Family & Relationships Boyfriend Men: guys who seem to need girlfriends

[fairdinkum]

Have you ever met guys like this before? Or are you one yourself? I call them 'Boyfriend Men'. I reckon there are some blokes out there who seem to need to be in a relationship.

Whether it be because they don't want to feel all alone in the world, or because they can't stand going without sex for weeks at a time, or because of something else altogether, I'm not sure, but I've met a few blokes who seem to have spent all of their adult lives in relationships, one after the other, with only months (sometimes less ) in between each one.

I'm always wary of women who seem to go from one relationship to another, largely because it strikes me as a sign of insecurity, and also because you'd have to question how much of her interest in being with you is down to you, and how much is down to her wanting to be with someone.

I reckon that might be the case with these Boyfriend Men, too. They need to be with someone. As somebody who has spent significant time both in a relationship and single, I can confidently say that I have developed as a person (for better or for worse) infinitely more as a single than I did as one half of a relationship.

Relationships are great and I'm sure I will be in one again at some point in the future, but I wonder if these Boyfriend Men are missing out on something.

Do you reckon Boyfriend Men exist and if so, why do you think they are the way they are, and do you believe they are missing out on the opportunities for personal growth that singledom provides?

 

[Caesar]

What exactly do you mean by developing more as a person whilst being single?

I've been in LTRs and I've also been long-term single, and I don't think I've developed much better or worse in either situation.

 

[bunsen burner]

I know lots of these guys. Men, much more than women, have this trait.

I don't know why they do it but some dudes always have to have a women. I think it might be linked to one or combination of:

- sex on tap
- need a trophy
- like someone to do their washing
- insecure

Always seemed to be a bit of an insecurity to me.

 

[WCErevival]

Men, much more than women, have this trait.

I would of said the other way around. When decent women become single there is only a small window of opportunity as they usually go into another relationship fairly quickly. They have endless options. Its why you rarely ever come across a single girl in their 20s.

 

[JD11]

in most cases they're guys who for whatever reason prefer the company of women to men.

 

[bunsen burner]

I would of said the other way around. When decent women become single there is only a small window of opportunity as they usually go into another relationship fairly quickly. They have endless options. Its why you rarely ever come across a single girl in their 20s.

True because women can always get a bloke but often blokes can't get girls. I'm more talking about 30s and above. Was pointed out to me by my mum as a kid and have definitely noticed it.

 

[Silent Alarm]

I haven't noticed it too much.

But I have noticed, and hate, the guys who speak exclusively to girls.

They cannot carry a regular conversation with a male.

They carry this mentality that all boys are thuggish. That guys their age simply don't understand, and that females 'get' them. These blokes were usually as colourful as a car tyre, below average looking, and had girl friends (not girlfriends) who were extremely unattractive and couldn't get blokes at all.

 

[bunsen burner]

I hate pussy-boys who serve women all the time. It's like they think they might get laid.

I used to work at this place and the IT Manager would do anything for a girl, nothing for a guy. I used to have to ask female friends to ring him up and ask for data cables, mouses, anything like that because if i (or any other male) rang it would be "yeah, we don't have any of them right now". But if a girl rings he'd be upstairs in 1 minute with the merchandise.

I hate guys who do this and there's no shortage of them. Lots of virgins around too.

 

[kBuck]

in most cases they're guys who for whatever reason prefer the company of women to men.

I disagree. One of my best mates fits this "boyfriend men" category and hes as ladzy as the come.

 

[Confuscius]

I know one guy who takes about a month from being single to finding another girlfriend, and this has happened several times over the last few years.

There are quite a few issues I have with his 'circle of life' I guess, but without going into too much detail the main reason it irritates me is because he hasn't had one that he hasn't cheated on. That is not an exaggeration. Every single one.

Wants to live the single life but can't not be in a relationship, the worst type of 'boyfriend man' if you ask me.

 

[jonoman89]

A friend of mine is the biggest soppy douche to deal with if he doesn't have a girlfriend. If he doesn't have a strong connection with a woman he's all over the place.

He's become a struggle to socialise with.

 

[summerfan]

Had a girlfriend for 6 months broke up with her 3 weeks ago. It has been the best 3 weeks of my life. Being in a relationship is wicked but not being in one for a period of time is bloody good to.

