Autopsy David Koch and the Vanillarization of Port Adelaide (by tribey)

[Schulzenfest]

Wheeling out that all-teal guernsey five minutes after wearing the prisonbar in a nationally-televised final to universal acclaim, was quite possibly the dumbest thing the club has done in the past decade, and it’s a long list.

It wouldn't even be the dumbest thing we've done this week.

 

[GremioPower]

Wheeling out that all-teal guernsey five minutes after wearing the prisonbar in a nationally-televised final to universal acclaim, was quite possibly the dumbest thing the club has done in the past decade, and it’s a long list.

We won’t have “nice things” until he’s gone.

 

[El_Scorcho]

It wouldn't even be the dumbest thing we've done this week.

That one was worth it for the payoff of Brad the Brain not liking it, so a net win overall.

 

[Peninsula Boy]

I think using the word 'bastards' in his speech instead of White Noise shows there is a lot more tension down at the club that has been let on.

Koch doesn't really know what he is doing and Hinkley doesn't really know what he is doing and there is only really hope in a little bit of lady luck. And the only way we are going to get that is if the AFL decides they want to give us a bit.

We all knew it but Koch talked about the year being a success with a bad prelim loss. It shows he is a loser of the highest order.

 

[Butters and Pepper]

I think the problem is he may need a hearing aid. Obviously the guy who abused him as per this article from last year, was telling him to stop his fixation with mediocrity and stop being a mouthpiece for big coaching fails.

https://www.news.com.au/entertainment/tv/morning-shows/david-koch-reveals-he-was-brutally-sledged-in-street-after-quitting-sunrise/news-story/551069985f00f3a4909a32502b4aae91

 

[Lefti93]

We're ****ed.

 

[PA88]

On a different theme, the last conversation I had with a Megastore worker back in the day regarding the dearth of bestselling merch (ie. the 2011 PAFC hoodie, the all-black fitted New Era caps) ended with her response, “Kochie really likes teal”.

At the time I didn’t really think much of it beyond “well yeah, he’s the antithesis of knowing what’s fashionable”, but it definitely smells like he’s had some sort of hand in the pivot from all those ‘more black & white’ merchandising home runs of 2010-12.

Wheeling out that all-teal guernsey five minutes after wearing the prisonbar in a nationally-televised final to universal acclaim, was quite possibly the dumbest thing the club has done in the past decade, and it’s a long list.

Koch does love teal. Notice the black and white official media polos and merch this year? Somebody of note made that happen, and sadly, it wasn't well received by the inner sanctum. Expect it to be back to black and teal.

 

[GremioPower]

I think using the word 'bastards' in his speech instead of White Noise shows there is a lot more tension down at the club that has been let on.

How dare we don’t accept this as success?! Bastards!

 

[Peninsula Boy]

I'm not just a bastard. I'm a Port Adelaide bastard!!!

 

[StrappingTape]

Holy ****, just listening to this speech (not sure why I am doing it to myself) but **** me this is peak delusional. Especially the part about ignoring the media who called us finals pretenders but the ladder doesn't lie, we literally lived up to that critique by losing by 84 points in the HOME qualifying final.

 

[GremioPower]

we literally lived up to that critique by losing by 84 points in the HOME qualifying final.

And by losing the PF by 36 points.

The last time we actually challenged for a flag was in 2020.

 

[Peninsula Boy]

Koch is a very good study for delusional psychology and the part in his speech where he was lamenting that he'd hoped the Swans played as terrible in the prelim as the Grand Final shows a type of retrospective desperation that puts more into hopes and possibilities and luck than actual real leadership.

 

[PA88]

Koch is football stupid. We gave the Swans no resistance. We were way unprepared to play a final. It was on us. Swans lucky they played us.

 

[TeeKray]

Koch is a very good study for delusional psychology and the part in his speech where he was lamenting that he'd hoped the Swans played as terrible in the prelim as the Grand Final shows a type of retrospective desperation that puts more into hopes and possibilities and luck than actual real leadership.

That was really awkward. Even Hinkley himself probably cringed at that comment.

 

[Peninsula Boy]

That was really awkward. Even Hinkley himself probably cringed at that comment.

Yeah, it was very unnecessary to say and showed that after 12 years of the same results, the coaching and admin staff are just hoping for breaks to go their way and it doesn't happen like that in finals.

 

[MrMeaner]

Yeah, it was very unnecessary to say and showed that after 12 years of the same results, the coaching and admin staff are just hoping for breaks to go their way and it doesn't happen like that in finals.

Just inveterate gamblers chasing their losses.

 

[simba_]

damn I just heard the bastards comment and a couple of minutes before it. what a dark and disturbing person david is. he is way past vaniliarisation now, hell-bent on destruction. it blatantly sounded like he was thanking everyone just for sticking around one more year, he's kept the gang together another year when they are obviously checked out and full of hatred and just operating on spite at this point. he needs to be tarred and feathered and kicked out yesterday!!!

