EXPOSED: St Kilda's Secret Game Plans

[Bender_]

Greetings fellow scum.

During my usual weekly opposition investigation I stumbled across a play book written by Ross Lyon detailing the secret game plans he has devised for the St Kilda Football Club. Though the pages were tattered and stuck together by an unidentifiable fluid with a stench similar to bleach, I was able to extract the majority of the plans and have decided to share this invaluable information for the greater benefit of the footballing community:

1. The Spit Roast

Usually executed by a midfielder and a small forward. This play requires a hard running player to collect the ball from behind (no matter how much opposition is met, for this play to be implemented successfully the player simply cannot take no for an answer) and grab firmly with both hands.

The player who now has possession of the ball is required to thrust powerfully up the guts and into the vicinity of a small forward. The small forward will in turn knock the ball down the throat of the goals hastily and agressivley, resulting in a score. If successful the 2 players who executed the play should share a round of jovial high 5's. If any untoward tactics are used in the execution of this play, it is recommended the players concerned should strenuously deny any wrong doing.

Below is a picture of 2 St Kilda players celebrating after successfully performing a Spit Roast at training:

 

[italia_champions69]

tl;dr.

 

[Murraj1966]

St Kilda haven't lost at Etihad Stadium on a Saturday night since 2003.

Expect the trend to continue.

 

[Kelvin31]

ahhh....i git it........Double entendres’

 

[Look2Me4Guidance]

I just pulled this from Chad Fletcher's CV.


--------------------------------


Am I doin it rite?

 

[pantskyle]

We want Chilly Willy

 

[Shawt]

Excellent information, well thought out and well executed

Would read again. Subscribed in the interest of tracking future leaks and penis jokes

 

[TRAWP]

Great game plan, need to know about the other gameplans St.Kilda have now.

 

[Baldur]

There is going to be a lot of St Kilda players happy singing the song after performing the spit roast on an unwilling west coke side.

 

[JiggaDog]

Hey Bender - was there any play in there called "The Old Switcheroo"?

Can sometimes be used together with The Spit Roast.

 

[Baldur]

Bender bending over again for yet another St Kilda spit roast.

 

[Plugger35]

West Coke gameplan

 

[Gaffanator]

West Coke gameplan

It's a helluva drug

 

[Jesse Custer]

Great game plan, need to know about the other gameplans St.Kilda have now.

What other gameplans???

 

[Bender_]

What other gameplans???

Oh there's more sunshine, all in good time...

 

[Soul_Pie]

You forgot the real ace up Ross Lyon's sleeve - build a slender lead and then play chip chip and flood the backline until the opposition dies of boredom.

 

[Byron_Clanger]

All I read was the spit roast...I approve

 

[Bender_]

2. The Miniature Crab

This particular play is well suited to a midfielder/scavenger type player. An excellent freedom of movement in the legs is required to implement this play successfully, due the large volume of sideways movement necessary. The player is required to accumulate multiple "chip scab" possessions across the half back flank, each less damaging than the last. The location of the possessions are crucial in ensuring a continuous lateral movement to guarantee no possible chance of entering a contest.

Though open space is sought after by the executor of the "Miniature Crab", they will move in small, jerking motions as if encased in a clenched fist.

The below photo illustrates how well a player should be able to freely move their groin region without being bound by obsticles:

*note: The Miniature Crab is most effective on cold evenings.

 

[Jesse Custer]

oh, this is becoming interesting.

 

[Gaffanator]

The Spit Roast. The Saints just Lovett

 

[Bender_]

3. The Rubber Glove

This particular plan is the jewel in Ross Lyon's defensive arsenal. It involves the choosing of a Key Position Defender (KPD) to effectively blanket his opposition forward for an entire game not allowing the escape of an effective clearance.

The KPD is required to tackle - targeting the opponents hips - with every upright possession, suffocating any possiblity of disposal discharge. So committed and focused are the St Kilda coaching staff on this tactic, they devote multiple hours on cataloguing and reviewing their training.

Below is a picture of the St Kilda Football Club's most effective "Rubber Glove":

 

[Quixote]

Can I try?

The McEvoy

The form ruck of the competition up against about half a dozen other talls, by himself. And about to make them look very silly indeed.

Am i doing it right?

 

[Bender_]

Can I try?

The McEvoy

Please, I welcome your input.

But at least attempt to keep it within the realms of reality.

 

[Plugger35]

The Heart

When the Saints have their backs to the wall and are written off or need a win to celebrate the milestone of a club champion they unleash The Heart gameplan. This can only be produced by an old fashioned traditional football club rather than a manufactured burger franchise and results in a magnificent stirring win against the odds.

See this video for roof.

[YOUTUBE]I_jKWT1enFA[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Bender_]

The Heart

Splendid work Plugger, now if only St Kilda could get players milestone games to coincide with GF's.

PS: Can I get 3 large bacon deluxe meals? Dine in thanks. I brought my own cups.