find out where the f*ck I was. I decided I could figure that out after I bought an egg and lettuce sandwich from the servo.
Next thing I knew, I'm standing there chewing a mouthful of egg and lettuce sandwich - as pissed as ten men - when a brand new car pulled up beside me and told me to get in. I looked in through the passenger side window to see that it was none other than the gay promoter. I was a little gob-smacked, but asked him for a ride back to Collins St. Within a minute he was trying to put his hand on my leg, to which I continually pushed him away and ended up getting a little angry about. He told me he was in a long-term relationship (with another bloke), but was bored and looking for some fun. I told him I was flattered but not interested. He then proceeded to offer me $1000 if I would let him blow me. My mind basically exploded at this point, and my d*ck retreated into my rib-cage. I reluctantly declined, for once in my life thinking about my sober self the next morning, and how I would explain the random $1000 to my friends at the hotel. He kindly dropped me out the front of my hotel after numerous strange efforts to seduce me.
I was in the lift up to the room, with half an egg and lettuce sandwich in my hand, when I remembered that one of the girls was keen. I thought there was no chance now, with no idea what the time was, but assuming it was pretty late/early. I got to the room, opened the door to find both the girls asleep on the double bed, with a mate I didn't know was coming back with us asleep on the couch. The one who was apparently keen woke up and asked me where the f*ck I had been, at which point I offered her some of my sandwich. She laughed and I got in bed next to her. We fooled around a bit, but were interrupted by my mate who was at the Exford by himself, stumbling into the room absolutely sideways, with an half full Exford pot glass still in his hand. He walked into the toilet and I started making out with this girl again, when all of a sudden we hear this almighty thump. I got up and ran to the bathroom to find my mate lying in the shower, pants around his knees, holding his d*ck in one hand and the pot in the other. He tried to piss but lost his balance and didn't have the cognitive ability to stop himself falling. I lost my sh*t, got back into bed and fell asleep with this bird. She wasn't keen on much due to her mate being in the same bed - fair call.
DrVanNostrand
Premiership Player
A brief exchange from my first year at uni. Talking to a girl who was a solid 0 on the binary scale, but I was in the middle of a dry spell so I wasn't exactly pushing her away - she always pulled me aside when she saw me and was ridiculously friendly. Anyway, she mentions she is staying at student accommodation only across the road. Our class finished at 6pm and it's pretty dark outside.
Her: I wish someone would walk me home and come hang out, it's like rape road down there after dark.
Me: You'll be right, just scream loud.
I still don't know what I was thinking. Not that I had any intentions of going, but **** me, what a stupid thing to say.
Oh, and I'm working on a story from my trip to NZ recently that involves a smoking chick from Argentina staying in the next room, a French girl I'd just met in the pub downstairs and my mate's hot female cousin. All in the span of about 6 hours. Oh the awkwardness.
Her: I wish someone would walk me home and come hang out, it's like rape road down there after dark.
Me: You'll be right, just scream loud.
I still don't know what I was thinking. Not that I had any intentions of going, but **** me, what a stupid thing to say.
Oh, and I'm working on a story from my trip to NZ recently that involves a smoking chick from Argentina staying in the next room, a French girl I'd just met in the pub downstairs and my mate's hot female cousin. All in the span of about 6 hours. Oh the awkwardness.
- Jun 14, 2011
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Lol lost it at that
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