 

[Peninsula Boy]

Just inveterate gamblers chasing their losses.

That's a very good way to see us at the moment.

The way Koch and Hinkley are going to win one together is to have Hinkley coach for 20 years and continually build the team and then our AFL puppet David Koch to go to the uppers at AFL House and cash in a couple of favours to help us out in finals for turning our once proud club into an AFL franchise.

The only issue with that is if Butters and Bergman leave during that time which is very possible.

 

[raptalia]

This thread has been mysteriously merged with another one, but many (including me) think it deserves to exist by itself. So, I've decided to do it justice and bring it back.

This is tribey's OP, posted in the Winter of 2015 - more than 9 years ago.

---​

David Koch and the Vanillarization of Port Adelaide
by tribey

Adelaide, July 19th 2015​

Cast your mind back a few short years to when we were in the doldrums. Onfield, off-field, the works. Shitshow writ large.

While we'd all agree the crux of the problems that led to our eventual nadir of 2011-2 were obvious - club cleft in two, AAMI Stadium, dud timeslots and a lack of national exposure eroding our sponsorship value leading to the financial implosion that saw us slash'n'burn our football-related spend - there were deeper gremlins afoot.

There was a populist opinion outside Alberton that it was simply on the nose. That it was too Port Adelaide. It was arrogant. It was insular. It was no longer coming to heel. Its very identity - the 126 years of SANFL dominance that saw it promoted to the AFL in the first place - was a millstone around its neck. You'll never attract the new supporters you need to be a viable concern going forward! The OneClub merger is a mistake! Referencing Fos Williams' famous Creed is counterproductive! How dare you get the Victorians involved in our Fruchoctopian carry-on! Pull your heads in, jettison the references to your past, turn that scowl into a smile and you'll be so much more likeable.

Former State Treasurer Kevin Foley's tilt at the Presidency was to be built around this doctrine. Power FC would be the manifesto, in much the same way former CEO John James told Ashley Porter that "Port Adelaide" was "geographically constricting" while likening our future branding direction to GE and KFC. And all this off the back of the disastrous reign of coach Matthew Primus - eager to distance himself from the real or imagined hubris associated with the likes of Choco, Chad Cornes and Warren Tredrea - making 'humble' his chief buzzword, while CEO Mark Haysman was sacrificed at the altar of his own recalcitrance to be replaced by former SANFL man, Keith Thomas.

It was a real sliding doors moment for the very raison d'être of the club.

And in stepped David Koch.

Even your most hopeful Port fan had their doubts about the combination of a FIFO President from Sydney TV and high finance, let alone the 1984 Jack Oatey Medallist whose appointment as CEO had John Olsen and Leigh Whicker grinning from ear to ear. But those fears were soon allayed as KT and Kochie doubled-down on affirming our identity with the slick 'We Are Port Adelaide' campaign as the boardroom warfare over stadium deals, AFL licences and reserves teams continued in earnest.

Away from the suit and tie a formidable football department was assembled as Ken Hinkley, Alan Richardson (then Phil Walsh) and Darren Burgess arrived at Alan Scott HQ to implement the seismic shift supporters had been crying out for for years. Bigger bodies. Harder bodies. An honest gameplan. We will never ever give up. An upset Elimination Final win against Collingwood at the MCG in the first year. A demolition of Richmond at the new Adelaide Oval the next. A stunning win over Freo in Perth and then an ace away from a fairytale Grand Final appearance not 26 months since the infamous loss to GWS.

But somewhere amongst this seemingly inevitable march towards the ultimate success something changed.

The night we beat Hawthorn at the Oval a woman - non-member - threw her drink on an opposition player. The men from Glenferrie were also booed off, perhaps by those with long memories of the 'unsociable Hawks' years of dominance over us by fair means and foul. Bizarrely, Keith Thomas chose to respond to the isolated act of a lone moron and wider crowd behaviour that is a staple of football culture by lecturing his members on how to behave at the ground.

Kochie was suddenly everywhere, taking maximum plaudits for the revival while becoming a permanent fixture on our screens after seemingly every September goal. This spilled into 2015 with his ill-advised swagger immediately prior to the first bounce of our opening home fixture with the Swans, marching onto the Oval with the bewildered Fariss brothers and telling supporters to raise their scarves for NTUA before being told to jog on by a flustered goal umpire who had three middle-aged spivs cluttering up his workplace.

More isolated incidents at the Oval followed. Clarko accosted by a random chodeboat outside his hotel. A Western Bulldogs supporter claiming her autistic son was abused/bullied/fleeced in a game of high-stakes baccarat depending on which social media app she was using at the time. And how did Thomas and Koch respond to these unfortunate but isolated incidents? By playing a video on the big screens lecturing members on good behaviour. Again.

