Lame jokes

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How do you catch a tame one??

Tame way..

My god thats terrible, but I always bring it out!!
 

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nivek48 said:
When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised no rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians stated they were all labouring under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body", while the Paediatricians said, "Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Radiologists could see right through it!

The physicians thought it was a bitter pill to swallow; and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no, so.......

In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some arseh*le in administration.
Click to expand...


And the Gynacolegist said 'what a C**t of a decision:cool:
 
S e x in the Dark
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on turning off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... "A vibrator" - soft, wonderful and larger than a real one!
She went completely ballistic.
'You impotent bastard,' She screamed at him, 'how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!'
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: 'I'll explain the toy . . . You explain the kids.'
 
Q. How do you make hot cross bunnies?

A. Pour boiling water down a rabbit hole.



Q. How do you catch a special rabbit?

A. You neek (unique) up on it.
 
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a men’s foursome playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed to the man, and immediately began to apologize - "Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me".

He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. "Oh, no, I'll be all right in a few minutes," he replied.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked "How does that feel"?

He replied: "It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken."
 
:D:D
That's very good Jim.



TRUE STORIES!!

JAPANESE SCIENTISTS HAVE CREATED A CAMERA WITH A SHUTTER SPEED SO FAST,
THEY CAN NOW PHOTOGRAPH A WOMAN WITH HER MOUTH SHUT.


A BOY ASKS HIS GRANNY, "HAVE YOU SEEN MY PILLS, THEY WERE LABELLED LSD?"
GRANNY REPLIES, "F... THE PILLS, HAVE YOU SEEN THE DRAGONS IN THE KITCHEN?!"


LITTLE BILLY ASKS HIS DAD FOR A TELLY IN HIS ROOM. DAD RELUCTANTLY AGREES.
NEXT DAY BILLY COMES DOWNSTAIRS AND ASKS, "DAD, WHAT'S LOVE JUICE?"
DAD LOOKS HORRIFIED AND TELLS BILLY ALL ABOUT SEX.
BILLY JUST SAT THERE WITH HIS MOUTH OPEN IN AMAZEMENT. DAD SAYS, "SO WHAT WERE YOU WATCHING?"
BILLY SAYS, "WIMBLEDON!"

A WOMAN STANDING NUDE IN FRONT OF A MIRROR, SAYS TO HER HUSBAND, "I LOOK HORRIBLE, I FEEL FAT & UGLY, PAY ME A COMPLIMENT."
HE REPLIES, "YOUR EYESIGHT IS PERFECT!"


WIFE GETS NAKED & ASKS HUBBY, "WHAT TURNS YOU ON MORE, MY PRETTY FACE OR MY SEXY BODY?"
HUBBY LOOKS HER UP & DOWN AND REPLIES, "YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR!"
 

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Angus1 said:
:D:D
That's very good Jim.



TRUE STORIES!!

JAPANESE SCIENTISTS HAVE CREATED A CAMERA WITH A SHUTTER SPEED SO FAST,
THEY CAN NOW PHOTOGRAPH A WOMAN WITH HER MOUTH SHUT.


A BOY ASKS HIS GRANNY, "HAVE YOU SEEN MY PILLS, THEY WERE LABELLED LSD?"
GRANNY REPLIES, "F... THE PILLS, HAVE YOU SEEN THE DRAGONS IN THE KITCHEN?!"


LITTLE BILLY ASKS HIS DAD FOR A TELLY IN HIS ROOM. DAD RELUCTANTLY AGREES.
NEXT DAY BILLY COMES DOWNSTAIRS AND ASKS, "DAD, WHAT'S LOVE JUICE?"
DAD LOOKS HORRIFIED AND TELLS BILLY ALL ABOUT SEX.
BILLY JUST SAT THERE WITH HIS MOUTH OPEN IN AMAZEMENT. DAD SAYS, "SO WHAT WERE YOU WATCHING?"
BILLY SAYS, "WIMBLEDON!"

A WOMAN STANDING NUDE IN FRONT OF A MIRROR, SAYS TO HER HUSBAND, "I LOOK HORRIBLE, I FEEL FAT & UGLY, PAY ME A COMPLIMENT."
HE REPLIES, "YOUR EYESIGHT IS PERFECT!"


WIFE GETS NAKED & ASKS HUBBY, "WHAT TURNS YOU ON MORE, MY PRETTY FACE OR MY SEXY BODY?"
HUBBY LOOKS HER UP & DOWN AND REPLIES, "YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR!"
Click to expand...

Top stuff!:D
 
An elephant asks a camel:
"why are your breasts on your back?"
"Well" says the camel
"thats a pretty strange question from someone whose dick is on their face"
 
THEBLOODS85 said:
S e x in the Dark
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on turning off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... "A vibrator" - soft, wonderful and larger than a real one!
She went completely ballistic.
'You impotent bastard,' She screamed at him, 'how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!'
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: 'I'll explain the toy . . . You explain the kids.'
Click to expand...
hahahahaha classic:thumbsu:
 
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
________________
Q. what do a b c d have in common?

A.They were all involved in that question
 
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and
generic name. Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin
and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.




The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After
careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced
that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.


Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available
in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself
a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new
meaning to the names of 'cocktails',
'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi
will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
 
Probably not that lame, but I like it.

Three guys are sitting in a bar, enjoying their beers when a man runs in and goes to the three men: "I've rooted your mum!"
The three guys are a little shocked, and the other man runs out.

15 minutes later, he comes back.
"Your mum's sucked my ___k!"
One of the guys gets up to say something but the other bloke runs out again.

15 minutes later, he's back.
"I've had your mum up the arse!"
Before he can run out again, one of the guys gets up, grabs him by the shoulders & says:

"Look, Dad. This is really embarrassing. You're pissed, now go home."
 
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