 

[Messenger]

I've always know these sort of people as "serial monogamists".

 

[TheStinger]

I would of said the other way around. When decent women become single there is only a small window of opportunity as they usually go into another relationship fairly quickly. They have endless options. Its why you rarely ever come across a single girl in their 20s.

You watched that How I Met Your Mother episode, didn't you?

 

[Mr Gor]

strong

 

[carn tigez]

I know one guy who takes about a month from being single to finding another girlfriend, and this has happened several times over the last few years.

There are quite a few issues I have with his 'circle of life' I guess, but without going into too much detail the main reason it irritates me is because he hasn't had one that he hasn't cheated on. That is not an exaggeration. Every single one.

Wants to live the single life but can't not be in a relationship, the worst type of 'boyfriend man' if you ask me.

It's interesting, I would have thought 'boyfriend men' were the types who struggled with girls and therefore get back into regular sex as soon as they can, because they fear the likely possibility of being unable to have sex for an indefinite period of time.

I personally don't know where I fit here, I don't think I am one of these guys, but I have been in a relationship for 10 months now and the idea of going back to no sex and no emotional outlet scares me. But I can't say with any certainty whatsoever that that isn't because I still want to be with her, and when that's no longer the case it's very possible that I will find it easier to go without sex and outlet.

I do think I would struggle to lead a girl on for a period of time, only to root and boot. Just not cold hearted enough to do it . One night stands are a different story.

 

[Poetic Justice]

I hate it even more when they're the type of guy that when they do get a girlfriend, they basically switch from being close buds with everyone to rarely seeing their mates at all.

 

[carn tigez]

I hate it even more when they're the type of guy that when they do get a girlfriend, they basically switch from being close buds with everyone to rarely seeing their mates at all.

They are definitely the worst type.

 

[fairdinkum]

I've always know these sort of people as "serial monogamists".

It's a bit different imo because one or two Boyfriend Men I know have cheated on their partners. One guy many, many times. Also, one can be a 'serial monogamist' without having girlfriend after girlfriend. It's the relationship aspect that interests me here.

It's why I think the sex-on-tap factor is only a marginal reason for many Boyfriend Men always wanting to be in relationships.

I reckon it is often more of an emotional thing, as in, so long as somebody out there is their 'girlfriend', and they are somebody's 'boyfriend', they don't feel alone or purposeless in this big, bad, scary, pomo world.

I've thought about this more and realised I know even more Boyfriend Men than I had thought. In fact, I reckon I know more Boyfriend Men than blokes who have been in LTRs and are now single.

It seems like, once a guy has been in a LTR, he often wants to be in one from then on, with little to no time spent truly single.

 

[Caesar]

It seems like, once a guy has been in a LTR, he often wants to be in one from then on, with little to no time spent truly single.

Is that surprising? I would say that happens to most guys when they reach a point in their lives when they start to focus on finding a life partner. That necessitates dating prospective spouses for long periods.

 

[raskolnikov]

My sister has always needed someone in her life. From the age of 15 I can't remember her not having anyone. She has been married three times and had one other long term relationship. She has five kids from four different fathers. Each time she has divorced she has a new boyfriend within a month.

 

[fairdinkum]

Is that surprising? I would say that happens to most guys when they reach a point in their lives when they start to focus on finding a life partner. That necessitates dating prospective spouses for long periods.

What exactly is comment adding to the conversation?

 

[stuart27]

I hate it even more when they're the type of guy that when they do get a girlfriend, they basically switch from being close buds with everyone to rarely seeing their mates at all.

Happens for guys and girls, most seem oblivious to it or in denial.

 

[Caesar]

What exactly is comment adding to the conversation?

Well, you seem somewhat fixated on the idea that guys who gravitate mostly to longterm relationships do so because they're needy or insecure.

I was just putting forward the suggestion that at least sometimes maybe it's got more to do with what people's life objectives are.

 

[rocker_oz33]

l know of these people.l am not one of them.l have posted before my gf wants a joint bank account.l told her it would kill interdependent rocker/george.l am not one be always be in r/ship or to be with my gf all the time.l remember l was see a girl that lived around the corner.Sometimes l would drive the long way home so l didnt drive past her place.So she wouldnt see me so l could have some me time lol.