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[Mojo]

I haven’t said before, I believe, just how impressed I am by the courage of people in this thread to tell others about their situations and their very private emotions. It’s so hard to do.

Also a big thank you to so many people in this thread who reach out to offer support to others.

This thread can be a challenging read, but on so many days it makes me feel better to see the kindness and humanity, and to remember that it exists.

I've always tend to stick my head in the sand if I'm struggling mentally, however, I posted for the first time a few weeks ago when life got too hard.

I think desperation causes you to act in abnormal ways.

 

[RU_]

Just a friendly bump to always try and reach out if you need a chat.

Someone I know in Brisbane decided to call it a day earlier in the week, ending up on life support after his fiancé and sister found him and tried to revive him.

Having never been in the situation I can’t fathom how quickly the mindset can change on a personal level. A few days earlier he had bought a reptile that lives for 20+ years, was planning his holiday activities with his partner and 2 young kids, and then out of the blue decided to call it a day without warning.

Extremely heartbreaking to see his partners posts about how one of his son’s is trying to cope with the situation.

Inbox is always open if anyone needs an ear.

 

[The_Wookie]

This can be a hard time of the year for some people. Reach out if you need to, Ill be keeping an eye out.

 

[PhatBoy]

I’ve had a much better time of it over the past maybe 9-10 months but it was my birthday on Saturday, got a couple of token gifts from my 15/16 year old sons (which meant a lot don’t get me wrong), but no effort from my ex to give them money to buy something for me - something I pride myself on doing for them.
I sent them to Sydney this morning to be with her for Christmas and a lot of the holidays, again armed with presents for her and even one for her partner, because that’s what you do. Doesn’t appear like she’d organised anything in the reverse.

As time goes on since she moved away for work, and she has them one day a week (Saturdays they catch a 3.5 hour train to Sydney and catch it back the next day) life has just turned into me being both mum and dad. The workload of doing absolutely everything for them is starting to catch up with me and it feels like I literally have no time to do anything, and even things like answering the phone feel time consuming: my mum ringing to check on me, my best mate wanting to have coffee before work a few times a week. It all feels like a chore and I just want people to leave me alone.

The only person I want to hear from and be around aside from the kids is my partner who lives 100km away and I get to see once every blue moon.

I don’t feel like self harming or anything but would just love to switch the phone off for a week and f**k off where no one can contact me for a week at some point and not be a part of society

 

[The_Wookie]

I’ve had a much better time of it over the past maybe 9-10 months but it was my birthday on Saturday, got a couple of token gifts from my 15/16 year old sons (which meant a lot don’t get me wrong), but no effort from my ex to give them money to buy something for me - something I pride myself on doing for them.
I sent them to Sydney this morning to be with her for Christmas and a lot of the holidays, again armed with presents for her and even one for her partner, because that’s what you do. Doesn’t appear like she’d organised anything in the reverse.

As time goes on since she moved away for work, and she has them one day a week (Saturdays they catch a 3.5 hour train to Sydney and catch it back the next day) life has just turned into me being both mum and dad. The workload of doing absolutely everything for them is starting to catch up with me and it feels like I literally have no time to do anything, and even things like answering the phone feel time consuming: my mum ringing to check on me, my best mate wanting to have coffee before work a few times a week. It all feels like a chore and I just want people to leave me alone.

The only person I want to hear from and be around aside from the kids is my partner who lives 100km away and I get to see once every blue moon.

I don’t feel like self harming or anything but would just love to switch the phone off for a week and f**k off where no one can contact me for a week at some point and not be a part of society

know the feeling mate. I kind of solved this for myself by taking off for a 2 hour walk in the morning or the evening and just enjoying the serenity

 

[Proper Gander]

I’ve had a much better time of it over the past maybe 9-10 months but it was my birthday on Saturday, got a couple of token gifts from my 15/16 year old sons (which meant a lot don’t get me wrong), but no effort from my ex to give them money to buy something for me - something I pride myself on doing for them.
I sent them to Sydney this morning to be with her for Christmas and a lot of the holidays, again armed with presents for her and even one for her partner, because that’s what you do. Doesn’t appear like she’d organised anything in the reverse.

