Brain Power
Funding Secured
- Sep 5, 2012
- 2,237
- 11,329
- AFL Club
- Hawthorn
- Other Teams
- Chelsea
Hi Bay,
The rumours around the place are pretty strong that Essendon's punishment for bringing the game into disrepute will be handed down tomorrow. In fact, Channel 7 will reveal the punishment on air prior to the Hawthorn/Saints game and there will be a panel discussion around it, similar to what there was with the Dean Robinson interview.
However, Channel 7 have already recorded this entire segment tonight (complete with a secret press conference from Vlad), and I've been crafty enough to obtain a copy of the script, which I'd like to share for all of you to enjoy (be warned, it's a lengthy read).
---
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Hello everyone and welcome to our special coverage of the findings of the joint ASADA/AFL investigation. In a few minutes, we’ll be crossing to Andrew Demetriou’s press conference outside AFL House where he will announce the contents of the report and deliver any sanctions. I’d now like to introduce tonight’s panel, where we welcome back Leigh Matthews, Mark McVeigh, Luke Darcy, Tom Harley and Richard Ings, who were with us for Dean Robinson’s recent interview. Unfortunately, Cameron Ling, who is busy filming a new commercial for Heinz Big Red, wasn’t able to make it tonight, nor was Mark Stevens, as Essendon have taken out an injunction preventing his appearance tonight. I’d like to welcome Brian Taylor to the panel who will be filling in tonight in their absence.
BRIAN TAYLOR: Boy! It’s really good to be here tonight, Dennis!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Don’t forget, we’re live and interactive on Fango tonight, and right now we’re asking you at home the question “Should Essendon lose their premiership points for 2013?” I’d now like to open up the discussion to the panel – what do you guys think is going to happen tonight? Mark, let’s start with your thoughts.
MARK MCVEIGH: Look, I think the findings of the report are going to come down to some governance issues at the club. There was no usage of performance enhancing drugs at Essendon, everyone knew what they were taking, it was only Vitamin C and it was clearly labelled on the consent forms. This whole issue basically boils down to Essendon accidentally allowing a dodgy character like Steven Dank into the club which I expect they’ll cop a small fine for.
TOM HARLEY: I really hope that Mark’s right and that vitamins were the only supplements taken at Essendon. Personally, I don’t see why an athlete would ever want to inject any synthetic supplements into their body. I’ve been taking Swisse multivitamins for years now, and they’ve really helped me perform at my peak for longer, all whilst conforming 100% with the WADA code. If any young footballers are sitting at home watching this and thinking about using some HGH or another banned substance, don’t do it: you’ll feel better on Swisse.
RICHARD INGS: I’ve been monitoring this issue very closely over the past few months and I must say that all of the information and reporting of it has been deeply perplexing at times, even for such a knowledgeable authority in the field of drugs in sport as myself, Richard Ings, the former chief of ASADA, to interpret. It would be impractical for me to pass judgments about the substance of the report, because I haven’t yet seen it. My gut feeling is telling me that tonight’s adjudication will come as a surprise and cause significant consternation within the football community, however upon more careful reflection, will not seem like such a surprise after all.
LUKE DARCY: Whatever the outcome may be tonight, I just love the way Essendon have gone about it over the past six months. They’ve been playing some brilliant football, all with this massive dark cloud of adversity hanging over their heads and I think they’ve been so very, very brave.
LEIGH MATTHEWS: Call me a cynic, but I just can’t see Essendon escaping without harsh sanctions. The way I see it, stripping points is a given, for bringing the game into disrepute if nothing else. The only real question that remains is whether or not players will be suspended and I think they will because the WADA code is very strict and it will be very difficult for Essendon to try and use the no-fault defence.
MARK MCVEIGH: But Leigh, clearly there has been a breach of trust at Essendon where Steven Dank went behind the backs of Hird and Corcoran to devise a program for his own personal gain. The players had no idea what they were taking, do you really want to see them suspended for PED usage if they didn’t know they were taking PEDs?
BRIAN TAYLOR: Hang on a second there Mike, didn’t you say earlier that the players knew exactly what they were taking?
MARK MCVEIGH: Yes, and I stand by that comment. The players knew exactly what they thought they were getting, it was clearly marked out on the consent forms as Vitamin C. I don’t think that the players should face suspensions if Steven Dank, who let me remind you, is an extremely shady character with strong links to the criminal underworld, secretly decided to put Hexaritalin or Thymodules in the syringe instead.
