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[laverton_nuffy]

Thanks for the update. I'm a lawyer and used to work in that area for a bit. Also I've been divorced. Bloody nightmare times.
Sounds like you are on the up though.

Yeah past the worst of it thankfully


Absolutely horrible shit divorce when it gets ugly I’ve heard some horror stories from blokes who’ve had similar stories

It would have been cheaper to stay married and be unhappy than be divorced lol

 

[WillHayward]

Yeah past the worst of it thankfully


Absolutely horrible s**t divorce when it gets ugly I’ve heard some horror stories from blokes who’ve had similar stories

It would have been cheaper to stay married and be unhappy than be divorced lol

Not good on the financials.

On the upside I can watch a lot of footy.

I try and keep myself distracted

 

[laverton_nuffy]

Thanks for the update. I'm a lawyer and used to work in that area for a bit. Also I've been divorced. Bloody nightmare times.
Sounds like you are on the up though.

A guy I met working on the same building site went through a divorce

Same thing happened to him gets an Ivo taken out against him

He fought it and it got knocked back he goes you’ve gotta fight back they’re relying on you just rolling over

I didn’t turn up for mine thinking it shows I’m not a threat just wanted to be left alone

But I learnt if you don’t turn up it’s automatic

 

[laverton_nuffy]

I’ve got this mate i used to work with

His dad died recently and it hit him super hard because he dad was abusive when he was a kid I’m not sure if he regrets not making up before he died or that he’s still angry about what happened… im Not sure I’ve never actually asked him

Anyway he’s been really ****ed up since and I’ve always kept in contact with him just send him msgs see how he’s doing and took him out for dinner a few times just to take his mind off things… he’s barely working not able to and he’s nocturnal

Lately he’s stopped replying to my msgs so the other. Night I went over to his house to check on him make sure he hasn’t done anything drastic

He was alive but in the mean time his mrs had also left him which he didn’t want to talk about so I didn’t push it. I couldn’t think but help she had enough of trying to help him and he can’t get out of the hole he’s in

One thing I’ve learnt through all my shit recently is isolating yourself is just about the worst thing you can do

He wa really apologetic for not answering my msgs n stuff and I said nah man nothing to apologise for at all I do get it…. But if I’ve learnt anything from My last two years of shit it’s that talking is helpful

He said he’s had other people msging him to see if he’s ok but I’ve been the only person that’s actually gone out of their way to make sure he’s still alive

 

[WillHayward]

A guy I met working on the same building site went through a divorce

Same thing happened to him gets an Ivo taken out against him

He fought it and it got knocked back he goes you’ve gotta fight back they’re relying on you just rolling over

I didn’t turn up for mine thinking it shows I’m not a threat just wanted to be left alone

But I learnt if you don’t turn up it’s automatic

Yeah absolutely. They definitely rely on you not showing up and they can make up anything and put that on the form.

What generally happens is a family lawyer will tell the female to take out an ivo because if they get it, it will help them in any future dispute over money or kids.
This is because they can point to it and say the avo is "evidence" of DV.

Even when the IVO is just a form filled out full of lies and uncontested.

So always best to go along and have it heard properly.

 

[FreoRicci]

Dont know what to say
But couldnt walk past without saying - Look after yourself mate

Been avoiding these parts on purpose..
Thank you so much for the response. Really helpful.

Honestly, I’ve been up and down. I internalise things so much that I really question myself. Play with my kids and I think to me During the process should I be happy. It intrusive thoughts I know. I groan at myself and shrug it off.

Lately have been a drag. The heavy chest, the tiredness. The weight of being responsible. It’s a lot. I have been thinking pretty dark but good at hiding it from family.
I’ve been cut off, well I think, from my family as I respect and love my wife and kids, that’s my priority. It’s hard to balance both. I see myself as a very nice guy, and that’s not a good thing I find.

Anyway, thank you so much on checking it. One day at a time I guess.

 

[THE_GUN]

Been avoiding these parts on purpose..
Thank you so much for the response. Really helpful.

