Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories

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Silent Alarm said:
Does anyone else have a friend who reckons they can smell period blood like some kind of ****-shark?
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I dunno Silent Alarm, I knew someone who bought a Red helmet for all the girls he worked with so he can identify when they were on their period, so he could stay away from them.

Note- he may/may not have got in a lot of trouble for that, but hey its derrr Mining industry right.
 
raven echo said:
If the road is red, take the dirt path instead...
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as they say in snooker parlons, if the pink is blocked by the red, shoot for the brown :thumbsu:
 

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Gibbsy said:
HALL OF FAME

Here it is, the long-awaited compilation post. Revisit this if ever you're in need of a laugh. The particular popular ones have been highlighted (30+ likes) but all are great. A few recurring names, which can be a good or bad thing depending on which way you look at it. Coming up with one-word descriptors was nearly as funny as reading the stories all over again.

Enjoy:

Drakescoffeecake - "Harmless"
deled3 - "Smokka"
middy - "Batteries"
The Emu - "Jaffas"
Bateanator - "Chivalry"
woopedazz - "Michael"
Probst - "Pantyhose"
fuzzyswan - "Jacinta"
Postman_Pav - "Opportunity"
freofan_mundy - "Unsure"
BigKahunaBlue - "Housemate"
BigKahunaBlue - "International"
Inciting Violence - "Pool"
Punt_Road_Roar - "Cards"
Harvey Leadpipe - "Messy"
Bowski - "Cue"
Sheeds - "Autocorrect"
bunsen burner - "Wife"
Xtreme - "Fire"
Bunk Moreland - "Floodgates"
deeman12 - "Disappointing"
LouisCK - "Double"
Igloo - "Waiting"
IceNine - "Gorgeous"
LouisCK - "Worried"
getthefooty - "Year 9"
vealesy - "Kids"
d0gs - "Threesome"
blueboy25 - "Interrupted"
HARKER - "Sister"
blueboy25 - "McCoist"
standingroomonly - "Clothes" (36 likes :thumbsu:)
Mooster7 - "Santa"
Igloo - "Checkout"
Barry Zuckercorn - "Dogs"
Phenotype - "Friends"
Poseidon - "Blowdry"
Waynesworld - "Single"
Catsmaninamerica - "Heady"
Jimmy1992 - "Friends"
Jimmy1992 - "Glasses"
Mogwai - "Friendzone"
I bleed Blue - "NYE"
Phenotype - "Surprise"
LouisCK - "Thailand"
Mogwai - "Hawkins"
Jeremy Jordan - "Cops" (52 likes :thumbsu:)
I bleed Blue - "Rescue"
Northhawker - "Lost"
Phenotype - "Fish" (35 likes :thumbsu:)
Gibbsy - "Face"
walshy93 - "Psycho"
triplejdude - "Bushpig"
Gibbsy - "Orgy" (37 likes :thumbsu:)
Bob Vance - "First" (35 likes :thumbsu:)
Jimmy1992 - "Tired"
blueboy25 - "Park"
Illinois Nazi - "Next"
Barry Zuckercorn - "Mate"
Gibbsy - "Goon"
Dukes of Hurley - "Stain"
Dukes of Hurley - "Bite"
A Swallow - "Pub"
Van Nostrand - "Watch"
Jimmy1992 - "Grind"
cAsEy_18 - "Tok Tok"
Jimmy1992 - "Valentine"
Sheeds - "Date"
CakeEater - "Taxi"
blue boy jatz - "Hockey"
getthefooty - "Big"
Jimmy1992 - "Night 1"
tants - "Emails"
I bleed Blue - "Blood"
Jimmy1992 - "Night 2"
RU486 - "Backpacking"
Confuscius - "Catholic"
Dan3490 - "Dad"
HugeJohnson - "Bonnet"
Jimmy1992 - "Facebook"
getthefooty - "Honest"
A Swallow - "Trevor"
Jack Package - "Stan"
Doss - "Jacket"
Phenotype - "Wet"
Doss - "Tape"
Doss - "Bump"
Senatorguesty - "Visitor"


Will add more as they roll in. Cheers.
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Legendary.

Bowski is another articulate mother****er and a top storyteller to boot. Need to drag him down here more often.
 
'I will take you home and **** you'

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the mind boggles
 
Confuscius said:
Glasses is by far the worst one. I just don't know how that happens
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Just unbelievable. He was served up a 100, and he took 0. Didn't even offer up a half lame excuse. Just took the glasses and walked off.

