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Roast Inner Feral Fan Unleashed - Warning - Unbridled, passionate, and objectionable opinions within

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It really bothers me how unable some are to enjoy footy without drawing reference - positive or negative - to how we've gone, either in the past or in the moment. As in, you can't enjoy a decent if fairly predictable GF in which none of Richmond, Collingwood or Essendon participated without feeling a need to pontificate on where we are lacking compared to either side or how we really missed out this year.

On one hand, I get it. This is the Carlton forum, and blaming people for posting about Carlton on it is rather silly of me. But not every single thread needs to be about list management or about killing what joy in the sport can be found in watching neutral games.

Simply put, is it so impossible to just enjoy a game of footy? Need we insert our own viccitudes into every neutral contest, our own trajectory into games in which we aren't involved?

Need you begrudge other's enjoyment of said neutral contest with that most damnable of phrases, "what if?"
My summer feral fan will take you up on your 'vicissitudes'....? That should have been our motto last year. Of course we are entitled to pontificate, and barrack, so that no other team near us gets nearer to our 16. That's irrational and appropriate.
 

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My summer feral fan will take you up on your 'vicissitudes'....? That should have been our motto last year. Of course we are entitled to pontificate, and barrack, so that no other team near us gets nearer to our 16. That's irrational and appropriate.
I get grumpy when my phone autocorrects my spelling from what I typed into something different. Vicissitudes is what I meant with my post, and I still mean it now.

Do we truly need to contaminate our universal gameday discussion - in which we discuss the other games that round - with not even veiled references to how shit we are? Is it genuinely impossible to enjoy a game of footy we aren't involved in without drawing reference to how we lost to one or both teams and shouldn't have?

Is self flagellation required to be a Carlton supporter? How many straps do I owe myself because I've refused to partake?

Why can certain people refuse to allow games that don't involve us to not involve us?
 
After Dawks win, I wondered if there isn't AFL club I didn't think negatively about (apart from the Blues, of course). Answer was nope, but a couple came close to being somewhat likeable... Anyway, just my thoughts, with one or two reasons why...

Adelaide: what is there to like about Adelaide itself? Once you leave it you get fantastic wineries, coastal areas, etc, but Adelaide itself? Also, pre-season camp, racist former captain, Simon Goodwin, etc
Brisbane: it's been Hawthornised... (and please, Country Road...?)
Collingwood: need I say anything... (ok, FIGJAM).
Essendon: Sheedy, Hird, need I say more?
Fremantle: are they relevant?
Geelong: C.Scott
Gold Coast: plastic... (actually, 1 of the 2 sides somewhat passable... oh, that's right, Hardwick...)
GWS Giants: plastic, but passable...? (OK, now where is Jake Stringer this year...)
Hawthorn: Kennett, Lewis... oh, and the colours... need I say more?
Melbourne: Goodwin
North Melbourne: like, who cares...? (Oh, and sadly, one of the greatest on field players who off field is a totally different story, plus Clarkson x2, 1987, and now ...)
Port Adelaide: Adelaide's dark side (do admire their SANFL achievements, but really)
Richmond: Hardwick, chopsticks, and chicken poo...
St Kilda: irrelevant, who have more noterity for their mutiple abhorrent off field shenanigans
Sydney Swans: OK, I could give a pass,
West Coast: drugs...
Western Bulldogs: my first thought is to say Bevo, but oh, that's right, L.Darcy...
 
Hi folks,
I am hereby taking a year off from following this mentally fragile, weak, embarrassing and unwatchable rabble. Maybe I'll be back in 2026. I genuinely wish you all well in the meantime.
 
Fogarty is not best 22
Doc either plays the whole game to get a single quarter of quality or not at all.
Evans ?
McGov has not a single defensive bone in his body
Saad needs to hit targets when he takes off otherwise he ends up being out of position on the rebound.
Forwards need to lead.
Harry must keep his feet and stop being out bodied all the time.
 
The fact that an absurd amount of people seem to be blaming Thursday night's loss on Carlton Respects, in a game that had nothing to do with Carlton Respects, as though Carlton Respects had anything to do with the football department.

Not sure these guys are who y'all want to emulate:
1741998346936.jpeg
 
Seeing as we all have our dander up, I'd like to get something off my chest.