BRUCE MCAVANEY: We’re almost ready to cross live to Andrew Demetriou, but before we do, Brian, would you like to reveal the results of our exclusive Fango poll?
BRIAN TAYLOR: I sure do, Dennis! 95% of the viewers at home said yes, Essendon should be stripped of all their premiership points this year!
LUKE DARCY: Say that again.
BRIAN TAYLOR: Ninety-five percent! Oh boy! The viewers down at the Fango Factory have spoken and their verdict is emphatic!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: With that sort of result you’d imagine that the general public aren’t going to take it very well if Essendon are cleared of any wrongdoing tonight.
LUKE DARCY: I think part of the reason for that is the football media and how hard they’ve pushed this issue onto the public and almost conditioned the public into thinking that Essendon were guilty even before the report was released. I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I think that a few journalists out there could take a leaf out of my book and look at the way I’ve handled this issue for some tips and pointers on what good sporting journalism is. Throughout the saga, I’ve tried to remain as neutral as possible, I’ve sided with the players, such as when Jobe Watson was being booed – I didn’t like that at all, it just left a bad taste in my mouth. I’ve also been critical but not judgmental of the practices and governance down at Essendon, and I think some of the more well-known football journalists should take a good, long, hard look at themselves.
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Alright, we’ll now take you live to Andrew Demetriou…
MARK MCVEIGH: One second please, Bruce. Before the findings are revealed I just want to make it known that I’m looking forward to the truth being revealed and all the facts coming out. I know this saga has taken a massive emotional toll on a lot of people, and everyone, including myself, is just looking forward to it finally being over and done with. That said, I know what type of people work down at the Essendon Football Club and they are not cheats, they are people of the highest integrity. If this report punishes Essendon, I think these punishments will be based on lies and mistruths that have been spread by the media. I can see Essendon taking legal action if the AFL strips them of points and making this saga drag on even longer.
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Mark, we’re out of time. Taking you live now to Demetriou’s presser.
ANDREW DEMETRIOU: …based on the findings of the report handed down by ASADA last week with regards to the joint ASADA/AFL investigation into the supplements program at the Essendon Football Club, which concluded that there were banned substances taken by Essendon players, the AFL Commission has deemed it appropriate to impose the following sanctions on the Essendon Football Club: A five million dollar fine, the loss of premiership points in the 2012 and 2013 Toyota AFL Premiership seasons, as well as the loss of all draft picks in the 2013 and 2014 NAB AFL drafts. Sanctions for individual players have not been imposed at this stage but remain a distinct possibility pending the release of the final ASADA report which will contain a testimony from Steven Dank. I will not be answering any questions at this time.
BRUCE MCAVANEY: I’m quite stunned by that, to be honest. I came in expecting a punishment of something along those lines, but now that it’s actually been made official – well, I think I might just need a moment to lie down and let it all sink in. Anyone have any immediate thoughts while I’m away?
BRIAN TAYLOR: Wowee! My man Andy D just laid down the law! Did you see him sell that mouth candy where he said there were no individual sanctions but then he said that there might be sanctions in future? Hahaha, oh boy! Nice one, Andy D! He really is the media specialist!
MARK MCVEIGH: What the **** is going on? Essendon never took banned drugs! You can’t prove they took banned drugs! Why are they losing points for bad governance?
RICHARD INGS: As far as Richard Ings is aware, the chastisement which has recently been promulgated does not to relate to an unequivocal anti-doping rule violation, but rather to the charge of bringing the game into disrepute. This charge has been laid because ASADA and the AFL have gathered enough circumstantial evidence to ascertain beyond reasonable doubt that anti-doping rule violations did occur at Essendon, even though they cannot attribute them to specific Richard Ings believes that the amercement is requisite and Richard Ings will comment further if there are any sanctions against individual players.
BRIAN TAYLOR: Wowee, Mike, he just put you in your place there! I didn’t understand a word of it but I’m sure it was 100% correct! Would you like some ice to go with that burn? Oh boy! Nice one, Richo!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Alright, so I’ve just watched a Cyril Rioli highlights video on YouTube, so I should be right to carry on – oh, it looks like I’ve forgotten to do up my fly. How silly of me. One moment please.