Honestly, I’ve been up and down. I internalise things so much that I really question myself. Play with my kids and I think to me During the process should I be happy. It intrusive thoughts I know. I groan at myself and shrug it off.

Lately have been a drag. The heavy chest, the tiredness. The weight of being responsible. It’s a lot. I have been thinking pretty dark but good at hiding it from family.
I’ve been cut off, well I think, from my family as I respect and love my wife and kids, that’s my priority. It’s hard to balance both. I see myself as a very nice guy, and that’s not a good thing I find.

Anyway, thank you so much on checking it. One day at a time I guess.

Take care mate and just 1 more thing i like to say dont fall into the trap of internalising and seek a friend and family and let things out and talk about things. It really doe help getting things out and talking

Again take care please

 

[Xtreme]

It's weird how one negative thought can cause a spiral (one leading to many others and a never ending process of trying to block those thoughts out).

I have good days
Then I can have one small thing trip me up and it leads to a lot of negativity.

Even though I'm seen as a laughing stock here (self inflicted by carrying my Bay 13 persona on to other parts of BF) I'm still a person at the end of the day as is everyone else here.

My thoughts are jumbled (lack of sleep), ultimately I wish nothing but the best for everyone here and I hope you all navigate the down periods you are having, and come out the other side stronger.

 

[PhatBoy]

by and large my mental health has been much better for the past 6 months.

Shit with my ex wife periodically blows up but I feel like I handle it much better and even now after she has basically dropped a bombshell recently and said she is moving to Sydney and leaving the kids with me more or less full time but wants to refuse to pay child support (she earns three times what I do) and instead wants to pay a token amount and even then wants to tell me how to spend it, I’ve been fairly evenly balanced about it and handled it well.

My current partner is very emotionally up and down and I think I’ve handled it well even though we hardly see each other and the relationship is usually on her terms and because of a number of factors - namely her ex’s refusal to take any responsibility for one of their children - I just go with the flow and cop whatever heat comes my way.

I keep working my job, studying my uni course, working my second job singing on weekends and have added a third part time job just making a little bit of extra cash doing trivia at a local pub on a Thursday. It’s not much but every bit helps.

Anyway my son recently turned 16 and I was so proud of him getting his L’s - he’s a bit different and not very ‘blokey’ but he has a girlfriend and he’s growing up so I wanted to take responsibility for him and teach him to drive in my Ute.

Last Friday I took him for his third lesson. He was doing really well but we got to an intersection right on the edge of town and he overshot it a bit as he was turning and got into the wrong side of the road, and with traffic coming towards us I tried to steer us back to the correct side of the road. He thought his foot was on the brake but it was on the throttle and he floored it and ended up ploughing the car straight into someone’s house.

I thought we were going to die or maybe kill some one inside. In reality we maybe were only going about 30-35km/h when we hit.

But the thing was that after not driving for 18 months due to epilepsy before recently getting the car back on the road, it cost me so much to do it ($3000) that I hadn’t even insured it.

I’m looking at god knows how much to pay the damage. Could be $20k, could be $50k. Who knows. On top of that my partner and I had a fight on Monday about, of all things, me calling a player from her footy team overrated 12 months ago - I don’t even remember doing it let alone understanding why it would even matter especially considering I think he’s a gun now.

I’ve spent the week going to bed at 8pm doing nothing but worrying wtf I’m going to do for the next 5-10 years as I haven’t got a saved cent to my name. I rarely have an issue getting by but I live week to week.

I feel like my life is just one hurdle after another and I am never ever going to get clear of all the shit

 

[FreoRicci]

Today I’m think I’m done. I have been put through the wringer and I’m exhausted, mentally and physically.

Perhaps I haven’t processed my feelings with my depression/anxiety but I think I don’t deserve to be around people.
I adore and love my wife and kids- but for them that’s not enough. My parents have apologised for so much, but that’s never enough for my wife.

I only get satisfaction from Fremantle winning. If not, I go so negative whilst putting on a straight face.

