My trip to Adelaide

[Urkel]

A few weeks ago, the boss told me I had to attend a client function (the client is a sponsor of the Power) in Adelaide. What's worse, I was required (as part of some bs PR stunt) to attend the Port Adelaide vs Richmond game.

Having never been to Adelaide myself, I was curious to explore this much maligned city.

Now usually a business class ticket will guarantee you a peaceful journey to your destination, without a throng of annoying 5 year olds, or stupid people. How wrong I was.
Sitting next to me, was a old Adelaide women in a Crows beanie. And you know sometimes, as hard as you try, there are just those people that want to talk to you.
And not in a friendly polite way, but in a 'I'm going to look over your shoulder, see what you're doing, and then talk to you about it, as though you have nothing else to do' way.

So I was reading the autobiography of Peter Cosgrove, when this nosy Adelaide supporter looked over my shoulder. Now, as I found out on this journey, people from Adelaide like to think that they are the centre of the universe, and that those who were born in Adelaide are the most important people.

Imagine this hag's joy, when she though I was reading a book about that fatty cricketer. The stupid cow wouldn't shut up, about how Shane Warne was fat but still managed to play cricket. It took me a while to convince her, that I was reading a book about a different person.
But then, the person to the left of me, piped in.
It so happened that this person was a Port Adelaide supporter, that took umbrage to the fact that there was another Adelaide supporter in the plane.

What followed, made the Bay13 banter between Crows and Power supporters, seem like a UN debate.
AT the end of the flight that seemed like an eternity, I was left questioning, if for my whole life, I had misunderstood the application of the word "use."
And just a query, who the hell is Matt Thomas, and what the hell did he do wrong.

So I got out of the airport, and was initially worried that I had taken a flight to Alice Springs.
No, I was reassured by said Adelaide supporter, that I was indeed in the "city of churches."

So, I checked into my room at the Stamford Plaza, and poured myself a glass of water.

Now, I’ve been to Delhi, Astana and Ankara but I never thought that I could possibly taste worse water.
Evidently, you Adelaide people have some of the shittest tasting water in the world. How do you survive?

Any who, it was Saturday and I met up with the client at West Lakes. Now, why in the blue hell would you idiots build a stadium that is so for away from the city, devoid of ANY public transport what so ever.
AT least if you had a good stadium, it would be ok, but I reckon I’d have a better view of the match in a hot air balloon over the Barossa Valley, which is about the ONLY redeeming thing is SA>

Thank god Port Adelaide lost, and the few Richmond supporters that were in the ground, looked like dignified Royals compared the way some of the Power supporters acted.

And, the stereotypes of this stupid, God forsaken city are on the money. Walking around the city, it is little wonder why there are so few hairdressers. The simple law of supply and demand, and the fact that every Adelaide resident is compelled to grow their hair down past their necks, renders a hair dresser useless.

I can understand why Power and Crow supporters are always fighting. They must be so riled up, after visiting this shithole.
It makes Hobart look like a bustling metropolis.

Please share some of your experiences in this heckhole.

 

[Freddy Bassett]

If This Is An Effort By The Moderators To Unite Power And Crow Supporters, No Chance!

 

[Rascally]

Interesting post. You seem like the whiny sort of twats that would complain about anything. Here's a news flash for you; go overseas and see what people think about Melbourne. (althought I am sure that for the purpose of this thread you will simple makes something up).

Btw, the Stamford Plaza dont serve tap water. So I guess we dont need to go through the rest of the lies in your fantasy post.

SA is more the richer for you leaving it.

 

[super_phaser]

So I got out of the airport, and was initially worried that I had taken a flight to Alice Springs.

No, I was reassured by said Adelaide supporter, that I was indeed in the "city of churches."

.

LOL

Sums it up perfectly.

 

[Rascally]

If This Is An Effort By The Moderators To Unite Power And Crow Supporters, No Chance!

Nah, just a Poor troll, making up stories. Always good for a laugh thought, listening to Victorians try to make out Melbourne to be a wonderful place. Denial is their true companion.