I was sitting high in the Olympic stand, had brought a mate who had just become an Australian citizen to see his first game at the G. We spent all ****ing game with our view obscured because the people in front and beside us were constantly getting up during the quarter to go and get food, or were rocking up after play had resumed with food and drinks.

The worst of it was the start of the game. In this instance, there were two people who needed to get to the middle of the ****ing row in front of us just as the first siren went and the ball got bounced: I missed the first bounce of the ****ing game because those people rocked up late, forcing the entire row behind them to miss the first bounce.

I genuinely do not understand why people cannot get to their seats in time, or arrange to do it so everyone in the ****ing line has to get up and move for you as the game is starting.

You're there to watch the footy. You're not there to eat crappy food and drink beer at $15 a drink. **** me running.
 

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Seeing as we all have our dander up, I'd like to get something off my chest.

I was sitting high in the Olympic stand, had brought a mate who had just become an Australian citizen to see his first game at the G. We spent all ****ing game with our view obscured because the people in front and beside us were constantly getting up during the quarter to go and get food, or were rocking up after play had resumed with food and drinks.

The worst of it was the start of the game. In this instance, there were two people who needed to get to the middle of the ****ing row in front of us just as the first siren went and the ball got bounced: I missed the first bounce of the ****ing game because those people rocked up late, forcing the entire row behind them to miss the first bounce.

I genuinely do not understand why people cannot get to their seats in time, or arrange to do it so everyone in the ****ing line has to get up and move for you as the game is starting.

You're there to watch the footy. You're not there to eat crappy food and drink beer at $15 a drink. **** me running.
Nothing drives me mad more than people getting up 5-10 mins before the end of the qtr

Sit the **** down and watch the game, you are not there to eat, drink or socialise. Watch the game and do what you need to do between breaks
 
The "be nice, don't hurt someone's feelings" attitude played a part.

This playing group don't like being told off, they want to be cuddled day and night.

The coach was as tough as they come as a player... as a coach he's as soft as a turd. He repeats himself over and over to drive his message, but when the higher profile players don't adhere to it, he continues to keep them in the side and drops the usual scapegoats or lesser rated players.

He has nfi tactically... sorry but 4th year now and same old shit.

The list has been poorly managed too... haven't brought in a solid 2nd KPD since Jones got sacked. Could see the midfield issues a mile away... only attempted to address it last off season.

There's no leadership out there either. When things get tough, we rely too heavily on Cripps to step up... STILL.

The fact they couldn't get up for round 1 against the wooden spooners is extremely worrying...

Until we have a coach who is not afraid of hurting feelings and has some clue on how the game is played these days... we will go nowhere.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I'm going to bump this:
It's more that we needed Cuningham, Boyd, Fog and Kemp in (plus Kennedy for Hewitt, almost regardless of form) to keep our side above what I'm going to label a minimum across the board leg speed in defense. Kennedy is faster than Hewitt; Kemp is faster than Marchbank; Cuningham is faster than Mots; Fog is faster than Owies; Boyd is faster than Fish, and is much faster than Kemp and Marchbank.

Hollands and Acres have shown up the rest of the side for defensive running, but with those 4 in we are not getting beaten to our opposition's back 50. Leg speed also comes out in tackling: you are less likely to get shrugged off or get wrongfooted if you're closer.

Turnovers are how the game is played at present, and turnovers are built in no small way on speed. The easiest way to put speed on the ball is through clear run; disposal requires vision and skill, where legspeed is something you select for. Boyd is a wonderful compromise between legspeed, defensive nous and a wonderful, wonderful kick when he's used appropriately, and it bothers me a bit that the fans were so enamoured with Marchbank's intercept marking and Fish's disposal tally that they simply didn't get it.
... because it explains why I think we're going to be in for a rough year.

We've gotten rid of a number of the faster options for their position without really replacing them. Add that to crucial absences in Newman - who is our best kick, bar none, and is as big an out as Charlie would be; we saw how our backline founders without him providing chopout, leadership and pinpoint accuracy by foot - and Boyd who are our best kicks exiting back half, and we couldn't get deep or quick penetration to our front half of the ground, guaranteeing repeat entries and pressure in our back half.