This really helps me, writing here.

Thank you for all your support.

 

[Philhawk]

Today I’m think I’m done. I have been put through the wringer and I’m exhausted, mentally and physically.

Perhaps I haven’t processed my feelings with my depression/anxiety but I think I don’t deserve to be around people.
I adore and love my wife and kids- but for them that’s not enough. My parents have apologised for so much, but that’s never enough for my wife.

I only get satisfaction from Fremantle winning. If not, I go so negative whilst putting on a straight face.

This really helps me, writing here.

Thank you for all your support.

Please take care of yourself, mate. It’s always darkest before the dawn. If it ever feels like it’s getting too much, one piece of advice that’s always helped me is finding your own personal “circuit breaker”.

Whenever it feels like it’s getting too much, for me, that’s going for a small walk and if possible, taking a dip in some water (the beach, a pool, a bath or ever just a shower).

Don’t apologize for who you are. We all have shit that’s happened to us that have made us who we are. Forget whatever has happened in the past and just look at each day as a new opportunity to do something good. Whether that’s a small, positive interaction with your kids, wife, parents or a mate. Take the small wins life presents us with.

Take care of yourself.

 

[Dewyyyyy]

I’ve got this mate i used to work with

His dad died recently and it hit him super hard because he dad was abusive when he was a kid I’m not sure if he regrets not making up before he died or that he’s still angry about what happened… im Not sure I’ve never actually asked him

Anyway he’s been really ****ed up since and I’ve always kept in contact with him just send him msgs see how he’s doing and took him out for dinner a few times just to take his mind off things… he’s barely working not able to and he’s nocturnal

Lately he’s stopped replying to my msgs so the other. Night I went over to his house to check on him make sure he hasn’t done anything drastic

He was alive but in the mean time his mrs had also left him which he didn’t want to talk about so I didn’t push it. I couldn’t think but help she had enough of trying to help him and he can’t get out of the hole he’s in

One thing I’ve learnt through all my s**t recently is isolating yourself is just about the worst thing you can do

He wa really apologetic for not answering my msgs n stuff and I said nah man nothing to apologise for at all I do get it…. But if I’ve learnt anything from My last two years of s**t it’s that talking is helpful

He said he’s had other people msging him to see if he’s ok but I’ve been the only person that’s actually gone out of their way to make sure he’s still alive

This is really hitting at home for me, I have a similar situation. My dad was horrible growing up, and I didn’t have a stable household until I moved when I was 16-17 with my mother. I hope he’s okay, just do your best to lend a listen if he wants to talk about it, or whether it’s going on with life and trying to be the best friend you can. I am sure you are which I can see and makes me super happy. But god all of what you said he’s done and doing has been what I have for a fair while. Albeit it gets worse and better here and there. And I’m also on the younger end on the scale so it can be different. Wish him the best.

 

[Dewyyyyy]

Been avoiding these parts on purpose..
Thank you so much for the response. Really helpful.

Honestly, I’ve been up and down. I internalise things so much that I really question myself. Play with my kids and I think to me During the process should I be happy. It intrusive thoughts I know. I groan at myself and shrug it off.

Lately have been a drag. The heavy chest, the tiredness. The weight of being responsible. It’s a lot. I have been thinking pretty dark but good at hiding it from family.
I’ve been cut off, well I think, from my family as I respect and love my wife and kids, that’s my priority. It’s hard to balance both. I see myself as a very nice guy, and that’s not a good thing I find.

Anyway, thank you so much on checking it. One day at a time I guess.

Proud of you and everyone else who continues to fight daily. It’s incredible mate.

 

[laverton_nuffy]

stopped taking the Xanax that I was using to cope with the bombardmanet I was feeling from the cops constantly being arrested interviewed and facing court

I have one more court date left to go then it’s finally all over

The stress this shit was giving me was next level I had a few arguments with clients were I refused to let them pay me and I just walked away and a friend said to me this has happened a few times you need to sort out your mental health

Now that’s it’s all calmed down heaps I feel a lot better and just can’t wait for it all to be behind me.