BRIAN TAYLOR: Oh boy! I don’t know if I’ve ever called you Big Boy before, but I don’t think I’ll be starting any time soon, that’s for sure!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: What do these findings mean for James Hird? He’ll obviously be at home watching these events unfold, and the decision that now needs to be made by Hird as well as the Essendon board is whether Hird stays on and fights the charges levelled against him and the club, or whether he is forced into resigning by the sheer weight of these charges.
BRIAN TAYLOR: I can only imagine his reaction would be something along the lines of “Oh no! Oh no! NO NO NO NO NO!”
LEIGH MATTHEWS: I was happy for him to stay on as coach up until this point, but the findings of the report are too damning for Hird to continue on. The incidents which have led to this punishment have all occurred under Hird’s watch and he said in February that he would take full responsibility - he hasn’t taken any responsibility yet, but it’s now time for him to live up to his word and stand down.
MARK MCVEIGH: Shut up Leigh! You are so biased! You obviously have an irrational hatred of Essendon because of the 1984 and 1985 Grand Finals! Hirdy has done nothing wrong and should keep his job! I may be close friends with him but I’m not biased at all – this is pure common sense talking!
TOM HARLEY: I’m with Leigh on this one, sorry Spike. I think Hirdy has failed in his duty of care as a coach by allowing them, whether he intended to or not, to receive banned substances instead of just giving them Swisse multivitamins and as a result of that, he has to stand down.
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Who do you think replaces Hird if he does go? Personally, I think the only people who might be interested in the Essendon job, which might be seen as tainted, would be coaches who have previously failed like Neeld and Primus who are desperate to restart their careers. What do you guys think?
LUKE DARCY: I think they should go after Paul Roos, who is such a well-respected figure in the AFL world that he’d restore credibility to Essendon almost immediately. Paul Little has enough money to make it happen and he needs to make Roos an offer he can’t refuse.
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Interesting stuff there, Darce. Here’s some footage of Roos talking about Essendon earlier in the week, make of it what you will but I think he might be open to your suggestion for the right price.
PAUL ROOS: I really like what Essendon have done this year, particularly with their midfield group. They’re really hard working and they definitely know how to run both ways. I think it’s pretty clear that at the start of this year the Essendon team sat down and had a look at Sydney and thought to themselves “that’s what a successful team looks like, that’s what we want to become”. It looks like Essendon are trying to emulate the sort of on-field culture that Sydney have got and the game styles of guys like Pykey, Goodsey, Mummy, Joey, and Teddy, who have so many strings to their bow.
BRIAN TAYLOR: Don’t you guys reckon it’d be funny if Matthew Knights ended up being Hird’s replacement? He’d certainly want the job, mainly to prove a point if nothing else!
LEIGH MATTHEWS: I can’t imagine Essendon supporters would react to that particularly well.
MARK MCVEIGH: Matthew Knights was so bad! Hirdy was a much better coach than Knights! Hirdy should be the coach of Essendon no matter what! He will never step down and he will sue everyone until his name is cleared and he can get on with coaching Essendon in peace!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: What about Jobe Watson, guys? So far it’s unclear whether or not he will receive an infraction notice, but there’s a real possibility that he took a banned supplement in his Brownlow year. Should he be stripped of his medal, and if so, should he be stripped now or should the AFL wait until an infraction notice is issued? Your thoughts, Darce?
LUKE DARCY: Jobe Watson is an A-grader and an absolute champion of the game, I’d hate to see suffer the shame of being stripped of a Brownlow. Even if he did take a banned drug, I don’t think he should be stripped of it because the drugs in question were found to have virtually no performance enhancing benefits, so I think he would have won the Brownlow regardless of whether or not he participated in Essendon’s supplements program. Jobe’s an absolute ripping bloke and he doesn’t deserve to have that happen to him if he didn’t know he was taking anything illegal.
LEIGH MATTHEWS: Now hold up there Luke, whether someone is a good bloke or not shouldn’t affect the punishments they receive when they break the rules. If an absolute ******** like Matthew Lloyd was in Jobe’s situation, I’d want him to receive the same punishment as Jobe does. And when it comes to dishing out this punishment, it’s pretty simple, if Jobe receives an infraction notice, take away his Brownlow and give it to Cotchin and Mitchell.
MARK MCVEIGH: Shut up Leigh! What do you know about Brownlow medals anyway? You never won a single one in your life! That means Jimmy Bartel is a better player than you, because he won a Brownlow and you didn’t!