We lack the pace through the flanks and the front half to satisfactorily transfer the ball, and we lack the disposal from back half to adequately switch quickly enough to take advantage. With Charlie in we'll score more heavily, but transition will still be a massive problem.

The other thing is, this feels to an extent to be self inflicted. Sure, Lij being away isn't something we could've predicted, but we got rid of Owies, Kennedy, Cuningham, Marchbank, and Martin; of that list, four of them comprised a component of our small game. We didn't really replace them; Evans for Owies I can kind of buy, but Motlop is not faster than Jack Martin and is a much worse aerial presence, Kemp forward has unsettled the back half to the degree that Haynes isn't making up the difference. Jagga would've been real ****ing handy, but we couldn't predict that; well... we could, given the sheer number of injuries that plague us at all ****ing times.

I wonder if the grim pronouncement from Cook at the start of 2023's season - that he reiterated in 2024 - that the list build wasn't remotely done was an acknowledgement that we needed to recontextualise. Do what Sydney did between 2019-2022, when they quietly traded off a number of players - Aliir, Hewitt, Newman, Hannebury, Mitchell, Jones, Rohan -and got in a whole heap of young talent; Florent, Hayward, McCartin, Amartey, Rowbottom, Blakey, McInerney, Warner, Gulden between 2019 and 2022. Port did something similar between 2016 and 2020; getting rid of Ryder, O'Shea, Toumpas, Wingard, Polec, Impey, Pittard, Frampton, for SPP, Drew, Marshall, Burton, Butters, Rozee, Duursma, Georgiades and JHF. These aren't full blown rebuilds; they use the bones of the previous side, but by revamping the edges you can completely revamp playing style, ball movement, speed, approach.

The key here is that during both recontextualisations, both Hinkley and Horse were quietly allowed to go through them with continuity of leadership and approach, with stable playing lists and buy in. Carlton is at all times a bad loss to Richmond, Collingwood or Essendon away from losing the coach and the entire coaching department if not causing a board spill. I do not know if Voss is the right person to coach us, but what I do know is that if there is a plan here within list management to recontextualise the playing list in this way, there is a need for stability around the general approach and planning that removal of the entire cohort of coaches does not achieve.
 
I don't understand why people on this board seem to be surprised when we've lost our first two games.

Charlie Curnow
2022: 64 goals
2023: 81 goals
2024: 57 goals
From 69 games
Average goals over those three years: 2.92 goals a game.

Harry McKay
2021: 58 goals
2022: 29 goals
2023: 45 goals
2024: 49 goals
From 80 games
Average goals over those four years: 2.26 goals a game.

Matt Owies
2023: 27 goals
2024: 33 goals.
From 41 games
Average... you get it: 1.46

Collectively, that's 6.64 goals a game over this time period; obviously, you can't immediately add Charlie's average to 2021 as it'd affect Harry's 58, and you can't immediately assume that Owies would be similarly prolific in previous years as he was always a bit of a slow burn. But look at our scores both weeks - 69 and 60, with an awful lot of missed shots in there - with either Charlie missing and an underdone/out of focus Harry or an underdone Charlie and no Owies, and you can see why we simply cannot produce easy scores.

It frustrates me when people compare us to Melbourne because Melbourne have nothing ahead of the ball. Melbourne were impotent yesterday when their mids got beaten in the final term purely because when they had the supremacy they couldn't get it to stick on the scoreboard; entry after entry without damage, going straight to Comben. This sounds familiar only because over the past two weeks we see precisely what life before and after our spearheads are gone, and you have some dipsticks in other threads contemplating trading them?

This is stupid. With both Harry and Charlie in, we immediately are at the very least a 4 goals a game better, if not more. We've lost two games with a disfunctional forward line, but it's only disfunctional because there's key parts missing and misfiring.

Then, we look at what's going on in defense. Haynes is a player with more experience than Kemp at doing what Kemp does; he frees up Kemp to play front half. At no point in his career has Kemp just been allowed to grow into a role or a natural position; he's been a bandaid and it's stunted his development. Haynes mightn't have worked yet, but that is no guarantee that it won't work ever. No Newman is as big an absence in the back half as Curnow or Harry are in the front, because you lose possessions, game read, quality disposal, hardness, experience and structure. You see Haynes and Gov panicking, it's because Newman's not there.