As time goes on since she moved away for work, and she has them one day a week (Saturdays they catch a 3.5 hour train to Sydney and catch it back the next day) life has just turned into me being both mum and dad. The workload of doing absolutely everything for them is starting to catch up with me and it feels like I literally have no time to do anything, and even things like answering the phone feel time consuming: my mum ringing to check on me, my best mate wanting to have coffee before work a few times a week. It all feels like a chore and I just want people to leave me alone.

The only person I want to hear from and be around aside from the kids is my partner who lives 100km away and I get to see once every blue moon.

I don’t feel like self harming or anything but would just love to switch the phone off for a week and f**k off where no one can contact me for a week at some point and not be a part of society

That sounds very challenging and very true PhatBoy and it was brave of you to share it. I really hope someone here, or maybe someone else like even a helpline might help? I’ll be honest, talking therapies have never helped me too much but no two people are the same. And you can reach out in a PM to me if you like. I had a similar Christmas to the birthday scenario you talked about. I can’t fix it but I can listen.

 

[PhatBoy]

That sounds very challenging and very true PhatBoy and it was brave of you to share it. I really hope someone here, or maybe someone else like even a helpline might help? I’ll be honest, talking therapies have never helped me too much but no two people are the same. And you can reach out in a PM to me if you like. I had a similar Christmas to the birthday scenario you talked about. I can’t fix it but I can listen.

Thank you mate I appreciate it.

To make matters worse my partner has just inexplicably broken up with me for no real reason other than she has just decided to stop talking to me altogether.

My older son came home today for a couple of days so we hung out this afternoon and went to the movies which was nice but it was so poorly organised - ie. if I DID want the weekend to myself, which theoretically I should have had as the kids are supposed to be with their mum for the holidays - I suddenly get a message from my son at 7.30 last night while I’m in a band rehearsal saying ‘dad I’ll be at the train station in 5 minutes can you pick me up and take me to my girlfriend’s place I’m home for the weekend’ - I don’t have that freedom anymore. It’s a nice surprise to have mind you, but it’s still just one more thing to have to deal with.

 

[Proper Gander]

I’ll take my turn.

I’m so sad and desperate right now. I can talk about it but I can’t fix it. Nobody can.

I have acute Manic Depressive Disorder - called now Bipolar 1 in the official psychiatric manual but **** that, I prefer the old term.

I was diagnosed 30 years ago when it became screamingly obvious, but there is general agreement from physicians that it was present pretty much from puberty. Not too brilliant on their part, I tried to kill myself when I was 13.

Once it got really out of control, I was studying and working in America at the time, I got sectioned, spent two months locked up. Had to go to a probate court to be released - my parents flew over from Canberra to Connecticut to help, I was too drugged to manage it myself.

I lost my career, which was my loved vocation. I spent 12 years on a Commonwealth Disability Pension because I just couldn’t work. I was rapid cycling between psychotic highs and catatonic depression, the points in between I just waited for the inevitable mood swing.

Over that decade I spent more time in a hospital than out of one. Notched up 5 Christmas Days in hospital, 3 of them sectioned. Shout out to the nursing staff though - they always put in an effort to make the day as good as possible. I spent one groovy New Year in a coma after doing a much better job of attempting to kill myself. Genius of medical people these days saved my life. So I woke up again 10 days later. (Not so sure if it was worth it, but hilariously (like others with my thing) the medical treatment and drug therapy swung my system into a huge manic high and I got sectioned again for being bonkers).

Compared to most people, virtually anyone else, I’ve done pretty well since. Got some measure of control back, went to uni (though took more than 6 years to get through a 3 year course, with the hospital visits for ECT. At the time I held an Australian record for number of general anaesthetics. Very possibly still do).

Anyway I rolled since around 2010 as a regular functional person. Met a great guy and we’re still together - god only knows how. My mood even then would swing and for a good part of that I could lose it and throw plates or leave and go missing for days freaking everyone out.

Still, I had a handle on it. I kept a job, and did it pretty damn well, and there were more good times than bad.

I’m really frightened now though. It’s all happening again. Up and then down. And on a rapid cycle. I can’t do it again. I know from my psychiatrist that this disorder gets worse as you get older. I was hoping that older meant 80’s or something. I didn’t ask though.

I’m 50 so not that old. Though may that is the age where it unravels? Who knows? But I can’t see, or cope with, a future of this. I try so hard always to be the most cheerful person in the room, and people look to me for that. Literally, work occasions, social stuff, even BigFooty, I think people look to me to say something cheerful or funny.

