Funniest lame joke

[winty]

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's white, made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other you carry your groceries in.

 

[stoner]

A kid is in the middle of a custody battle between divorcing parents. The judge asks to talk to the kid alone. "Do you want to live with your father?" he asks. The kid shakes his head. "Why not?" the judge asked.

"Because he beats me."

"Oh. So you'd rather live with your mother?"

"No. She beats me too."

"So who do you want to live with then?"

"Fremantle Football Club," the kid says matter-of-factly.

"Fremantle Football Club! Why do you want to live with them?"

"'Cos they never beat anybody!"

 

[stoner]

Q: What do you call a Richmond supporter at the MCG on Grand Final day?


A: Lost.

 

[WCE2012]

haha in bad taste but couldnt stop laughing when was told this.

Why do Jews have big noses?

Air's free!

 

[themuddy#3]

Why'd the mexican push his wife off the cliff?

Tequila

Note: If retold this joke must be accompanied by Tequile music

how much does jesus love you?

"This much", *spreads arms and does best dead jesus impersonation*

(thanks to the bloke on the humour boad who i shamlessly ripped this joke from.)

 

[themuddy#3]

Judging by the great response in this thread im sure most of you will enjoy the bad taste joke therad, as it is where this therad is headed.

http://www.bigfooty.com/forum/showthread.php?t=295560

there is some quality.

 

[stoner]

Two boys are playing football in a Melbourne park, when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Quickly, the other boy grabs a fallen tree branch, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.

A reporter happens to be strolling by and sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Hawks fan saves friend from vicious animal", he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Hawks fan," the boy replies.

"Saints fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again.

"I'm not a Saints fan either, " the boy says.

"Then what are you?" the reporter asks.

"I'm a Carlton fan!!!"

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook,
"Low life scum kills family pet".

 

[BILC]

Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night... One was assaulted.



A termite walks into a bar room and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

 

[DevNull]

What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
Don't ask her out again

 

[BILC]

Q: What do you call a Richmond supporter at the MCG on Grand Final day?


A: Lost.

couldnt help laughing at that...but it makes me angry

 

[BILC]

what have you got when youve got a collingwood supporter up to their necks in cement

not enough cement

 

[footy4ever]

Nuther bar joke.

a bear goes into a bar and is ignored by the bartender, so angrily it chomps down on the bar, bites off a chunk and swallows it.

Bear: Now can I get some service round here?

Bartender : Sorry, we don't serve drug addicts.

Bear: What do you mean...drug addict?

Bartender: I saw the bar-bit-you-ate!

 

[Klyntonius]

What's Red, wobbles and flies at the same time?

A Jellycopter.

 

[Horse Chaff Kerry]

What would you call Postman Pat if he got fired?















Pat

 

[Kaspr]

What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
Don't ask her out again

hah good one


A man was outside at the front wall of a supermarket and he was trying to lift up the bottom row of bricks.
The store manager came out and said "What are you doing?"
The man replied "Shoplifting"

 

[Mesc]

What is in the same Genre as Turkeys and DoDo's , have a majority of arrogant fans with blonde streaked hair, and needs drugs to succeed??


do i need to answer ?


....Sorry, its an oldie but a Goldie

 

[SodaPop]

A lettuce walks into a bar, sits on the stool and says to the barman "beer please"

Barman replies "Sorry, we don't serve food"

 

[theduckfan]

Two condoms walk by a gay bar. One looks at the other and says "let's get shit faced!"

 

[TheWoodenSlug]

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's white, made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other you carry your groceries in.

Reminds me of a few about the great man:

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
One walked on the moon, the other had sex with little boys.

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
Get out of my son!

How does Michael Jackson know when it's time to go to bed?
When the big hand touches the little hand.

Also one of my favourite 'lame' jokes:

What do you call a black person flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist prick!

 

[Brazen]

going to hell for this one...


Why did Jesus cross the road?

Coz he was nailed to the chicken

 

[thatswhatimtalkinabout]

Did you hear of the wooden cow?

Wooden milk.

Did you hear of the steel cow?

Steel wooden milk.

 

[Bigeasy]

Q: "What 's black and red and sits in a tree"?

A: " A crow with a fat"

 

[stoner]

A tornado just swept through North Melbourne's training facilities at Arden Street and caused 1 million dollars worth of improvement.

 

[WALL-e]

Responding with 'so's your face' to everything is usually fun.

 

[QuietHawk]

My old man tells these 30 year old German war camp jokes that still crack me up...


Warden: "Today ve vill play Games, ze english vill play soccer on ze soccer field, ze Americans vill play baseball on ze basebal field, and ze Jews vill play hopscotch on ze minefield"


Warden: "Today ve vill play Squash... Hanz get ze steamroller!"