There's also a wider trend across the comp in which where once AFL teams could break the rules of defending with impunity - kicking across the face of goal, spoiling into the corridor, going for marks ahead of spoiling, etc - all teams are making blues breaking these rules. It's coming awry for everyone, not just us; ironically, the biggest offender here is Sydney. While you can blame Gov and Haynes, even Lewis Young for defensive mishaps - and you should to an extent - it's really not just them. Georgiades dropped a simpler chest mark in their game this week than Doc did, yet y'all are telling me he's done?

I am frustrated with my team, but I am equally if not more frustrated by people who watch just as much footy as I do yet somehow cannot see the forest for the trees.

Alright. Come at me.
 
I don't understand why people on this board seem to be surprised when we've lost our first two games.

Charlie Curnow
2022: 64 goals
2023: 81 goals
2024: 57 goals
From 69 games
Average goals over those three years: 2.92 goals a game.

Harry McKay
2021: 58 goals
2022: 29 goals
2023: 45 goals
2024: 49 goals
From 80 games
Average goals over those four years: 2.26 goals a game.

Matt Owies
2023: 27 goals
2024: 33 goals.
From 41 games
Average... you get it: 1.46

Collectively, that's 6.64 goals a game over this time period; obviously, you can't immediately add Charlie's average to 2021 as it'd affect Harry's 58, and you can't immediately assume that Owies would be similarly prolific in previous years as he was always a bit of a slow burn. But look at our scores both weeks - 69 and 60, with an awful lot of missed shots in there - with either Charlie missing and an underdone/out of focus Harry or an underdone Charlie and no Owies, and you can see why we simply cannot produce easy scores.

It frustrates me when people compare us to Melbourne because Melbourne have nothing ahead of the ball. Melbourne were impotent yesterday when their mids got beaten in the final term purely because when they had the supremacy they couldn't get it to stick on the scoreboard; entry after entry without damage, going straight to Comben. This sounds familiar only because over the past two weeks we see precisely what life before and after our spearheads are gone, and you have some dipsticks in other threads contemplating trading them?

This is stupid. With both Harry and Charlie in, we immediately are at the very least a 4 goals a game better, if not more. We've lost two games with a disfunctional forward line, but it's only disfunctional because there's key parts missing and misfiring.

Then, we look at what's going on in defense. Haynes is a player with more experience than Kemp at doing what Kemp does; he frees up Kemp to play front half. At no point in his career has Kemp just been allowed to grow into a role or a natural position; he's been a bandaid and it's stunted his development. Haynes mightn't have worked yet, but that is no guarantee that it won't work ever. No Newman is as big an absence in the back half as Curnow or Harry are in the front, because you lose possessions, game read, quality disposal, hardness, experience and structure. You see Haynes and Gov panicking, it's because Newman's not there.

There's also a wider trend across the comp in which where once AFL teams could break the rules of defending with impunity - kicking across the face of goal, spoiling into the corridor, going for marks ahead of spoiling, etc - all teams are making blues breaking these rules. It's coming awry for everyone, not just us; ironically, the biggest offender here is Sydney. While you can blame Gov and Haynes, even Lewis Young for defensive mishaps - and you should to an extent - it's really not just them. Georgiades dropped a simpler chest mark in their game this week than Doc did, yet y'all are telling me he's done?

I am frustrated with my team, but I am equally if not more frustrated by people who watch just as much footy as I do yet somehow cannot see the forest for the trees.

Alright. Come at me.
My bigger issue is the trend.

The trend is that we are falling further and further behind the latest strategic improvements.

2023 we got our act together and went pretty close to challenging with a list in a fantastic age profile.

2024 saw major cracks start to open. Despite having incredible talents in the forwardline, we couldn't create space or marks on the lead. Instead our dumb gameplan led to crap ball movement and long bombs to our forwards. Our superior talent papered over the cracks in our overall strategy.

2025 the leading ball movement and rebound game has continued to evolve. Meanwhile we're still bombing it to packs. When we win a free or a contested mark, it doesn't matter because the next kick is just long down the line to another 50/50 anyway.