BRIAN TAYLOR: Guys, I’m sorry to interrupt, but there’s been a social media frenzy in the wake of Andy D’s big announcement! In particular, there’s been a flurry of viewers at home who haven’t been very happy with your contributions tonight Mike, and “#spikemyvein” is trending.
MARK MCVEIGH: WHAT THE ****? I NEVER TOOK ANY BANNED SUBSTANCES! I ONLY TOOK VITAMIN C! HOW DARE THE PUBLIC START ACCUSING ME OF INJECTING HEROEXALIN AND AOG 9614? THE PUBLIC HAVE CLEARLY BEEN BRAINWASHED BY FAIRFAX AND THEIR ANTI-HIRD AGENDA! ALL OF YOU FOAMERS ON TWITTER WILL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYERS!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: That’s just about all we have time for tonight. Amidst all of the furore surrounding Essendon, we almost forgot that there’s a football game still to be played. Bouncedown for St Kilda vs. Hawthorn is less than half an hour away, so keep it locked on Seven.
MARK MCVEIGH: OH, WHAT? HAWTHORN ARE PLAYING? HOW COME HAWTHORN HAVEN’T BEEN STRIPPED OF THEIR PREMIERSHIP POINTS? EVERYONE KNOWS THAT HAWTHORN ARE THE REAL DRUG CHEATS! THEY HAVE BIOLOGICALLY ADVANCED TISSUES FROM YEARS OF ILLEGAL PEPTIE USE! STEVEN DANK TOLD US SO! NEVER MIND WHAT I SAID EARLIER ABOUT DANK BEING A SHADY CHARACTER AND A ROGUE OPERATIVE! THAT WAS JUST A JOKE! DANK WAS TRYING TO SAVE US AND LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD BECAUSE ALL THE OTHER CLUBS WERE ON DRUGS TOO! THE ONLY REASON YOU NEVER HEARD ABOUT HAWTHORN AND COLLINGWOOD’S DRUG USE IN THE MEDIA WAS BECAUSE OF CAROLINE WILSON’S AGENDA AGAINST ESSENDON! AHHH!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Thanks for sharing your views, Spike. I can only imagine you must be going through a very tough time at the moment. Now BT, even though it’s a Friday Night, you’ll be part of the commentary team tonight, yes?
BRIAN TAYLOR: That’s absolutely correct, Dennis. I’ll be filling in for Tim Watson who can’t make it tonight due to personal commitments. That means I’ll be on the boundary line for the first time in my life tonight, instead of my usual position up in the box. I think I actually prefer the boundary line because it means I get to be closer to Big Boy McEvoy!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Ah, and I almost forgot Cyril was playing tonight as well. I’m feeling just about ready to watch him but I’m still a little exhausted from that highlights video I saw earlier. That concludes tonight’s special coverage of the ASADA investigation into the Essendon Football Club. Before we go, I’d like to ask each of our panellists to give a short summary of what they learned from this saga. BT, let’s start with you.
BRIAN TAYLOR: I’ve learned that The Weapon was not the man he thought I was. Last year I told the viewers at home all about how he once found a needle in a haystack – little did I know that this needle contained banned peptides. The Weapon broke my heart.
LEIGH MATTHEWS: I’ve learned that players at footy clubs need to be more responsible for what goes into their bodies these days, even if that means standing up to and disobeying the orders of someone who has a cult-like status at that club.
RICHARD INGS: Richard Ings has determined that Richard Ings should still be the chief of ASADA, because Richard Ings is indubitably the world’s most pre-eminent specialist in the field of drugs in sport.
LUKE DARCY: I’ve learned that I am definitely the most ethical and probably the best AFL journalist going around at the moment.
TOM HARLEY: I’ve learned that players can never be too careful when it comes to supplements and should definitely only use WADA approved, legal substances like Swisse multivitamins.
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Spike?
MARK MCVEIGH: …
BRUCE MCAVANEY: I’m sorry, we seem to be having some technical difficulties at the moment. Stay tuned for some highlights from this week’s episodes of The X Factor, and we’ll be back shortly with all the action from Etihad Stadium as St Kilda tackle Hawthorn.
BRUCE MCAVANEY (calling out to producers off-stage as the camera pans away): I’ve learned that you guys are going to have to get this ****ing rope and body off the set right ****ing now!
