Piggy Smalls
Is it Friday yet?
- Nov 30, 2018
- 7,650
- 19,218
- AFL Club
- Fremantle

Hello there Big Footy faithful and welcome to Optus Stadium for this mouth-watering top 8 clash between two teams on the rise in season 2022. Today sees the much improved and red-hot Fremantle Dockers taking on one of the other early season surprise packets, Michael Voss’ Carlton Blues. With two great escape wins in the past fortnight, can the Blues give Freo the heave ho this evening, or will the Dockers continue their march towards their first finals appearance since 2015? We won’t have to wait long to find out, so strap yourselves in for one hell of an evening here in Perth.
Unfortunately, due to Covid health and safety protocols we have lost a couple of commentators at short notice for tonight’s clash. Rather than focus on who isn’t here, and without further ado, let’s introduce our commentary team for this blockbuster match. Kelly Underwood, welcome to Optus Stadium on this magical Perth evening. Kelly, who do you like in this one and why?
‘Well thanks there Piggy, I’m really pumped up and excited for this one. Nothing makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up like a good game of footy. I think it will be a Hard, Tough game won in the midfield. Can’t wait to see if Carlton gain the midfield ascendancy through Sam Walsh and Patrick Cripps or whether the dockers midfield led by Angus Brayshaw and Nat Fyfe can capitalise on Aaron Sandilands’ ruck dominance. I’m also looking forward to seeing if Freo’s backline talls of Brendon Cox and Axel Pearce can contain big Harry McKay and Charlie Curnow. It’s a tough one to pick Piggy but I will say Freo by 1 point due to the experience of former Sydney premiership coach John Longmire at the helm.’
Thanks Kelly, good to see you’ve done your research on both teams as usual. Good luck with the call tonight.
‘Thanks Piggy. Pumped to be taking the entire call tonight’
Well... our viewers at home certainly are in for a treat.
Crossing now to the boundary, let’s get some thoughts from Fremantle great Matthew Pavlich before the teams run out onto Optus Stadium. Matthew, how’s the atmosphere down there?
‘Thanks Piggy, it’s certainly great to be here and amongst the purple army. Although scanning the crowd, there are no shortage of Carlton supporters here. Speaking of which, I do have a Carlton supporter here with me. Welcome Kirk, are you confident on getting the win tonight?
‘Thanks Pav. Yep, I’ve already got the W in the book for this one. In fact, looking at the depth pushing through, we'll only get better this year. So if we permit injuries, we'll have tough games against Melbourne and Brisbane and might drop one of them’
‘Well that is some supreme confidence there Kirk. Good luck and all the best for your team tonight. Now I also have beloved Perthonality Kim Hagdorn here with me. Welcome Kim, what are your thoughts on tonight’s game?
‘Thanks Pav. It's almost club defining. Lose this game and they may as well fold and give their license to Tassie. Apart from Fyfe, the club has barely contributed anything meaningful to the comp in 25+ years’
‘Well... There you have it Piggy. Carlton’s supporter base keen to get the win and set up their season. Kim Hagdorn clearly not a big fan of yours truly...’
Thanks Pav. Now we have a very special treat for everyone here tonight. Carlton and Fremantle will both be led out to the field by live bands performing the clubs’ theme songs on their respective teams’ very own recommissioned band wagons. I can tell you that you will not want to miss this...
In the distance, getting louder...
“WE ARE THE NAVY BLUES... WE ARE THE OLD DARK NAVY BLUES...”
And here come Carlton led out to the field by a classic band and barber shop quartet on a beautifully recommissioned ‘95 Kernahan band wagon, named of course, for its instantly recognisable stick-like spokes. This machine has been rebuilt several times over the past 27 years but I must say I’ve not seen it look as shiny and impressive as it does in 2022. There are so many people aboard I can’t believe it hasn’t buckled under the sheer burden weight it is carrying!
The Carlton team are now assembled in front of the team banner while the band are off for a lap of Optus Stadium to raucous applause from the Carlton supporters in attendance. And what words of wisdom are on the team banner to motivate the Carlton players as they prepare for football war?
OOPS! WE WANTED BANFIELD - TRADSIES?
Well, this is scandalously scandalous people! Carlton are making a public plea to offload Cerra back to Freo for Bailey Banfield, the player they believed they were watching when negotiating a trade for Cerra last year! Oh my... There will be some fallout from this story so make sure you catch Footy Classified for Caro’s thoughts during the week. I think I can hear the Freo team approaching from the race and we are getting close to bounce down so make sure you get your first goal and margin multi on and of course, always bet responsibly.
“FREO HEAVE HO
FREO HEAVE HO
GIVE EM ALL THE OLD FREO HEAVE HO...”
And here comes the Freo team led out onto Optus Stadium by Eskimo Joe in a beautifully recommissioned 2013 McPavilands Turbo bandwagon. And my oh my it seems like half of Western Australia is aboard this Fremantle bandwagon. Unbelievable scenes!