Unfathomable.
 
I don't even know how it got to that point. 'You and your glasses can come back to my place'. The conversation is over there! Your work is done! Incredible
 
Confuscius said:
I don't even know how it got to that point. 'You and your glasses can come back to my place'. The conversation is over there! Your work is done! Incredible
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Yes, and then, when he stuffed it up the first time, she even gave him the straight out "I will take you home and **** you".

It doesn't get any more direct than that.

Argh.
 

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He has received plenty of crap since that day. Believe me, your judgments have not gone unnoticed.
What makes it far, far worse is that she was a solid 1 (8.5-9/10). She wasn't a dog by any means. He was on his V's, and that would have been such an epic way to lose them.
 
Ahhh, I am back again. Why does it always seem to be me? At least, on this occasion, the story is by far one of the funniest, accidental moments of my life.

I was sitting outside with a few mates at a 21st I was at last night. And, there was a girl there (with her boyfriend at this point) who I am acquaintances with. I have met her once or twice. Anyway, it was this 80's prom theme 21st from another thread. To make the most of the theme, I was collecting people accessories, and I had 3 bow ties at this point on my shirt, as well as a tiara. Drunk James is stupid. The lowest of which was just above my belt.
Anyway, sitting outside, and this acquaintance comes over wanting to swap Tiara's but says I have to get it back to her before she leaves. I say "Okay, for assurance i'll give you this bow tie" pointing to the one, when sitting down is right above my groin. Laughter ensues. I apologise to the boyfriend. Awkwardness = not felt by James. Everyone else, little bit.

*Note: A from the 'Glasses' story, among others, got a girls number last night. Yeah, he did better than me last night.
 
Jimmy1992 said:
Ahhh, I am back again. Why does it always seem to be me? At least, on this occasion, the story is by far one of the funniest, accidental moments of my life.

I was sitting outside with a few mates at a 21st I was at last night. And, there was a girl there (with her boyfriend at this point) who I am acquaintances with. I have met her once or twice. Anyway, it was this 80's prom theme 21st from another thread. To make the most of the theme, I was collecting people accessories, and I had 3 bow ties at this point on my shirt, as well as a tiara. Drunk James is stupid. The lowest of which was just above my belt.
Anyway, sitting outside, and this acquaintance comes over wanting to swap Tiara's but says I have to get it back to her before she leaves. I say "Okay, for assurance i'll give you this bow tie" pointing to the one, when sitting down is right above my groin. Laughter ensues. I apologise to the boyfriend. Awkwardness = not felt by James. Everyone else, little bit.

*Note: A from the 'Glasses' story, among others, got a girls number last night. Yeah, he did better than me last night.
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Re. the bolded, when I read that bit I suddenly had visions of you, the young whipper snapping Jimbob, doing the old home wrecker! As in..."nek minnut, they argued and broke up after James worked his magic and James closed in on the fresh meat". ;)

How'd the boyfriend like your little effort, by the way? I'm curious, do you aim to clock up at least one awkward flirting moment every time you go out? :p
 
Doss said:
How'd the boyfriend like your little effort, by the way? I'm curious, do you aim to clock up at least one awkward flirting moment every time you go out? :p
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He's the Don Bradman or the Michael Jordan of Awkward Flirting Stories. He just goes out there night after and performs to the highest of his abilities and always brings back a great story :p
 
Doss said:
Re. the bolded, when I read that bit I suddenly had visions of you, the young whipper snapping Jimbob, doing the old home wrecker! As in..."nek minnut, they argued and broke up after James worked his magic and James closed in on the fresh meat". ;)

How'd the boyfriend like your little effort, by the way? I'm curious, do you aim to clock up at least one awkward flirting moment every time you go out? :p
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Haha, he was alright, he understood I didn't mean to be so crass. I don't aim to... I just have no issue with talking to people and have a bad case of not being able to hold my tongue.

raven echo said:
He's the Don Bradman or the Michael Jordan of Awkward Flirting Stories. He just goes out there night after and performs to the highest of his abilities and always brings back a great story :p
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I wish I could paid like Michael Jordan... :oops:
I also don't even give a shit. I will tell any story no matter how bad it makes me look. I know I have enough success stories in the bank (not as many as would be ideal...) that these stories don't induce crippling loneliness and loathing.
 
Cracking thread. Easily the best on Bigfooty

Loved Batteries, Jacinta and of course Jimmy1992 and his escapades
 
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