And now we have word filtering through from those who attended the Presidents Luncheon that Koch boasted he barracks for the Crows when they're not playing Port. That he hopes for a friendlier rivalry. Hackneyed appeals to the vague concept of South Australian unity. Off the back of his hopes for Port to be everyone's second team. Such platitudes even spread to the players, with Travis Boak's party line of putting the Showdown rivalry on hold culminating in yesterday's predictably soft and underwhelming team performance in contrast to the Crows fierceness from the off.

What. The. F**k.

What happened to We Are Port Adelaide?

At the beginning of the Koch reign he had the air of a prodigal son with something to prove. He'd not only resuscitate the ailing club of his childhood, but show his critics he could run a football club with just as much acumen as his other endeavours.

Now?

He seems every bit the liniment-sniffer drunk on his own bathwater that his doubters feared he would be, having converted us from the rehabilitated, feared and ruthless Port Adelaide that exists to win premierships to the worst version of Crows-Lite existing to be inoffensive, endlessly apologetic and liked.

David Koch has delivered a club whose success is now measured in crowd numbers, receipts and outsiders' smiles. The very club we feared John James and Kevin Foley would railroad us into.

100% vanilla. 0% ticker. Port Adelaide in name only.

---​

Please, mods, let this thread be.

Good post Germio. 'We Are Port Adelaide' except when we are not. For at least two weeks in every year we re badge ourselves to appease the the AFL where Tanya Hosch has a lot to say, a lot of it factually incorrect.

I wish the PAFC would leave the social side issues alone and stick to it's core business- namely the winning of football matches particularly the ones that count. Getting e mails from the CEO telling me how to vote in referendums leaves me cold as I credit Port supporters with enough intelligence to weigh up the relative arguments and make a decision without being told how to vote by the Board of an AFL Football Club.

There is old saying that sport and politics do not mix and we should stick to that.

 

[GremioPower]

There is old saying that sport and politics do not mix and we should stick to that.

I fully agree. Why would you alienate part of your supporters?

South Australia has switched the majority party in government, but it did not change that the Premier barracks for Port.

 

[1954]

Good post Germio. 'We Are Port Adelaide' except when we are not. For at least two weeks in every year we re badge ourselves to appease the the AFL where Tanya Hosch has a lot to say, a lot of it factually incorrect.

I wish the PAFC would leave the social side issues alone and stick to it's core business- namely the winning of football matches particularly the ones that count. Getting e mails from the CEO telling me how to vote in referendums leaves me cold as I credit Port supporters with enough intelligence to weigh up the relative arguments and make a decision without being told how to vote by the Board of an AFL Football Club.

There is old saying that sport and politics do not mix and we should stick to that.

Geez pieman, you did a number on a bloke of Scottish background a few years back who used to come onto the site and post about taking his daughter to every local Power game who you told to Eff Off back to Elizabeth when he admitted he didn't support Port himself and he hasn't been seen since, and now you are referring to Gremio Power as Germio.

I would have thought a leader of the banditos for `the People's Republic of Onkaparinga' would have become a little more subtle with his assassination attempts by now.

 

[EskimoPAFC]

And by losing the PF by 36 points.

The last time we actually challenged for a flag was in 2020.

And that was due to shortened quarters and covid movement restrictions rather than anything we did.

 

[raptalia]

Geez pieman, you did a number on a bloke of Scottish background a few years back who used to come onto the site and post about taking his daughter to every local Power game who you told to Eff Off back to Elizabeth when he admitted he didn't support Port himself and he hasn't been seen since, and now you are referring to Gremio Power as Germio.

I would have thought a leader of the banditos for `the People's Republic of Onkaparinga' would have become a little more subtle with his assassination attempts by now.

I most sincerely apologize to Gremio and I thank 1945 for bringing the typo to my attention.

Yeah, what ever happened to that Centrals supporter? He probably migrated to the Crows thanks to yours truly. That was back in the days when I was decidedly left wing. These days I am not so left and more middle of the road. I reckon as you get older you get more conservative, must be something to do with looking back on the 'good old days'. Like those golden days when Port actually won Premierships.

The old adage about not mixing sport and politics still goes though. I filed Richardson's 'Vote Yes' email with his, Let's Ditch Australia Day email- in the bin!

 

[1954]

I most sincerely apologize to Gremio and I thank 1945 for bringing the typo to my attention.

Yeah, what ever happened to that Centrals supporter? He probably migrated to the Crows thanks to yours truly. That was back in the days when I was decidedly left wing. These days I am not so left and more middle of the road. I reckon as you get older you get more conservative, must be something to do with looking back on the 'good old days'. Like those golden days when Port actually won Premierships.

The old adage about not mixing sport and politics still goes though. I filed Richardson's 'Vote Yes' email with his, Let's Ditch Australia Day email- in the bin!

He was a big unit that central's bloke, and apparently he told someone we both know he wanted to squeeze you harder than his bag pipes!

 

[GremioPower]

I most sincerely apologize to Gremio and I thank 1945 for bringing the typo to my attention.

It’s 1954.

Now, seriously, he called my attention too. I’d totally missed it. Besides, it’s not something that bothers me at all. It happens.