This is the same bandwagon, of course, that was garaged after suffering engine problems late in 2015 and then was infamously set on fire in 2016 in a crime that shocked the football community. I’m sure most Western Australians remember the ensuing media storm when notorious bandwagon arsonist Owen Ten was first charged with, and then convicted of the crime in what was at the time dubbed the case of the century.
(Real photo of arsonist Owen Ten)
Fremantle supporters aboard this recommissioned 2013 McPavilands Turbo are shouting out plenty of words of encouragement and support for their beloved team as they speed around the boundary line at Optus Stadium and continue to gather speed.
‘Cerra is a seagull!’
‘Carlton is a cancer on the AFL. Let’s smash those campaigners!’
‘Chapman for Prime Minister!’
‘I love you Baeshaw’
‘Smash the living daylights out of them’
OH MY GOD SOMETHING IS WRONG!! The 2013 McPavilands Turbo is out of control and with double the safe capacity of passengers on board! It is heading right for the back of the recommissioned ‘95 Kernahan! Carlton supporters and the band are frantically jumping off the bandwagon as quickly as they can but it’s too late. Oh the humanity of it all! Passengers on the Fremantle band wagon are hanging on for dear life as it now runs into the back of its opposing number! Fire has broken out, Oh my lord the supporters are going berserk, there are fights breaking out all over Optus Stadium. I think we need to cut back to the studio while security, police and paramedics attempt to control the situation.
Well...The fans certainly are pumped for this one! Wowwee!! Now we will cross to David King in the Big Footy Lab.
Big Footy Lab with David King
(David King - pictured)

