Health Depression

[MP_]

I thought I was doing well with my depression over the last couple of months but this week has made me realise I’ve pushed a lot of my “problems “ deep inside me. I had two dreams two nights in a row that made me realise that I no longer have true friends. I dreamt I was playing golf with all my school friends but they ended up not speaking to me and would just play ahead of me like I wasn’t there. I haven’t seen this group of friends for over 8 years now which is probably when my depression really started. The next night I had a dream where I passed a car and in it was a guy that I became really close with in the town I moved to. In my dream I broke down as I told him everything that has happened in my life over the last five years. Then I woke up and realised I haven’t seen this guy in probably 5 years. I am quite a loner but also miss having a mate that I could open up to.

 

[DemurePrincess]

I smoke copious amounts of weed to function normally! If I didn’t have it… you would see a very very different person and not even I want to see her..

It basically blocks my emotions! I can fix every thing with just one spliff.

Some nights I add wine and send myself to bed so I can’t think anymore at all. Life is tough. I get it!

I try and smile as much as I can, even if it is fake

 

[Madas]

I thought I was doing well with my depression over the last couple of months but this week has made me realise I’ve pushed a lot of my “problems “ deep inside me. I had two dreams two nights in a row that made me realise that I no longer have true friends. I dreamt I was playing golf with all my school friends but they ended up not speaking to me and would just play ahead of me like I wasn’t there. I haven’t seen this group of friends for over 8 years now which is probably when my depression really started. The next night I had a dream where I passed a car and in it was a guy that I became really close with in the town I moved to. In my dream I broke down as I told him everything that has happened in my life over the last five years. Then I woke up and realised I haven’t seen this guy in probably 5 years. I am quite a loner but also miss having a mate that I could open up to.

Just call or text em MP , you’d be surprised at how much they probably need some companionship too . Even if it doesn’t there is no harm in trying but I reckon there is a greater chance that they will appreciate the call
Most of us are in the same boat

 

[Madas]

I smoke copious amounts of weed to function normally! If I didn’t have it… you would see a very very different person and not even I want to see her..

It basically blocks my emotions! I can fix every thing with just one spliff.

Some nights I add wine and send myself to bed so I can’t think anymore at all. Life is tough. I get it!

I try and smile as much as I can, even if it is fake

One of the best things I ever did was move away from weed and drugs in general.
Couldn’t handle the anxiety and paranoia.

At the peak of mine and my friends drug taking I went overseas for a couple of years and just travelled

Then when I got back and they were doing the same thing it seemed very boring so I moved to a quiet regional town , connecting with nature and am still here 30 years later

 

[DemurePrincess]

One of the best things I ever did was move away from weed and drugs in general.
Couldn’t handle the anxiety and paranoia.

At the peak of mine and my friends drug taking I went overseas for a couple of years and just travelled

Then when I got back and they were doing the same thing it seemed very boring so I moved to a quiet regional town , connecting with nature and am still here 30 years later

Yeah I know. I definitely over indulge. It was actually prescribed for my migraines but I use it more so as a coping mechanism these days. It’s nothing to be proud of but I’m a very high functioning stoner. I’m up every day at 5.30am, I’m a single mum who runs her own business so it’s not like I sit around all day like a dead beat.

I really want to stop tbh but the fear of the anxiety and dealing with the couple days of yuckiness all seems way to hard. (I only get the anxiety when I don’t have it) so I make sure that never happens. But right now, while I’ve got other shit going on in RL it keeps the emotions in check - actually it blocks them. Which is probs not ideal bc Ive bottled for years. I honestly don’t know what it feels like NOT to be stoned bc it become part of my daily routine.

 

[beez]

This is a podcast about addiction. It's 2.5 hours but worth people's time

It may help some people think differently about addiction, mental health and anxiety.

Of particular interest to me was the "see-saw" effect of how we experience pleasure and pain, why we come down, and how we can reset how we feel, both in the short and long term. Easier said than done of course.

 

[DemurePrincess]

This is a podcast about addiction. It's 2.5 hours but worth people's time

It may help some people think differently about addiction, mental health and anxiety.

Of particular interest to me was the "see-saw" effect of how we experience pleasure and pain, why we come down, and how we can reset how we feel, both in the short and long term. Easier said than done of course.

Thank you. I’m only half way through it but it’s a really good listen. I initially was like, I don’t want to watch that bc I don’t want it ruining my weekend bc it will get the brain ticking but maybe its time to have it tick in the right direction for a change.

