Lame Jokes Part 2

[rocker_oz33]

Teacher asks little Johnny what does your father do for work little Johnny says hes a magician.
Oh wow thats interesting whats his best magic trick ? Sawing people in half little Johnny says and l have a half brother and 2 half sister's.

 

[rocker_oz33]

A bra and jumping leads walk into a pub.
They ask the barmen for some beers the barman refuses them drinks.
Barman says to them I can see your of your **** and you're about to start someting.

 

[rocker_oz33]

Hey google good for lame jokes.

Why was 6 afraid of 7 ? 7 ate 8 and 9 crunch crunch.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I got into an argument with someone about scissors.

We were both told to cut it out.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Oh that reminded me.

I once was babbling on about another pair of scissors.

The audience wanted me to cut to the chase.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I swear I'm not cut out for scissor jokes.

 

[GreyCrow]

I swear I'm not cut out for scissor jokes.

Not sharp enough to get them?

 

[yodellinhank]

Not sharp enough to get them?

they're a bit cutting edge

 

[rocker_oz33]

Sharp and witty.

 

[Damp Squarie]

Very tired today because I stayed up all night wondering what happened to the sun.
Then it dawned on me.....!

 

[Procrastinator35]

What type of wood doesn't float?

Natalie.

You're terrible Muriel.

 

[Walesy]

Hey google good for lame jokes.

Why was 6 afraid of 7 ? 7 ate 8 and 9 crunch crunch.

Cause 7 was a registered six offender

 

[rocker_oz33]

Why was the broom late.

It over swept.

 

[GreyCrow]

Why was the broom late.

It over swept.

Finally , a clean joke

 

[TMFKAV]

Guess who I saw today ?

Everyone I looked at

On [device_name] using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[rocker_oz33]

Q. What keeps rock stars cool.

A. They're fans.

 

[Damp Squarie]

The Australian preacher inquired "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, an Aboriginal got in line, and when it was his turn, the vicar asked "Mulrunji, what do you want me to pray about for you ?"

Mulrunji replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Mulrunji's ear, placed his other hand on top of Mulrunji's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed.

He prayed to the 'Almighty' for Mulrunji, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Mulrunji, how is your hearing now ?"

Mulrunji answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week !"

 

[rocker_oz33]

Why does everyone like mushroom.

Because hes such a fungi.

 

[TMFKAV]

I'll just leave this here

On [device_name] using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Did you know my torso's the shape of an apple?
I'm working on the core.

 

[GreyCrow]

Did you know my torso's the shape of an apple?
I'm working on the core.

My torso is the shape of a pear

Looks like there is 2 of me

 

[Wallaby]

My torso is the shape of a pear

Looks like there is 2 of me

Well, at least I'm in shape.

Round is a shape, isn't it?

 

[BrewSmackerVeiny]

My stomach is like the shape of the earth, people used to call it flat, now they call it round.

 

[rocker_oz33]

Why did the Orange stop half way up the hill.

It ran out of juice .

 

[Duritz]

The Australian preacher inquired "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, an Aboriginal got in line, and when it was his turn, the vicar asked "Mulrunji, what do you want me to pray about for you ?"

Mulrunji replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Mulrunji's ear, placed his other hand on top of Mulrunji's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed.

He prayed to the 'Almighty' for Mulrunji, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Mulrunji, how is your hearing now ?"

Mulrunji answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week !"

Oh I like that.