The rumours around the place are pretty strong that Essendon's punishment for bringing the game into disrepute will be handed down tomorrow. In fact, Channel 7 will reveal the punishment on air prior to the Hawthorn/Saints game and there will be a panel discussion around it, similar to what there was with the Dean Robinson interview.
However, Channel 7 have already recorded this entire segment tonight (complete with a secret press conference from Vlad), and I've been crafty enough to obtain a copy of the script, which I'd like to share for all of you to enjoy (be warned, it's a lengthy read).
---
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Hello everyone and welcome to our special coverage of the findings of the joint ASADA/AFL investigation. In a few minutes, we’ll be crossing to Andrew Demetriou’s press conference outside AFL House where he will announce the contents of the report and deliver any sanctions. I’d now like to introduce tonight’s panel, where we welcome back Leigh Matthews, Mark McVeigh, Luke Darcy, Tom Harley and Richard Ings, who were with us for Dean Robinson’s recent interview. Unfortunately, Cameron Ling, who is busy filming a new commercial for Heinz Big Red, wasn’t able to make it tonight, nor was Mark Stevens, as Essendon have taken out an injunction preventing his appearance tonight. I’d like to welcome Brian Taylor to the panel who will be filling in tonight in their absence.
BRIAN TAYLOR: Boy! It’s really good to be here tonight, Dennis!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Don’t forget, we’re live and interactive on Fango tonight, and right now we’re asking you at home the question “Should Essendon lose their premiership points for 2013?” I’d now like to open up the discussion to the panel – what do you guys think is going to happen tonight? Mark, let’s start with your thoughts.
MARK MCVEIGH: Look, I think the findings of the report are going to come down to some governance issues at the club. There was no usage of performance enhancing drugs at Essendon, everyone knew what they were taking, it was only Vitamin C and it was clearly labelled on the consent forms. This whole issue basically boils down to Essendon accidentally allowing a dodgy character like Steven Dank into the club which I expect they’ll cop a small fine for.
TOM HARLEY: I really hope that Mark’s right and that vitamins were the only supplements taken at Essendon. Personally, I don’t see why an athlete would ever want to inject any synthetic supplements into their body. I’ve been taking Swisse multivitamins for years now, and they’ve really helped me perform at my peak for longer, all whilst conforming 100% with the WADA code. If any young footballers are sitting at home watching this and thinking about using some HGH or another banned substance, don’t do it: you’ll feel better on Swisse.
RICHARD INGS: I’ve been monitoring this issue very closely over the past few months and I must say that all of the information and reporting of it has been deeply perplexing at times, even for such a knowledgeable authority in the field of drugs in sport as myself, Richard Ings, the former chief of ASADA, to interpret. It would be impractical for me to pass judgments about the substance of the report, because I haven’t yet seen it. My gut feeling is telling me that tonight’s adjudication will come as a surprise and cause significant consternation within the football community, however upon more careful reflection, will not seem like such a surprise after all.
LUKE DARCY: Whatever the outcome may be tonight, I just love the way Essendon have gone about it over the past six months. They’ve been playing some brilliant football, all with this massive dark cloud of adversity hanging over their heads and I think they’ve been so very, very brave.
LEIGH MATTHEWS: Call me a cynic, but I just can’t see Essendon escaping without harsh sanctions. The way I see it, stripping points is a given, for bringing the game into disrepute if nothing else. The only real question that remains is whether or not players will be suspended and I think they will because the WADA code is very strict and it will be very difficult for Essendon to try and use the no-fault defence.
MARK MCVEIGH: But Leigh, clearly there has been a breach of trust at Essendon where Steven Dank went behind the backs of Hird and Corcoran to devise a program for his own personal gain. The players had no idea what they were taking, do you really want to see them suspended for PED usage if they didn’t know they were taking PEDs?
BRIAN TAYLOR: Hang on a second there Mike, didn’t you say earlier that the players knew exactly what they were taking?
MARK MCVEIGH: Yes, and I stand by that comment. The players knew exactly what they thought they were getting, it was clearly marked out on the consent forms as Vitamin C. I don’t think that the players should face suspensions if Steven Dank, who let me remind you, is an extremely shady character with strong links to the criminal underworld, secretly decided to put Hexaritalin or Thymodules in the syringe instead.