 

[Urkel]

Interesting post. You seem like the whiny sort of twats that would complain about anything. Here's a news flash for you; go overseas and see what people think about Melbourne. (althought I am sure that for the purpose of this thread you will simple makes something up).

Btw, the Stamford Plaza dont serve tap water. So I guess we dont need to go through the rest of the lies in your fantasy post.

SA is more the richer for you leaving it.

Except of course the running water in the bathroom, which if i'm not mistaken comes from a tap.

You must also consider the fact that Melbourne is considered one of the best cities in the world, whilst Adelaide is known by the world as a song written by Beethoven.

 

[candiehappy]

Interesting post. You seem like the whiny sort of twats that would complain about anything. Here's a news flash for you; go overseas and see what people think about Melbourne. (althought I am sure that for the purpose of this thread you will simple makes something up).

Btw, the Stamford Plaza dont serve tap water. So I guess we dont need to go through the rest of the lies in your fantasy post.

SA is more the richer for you leaving it.

they don't have taps in the Hotel rooms?

 

[super_phaser]

Nah, just a Poor troll, making up stories. Always good for a laugh thought, listening to Victorians try to make out Melbourne to be a wonderful place. Denial is their true companion.

Yeah, thats why we get voted Worlds Most Liveable city every year.


Must be like Christmas for you South Aussie ferals when you finally save up enough dole money to make the trek down here.


Like a border jumping Mexican seeing Disneyland for the first time.

 

[Jumbo]

wasn't beer created so you don't have to drink our water?

 

[matty lloyd the champ]

Yeah, thats why we get voted Worlds Most Liveable city every year.


Must be like Christmas for you South Aussie ferals when you finally save up enough dole money to make the trek down here.


Like a border jumping Mexican seeing Disneyland for the first time.

You are full of s__t as always which is what's expected from a melbourne supporter. If you bothered looking up the facts you would have noticed that we weren't actually voted as the world's most liveable city. We came in as 16th behind sydney. Zurich was number 1.

 

[western jester]

wasn't beer created so you don't have to drink our water?

Hmmm, shitty Adelaide water or Coopers/West End beveridges? I'll take the water thanks.
Mind you, I'd take the Adelaide water over any of the Swan brewery's, urine like offerings too.

 

[Urkel]

Nah, just a Poor troll, making up stories. Always good for a laugh thought, listening to Victorians try to make out Melbourne to be a wonderful place. Denial is their true companion.

Why would I make up the fact that I went to Adelaide?

 

[PowerKop]

A good narrative although a tad unoriginal. Next time try and come up with some original thoughts. Good sentence structure and flow though. If I was marking that it would be a B +

 

[AGC]

A few weeks ago, the boss told me I had to attend a client function (the client is a sponsor of the Power) in Adelaide. What's worse, I was required (as part of some bs PR stunt) to attend the Port Adelaide vs Richmond game.

Having never been to Adelaide myself, I was curious to explore this much maligned city.

Now usually a business class ticket will guarantee you a peaceful journey to your destination, without a throng of annoying 5 year olds, or stupid people. How wrong I was.
Sitting next to me, was a old Adelaide women in a Crows beanie. And you know sometimes, as hard as you try, there are just those people that want to talk to you.
And not in a friendly polite way, but in a 'I'm going to look over your shoulder, see what you're doing, and then talk to you about it, as though you have nothing else to do' way.

So I was reading the autobiography of Peter Cosgrove, when this nosy Adelaide supporter looked over my shoulder. Now, as I found out on this journey, people from Adelaide like to think that they are the centre of the universe, and that those who were born in Adelaide are the most important people.

Imagine this hag's joy, when she though I was reading a book about that fatty cricketer. The stupid cow wouldn't shut up, about how Shane Warne was fat but still managed to play cricket. It took me a while to convince her, that I was reading a book about a different person.
But then, the person to the left of me, piped in.
It so happened that this person was a Port Adelaide supporter, that took umbrage to the fact that there was another Adelaide supporter in the plane.