I don’t feel cheerful and I know I’m a long way past being funny.

One thing I’ve learned a long time back. There is no God. If I’m wrong he is a massive campaigner. Why put someone through this torture?

I’ve probably created some new record yet for the most miserable post in BigFooty. I’m grateful to anyone that reads it though. One of the really hard things about this is I’ve had to keep it a secret. But I do think of BigFooty posters as my friends, and it’s nice to really talk to your friends about stuff

 

[Proper Gander]

Thank you mate I appreciate it.

To make matters worse my partner has just inexplicably broken up with me for no real reason other than she has just decided to stop talking to me altogether.

My older son came home today for a couple of days so we hung out this afternoon and went to the movies which was nice but it was so poorly organised - ie. if I DID want the weekend to myself, which theoretically I should have had as the kids are supposed to be with their mum for the holidays - I suddenly get a message from my son at 7.30 last night while I’m in a band rehearsal saying ‘dad I’ll be at the train station in 5 minutes can you pick me up and take me to my girlfriend’s place I’m home for the weekend’ - I don’t have that freedom anymore. It’s a nice surprise to have mind you, but it’s still just one more thing to have to deal with.

That is really hard to take. I feel for you.

One of the really hard things to manage in life is where you feel you’re being taken for granted. No idea how to fix it - I never have. Maybe you and me are too nice.

For what it’s worth, I like your posts around BF.

 

[PhatBoy]

I’ll take my turn.

I’m so sad and desperate right now. I can talk about it but I can’t fix it. Nobody can.

I have acute Manic Depressive Disorder - called now Bipolar 1 in the official psychiatric manual but **** that, I prefer the old term.

I was diagnosed 30 years ago when it became screamingly obvious, but there is general agreement from physicians that it was present pretty much from puberty. Not too brilliant on their part, I tried to kill myself when I was 13.

Once it got really out of control, I was studying and working in America at the time, I got sectioned, spent two months locked up. Had to go to a probate court to be released - my parents flew over from Canberra to Connecticut to help, I was too drugged to manage it myself.

I lost my career, which was my loved vocation. I spent 12 years on a Commonwealth Disability Pension because I just couldn’t work. I was rapid cycling between psychotic highs and catatonic depression, the points in between I just waited for the inevitable mood swing.

Over that decade I spent more time in a hospital than out of one. Notched up 5 Christmas Days in hospital, 3 of them sectioned. Shout out to the nursing staff though - they always put in an effort to make the day as good as possible. I spent one groovy New Year in a coma after doing a much better job of attempting to kill myself. Genius of medical people these days saved my life. So I woke up again 10 days later. (Not so sure if it was worth it, but hilariously (like others with my thing) the medical treatment and drug therapy swung my system into a huge manic high and I got sectioned again for being bonkers).

Compared to most people, virtually anyone else, I’ve done pretty well since. Got some measure of control back, went to uni (though took more than 6 years to get through a 3 year course, with the hospital visits for ECT. At the time I held an Australian record for number of general anaesthetics. Very possibly still do).

Anyway I rolled since around 2010 as a regular functional person. Met a great guy and we’re still together - god only knows how. My mood even then would swing and for a good part of that I could lose it and throw plates or leave and go missing for days freaking everyone out.

Still, I had a handle on it. I kept a job, and did it pretty damn well, and there were more good times than bad.

I’m really frightened now though. It’s all happening again. Up and then down. And on a rapid cycle. I can’t do it again. I know from my psychiatrist that this disorder gets worse as you get older. I was hoping that older meant 80’s or something. I didn’t ask though.

I’m 50 so not that old. Though may that is the age where it unravels? Who knows? But I can’t see, or cope with, a future of this. I try so hard always to be the most cheerful person in the room, and people look to me for that. Literally, work occasions, social stuff, even BigFooty, I think people look to me to say something cheerful or funny.

I don’t feel cheerful and I know I’m a long way past being funny.

One thing I’ve learned a long time back. There is no God. If I’m wrong he is a massive campaigner. Why put someone through this torture?

I’ve probably created some new record yet for the most miserable post in BigFooty. I’m grateful to anyone that reads it though. One of the really hard things about this is I’ve had to keep it a secret. But I do think of BigFooty posters as my friends, and it’s nice to really talk to your friends about stuff

Mate just remember that people care.