‘Thanks Piggy. Tonight’s game will be won and lost in the contest, and we all know the contest starts in the middle. For years we have been talking Fyfe V Cripps but those two are both missing and these teams have evolved in recent times. Some of the youth on both sides is top shelf, future stars of the competition kind of talents. The match up I really want to see, and I think everyone wants to see, is Brayshaw V Walsh.
Both young, hard running, lead from the front mids who can get it on the inside and hurt you on the outside if you give them space. Top draft picks, 2 and 1 in 2017 and 2018 respectively, both top shelf talents who could hold the key to their team’s chances not only tonight, but throughout this season.
I want to look at some head to head stats for season to date averages. Piggy, some of these numbers are extraordinary:
Disposals: Brayshaw 30.8 Walsh: 33
Cont. Pos: Brayshaw 9.4 Walsh 8.8
Unct. Pos: Brayshaw 21 Walsh 24.8
Tackles: Brayshaw 6.0 Walsh: 3.8
Clearances: Brayshaw 3.8 Walsh 3.0
Score Inv: Brayshaw 8.2 Walsh 6.8
Mtrs Gained: Brayshaw 523 Walsh 319
Disposal Eff: Brayshaw 70% Walsh 78%
‘Brayshaw is involved in more of his team’s score involvements than any other mid in the comp. Even with a hard tag he imposes himself and leads from the front. 63% of his possessions are kicks so his disposal efficiency of 70% is very respectable indeed. This kid is an absolute aerobic beast. His ability to get from contest to contest might only be surpassed by a couple of players, Touk Miller and possibly Brayshaw’s opponent tonight, Sam Walsh. For kids aspiring to be AFL midfielders, you’ve just got to come and watch the way Sam Walsh works in a game of footy. He just does not stop. Averaging 90% game time. He plays a slightly different game to Brayshaw and handballs with 55% of his disposals resulting in him taking less territory but he does put other players in great positions with his disposal efficiency. He runs hard to create space for teammates and is damaging in close and in space. Whichever of these two future leaders can get on top could go a long way to deciding the outcome of this match.’
Also in the middle there will be another battle providing a really interesting sub plot. Fans of both sides will be keen to see how prized recruit Adam Cerra, who Carlton gave up pick 6 at the 2021 NAB AFL Draft for, goes against the player that Fremantle essentially got as a free hit with the cap space Cerra’s departure gave them - Will Brodie. Brodie is in red-hot form filling the void created by the loss of Cerra and the ongoing absence of Nat Fyfe, while Cerra has been consistent but not as prolific as Brodie. They are different players but there are some stats worth noting (as per heading into Rd 5):
Disposals: Brodie 27 Cerra 22.7
Cont. Poss: Brodie 14.8 Cerra 8.7
Tackles: Brodie 5.5 Cerra 5.3
Clearances: Brodie 6.2 Cerra 3.7
Score Inv: Brodie 5.2 Cerra 5.3
Metres Gained: Brodie 305 Cerra 313
Disp. Eff: Brodie 64% Cerra 76%
(Photo below - Cerra catches Brodie high during a 2021 game)
The last match up I want to look at is Curnow and McKay V Pearce and Cox. There’s been a bit of talk and praise for this Freo defence Piggy, and I want to see how they stand up against Charlie and big Harry. All the talk means nothing if Freo don’t back it up. Both Harry and Charlie average 2.25 goals per game through the first four rounds and when they’re not kicking them themselves they are bringing the smalls around them into the game. Pearce and Cox will be looking for plenty of support from Ryan,Chapman and Young to come in and intercept but if Carlton win it out the front of the stoppages Fremantle will struggle to contain the big Carlton forwards. If Fremantle get the game on their terms in the contest they will look to rebound and score from turnover. They have been the most effective team at this so far in 2022.’
Great analysis Kingy, do you have a tip for this one?
‘Well Piggy both of these teams have won more games than they have lost and I have done some statistical analysis on this. Would you believe it if I told you that between all 18 teams, in games played this season, there are THE EXACT AMOUNT OF WINS AS LOSSES? This is an incredibly even season Piggy, and the stats never lie. These are clearly two above average teams. But I’m going to pick Carlton because I’m sick of talking about Fremantle and couldn’t stand to endure another week of Joey Montagna chirping off about them.’
..... Yep there you have it from Big Footy’s very own David King in the Big Footy Lab. In just a moment we will cross to Kelly Underwood for the first bounce. Thanks for tuning into the pre-game show, I’m Piggy Smalls. As always, stay safe and I hope you enjoy the game.
(Cuts to opening bounce... Underwood on commentary)
‘And there’s the first bounce, Darcy Tucker vs Pinonet... Tucker gets the tap to Brodie Williams of the Dockers who’s wrapped up by Walsh.....
Hello there Big Footy faithful and welcome to Optus Stadium for this mouth-watering top 8 clash between two teams on the rise in season 2022. Today sees the much improved and red-hot Fremantle Dockers taking on one of the other early season surprise packets, Michael Voss’ Carlton Blues. With two great escape wins in the past fortnight, can the Blues give Freo the heave ho this evening, or will the Dockers continue their march towards their first finals appearance since 2015? We won’t have to wait long to find out, so strap yourselves in for one hell of an evening here in Perth.
Unfortunately, due to Covid health and safety protocols we have lost a couple of commentators at short notice for tonight’s clash. Rather than focus on who isn’t here, and without further ado, let’s introduce our commentary team for this blockbuster match. Kelly Underwood, welcome to Optus Stadium on this magical Perth evening. Kelly, who do you like in this one and why?
‘Well thanks there Piggy, I’m really pumped up and excited for this one. Nothing makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up like a good game of footy. I think it will be a Hard, Tough game won in the midfield. Can’t wait to see if Carlton gain the midfield ascendancy through Sam Walsh and Patrick Cripps or whether the dockers midfield led by Angus Brayshaw and Nat Fyfe can capitalise on Aaron Sandilands’ ruck dominance. I’m also looking forward to seeing if Freo’s backline talls of Brendon Cox and Axel Pearce can contain big Harry McKay and Charlie Curnow. It’s a tough one to pick Piggy but I will say Freo by 1 point due to the experience of former Sydney premiership coach John Longmire at the helm.’
Thanks Kelly, good to see you’ve done your research on both teams as usual. Good luck with the call tonight.
‘Thanks Piggy. Pumped to be taking the entire call tonight’
Well... our viewers at home certainly are in for a treat.
Crossing now to the boundary, let’s get some thoughts from Fremantle great Matthew Pavlich before the teams run out onto Optus Stadium. Matthew, how’s the atmosphere down there?
‘Thanks Piggy, it’s certainly great to be here and amongst the purple army. Although scanning the crowd, there are no shortage of Carlton supporters here. Speaking of which, I do have a Carlton supporter here with me. Welcome Kirk, are you confident on getting the win tonight?