But it’s caused me to lose a lot of faith in the police when I had evidence that cleared me but they couldn’t have been less interested.

 

[laverton_nuffy]

This is really hitting at home for me, I have a similar situation. My dad was horrible growing up, and I didn’t have a stable household until I moved when I was 16-17 with my mother.

I was kicked out of home at 16 by my mum

Came home from school and all my stuff was gone… she’d dumped it on my nans front lawn that day just out of the blue

My nan took me in… and I stayed with her for a few years

****ing killed me when she died a few years ago

 

[Dewyyyyy]

I was kicked out of home at 16 by my mum

Came home from school and all my stuff was gone… she’d dumped it on my nans front lawn that day just out of the blue

My nan took me in… and I stayed with her for a few years

****ing killed me when she died a few years ago

I had many bad experiences where I will never share and not even my mother knows. But I can understand life is so hard and having parents make that harder is definitely not the way to grow up.

I’m sorry for your loss with your nan and I’m sure you’re making her super proud!

 

[JoondalupJ]

Dealing with depression and anxiety is a strength not a weakness. It surrounds all of us in some shape and form. It's fun to take the p#ss about footy teams. But not on these things. Be a person that helps someone not hin

I think I've been depressed for at least two decades. Never been to a doc about it. I'm one of those that doesn't know how to go about helping myself even though it's right in front of me

 

[JoondalupJ]

I was kicked out of home at 16 by my mum

Came home from school and all my stuff was gone… she’d dumped it on my nans front lawn that day just out of the blue

My nan took me in… and I stayed with her for a few years

****ing killed me when she died a few years ago

Talk about it to someone
Start somewhere. You can't allow misery to rule your existence.
It gets better, it does , you just have to roll with it
I know the big sad for no reason!
You have a reason time to tell someone
Your tough your still here it gets better
Your mental condition is not your fault

 

[Truetiger]

I will just like to share my story, I have suffered mental health before. I am better but my partner has suffered it the last 3-5years. Correctly sitting at hospital and after supporting her while she speaks to the nurse about her issues in life before staying here Remember one thing it is ok to cry and support your partner and friends when in need. Asking for help as my partner has takes credit and is the first step towards a better life.

 

[MKMatty]

I have long-term anxiety and depression. I've recently had my hours cut in half at work, so decided to go and study a free Tafe course to open up my career opportunities (I work Retail, but want to work in IT). Thought I was tracking alright but its been one thing after another since. Issues with our landlord, our rent has just gone up, knocked back for Ausstudy so having to tough it all out with whatever my partner and I earn. Once our bills are paid it's just depressing seeing cents in the dollar in your bank account. It's kinda hard not to compare myself to everyone around me. I feel like I'm failing, like all my goals are unachievable, and that I should give up on pursuing a passion to find a full time job and be miserable for the rest of my working life.

My girlfriend doesn't deserve to go to bed crying because we can't afford our bills, I feel less than because I can't support her right now.

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

I have long-term anxiety and depression. I've recently had my hours cut in half at work, so decided to go and study a free Tafe course to open up my career opportunities (I work Retail, but want to work in IT). Thought I was tracking alright but its been one thing after another since. Issues with our landlord, our rent has just gone up, knocked back for Ausstudy so having to tough it all out with whatever my partner and I earn. Once our bills are paid it's just depressing seeing cents in the dollar in your bank account. It's kinda hard not to compare myself to everyone around me. I feel like I'm failing, like all my goals are unachievable, and that I should give up on pursuing a passion to find a full time job and be miserable for the rest of my working life.

My girlfriend doesn't deserve to go to bed crying because we can't afford our bills, I feel less than because I can't support her right now.

Don’t blame yourself, you are both doing the best you can. I hope you don’t mind me suggesting it but Salvos and Vinnies do financial counselling. It might be worth reaching out. Also there are food banks, see what you can find out. Don’t suffer in silence, reach out and ask questions.