What followed, made the Bay13 banter between Crows and Power supporters, seem like a UN debate.
AT the end of the flight that seemed like an eternity, I was left questioning, if for my whole life, I had misunderstood the application of the word "use."
And just a query, who the hell is Matt Thomas, and what the hell did he do wrong.

So I got out of the airport, and was initially worried that I had taken a flight to Alice Springs.
No, I was reassured by said Adelaide supporter, that I was indeed in the "city of churches."

So, I checked into my room at the Stamford Plaza, and poured myself a glass of water.

Now, I’ve been to Delhi, Astana and Ankara but I never thought that I could possibly taste worse water.
Evidently, you Adelaide people have some of the shittest tasting water in the world. How do you survive?

Any who, it was Saturday and I met up with the client at West Lakes. Now, why in the blue hell would you idiots build a stadium that is so for away from the city, devoid of ANY public transport what so ever.
AT least if you had a good stadium, it would be ok, but I reckon I’d have a better view of the match in a hot air balloon over the Barossa Valley, which is about the ONLY redeeming thing is SA>

Thank god Port Adelaide lost, and the few Richmond supporters that were in the ground, looked like dignified Royals compared the way some of the Power supporters acted.

And, the stereotypes of this stupid, God forsaken city are on the money. Walking around the city, it is little wonder why there are so few hairdressers. The simple law of supply and demand, and the fact that every Adelaide resident is compelled to grow their hair down past their necks, renders a hair dresser useless.

I can understand why Power and Crow supporters are always fighting. They must be so riled up, after visiting this shithole.
It makes Hobart look like a bustling metropolis.

Please share some of your experiences in this heckhole.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

How true. I thank God every day that my parents decided against moving to Adelaide, and instead decided to settle in Melbourne.

I think that THomas guy also screwed up Hentshall's knee.

 

[super_phaser]

You are full of s__t as always which is what's expected from a melbourne supporter. If you bothered looking up the facts you would have noticed that we weren't actually voted as the world's most liveable city. We came in as 16th behind sydney. Zurich was number 1.

Thats nice.

And where did Essendon come? LOL


Probably 7,645th behind St.Albans and Cranbourne.

 

[Bigeasy]

I think Adelaide is maligned a bit too much and fully deserves it's standing as the 32nd best city in Australia, especially since it moved ahead of Boort only last week due to the introduction of their first set of traffic lights.

Adelaide...on the move!

 

[matty lloyd the champ]

Thats nice.

And where did Essendon come? LOL


Probably 7,645th behind St.Albans and Cranbourne.

Where did I say I lived in Essendon?

 

[Cohzee]

You are full of s__t as always which is what's expected from a melbourne supporter. If you bothered looking up the facts you would have noticed that we weren't actually voted as the world's most liveable city. We came in as 16th behind sydney. Zurich was number 1.

Depends on which survey you look at. 2nd in one and 17th in another.

 

[matty lloyd the champ]

Depends on which survey you look at. 2nd in one and 17th in another.

You are right however this doesn't take away the fact that we aren't the world's most liveable city. However I am able to agree that Adelaide is quite the hole.

 

[Ron]

Did you talk a walk down Rundle mall?
It's like going to the zoo, without spending any money.

 

[Urkel]

Did you talk a walk down Rundle mall?
It's like going to the zoo, without spending any money.

I did actually. Didn't think those Pigs were out of place at all

 

[Niximus]

A few weeks ago..........

Inferiority complex much?

 

[thatswhatimtalkinabout]

I've done a bit of reseach (I haven't been back to Adelaide for 20 years so I thought I best brush up on the highlights)

http://saculture.com/



Many Australians believe that Queenslanders and Tasmanians are somehow quite strange and peculiar people, and I tend to agree. Yet the peculiarities of the average South Australian are typically overlooked and remain largely unrecognised.

The reason is simple: quite a lot of people visit Queensland and Tasmania. Both states are popular as tourist destinations. Whereas hardly anybody goes to South Australia, and considerably more people leave. The entire state conducts its business as if enclosed in a giant bubble, like some old Twilight Zone episode, while maintaining the fantasy that the rest of the country realises that it even exists.