I believe in God. I talk to him, reach out to him, ask him for help. But I implicitly understand why people don’t believe in him or if they do, why they don’t have a high opinion of him, because when you feel this way it’s very, very hard to imagine that anyone would willingly allow someone to go throw those emotions and experiences.

All I can say is this mate:

However shit things feel, and the DO feel shit a lot of the time, there is always going to be someone who feels worse if you aren’t around. That in itself is reason enough to be here.

I had a dream last night that was just ****ing awful - my son who is 16 and himself has a few little issues took his own life and in my dream I was on my knees crying out begging for one chance to just say hello to him and tell him I love him one more time.

You can guarantee that if you ever do that yourself there would be people saying the same.

 

[PhatBoy]

That is really hard to take. I feel for you.

One of the really hard things to manage in life is where you feel you’re being taken for granted. No idea how to fix it - I never have. Maybe you and me are too nice.

For what it’s worth, I like your posts around BF.

Thanks mate that’s very kind. I do feel taken for granted a lot. Not so much by my son per se, he’s just a typical kid but his mum just assumes I’ll be here at his beck and call whenever he wants to come home. My partner or now ex partner has taken me for granted for years

 

[Proper Gander]

Thanks mate that’s very kind. I do feel taken for granted a lot. Not so much by my son per se, he’s just a typical kid but his mum just assumes I’ll be here at his beck and call whenever he wants to come home. My partner or now ex partner has taken me for granted for years

It’s hard to take.

I’d put good money on it that your son loves you as much as you love him - but he might only really understand it when you’re all old and wrinkly and he’s not exactly the chick-magnet he used to be. Parents have a hard time full stop, and it only gets harder if you are separated parents. Hang in there! In time I reckon it gets better.

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

Thank you mate I appreciate it.

To make matters worse my partner has just inexplicably broken up with me for no real reason other than she has just decided to stop talking to me altogether.

My older son came home today for a couple of days so we hung out this afternoon and went to the movies which was nice but it was so poorly organised - ie. if I DID want the weekend to myself, which theoretically I should have had as the kids are supposed to be with their mum for the holidays - I suddenly get a message from my son at 7.30 last night while I’m in a band rehearsal saying ‘dad I’ll be at the train station in 5 minutes can you pick me up and take me to my girlfriend’s place I’m home for the weekend’ - I don’t have that freedom anymore. It’s a nice surprise to have mind you, but it’s still just one more thing to have to deal with.

While it’s good to spend time with the kids, you do need time for yourself for your own mental health. Is your son old enough to gently suggest he gives you more than five minutes’ notice of a visit? Then you can rearrange your schedule. He may not have been aware of your personal plans - most kids don’t think parents have a life beyond them . Great that you seem to have a nice relationship with him.

 

[Headless]

I’ll take my turn.

I’m so sad and desperate right now. I can talk about it but I can’t fix it. Nobody can.

I have acute Manic Depressive Disorder - called now Bipolar 1 in the official psychiatric manual but **** that, I prefer the old term.

I was diagnosed 30 years ago when it became screamingly obvious, but there is general agreement from physicians that it was present pretty much from puberty. Not too brilliant on their part, I tried to kill myself when I was 13.

Once it got really out of control, I was studying and working in America at the time, I got sectioned, spent two months locked up. Had to go to a probate court to be released - my parents flew over from Canberra to Connecticut to help, I was too drugged to manage it myself.

I lost my career, which was my loved vocation. I spent 12 years on a Commonwealth Disability Pension because I just couldn’t work. I was rapid cycling between psychotic highs and catatonic depression, the points in between I just waited for the inevitable mood swing.

Over that decade I spent more time in a hospital than out of one. Notched up 5 Christmas Days in hospital, 3 of them sectioned. Shout out to the nursing staff though - they always put in an effort to make the day as good as possible. I spent one groovy New Year in a coma after doing a much better job of attempting to kill myself. Genius of medical people these days saved my life. So I woke up again 10 days later. (Not so sure if it was worth it, but hilariously (like others with my thing) the medical treatment and drug therapy swung my system into a huge manic high and I got sectioned again for being bonkers).