This will eventually pass. Just take things day by day.

Good luck

 

[Ando727]

I have long-term anxiety and depression. I've recently had my hours cut in half at work, so decided to go and study a free Tafe course to open up my career opportunities (I work Retail, but want to work in IT). Thought I was tracking alright but its been one thing after another since. Issues with our landlord, our rent has just gone up, knocked back for Ausstudy so having to tough it all out with whatever my partner and I earn. Once our bills are paid it's just depressing seeing cents in the dollar in your bank account. It's kinda hard not to compare myself to everyone around me. I feel like I'm failing, like all my goals are unachievable, and that I should give up on pursuing a passion to find a full time job and be miserable for the rest of my working life.

My girlfriend doesn't deserve to go to bed crying because we can't afford our bills, I feel less than because I can't support her right now.

Don't forget you are supporting her in many ways - even if you wish you could do more. Stick to your guns and keep working towards your future - you'll get there eventually and you'll both look back and feel great satisfaction and achievement at what you overcame.

 

[Maddo11]

Last week my youngest had surgery and will have follow ups every few weeks until they're out of their cast some time in January. I'd discussed with my manager that I probably wouldn't be able to work 5 days a week during this period as we can't afford the extra daycare that would be required for our eldest in order for their mother to care for youngest full time.

After having a week off for the surgery, I head in to work Monday morning, manager pulls in me in to a meeting straight away. No "how are you, how's it going, how's your daughter?", just "you can hang around on the tools if you want but we can't continue with your current contract"

Completely blind sided, no performance review, only one complaint in the last 6 months, productivity up in July and August. Because I was so shaken I just meekly left for the day.

Driving home I had to pull over because my heart rate was setting off the monitors on my watch, and my hands were shaking. Made a GP appt and he set me up with a MHCP and a diagnosis of severe depression and mild anxiety. Stress leave while I assess my options.

I have probably been depressed for some time and had just been stiff upper lipping it or ignoring it for way too long.

I'm not looking for a specific recommendation but what should I look for when I'm trying to find a psychologist? I have absolutely no idea where to start or what to look for.

Happy for mod to move this if there's a better thread for it in GD somewhere

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

Last week my youngest had surgery and will have follow ups every few weeks until they're out of their cast some time in January. I'd discussed with my manager that I probably wouldn't be able to work 5 days a week during this period as we can't afford the extra daycare that would be required for our eldest in order for their mother to care for youngest full time.

After having a week off for the surgery, I head in to work Monday morning, manager pulls in me in to a meeting straight away. No "how are you, how's it going, how's your daughter?", just "you can hang around on the tools if you want but we can't continue with your current contract"

Completely blind sided, no performance review, only one complaint in the last 6 months, productivity up in July and August. Because I was so shaken I just meekly left for the day.

Driving home I had to pull over because my heart rate was setting off the monitors on my watch, and my hands were shaking. Made a GP appt and he set me up with a MHCP and a diagnosis of severe depression and mild anxiety. Stress leave while I assess my options.

I have probably been depressed for some time and had just been stiff upper lipping it or ignoring it for way too long.

I'm not looking for a specific recommendation but what should I look for when I'm trying to find a psychologist? I have absolutely no idea where to start or what to look for.

Happy for mod to move this if there's a better thread for it in GD somewhere

Sorry to hear about your work troubles. Hope your daughter is doing ok.

Can your GP help with a recommendation? Finding the right psychologist is a personal thing, you might have to try a couple.

I often look at the Facebook Community page for my suburb, questions like that often come up. Might be worth a try. You could post a question yourself.

 

[Proper Gander]

I haven’t said before, I believe, just how impressed I am by the courage of people in this thread to tell others about their situations and their very private emotions. It’s so hard to do.

Also a big thank you to so many people in this thread who reach out to offer support to others.

This thread can be a challenging read, but on so many days it makes me feel better to see the kindness and humanity, and to remember that it exists.