Lame Jokes Part 2

[RedmanWasHere]

To call the whole Elon Musk controversy “Elon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch.

What's his favourite lolly?

Musk sticks.

 

[wally funk]

I could talk to John Cleese.
I could talk to Terry Wogan.
Hell, I could talk to Michael Palin.

I could talk to all of the Monty Python crew.

Except Eric.
I don't like Idle chatter.

Very good gag, though a slight correction - Wogan is definitely not a Python. Though they did have two Terrys (Gilliam and Jones)

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Very good gag, though a slight correction - Wogan is definitely not a Python. Though they did have two Terrys (Gilliam and Jones)

Knew I'd **** it up somewhere.

 

[Wallaby]

Knew I'd **** it up somewhere.

Oooooh, cheeky! Pull yourself together.

 

[worbod]

I've just come back from England where I was studying asphalt and gravel. Now I'm a roads scholar.

 

[Andrewy]

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad an electrician I am.

 

[Andrewy]

I can cut down a tree only using my vision.



I saw it with my own eyes.

 

[STFU Donnie]

Very good gag, though a slight correction - Wogan is definitely not a Python. Though they did have two Terrys (Gilliam and Jones)

If anyone wants to have a hoot of a time, then they should seek out Wogan's commentary of the Eurovision song contest.

 

[Andrewy]

My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body.


I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.

 

[Andrewy]

My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick......Especially because his name’s Steve.

 

[Billy ray]

Today was a terrible day.
My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

 

[Aristotle Pickett]

I need to have glasses to see my family. Specifically, two glasses... of scotch

 

[Aristotle Pickett]

I was raised in a broken home, my father was a drunk carpenter

 

[Aristotle Pickett]

You know, I'm old enough to remember back to simpler, more innocent times, when the worst thing you'd hear about on the news was hijacked jet liners flying into buildings

 

[glitterball]

What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest

 

[Andrewy]

I suggested to my wife that she should embrace her mistakes.


Got my 1st hug in weeks.

 

[Andrewy]

The only thing that "Flat earthers" have to fear is sphere itself.

 

[Andrewy]

What has two butts and kills people?



An assassin.

 

[Andrewy]

I love my furniture.


My recliner and I go way back.

 

[Andrewy]

If anyone should wish to bequeath their gold to me..



I will be their bullion heir.

 

[worbod]

I took a cab home on Saturday night. The taxi driver shouted abuse at me as I drove away but I kind of expected that.

 

[Andrewy]

I love eye jokes...the cornea the better

 

[Andrewy]

Asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up.


Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.

 

[philreich]

Knew I'd **** it up somewhere.

Seems you're a bit like me. There's 3 things I can never remember - names, telephone numbers, and the third thing.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Seems you're a bit like me. There's 3 things I can never remember - names, telephone numbers, and the third thing.

I also have a list of 4 things.

This time, they are 4 things I don't like.

04: Leaving blanks.
01:
03: Lists.
05: Not paying attention to what I've typed.
02: Inconsistencies.