BRUCE MCAVANEY: We’re almost ready to cross live to Andrew Demetriou, but before we do, Brian, would you like to reveal the results of our exclusive Fango poll?
BRIAN TAYLOR: I sure do, Dennis! 95% of the viewers at home said yes, Essendon should be stripped of all their premiership points this year!
LUKE DARCY: Say that again.
BRIAN TAYLOR: Ninety-five percent! Oh boy! The viewers down at the Fango Factory have spoken and their verdict is emphatic!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: With that sort of result you’d imagine that the general public aren’t going to take it very well if Essendon are cleared of any wrongdoing tonight.
LUKE DARCY: I think part of the reason for that is the football media and how hard they’ve pushed this issue onto the public and almost conditioned the public into thinking that Essendon were guilty even before the report was released. I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I think that a few journalists out there could take a leaf out of my book and look at the way I’ve handled this issue for some tips and pointers on what good sporting journalism is. Throughout the saga, I’ve tried to remain as neutral as possible, I’ve sided with the players, such as when Jobe Watson was being booed – I didn’t like that at all, it just left a bad taste in my mouth. I’ve also been critical but not judgmental of the practices and governance down at Essendon, and I think some of the more well-known football journalists should take a good, long, hard look at themselves.
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Alright, we’ll now take you live to Andrew Demetriou…
MARK MCVEIGH: One second please, Bruce. Before the findings are revealed I just want to make it known that I’m looking forward to the truth being revealed and all the facts coming out. I know this saga has taken a massive emotional toll on a lot of people, and everyone, including myself, is just looking forward to it finally being over and done with. That said, I know what type of people work down at the Essendon Football Club and they are not cheats, they are people of the highest integrity. If this report punishes Essendon, I think these punishments will be based on lies and mistruths that have been spread by the media. I can see Essendon taking legal action if the AFL strips them of points and making this saga drag on even longer.
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Mark, we’re out of time. Taking you live now to Demetriou’s presser.
ANDREW DEMETRIOU: …based on the findings of the report handed down by ASADA last week with regards to the joint ASADA/AFL investigation into the supplements program at the Essendon Football Club, which concluded that there were banned substances taken by Essendon players, the AFL Commission has deemed it appropriate to impose the following sanctions on the Essendon Football Club: A five million dollar fine, the loss of premiership points in the 2012 and 2013 Toyota AFL Premiership seasons, as well as the loss of all draft picks in the 2013 and 2014 NAB AFL drafts. Sanctions for individual players have not been imposed at this stage but remain a distinct possibility pending the release of the final ASADA report which will contain a testimony from Steven Dank. I will not be answering any questions at this time.
BRUCE MCAVANEY: I’m quite stunned by that, to be honest. I came in expecting a punishment of something along those lines, but now that it’s actually been made official – well, I think I might just need a moment to lie down and let it all sink in. Anyone have any immediate thoughts while I’m away?
BRIAN TAYLOR: Wowee! My man Andy D just laid down the law! Did you see him sell that mouth candy where he said there were no individual sanctions but then he said that there might be sanctions in future? Hahaha, oh boy! Nice one, Andy D! He really is the media specialist!
MARK MCVEIGH: What the **** is going on? Essendon never took banned drugs! You can’t prove they took banned drugs! Why are they losing points for bad governance?
RICHARD INGS: As far as Richard Ings is aware, the chastisement which has recently been promulgated does not to relate to an unequivocal anti-doping rule violation, but rather to the charge of bringing the game into disrepute. This charge has been laid because ASADA and the AFL have gathered enough circumstantial evidence to ascertain beyond reasonable doubt that anti-doping rule violations did occur at Essendon, even though they cannot attribute them to specific Richard Ings believes that the amercement is requisite and Richard Ings will comment further if there are any sanctions against individual players.
BRIAN TAYLOR: Wowee, Mike, he just put you in your place there! I didn’t understand a word of it but I’m sure it was 100% correct! Would you like some ice to go with that burn? Oh boy! Nice one, Richo!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Alright, so I’ve just watched a Cyril Rioli highlights video on YouTube, so I should be right to carry on – oh, it looks like I’ve forgotten to do up my fly. How silly of me. One moment please.