Compared to most people, virtually anyone else, I’ve done pretty well since. Got some measure of control back, went to uni (though took more than 6 years to get through a 3 year course, with the hospital visits for ECT. At the time I held an Australian record for number of general anaesthetics. Very possibly still do).

Anyway I rolled since around 2010 as a regular functional person. Met a great guy and we’re still together - god only knows how. My mood even then would swing and for a good part of that I could lose it and throw plates or leave and go missing for days freaking everyone out.

Still, I had a handle on it. I kept a job, and did it pretty damn well, and there were more good times than bad.

I’m really frightened now though. It’s all happening again. Up and then down. And on a rapid cycle. I can’t do it again. I know from my psychiatrist that this disorder gets worse as you get older. I was hoping that older meant 80’s or something. I didn’t ask though.

I’m 50 so not that old. Though may that is the age where it unravels? Who knows? But I can’t see, or cope with, a future of this. I try so hard always to be the most cheerful person in the room, and people look to me for that. Literally, work occasions, social stuff, even BigFooty, I think people look to me to say something cheerful or funny.

I don’t feel cheerful and I know I’m a long way past being funny.

One thing I’ve learned a long time back. There is no God. If I’m wrong he is a massive campaigner. Why put someone through this torture?

I’ve probably created some new record yet for the most miserable post in BigFooty. I’m grateful to anyone that reads it though. One of the really hard things about this is I’ve had to keep it a secret. But I do think of BigFooty posters as my friends, and it’s nice to really talk to your friends about stuff

Thanks for posting this, PG. I'm glad you're talking about it here. I agree - BF people are friends. It's in a somewhat unconventional sense, but definitely friends - and there are lots of people here willing to listen.

 

[Ando727]

I’ll take my turn.

I’m so sad and desperate right now. I can talk about it but I can’t fix it. Nobody can.

I have acute Manic Depressive Disorder - called now Bipolar 1 in the official psychiatric manual but **** that, I prefer the old term.

I was diagnosed 30 years ago when it became screamingly obvious, but there is general agreement from physicians that it was present pretty much from puberty. Not too brilliant on their part, I tried to kill myself when I was 13.

Once it got really out of control, I was studying and working in America at the time, I got sectioned, spent two months locked up. Had to go to a probate court to be released - my parents flew over from Canberra to Connecticut to help, I was too drugged to manage it myself.

I lost my career, which was my loved vocation. I spent 12 years on a Commonwealth Disability Pension because I just couldn’t work. I was rapid cycling between psychotic highs and catatonic depression, the points in between I just waited for the inevitable mood swing.

Over that decade I spent more time in a hospital than out of one. Notched up 5 Christmas Days in hospital, 3 of them sectioned. Shout out to the nursing staff though - they always put in an effort to make the day as good as possible. I spent one groovy New Year in a coma after doing a much better job of attempting to kill myself. Genius of medical people these days saved my life. So I woke up again 10 days later. (Not so sure if it was worth it, but hilariously (like others with my thing) the medical treatment and drug therapy swung my system into a huge manic high and I got sectioned again for being bonkers).

Compared to most people, virtually anyone else, I’ve done pretty well since. Got some measure of control back, went to uni (though took more than 6 years to get through a 3 year course, with the hospital visits for ECT. At the time I held an Australian record for number of general anaesthetics. Very possibly still do).

Anyway I rolled since around 2010 as a regular functional person. Met a great guy and we’re still together - god only knows how. My mood even then would swing and for a good part of that I could lose it and throw plates or leave and go missing for days freaking everyone out.

Still, I had a handle on it. I kept a job, and did it pretty damn well, and there were more good times than bad.

I’m really frightened now though. It’s all happening again. Up and then down. And on a rapid cycle. I can’t do it again. I know from my psychiatrist that this disorder gets worse as you get older. I was hoping that older meant 80’s or something. I didn’t ask though.

I’m 50 so not that old. Though may that is the age where it unravels? Who knows? But I can’t see, or cope with, a future of this. I try so hard always to be the most cheerful person in the room, and people look to me for that. Literally, work occasions, social stuff, even BigFooty, I think people look to me to say something cheerful or funny.

I don’t feel cheerful and I know I’m a long way past being funny.

One thing I’ve learned a long time back. There is no God. If I’m wrong he is a massive campaigner. Why put someone through this torture?