‘Thanks Pav. Yep, I’ve already got the W in the book for this one. In fact, looking at the depth pushing through, we'll only get better this year. So if we permit injuries, we'll have tough games against Melbourne and Brisbane and might drop one of them’
‘Well that is some supreme confidence there Kirk. Good luck and all the best for your team tonight. Now I also have beloved Perthonality Kim Hagdorn here with me. Welcome Kim, what are your thoughts on tonight’s game?

‘Thanks Pav. It's almost club defining. Lose this game and they may as well fold and give their license to Tassie. Apart from Fyfe, the club has barely contributed anything meaningful to the comp in 25+ years’
‘Well... There you have it Piggy. Carlton’s supporter base keen to get the win and set up their season. Kim Hagdorn clearly not a big fan of yours truly...’
Thanks Pav. Now we have a very special treat for everyone here tonight. Carlton and Fremantle will both be led out to the field by live bands performing the clubs’ theme songs on their respective teams’ very own recommissioned band wagons. I can tell you that you will not want to miss this...
In the distance, getting louder...
“WE ARE THE NAVY BLUES... WE ARE THE OLD DARK NAVY BLUES...”
And here come Carlton led out to the field by a classic band and barber shop quartet on a beautifully recommissioned ‘95 Kernahan band wagon, named of course, for its instantly recognisable stick-like spokes. This machine has been rebuilt several times over the past 27 years but I must say I’ve not seen it look as shiny and impressive as it does in 2022. There are so many people aboard I can’t believe it hasn’t buckled under the sheer burden weight it is carrying!
The Carlton team are now assembled in front of the team banner while the band are off for a lap of Optus Stadium to raucous applause from the Carlton supporters in attendance. And what words of wisdom are on the team banner to motivate the Carlton players as they prepare for football war?
OOPS! WE WANTED BANFIELD - TRADSIES?
Well, this is scandalously scandalous people! Carlton are making a public plea to offload Cerra back to Freo for Bailey Banfield, the player they believed they were watching when negotiating a trade for Cerra last year! Oh my... There will be some fallout from this story so make sure you catch Footy Classified for Caro’s thoughts during the week. I think I can hear the Freo team approaching from the race and we are getting close to bounce down so make sure you get your first goal and margin multi on and of course, always bet responsibly.
“FREO HEAVE HO
FREO HEAVE HO
GIVE EM ALL THE OLD FREO HEAVE HO...”
And here comes the Freo team led out onto Optus Stadium by Eskimo Joe in a beautifully recommissioned 2013 McPavilands Turbo bandwagon. And my oh my it seems like half of Western Australia is aboard this Fremantle bandwagon. Unbelievable scenes!

This is the same bandwagon, of course, that was garaged after suffering engine problems late in 2015 and then was infamously set on fire in 2016 in a crime that shocked the football community. I’m sure most Western Australians remember the ensuing media storm when notorious bandwagon arsonist Owen Ten was first charged with, and then convicted of the crime in what was at the time dubbed the case of the century.
(Real photo of arsonist Owen Ten)

Fremantle supporters aboard this recommissioned 2013 McPavilands Turbo are shouting out plenty of words of encouragement and support for their beloved team as they speed around the boundary line at Optus Stadium and continue to gather speed.
‘Cerra is a seagull!’
‘Carlton is a cancer on the AFL. Let’s smash those campaigners!’
‘Chapman for Prime Minister!’
‘I love you Baeshaw’
‘Smash the living daylights out of them’
OH MY GOD SOMETHING IS WRONG!! The 2013 McPavilands Turbo is out of control and with double the safe capacity of passengers on board! It is heading right for the back of the recommissioned ‘95 Kernahan! Carlton supporters and the band are frantically jumping off the bandwagon as quickly as they can but it’s too late. Oh the humanity of it all! Passengers on the Fremantle band wagon are hanging on for dear life as it now runs into the back of its opposing number! Fire has broken out, Oh my lord the supporters are going berserk, there are fights breaking out all over Optus Stadium. I think we need to cut back to the studio while security, police and paramedics attempt to control the situation.