BRIAN TAYLOR: Oh boy! I don’t know if I’ve ever called you Big Boy before, but I don’t think I’ll be starting any time soon, that’s for sure!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: What do these findings mean for James Hird? He’ll obviously be at home watching these events unfold, and the decision that now needs to be made by Hird as well as the Essendon board is whether Hird stays on and fights the charges levelled against him and the club, or whether he is forced into resigning by the sheer weight of these charges.
BRIAN TAYLOR: I can only imagine his reaction would be something along the lines of “Oh no! Oh no! NO NO NO NO NO!”
LEIGH MATTHEWS: I was happy for him to stay on as coach up until this point, but the findings of the report are too damning for Hird to continue on. The incidents which have led to this punishment have all occurred under Hird’s watch and he said in February that he would take full responsibility - he hasn’t taken any responsibility yet, but it’s now time for him to live up to his word and stand down.
MARK MCVEIGH: Shut up Leigh! You are so biased! You obviously have an irrational hatred of Essendon because of the 1984 and 1985 Grand Finals! Hirdy has done nothing wrong and should keep his job! I may be close friends with him but I’m not biased at all – this is pure common sense talking!
TOM HARLEY: I’m with Leigh on this one, sorry Spike. I think Hirdy has failed in his duty of care as a coach by allowing them, whether he intended to or not, to receive banned substances instead of just giving them Swisse multivitamins and as a result of that, he has to stand down.
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Who do you think replaces Hird if he does go? Personally, I think the only people who might be interested in the Essendon job, which might be seen as tainted, would be coaches who have previously failed like Neeld and Primus who are desperate to restart their careers. What do you guys think?
LUKE DARCY: I think they should go after Paul Roos, who is such a well-respected figure in the AFL world that he’d restore credibility to Essendon almost immediately. Paul Little has enough money to make it happen and he needs to make Roos an offer he can’t refuse.
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Interesting stuff there, Darce. Here’s some footage of Roos talking about Essendon earlier in the week, make of it what you will but I think he might be open to your suggestion for the right price.
PAUL ROOS: I really like what Essendon have done this year, particularly with their midfield group. They’re really hard working and they definitely know how to run both ways. I think it’s pretty clear that at the start of this year the Essendon team sat down and had a look at Sydney and thought to themselves “that’s what a successful team looks like, that’s what we want to become”. It looks like Essendon are trying to emulate the sort of on-field culture that Sydney have got and the game styles of guys like Pykey, Goodsey, Mummy, Joey, and Teddy, who have so many strings to their bow.
BRIAN TAYLOR: Don’t you guys reckon it’d be funny if Matthew Knights ended up being Hird’s replacement? He’d certainly want the job, mainly to prove a point if nothing else!
LEIGH MATTHEWS: I can’t imagine Essendon supporters would react to that particularly well.
MARK MCVEIGH: Matthew Knights was so bad! Hirdy was a much better coach than Knights! Hirdy should be the coach of Essendon no matter what! He will never step down and he will sue everyone until his name is cleared and he can get on with coaching Essendon in peace!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: What about Jobe Watson, guys? So far it’s unclear whether or not he will receive an infraction notice, but there’s a real possibility that he took a banned supplement in his Brownlow year. Should he be stripped of his medal, and if so, should he be stripped now or should the AFL wait until an infraction notice is issued? Your thoughts, Darce?
LUKE DARCY: Jobe Watson is an A-grader and an absolute champion of the game, I’d hate to see suffer the shame of being stripped of a Brownlow. Even if he did take a banned drug, I don’t think he should be stripped of it because the drugs in question were found to have virtually no performance enhancing benefits, so I think he would have won the Brownlow regardless of whether or not he participated in Essendon’s supplements program. Jobe’s an absolute ripping bloke and he doesn’t deserve to have that happen to him if he didn’t know he was taking anything illegal.
LEIGH MATTHEWS: Now hold up there Luke, whether someone is a good bloke or not shouldn’t affect the punishments they receive when they break the rules. If an absolute ******** like Matthew Lloyd was in Jobe’s situation, I’d want him to receive the same punishment as Jobe does. And when it comes to dishing out this punishment, it’s pretty simple, if Jobe receives an infraction notice, take away his Brownlow and give it to Cotchin and Mitchell.
MARK MCVEIGH: Shut up Leigh! What do you know about Brownlow medals anyway? You never won a single one in your life! That means Jimmy Bartel is a better player than you, because he won a Brownlow and you didn’t!