I don’t deal well with change what so ever and I guess that’s why I avoid and just cruise along my mundane little Life but I think maybe it’s time I aimed a little higher and not just be content with what I have (not that what I have isn’t satisfactory but I just feel like I should be getting a bit more from what life brings)

I work too much. My first problem!
I think I need to start rewarding myself more for doing a good job in life lol

 

[MP_]

Just call or text em MP , you’d be surprised at how much they probably need some companionship too . Even if it doesn’t there is no harm in trying but I reckon there is a greater chance that they will appreciate the call
Most of us are in the same boat

I reached out to my best man and he didn’t want to chat at the time I reached out, I tried again and nothing. I think I just need to accept that this is how my life is and be happy with what I have. I know I really need to open up and unload on someone all my feelings but I can’t with a stranger and I can’t with my wife.

 

[MWPP]

Thank you for your offers MP_ and DemurePrincess - they mean a lot

And thank you for sharing that podcast beez . I have a personality type that is prone to addiction so I have avoided most of the common vices (alcohol, smoking/vapes, other drugs, gambling) largely out of fear of becoming addicted. I intended to listen to it to understand others better but the opening couple of lines about workaholism and the opportunity costs did resonate. I’ll listen to it during my work commutes this week.

 

[MWPP]

I reached out to my best man and he didn’t want to chat at the time I reached out, I tried again and nothing. I think I just need to accept that this is how my life is and be happy with what I have. I know I really need to open up and unload on someone all my feelings but I can’t with a stranger and I can’t with my wife.

I’m sorry you had that experience
If you face even a fraction of the fear of rejection that I do - it would’ve taken a lot to reach out in the first place too and would be understandable if it put you off reaching out again, sigh.

Is joining a club based on your interest eg book or sporting club, feasible? The outlet alone would be great. The friends /connections that come with it are a bonus.

 

[DemurePrincess]

I reached out to my best man and he didn’t want to chat at the time I reached out, I tried again and nothing. I think I just need to accept that this is how my life is and be happy with what I have. I know I really need to open up and unload on someone all my feelings but I can’t with a stranger and I can’t with my wife.

That’s really sad to hear that about your best man. There is nothing worse that feeling of rejection but try and put a different spin on it…. You have no idea what their situation is so maybe they weren’t in the right head space to chat. And sometimes friendships just run their course and fizzle. I learnt this recently

As for the opening up stuff… not a fan myself either but in a forum like this - I can do. I can off load my feelings without prejudice and pressure bc I can’t see you! You’re not in my immediate space so I can feel comfortable. Plus seeing a shrink I find overwhelming bc the session is timed and I feel panic to off load.

 

[MP_]

I’m sorry you had that experience
If you face even a fraction of the fear of rejection that I do - it would’ve taken a lot to reach out in the first place too and would be understandable if it put you off reaching out again, sigh.

Is joining a club based on your interest eg book or sporting club, feasible? The outlet alone would be great. The friends /connections that come with it are a bonus.

I have lived in this small town for 18 years and am still not seen as a local . I’ve been secretary of the football club for 8 years whilst my kids were involved but haven’t been back for 5 or 6 years now. I’m in a tricky situation where I’ve not been the best human and have made mistakes that I still judge myself on and I now have massive anxiety being in public around our town, which is hard given the role my wife has in the region. I have no idea if people are gossiping about me but the fear of it is soo real so I keep to my home as much as I can.

 

[MP_]

That’s really sad to hear that about your best man. There is nothing worse that feeling of rejection but try and put a different spin on it…. You have no idea what their situation is so maybe they weren’t in the right head space to chat. And sometimes friendships just run their course and fizzle. I learnt this recently

As for the opening up stuff… not a fan myself either but in a forum like this - I can do. I can off load my feelings without prejudice and pressure bc I can’t see you! You’re not in my immediate space so I can feel comfortable. Plus seeing a shrink I find overwhelming bc the session is timed and I feel panic to off load.

Yeah maybe it has run its course. I’m pretty bad at keeping in touch with people and I think the reason people give up on me is because I always made excuses not to meet up. But this was at the height of not knowing I had depression and was just not wanting to be near people so they didn’t see me the way I was feeling. In the end they just stopped messaging. These forums are great as it makes me feel like I have friends but it still feels different.