We're trending downwards and our super-talented players aren't in good enough form to paper over it. At this stage I think we'll go 3-1 given we have WCE and North coming up and Voss (when we're 3-3 overall) will take it as a sign to double down and keep persisting with winning contests. IMO he's a dumbass and the only way we scrape into finals this year is if we fix our ball movement via gamestyle change.
 
My bigger issue is the trend.

The trend is that we are falling further and further behind the latest strategic improvements.

2023 we got our act together and went pretty close to challenging with a list in a fantastic age profile.

2024 saw major cracks start to open. Despite having incredible talents in the forwardline, we couldn't create space or marks on the lead. Instead our dumb gameplan led to crap ball movement and long bombs to our forwards. Our superior talent papered over the cracks in our overall strategy.

2025 the ball movement and rebound game has continued to evolve. Meanwhile we're still bombing it to packs. When we win a free or a contested mark, it doesn't matter because the next kick is just long down the line to another 50/50 anyway.

We're trending downwards and our super-talented players aren't in good enough form to paper over it. At this stage I think we'll go 3-1 given we have WCE and North coming up and Voss will take it as a sign to double down and keep persisting with winning contests. IMO he's a dumbass.
This irritates me.

Are you genuinely saying that you do not think there is a single player on our list that cannot kick a low dart to a leading forward???

Every single part of this requires ignoring the context, which is that Boyd, Newman aren't in the ones, we're two ****ing games in and the entire team hasn't got their act together. You want a trend? How about looking at Brian Cook's statement that our rebuild wasn't anywhere near completed, that was reiterated at the beginning of last year; how about the cycling and filtering out of players 21 and above who were not playing ones and who were not getting consistent games.

Do people actually look to see?

This whole board reeks of excitement soured rather than anything of substance.
 

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And the next post will be, why hasn't the team got their act together? And that's a ****ing good question, but it's also one that is exceedingly negotiable for someone willing to pay attention: internal rumblings of dissatisfaction and demotivation over Sayers' exit.

And such doesn't last. Brisbane were in a spot of bother early last year due to a Vegas trip, yet that didn't hurt them when push came to shove.
 
This irritates me.

Are you genuinely saying that you do not think there is a single player on our list that cannot kick a low dart to a leading forward???

Every single part of this requires ignoring the context, which is that Boyd, Newman aren't in the ones, we're two ****ing games in and the entire team hasn't got their act together. You want a trend? How about looking at Brian Cook's statement that our rebuild wasn't anywhere near completed, that was reiterated at the beginning of last year; how about the cycling and filtering out of players 21 and above who were not playing ones and who were not getting consistent games.

Do people actually look to see?

This whole board reeks of excitement soured rather than anything of substance.
Odd response rebutting things I didn't even raise.

I didn't blame the players. I'm sure we do have players capable of low darts (Cerra, Williams, Curnow, McGovern for example) but that's not how we're setting up. That doesn't appear to be our focus or gameplan, and it hasn't for around 2 years, not just 2 games.
 
I don't understand why people on this board seem to be surprised when we've lost our first two games.

Charlie Curnow
2022: 64 goals
2023: 81 goals
2024: 57 goals
From 69 games
Average goals over those three years: 2.92 goals a game.

Harry McKay
2021: 58 goals
2022: 29 goals
2023: 45 goals
2024: 49 goals
From 80 games
Average goals over those four years: 2.26 goals a game.

Matt Owies
2023: 27 goals
2024: 33 goals.
From 41 games
Average... you get it: 1.46

Collectively, that's 6.64 goals a game over this time period; obviously, you can't immediately add Charlie's average to 2021 as it'd affect Harry's 58, and you can't immediately assume that Owies would be similarly prolific in previous years as he was always a bit of a slow burn. But look at our scores both weeks - 69 and 60, with an awful lot of missed shots in there - with either Charlie missing and an underdone/out of focus Harry or an underdone Charlie and no Owies, and you can see why we simply cannot produce easy scores.

It frustrates me when people compare us to Melbourne because Melbourne have nothing ahead of the ball. Melbourne were impotent yesterday when their mids got beaten in the final term purely because when they had the supremacy they couldn't get it to stick on the scoreboard; entry after entry without damage, going straight to Comben. This sounds familiar only because over the past two weeks we see precisely what life before and after our spearheads are gone, and you have some dipsticks in other threads contemplating trading them?