Yet South Australia is a festering petri dish of weirdness that, every so often, overflows and unleashes its rampant perversity on the rest of the country. Don Dunstan, the greatest South Australian to have ever lived, changed the country immeasurably. He was a pioneer in gay rights and multicultural issues: for those of us currently living in John Howard’s Australia he is a particular inspiration. What little John Howard has left us to feel proud about this country we frequently owe to The Don.

The purpose of this Encyclopædia is to promote South Australia, perhaps not in the way that the SA Tourism board would choose to promote it, but as a few cynical ex-pats who grew up in South Australia remember it—with a combination of fondness and loathing—along with contributions by people who have lived, still live, or currently find themselves living in South Australia.

Magic Mountain

Memorably described as ‘a giant dinosaur turd’, Magic Mountain stands on the foreshore at Glenelg as a monument to the need for councillors to put their glasses on before considering planning applications.

Adelaide’s aesthetes have been begging for it to be pulled down ever since it was erected. The fibreglass ‘mountain’ features waterslides and other amusements for those bored with the natural charms of one of the city’s finest beaches.

Hindmarsh Island bridge

While the Sydney Harbour Bridge is famous for being stunning and the Westgate Bridge for collapsing, the Hindmarsh Island Bridge is famous for not being built.

Hindmarsh Island is a drab scrap of land near Goolwa at the mouth of the Murray River. A ferry carries cars the few hundred metres to the island—a trip that becomes rapidly less quaint the longer the line-up of cars is.

Developers struck up a deal with the Bannon government for a bridge to be built to the island, but construction was stalled by the Ngarrindjeri people saying the site had a sacred significance that would be damaged if the bridge were built.

The exact significance couldn’t be specified because it was ‘secret women’s business’—a phrase quickly snatched up by hungry headline and slogan writers nationwide. So what was this business? Was it genuine or a modern creation? Despite a year-long inquiry, the situation was no clearer than the waters of the Murray.

On asking a journalist who sat through the entire inquiry what the truth of the matter was, her response was, ‘I don't know’.

Big Rocking Horse

Aficionados of Big Things will find the Biggest Rocking Horse in the World, at Gumeracha in the Adelaide Hills, somewhat of a disappointment. To be blunt, it’s quite tasteful.

The metal structure (which doesn’t rock) has viewing platforms on several levels, and after climbing it, you can buy well-made wooden toys from the toy factory nearby. Those looking for Big Things which embody the ideals of Big Thinginess (uglier, tackier, shabbier) would be well-advised to visit the Big Crayfish at Kingston in the South-East, the Big Galah at Kimba or the Big Orange at Berri.

Interstate rivalry

There is an intense rivalry between people who live in South Australia and people who live in Victoria.

Victorians just aren’t aware of it.

O-Bahn

Adelaide boasts the fastest guided busway in the world: the unique O-Bahn. Think about this a moment. If the O-Bahn is so great, why is it unique? Back in the early ’80s, the SA government felt the need to improve transport from the north-eastern suburbs to the city centre.

Instead of building a freeway, they inexplicably decided to invest in the O-Bahn, an experimental bus concept developed by Daimler-Benz in Germany. For $98 million they got 12 kilometres of track, plus buses with guidance wheels that travel at high speed along the track. How high speed? Up to…wait for it…100 kilometres per hour.

The rest of the world has been surprisingly slow to pick up on the O-Bahn, although apparently, a number of British cities have ‘mooted’ a similar system, and in Nagoya, Japan, they ‘seem keen’ to apply the Adelaide model. So did the O-Bahn improve transport from the north-eastern suburbs? According to a federal government study, it was only moderately successful—although people found the idea of the O-Bahn attractive, they continued commuting by car. Oh well.

The O-Bahn is now a tourist attraction, and if Adelaide received a significant number of tourists, that would probably mean something.

Stobie Pole

We can lay the blame squarely at the feet of Mr JC Stobie, the Adelaide Electricity Supply Company’s design engineer, for South Australia having the ugliest telegraph poles in the country, quite possibly the world. It must have seemed like a good idea at the time to make the poles with two long pieces of steel held together by a slab of concrete. ‘These’ll withstand anything!’ JC would have cackled to himself gleefully.