I’ve probably created some new record yet for the most miserable post in BigFooty. I’m grateful to anyone that reads it though. One of the really hard things about this is I’ve had to keep it a secret. But I do think of BigFooty posters as my friends, and it’s nice to really talk to your friends about stuff

Hey mate, thanks for sharing that. You've been through a lot and survived a lot. I always knew you had a colourful past because your posts are just that bit more creative and insightful than most. That is the outcome of life struggles, you learn a lot more than people who have a charmed run. I'm sure you'd trade the wisdom for a charmed run any day - but at least know that you are a wise person and you can keep learning to find your way through this current period. Seems like you have a reliable partner you can lean on. Remember he would be devastated to lose you. We all love you here on BF too. I'm not on here that much these days, but every time I come on, I make a point of reading your posts. You are equal parts insightful and hilarious, and I value your presence here. I remember a few years back, you disappeared for ages and I recall thinking, "this place isn't the same without Proper Gander". By the way I see our crew on the Demons board interact with you, there are plenty of others who feel the same. So there's that, if that means anything. Keep on trucking, and I'm always here or via PM if you need to talk. Cheers.

 

[Ando727]

Thank you mate I appreciate it.

To make matters worse my partner has just inexplicably broken up with me for no real reason other than she has just decided to stop talking to me altogether.

My older son came home today for a couple of days so we hung out this afternoon and went to the movies which was nice but it was so poorly organised - ie. if I DID want the weekend to myself, which theoretically I should have had as the kids are supposed to be with their mum for the holidays - I suddenly get a message from my son at 7.30 last night while I’m in a band rehearsal saying ‘dad I’ll be at the train station in 5 minutes can you pick me up and take me to my girlfriend’s place I’m home for the weekend’ - I don’t have that freedom anymore. It’s a nice surprise to have mind you, but it’s still just one more thing to have to deal with.

Hey mate, it's been a while since we've chatted on here. I'm sorry to hear about what's happened lately. Sounds like you're a bit overwhelmed by things at the moment. It's ok to take time for yourself if you need it. Your sons are old enough, I think, to sit them down and have a chat about what you need for your own health. They are old enough to put a bit more planning into their movements so you can operate together in a smoother fashion. I think they are also old enough to hear from you that things are not always easy. Not that you'd dump everything on them, but you can tell them enough for their age and level of understanding that things are not easy right now. It is actually a positive thing to share who you are with them. It teaches them how to communicate as men, it teaches them empathy. They will face the same problems as you do at some stage in life. You're helping them if you're open about life's trials and tribulations. It might bring you closer together and set you all up for when they are adults and you transition from being Dad who's the guy in charge, to Dad, their friend and equal through life.

I know you've been in an uncertain state with your partner for a long time. It sucks to be treated like this after a long relationship. It's inexcusable to treat somebody this way. You deserve better. For that reason, it might be a positive for you to move on from her. You've felt taken for granted for a really long time, so maybe it's better to be freed of that feeling - even if it feels wretched at the moment. You will have more time to yourself, which you are wanting right now. When you're ready to have a relationship again with somebody who meets your needs better, you'll be ready to go. Just focus on your health and well-being. Make sure you get plenty of exercise - that's vital for keeping the mind clear and healthy.

Always here for ya mate.

 

[Ando727]

I haven’t said before, I believe, just how impressed I am by the courage of people in this thread to tell others about their situations and their very private emotions. It’s so hard to do.

Also a big thank you to so many people in this thread who reach out to offer support to others.

This thread can be a challenging read, but on so many days it makes me feel better to see the kindness and humanity, and to remember that it exists.

Hear, hear! This thread is the crowning glory of BigFooty. Unlike the rest of BF where people are cracking in and ragging on each other about everything, this thread is amazing for how supportive and caring it is. I'm really proud to have been part of the community within this thread. It's full of brave and caring people who just want the best for each other. Not easy to find these days. Congrats everyone!

 

[Proper Gander]

Hey mate, thanks for sharing that. You've been through a lot and survived a lot. I always knew you had a colourful past because your posts are just that bit more creative and insightful than most. That is the outcome of life struggles, you learn a lot more than people who have a charmed run. I'm sure you'd trade the wisdom for a charmed run any day - but at least know that you are a wise person and you can keep learning to find your way through this current period. Seems like you have a reliable partner you can lean on. Remember he would be devastated to lose you. We all love you here on BF too. I'm not on here that much these days, but every time I come on, I make a point of reading your posts. You are equal parts insightful and hilarious, and I value your presence here. I remember a few years back, you disappeared for ages and I recall thinking, "this place isn't the same without Proper Gander". By the way I see our crew on the Demons board interact with you, there are plenty of others who feel the same. So there's that, if that means anything. Keep on trucking, and I'm always here or via PM if you need to talk. Cheers.