This is stupid. With both Harry and Charlie in, we immediately are at the very least a 4 goals a game better, if not more. We've lost two games with a disfunctional forward line, but it's only disfunctional because there's key parts missing and misfiring.

Then, we look at what's going on in defense. Haynes is a player with more experience than Kemp at doing what Kemp does; he frees up Kemp to play front half. At no point in his career has Kemp just been allowed to grow into a role or a natural position; he's been a bandaid and it's stunted his development. Haynes mightn't have worked yet, but that is no guarantee that it won't work ever. No Newman is as big an absence in the back half as Curnow or Harry are in the front, because you lose possessions, game read, quality disposal, hardness, experience and structure. You see Haynes and Gov panicking, it's because Newman's not there.

There's also a wider trend across the comp in which where once AFL teams could break the rules of defending with impunity - kicking across the face of goal, spoiling into the corridor, going for marks ahead of spoiling, etc - all teams are making blues breaking these rules. It's coming awry for everyone, not just us; ironically, the biggest offender here is Sydney. While you can blame Gov and Haynes, even Lewis Young for defensive mishaps - and you should to an extent - it's really not just them. Georgiades dropped a simpler chest mark in their game this week than Doc did, yet y'all are telling me he's done?

I am frustrated with my team, but I am equally if not more frustrated by people who watch just as much footy as I do yet somehow cannot see the forest for the trees.

Alright. Come at me.
You've just highlighted that having the 2 superstars fit hides many woes and allows the team to play the way they do. Superstars justifying poor systems because they're just too good anyway....

This team is and has been for years. Superstars or bust.
 
You've just highlighted that having the 2 superstars fit hides many woes and allows the team to play the way they do. Superstars justifying poor systems because they're just too good anyway....

This team is and has been for years. Superstars or bust.
2023 run.... Walsh going ****ing ballistic and winning best player in the finals without even playing the grand final.
 
Odd response rebutting things I didn't even raise.

I didn't blame the players. I'm sure we do have players capable of low darts (Cerra, Williams, Curnow, McGovern for example) but that's not how we're setting up. That doesn't appear to be our focus or gameplan, and it hasn't for around 2 years, not just 2 games.
... which is you assuming a trend after two games.

Dude, we absolutely had a transition game. We won most of the games in the first half of last year due to our transition game, before player availability scuppered that. We don't have the list to do it without near universal availability, because the players recruited to do it simply never came on.

No, what you're pointing to is a series of results shorn of the context that produced them, and then pointing at the coach, who is doing whatever he can - given our president was Luke Sayers, whose every breath was in pursuit of reassuring Carlton supporters that finals were on the menu at every course - to get whatever wins he can scrape, fully ****ing cognisant that at all times a Carlton coach is vulnerable if they lose to Richmond, Collingwood or Essendon and don't make finals.
You've just highlighted that having the 2 superstars fit hides many woes and allows the team to play the way they do. Superstars justifying poor systems because they're just too good anyway....

This team is and has been for years. Superstars or bust.
What I'm pointing at - rather hard, with my eyebrows going up and down dramatically, whilst holding a sign which says "Look at where I'm pointing!!!" - is that we're currently going through a list recontextualisation, one that has been flagged by management multiple times over the last two years. Our moves during multiple trade and draft periods do not make sense without this context.

We are moving sideways while filtering out players who are too old, not good enough, or excessively paid for their average performance. We have two more of the latter category to deal with and we'll get in a few more cheap mature players - Hewitt, Newman and Acres were all very cheap for what they provide - and we'll get in some more kids while the ones we've got improve.

This is why I'm grumpy. We're on the edge of ****ing this up, again; dumping the coach and changing the regime, just as we ****ing did with Malthouse, and just as we did with Teague.

All of it, purely because supposedly adult humans cannot deal with Harry McKay missing a week or Charlie Curnow not looking his best, which - and I say it again - is the difference between us beating Richmond and Hawthorn and losing both games.
 
What I find bizzare, everyone is mostly coming at coaching, rather than the players and recruiting

In fact, both the latter seem to be protected from criticism

Of course everyone in football knows its easier to sack one person, possibly gain a super hit, keep membership dollars flowing, rather than moving on a number of players and the recruiting department

Sure, address the short-term fix, but in doing so, get brutal with root cause
 

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