Dear Collingwood, please find enclosed my application for the role "Head of Football" ...

[76woodenspooners]

Seems like the club have had a lot of interest in the role ... But the club is taking their time to make sure they get the right applicant, they're waiting for You!

For laughs, post your applications here ...

Some questions you might like to address in your application:

What do you understand the role to be?

What unique skills would you bring to the role?

What would you strive to achieve in your first 100 days?

What weakness in the football department have you identified? How would you address them?

What perks would you insist upon having?

Would you move selection comittee to BigFooty?

 

[Kappa]

I demand Bring_Back_Brad is on the comittee

 

[Markfs]

Dear Ed,

As head of footy, I would sack Bucks and the rest of the coaching group. I would get in people who win games. If they dont win, I would sack them. I would get rid of softcocks in the team. I would draft players who are happy to play for nothing.

Yours sincerely

 

[Anzacday]

And I would ban facetious comments on Big Footy

 

[Duggy31]

Dear Eddie

As football manager there's no room for anyone who can't act as a team on my team. That's why all of the players are fired for not acting enough like a team, The security team will have to escort the players out, making sure that THEY work as a team, or they're fired too. I then may have to recruit a new security team to escort the current security team from the building for not acting like a team.

Look forward to your response.

Denim

 

[millsy29gopies]

Dear Eddie,

I won us the premiership 6 times in a row on AFL 2005 before I got bored and my move of Blake Caracella up to FF payed dividends as he kicked 64 goals in one outing against Carlton. I also traded Brent Hall, Billy Morrison and Pick 112 for Chris Judd, Matthew Lloyd and the number 1 draft pick so I'm very competent during trade week.

I hope you consider me for this position. Regards, Millsy.

 

[Ketchup]

Only took two posts in this thread before they were sacking bucks, not bad.

 

[Taylor]

What do you understand the role to be?
- List direction, coaching organisation, tactical analysis, player management, member communication

What unique skills would you bring to the role?
- A fresh perspective more than anything else.

What would you strive to achieve in your first 100 days?
- I'd want to set up a media system where the fans can get their voices not just heard but responded to on a day to day basis.

What weakness in the football department have you identified? How would you address them?
- Player to staff relationships are left to media speculation, I think putting everything out there (within reason) is good for members and good for football. Integration of the media shouldn't be left to the president and coaching interviews for a thirty second grab. There is room for AFL clubs to become highly accessable and interactive beasts in the eyes of their fans.

What perks would you insist upon having?
- A ticket to every game, every round and a transport option to get there. If I need to be at a Perth game Friday night and Brisbane game Saturday afternoon then I need to be there.

Would you move selection comittee to BigFooty?
- No way but I'd make myself available to discuss the selection Thursday night/Friday (unless the game is Friday night).

 

[Swooop]

Chris Fagan is Hawthorn's DOC.

Chris has a brother Grant.

I used to know them both very well from my Hobart days.

Grant used to do all the admin /coaching side of things way better than Chris.

Grant coached three consecutive premierships at Clarence, then retired iirc

The players he coached would run through brick walls for him.

Don't know what Grant is doing now, but the guy has footy smarts +++, understood the industry, and is a gifted ''people whisperer''.

He is a smart guy, great character like Chris, and quietly spoken, down to earth bloke.

He'd be awesome in a role like that, without question, and you'd probably get him to do it for 200K.

So, if he's still around/available - Pies check him out!!

 

[Mkcaptain]

Dear Eddie

I'll do it for nothing so that you don't have to pay tax. And I'm a very good yes man.

Regards

 

[Pie_fan92]

Dear Eddie,

I won us the premiership 6 times in a row on AFL 2005 before I got bored and my move of Blake Caracella up to FF payed dividends as he kicked 64 goals in one outing against Carlton. I also traded Brent Hall, Billy Morrison and Pick 112 for Chris Judd, Matthew Lloyd and the number 1 draft pick so I'm very competent during trade week.

I hope you consider me for this position. Regards, Millsy.

Damn man, you got reamed in that deal

 

[Reykjavik]

What do you understand the role to be?

Omnipotent demigod with the sexual magnetism of fabio and the naked power of Rupert Murdoch but loved by all. Sort of Kim Jong-un but better looking.

What unique skills would you bring to the role?

Well, I've been a manager. And I once played football. And I've played Football Manger So I think I'm a shoe in.

What would you strive to achieve in your first 100 days?

Teach Travis how to kick straight.

My second miracle will involve loaves and fishes.

then important stuff like giving myself a really big car space for my second hummer.

What weakness in the football department have you identified? How would you address them?

Well, clearly there are a few obvious deficiencies that we all can see.

Skills: We suck dingo balls.
Transition from the backline: Tectonic movement has been known to proceed faster
Kick ins: We have singlehandedly perfected the seven point play.
Kicking for goal: Baddies firing machine guns at James Bond have a better record of hitting the target.
Injury management: Our first fatal hangnail cannot be far away.
Player Payments: With our premiership capable list one can understand why we are offering long term contracts to Travis Varcoe and nudging the salary cap by securing the services of Jarryd Blair against stiff competition. Oh wait....

I believe the best way to address these issues is to hire a pony. I will call it Sparkles.I will give the pony a groovy horn, so it will be a unicorn. unicorns rock.


What perks would you insist upon having?

Large bust of myself in the Reykjavik Centre (which will have been tastefully renamed as my first act)

Personal coke roadie for away games

fluffer for all football department meetings.

Right to oil Josh Thomas before matches...*sigh* he's dreamy...


Would you move selection comittee to BigFooty?

I believe BF is too educated for that. I'm thinking a poll on news.com for the real nuanced understanding.

Each week we have a vote to see which player gets sold to slavers.

 

[mike123]

I'll bring in speed and x factor the teams needs.

 

[KJpie]

What unique skills would you bring to the role?
- A fresh perspective more than anything else.

Is that even a skill??

Caught this today does it qualify?

 

[MyManLynch]

Dear Eddie

I'll do it for nothing so that you don't have to pay tax. And I'm a very good yes man.

Regards

But can you make a good cappucinno?