Numerous fights to the death between Stobie poles and cars full of drunken teenagers have proven him right. In fact, Stobie poles probably kill more South Australians than sharks, red-back spiders and tiger snakes combined. And while sharks at least have some lethal grace about them, Stobie poles are simply hideous.

Attempts at beautification have included growing geraniums up the poles, and, most notably in the Adelaide suburb of Prospect, painting works of art on them. Renowned artist Clifton Pugh contributed a stunning interpretation of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, but scandalously, he painted the couple without any clothes on.

Quite properly, Adelaide’s moral guardians insisted he go back and cover up the rude bits.

Tidal wave

In early 1976, families were selling up and leaving Adelaide for a different reason. A clairvoyant housepainter had predicted that on the 19th of January, an earthquake and tidal wave would destroy Adelaide to punish it for turning into a ‘sin city’ (this guy obviously hadn’t travelled much). On the morning of the 19th, Premier Don Dunstan headed down to Glenelg jetty, along with hordes of skeptics and a man selling pasties dressed in a bow tie and flippers. Needless to say, the wave never came, and Adelaide happily remained the driest city in the driest state in the driest continent.

Multiculturalism

Multiculturalism in South Australia is said to be in evidence when there are more brunettes than blondes in any given place.

Mall’s Balls

Was the decision made to place two giant silver balls in Rundle Mall for reasons of euphony? ‘The Mall’s cubes? No. How about the Mall’s pyramids? No. I’ve got it! The Mall’s balls!’

The public sculpture, with one ball balanced on top of the other, quickly became the favoured meeting place in Adelaide’s central shopping precinct, probably because people enjoyed saying, ‘I’ll meet you at the Mall’s balls.’

Feeble jokes were spawned, along the lines of ‘What’s long and has two balls? Rundle Mall.’ The sculpture was also fondly known as ‘Donnie Dunstan’s balls,’ in honour of the premier responsible for the mall and much, much more.

Early minute

Many of the first white folk to settle in large numbers in South Australia were Lutherans, fleeing religious persecution during the reign of King Frederick William III in Prussia. The Lutheran character has had a long-lasting and profound influence on South Australian culture, the ‘early minute’ being a shining example of the Protestant work ethic in effect.

In South Australia, school children are told that if they are well-behaved or perform a task successfully they may be rewarded with an early minute: being allowed to leave school a full sixty seconds early.

In adulthood South Australians will take an early minute: leave work slightly early, with the implication that taking the minute is an act petty thievery, perhaps on a level with stealing office supplies.

South Australians are surprised to discover that the term is only used within the state (an informal online search found that the term was employed most often by South Australian headmasters and by South Australian surf reporters), in the same way that they are surprised when seeing Australians from other states litter.

In the rest of the country, a nation renowned for it’s relaxed attitude, they don’t take an early minute. They take a sick day.

Bickford’s cordial

I drank a lot of cordial when I was growing up. Without having any statistics to back me up, I would hazard a guess that a lot of Adelaideans drank a lot of cordial growing up, to disguise the taste of the water.

Bickford’s Lime Juice Cordial always seemed like an adult kind of cordial, in that it wasn’t brightly coloured or sugar-flavoured. I wasn’t impressed with it as a child (how could it claim to be “lime” cordial if it wasn’t lime green?) but my family a lways had a bottle in the fridge, and when my brother moved to Townsville, my sister gave him a bottle of Bickfords for Christmas. (We weren’t an extravagant lot.) Bickford’s is also distinctive because of its old-fashioned label, which isn’t just a cute “olde tyme” marketing angle. A.M. (that is, Anne Margaret) Bickford and Sons have been producing the cordial in Adelaide since 1874, which suggests Adelaide has always had crap water.

 

[super_phaser]

I might cash in a weeks annual leave so I can go to Adelaide and sunbake next to an authentic Stobie pole.


What a town!

 

[crazyman27]

Wow, Melbourne must be a great place; you guys haven't got anything better to do than to come on an internet forum (about footy) and abuse a city you've probably never been to. Well done.