Well...The fans certainly are pumped for this one! Wowwee!! Now we will cross to David King in the Big Footy Lab.
Big Footy Lab with David King
(David King - pictured)

‘Thanks Piggy. Tonight’s game will be won and lost in the contest, and we all know the contest starts in the middle. For years we have been talking Fyfe V Cripps but those two are both missing and these teams have evolved in recent times. Some of the youth on both sides is top shelf, future stars of the competition kind of talents. The match up I really want to see, and I think everyone wants to see, is Brayshaw V Walsh.
Both young, hard running, lead from the front mids who can get it on the inside and hurt you on the outside if you give them space. Top draft picks, 2 and 1 in 2017 and 2018 respectively, both top shelf talents who could hold the key to their team’s chances not only tonight, but throughout this season.
I want to look at some head to head stats for season to date averages. Piggy, some of these numbers are extraordinary:
Disposals: Brayshaw 30.8 Walsh: 33
Cont. Pos: Brayshaw 9.4 Walsh 8.8
Unct. Pos: Brayshaw 21 Walsh 24.8
Tackles: Brayshaw 6.0 Walsh: 3.8
Clearances: Brayshaw 3.8 Walsh 3.0
Score Inv: Brayshaw 8.2 Walsh 6.8
Mtrs Gained: Brayshaw 523 Walsh 319
Disposal Eff: Brayshaw 70% Walsh 78%
‘Brayshaw is involved in more of his team’s score involvements than any other mid in the comp. Even with a hard tag he imposes himself and leads from the front. 63% of his possessions are kicks so his disposal efficiency of 70% is very respectable indeed. This kid is an absolute aerobic beast. His ability to get from contest to contest might only be surpassed by a couple of players, Touk Miller and possibly Brayshaw’s opponent tonight, Sam Walsh. For kids aspiring to be AFL midfielders, you’ve just got to come and watch the way Sam Walsh works in a game of footy. He just does not stop. Averaging 90% game time. He plays a slightly different game to Brayshaw and handballs with 55% of his disposals resulting in him taking less territory but he does put other players in great positions with his disposal efficiency. He runs hard to create space for teammates and is damaging in close and in space. Whichever of these two future leaders can get on top could go a long way to deciding the outcome of this match.’
Also in the middle there will be another battle providing a really interesting sub plot. Fans of both sides will be keen to see how prized recruit Adam Cerra, who Carlton gave up pick 6 at the 2021 NAB AFL Draft for, goes against the player that Fremantle essentially got as a free hit with the cap space Cerra’s departure gave them - Will Brodie. Brodie is in red-hot form filling the void created by the loss of Cerra and the ongoing absence of Nat Fyfe, while Cerra has been consistent but not as prolific as Brodie. They are different players but there are some stats worth noting (as per heading into Rd 5):
Disposals: Brodie 27 Cerra 22.7
Cont. Poss: Brodie 14.8 Cerra 8.7
Tackles: Brodie 5.5 Cerra 5.3
Clearances: Brodie 6.2 Cerra 3.7
Score Inv: Brodie 5.2 Cerra 5.3
Metres Gained: Brodie 305 Cerra 313
Disp. Eff: Brodie 64% Cerra 76%
(Photo below - Cerra catches Brodie high during a 2021 game)

The last match up I want to look at is Curnow and McKay V Pearce and Cox. There’s been a bit of talk and praise for this Freo defence Piggy, and I want to see how they stand up against Charlie and big Harry. All the talk means nothing if Freo don’t back it up. Both Harry and Charlie average 2.25 goals per game through the first four rounds and when they’re not kicking them themselves they are bringing the smalls around them into the game. Pearce and Cox will be looking for plenty of support from Ryan,Chapman and Young to come in and intercept but if Carlton win it out the front of the stoppages Fremantle will struggle to contain the big Carlton forwards. If Fremantle get the game on their terms in the contest they will look to rebound and score from turnover. They have been the most effective team at this so far in 2022.’
Great analysis Kingy, do you have a tip for this one?
‘Well Piggy both of these teams have won more games than they have lost and I have done some statistical analysis on this. Would you believe it if I told you that between all 18 teams, in games played this season, there are THE EXACT AMOUNT OF WINS AS LOSSES? This is an incredibly even season Piggy, and the stats never lie. These are clearly two above average teams. But I’m going to pick Carlton because I’m sick of talking about Fremantle and couldn’t stand to endure another week of Joey Montagna chirping off about them.’
..... Yep there you have it from Big Footy’s very own David King in the Big Footy Lab. In just a moment we will cross to Kelly Underwood for the first bounce. Thanks for tuning into the pre-game show, I’m Piggy Smalls. As always, stay safe and I hope you enjoy the game.
(Cuts to opening bounce... Underwood on commentary)
‘And there’s the first bounce, Darcy Tucker vs Pinonet... Tucker gets the tap to Brodie Williams of the Dockers who’s wrapped up by Walsh.....
let’s get the w