That’s very kind of you, Ando. I’ll keep pushing on.

It’s the recurring nature of the disorder that is so hard to take. If I feel my mood heading south I think ‘seriously? Not this crap again’.

 

[PhatBoy]

Hey mate, it's been a while since we've chatted on here. I'm sorry to hear about what's happened lately. Sounds like you're a bit overwhelmed by things at the moment. It's ok to take time for yourself if you need it. Your sons are old enough, I think, to sit them down and have a chat about what you need for your own health. They are old enough to put a bit more planning into their movements so you can operate together in a smoother fashion. I think they are also old enough to hear from you that things are not always easy. Not that you'd dump everything on them, but you can tell them enough for their age and level of understanding that things are not easy right now. It is actually a positive thing to share who you are with them. It teaches them how to communicate as men, it teaches them empathy. They will face the same problems as you do at some stage in life. You're helping them if you're open about life's trials and tribulations. It might bring you closer together and set you all up for when they are adults and you transition from being Dad who's the guy in charge, to Dad, their friend and equal through life.

I know you've been in an uncertain state with your partner for a long time. It sucks to be treated like this after a long relationship. It's inexcusable to treat somebody this way. You deserve better. For that reason, it might be a positive for you to move on from her. You've felt taken for granted for a really long time, so maybe it's better to be freed of that feeling - even if it feels wretched at the moment. You will have more time to yourself, which you are wanting right now. When you're ready to have a relationship again with somebody who meets your needs better, you'll be ready to go. Just focus on your health and well-being. Make sure you get plenty of exercise - that's vital for keeping the mind clear and healthy.

Always here for ya mate.

Thank you heaps mate. I have had some discussions with the boys about being a bit more organised and whatever, it’s hard without sounding like I don’t want to see them.

Basically they were initially supposed to have every Friday and Saturday night in Sydney with their mum, and the holidays. It didn’t bother me having them the majority of the time even though it came out of the blue.

But sure enough because it’s a 3-4 hour train ride to Sydney it became a chore very quickly and they’re teenagers: they have lives here and they like doing things here on weekends so within weeks the requests started: can I stay home with you this Friday or Saturday night etc etc.
again that’s fine they’re my kids but if an arrangement is made then when do I get my time? My ex and her partner get theirs all the time - go away on holidays, concerts, sporting events etc. they’ve had the chance to build a relationship. I’ve never had mine. I guess that’s karma for leaving the one I was in I suppose and then being indecisive initially about the one I entered. But yeah now I have this situation where if one or both of my sons say ‘dad we just want to stay home this Saturday or Friday’ and I had planned to go somewhere or do something I don’t feel like I can. At the very least I feel like my ex should be trying to contribute something to arrange where they stay (they have a sister here and a grandfather) considering it’s supposed to be her night with them.

As far as my partner goes I get that she doesn’t trust me as I spent the initial part of our relationship being non-committal and cheated on her with my ex. I know that trust is earned not assumed. But I have not swerved off the straight and narrow in any way shape or form since and I am open and honest with her about everything and she just randomly accuses me of lying about the oddest things and if I deny it, it blows up into a fight. Again, probably what I deserve for how things began when I broke her trust but I changed my behaviour. I have wanted desperately to move to a town closer to her so our families can start to cross paths and we can be around each other but I can’t do it without the assurance that I won’t just wake up one morning and be broken up with again for whatever reason.

I know that this person can make me happy and I can make them happy if we are actually in one another’s company: but when we are ‘apart but together’ we make each other miserable if that makes sense. So for now it probably does make sense to not be together and for me to move on. I try to let her go. I know it’s bad for me to love her and probably bad for her to. It’s just that speck of ‘what if’ and not wanting to wake up in years time wishing it had worked.

I’m not as down about it all as I have been in the past but like you said it’s all a bit overwhelming and I just wish I could escape from life for a while and somehow program my brain to not think about any of this stuff.