BRIAN TAYLOR: Guys, I’m sorry to interrupt, but there’s been a social media frenzy in the wake of Andy D’s big announcement! In particular, there’s been a flurry of viewers at home who haven’t been very happy with your contributions tonight Mike, and “#spikemyvein” is trending.
MARK MCVEIGH: WHAT THE ****? I NEVER TOOK ANY BANNED SUBSTANCES! I ONLY TOOK VITAMIN C! HOW DARE THE PUBLIC START ACCUSING ME OF INJECTING HEROEXALIN AND AOG 9614? THE PUBLIC HAVE CLEARLY BEEN BRAINWASHED BY FAIRFAX AND THEIR ANTI-HIRD AGENDA! ALL OF YOU FOAMERS ON TWITTER WILL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYERS!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: That’s just about all we have time for tonight. Amidst all of the furore surrounding Essendon, we almost forgot that there’s a football game still to be played. Bouncedown for St Kilda vs. Hawthorn is less than half an hour away, so keep it locked on Seven.
MARK MCVEIGH: OH, WHAT? HAWTHORN ARE PLAYING? HOW COME HAWTHORN HAVEN’T BEEN STRIPPED OF THEIR PREMIERSHIP POINTS? EVERYONE KNOWS THAT HAWTHORN ARE THE REAL DRUG CHEATS! THEY HAVE BIOLOGICALLY ADVANCED TISSUES FROM YEARS OF ILLEGAL PEPTIE USE! STEVEN DANK TOLD US SO! NEVER MIND WHAT I SAID EARLIER ABOUT DANK BEING A SHADY CHARACTER AND A ROGUE OPERATIVE! THAT WAS JUST A JOKE! DANK WAS TRYING TO SAVE US AND LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD BECAUSE ALL THE OTHER CLUBS WERE ON DRUGS TOO! THE ONLY REASON YOU NEVER HEARD ABOUT HAWTHORN AND COLLINGWOOD’S DRUG USE IN THE MEDIA WAS BECAUSE OF CAROLINE WILSON’S AGENDA AGAINST ESSENDON! AHHH!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Thanks for sharing your views, Spike. I can only imagine you must be going through a very tough time at the moment. Now BT, even though it’s a Friday Night, you’ll be part of the commentary team tonight, yes?
BRIAN TAYLOR: That’s absolutely correct, Dennis. I’ll be filling in for Tim Watson who can’t make it tonight due to personal commitments. That means I’ll be on the boundary line for the first time in my life tonight, instead of my usual position up in the box. I think I actually prefer the boundary line because it means I get to be closer to Big Boy McEvoy!
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Ah, and I almost forgot Cyril was playing tonight as well. I’m feeling just about ready to watch him but I’m still a little exhausted from that highlights video I saw earlier. That concludes tonight’s special coverage of the ASADA investigation into the Essendon Football Club. Before we go, I’d like to ask each of our panellists to give a short summary of what they learned from this saga. BT, let’s start with you.
BRIAN TAYLOR: I’ve learned that The Weapon was not the man he thought I was. Last year I told the viewers at home all about how he once found a needle in a haystack – little did I know that this needle contained banned peptides. The Weapon broke my heart.
LEIGH MATTHEWS: I’ve learned that players at footy clubs need to be more responsible for what goes into their bodies these days, even if that means standing up to and disobeying the orders of someone who has a cult-like status at that club.
RICHARD INGS: Richard Ings has determined that Richard Ings should still be the chief of ASADA, because Richard Ings is indubitably the world’s most pre-eminent specialist in the field of drugs in sport.
LUKE DARCY: I’ve learned that I am definitely the most ethical and probably the best AFL journalist going around at the moment.
TOM HARLEY: I’ve learned that players can never be too careful when it comes to supplements and should definitely only use WADA approved, legal substances like Swisse multivitamins.
BRUCE MCAVANEY: Spike?
MARK MCVEIGH: …
BRUCE MCAVANEY: I’m sorry, we seem to be having some technical difficulties at the moment. Stay tuned for some highlights from this week’s episodes of The X Factor, and we’ll be back shortly with all the action from Etihad Stadium as St Kilda tackle Hawthorn.
BRUCE MCAVANEY (calling out to producers off-stage as the camera pans away): I’ve learned that you guys are going to have to get this ****ing rope and body off the set right ****ing now!
You nailed the personalities I thought.
