Barrybran
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- Jun 18, 2016
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Morpheus of Zion Sacked as lolWonders' Captain
In breaking news this afternoon, West Coast lolWonders captain, Morpheus of Zion, has been stripped of the lolWonders’ captaincy after a piss poor display of Sweet FA-manship in the committee room earlier today.
Morpheus of Zion lodged an official complaint with the captains of the Sweet this afternoon surrounding a delay in the posting of the Round 13 match thread between the Baghdad Bombers and the lolWonders. Five of the six match threads were posted on Monday night by Bombers’ captain, Antonio BlueVein, however when BlueVein had failed to post his own match thread by Tuesday morning, the lolWonders’ captain approached league admin, NaturalDisaster, to intervene.
Morpheus of Zion points out the indiscretion
The complaint lodged by Morpheus of Zion accused the Bombers captain of “deliberately” delaying the posting of the match thread as well as labelling the mistitling of the thread as “offensive” and “disrespectful”. Morpheus of Zion then went on to add that the lolWonders were also offended by Coon cheese, Golden Gaytime ice creams and the way Meghan Markle has been treated by the Royal family.
Morpheus of Zion pleads his case to the committee
Antonio BlueVein was reportedly taken aback by Morpheus of Zion’s complaint with bystanders overhearing BlueVein say that he was surprised that anyone actually wants to post against the Bombers. “I thought we were doing the lolWonders a favour. They’ve had a really tough season so far and everyone knows what happens when you turn the heat up on snowflakes”.
Antonion BlueVein reflects on his actions
lolWonders’ co-captain, haydo, was approached for comment but was inconsolable.
haydo reacting to the missing match thread
Morpheus of Zion concluded his complaint by proposing rule changes that required all match threads to be posted at the same time, match thread titles to follow a specific format and match thread posters who don’t follow these rules to be “held accountable and penalised”, stating that these rule changes would prevent posters from feeling “disrespected or bullied”.
The committee offered Morpheus of Zion a hug and appropriately took his feedback on board, agreeing that match thread posters will be required to post the lolWonders’ match thread on Sunday night for the remainder of the season, although it is speculated that this move is more about padding the lolWonders’ abysmal posting stats than anything else.
A decision on the lolWonders’ captaincy is expected tomorrow with reports out of The Coliseum suggesting that ClarkeM would oversee the process of drawing straws to see who will be responsible for ****ing up the lolWonders’ teamsheet for the remainder of season 31.
ClarkeM preparing for another lolWonders' captaincy change
