This thread lost the 'pearlers' tag 49 pages ago!
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AFLW 2024 - Round 9 - Indigenous Round - Chat, game threads, injury lists, team lineups and more.
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Marklar_33
Brownlow Medallist
This thread lost the 'pearlers' tag 49 pages ago!
I think you're right Fist Squared!
Two 70 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.
One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we
played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me
one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if
there's football there."
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best
friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for
you. Shortly after that, Joe sadly passes on.
n
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound
sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to
Him, "Mike--Mike."
"Who is it? Asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Mike--it's me, Joe."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died!"
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little
bad news."
"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.
"The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven. Better
yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better
than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time
and it never rains or snows. Our wives are there too, and young and
pretty as ever! And best of all, we can play football all we want, and
we never get tired!!"
That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's
the bad news?
"You're in the team for this Saturday".
A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sit down at the table next to him.
He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto :
'To Fly. To Serve'?
The woman looks at him blankly
He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto 'Winning the hearts of the world'?
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto 'Going beyond expectations'?
The woman looks at him sternly and says 'What the feck do you want?'
'Aha!' he says, "Jet Star".
He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto :
'To Fly. To Serve'?
The woman looks at him blankly
He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto 'Winning the hearts of the world'?
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto 'Going beyond expectations'?
The woman looks at him sternly and says 'What the feck do you want?'
'Aha!' he says, "Jet Star".
Three Naked Black Men
At the National Art Gallery, in Dublin, Ireland, a Canadian couple were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted three black men, totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises but the one in the middle, had a pink penis.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of the black man in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
“In fact,” he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”
After the curator left, an Irish man approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”
“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?” asked the husband.
“Because I’m the guy who painted it.” he replied.
”In fact, there are no black men depicted at all.
They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."
At the National Art Gallery, in Dublin, Ireland, a Canadian couple were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted three black men, totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises but the one in the middle, had a pink penis.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of the black man in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
“In fact,” he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”
After the curator left, an Irish man approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”
“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?” asked the husband.
“Because I’m the guy who painted it.” he replied.
”In fact, there are no black men depicted at all.
They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."
- Oct 9, 2003
- 46,891
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- Eagles (NFL), Suns (NBA)
Why do women wear knickers? Because workplace health and safety states 'all manholes must be covered when not in use'
- Oct 9, 2003
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- North Melbourne
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- Eagles (NFL), Suns (NBA)
Four nuns are standing in line at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned.
“Well, once I looked at a man’s penis,” she said nervously.
“Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven,” Peter told her.
He then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned.
“Well, once I touched a man’s penis,” she replied. “Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven,” he said.
Peter was clearly getting annoyed at how this day was going. He turned back to the line and found the other two nuns beating the crap out of each other. It took a while, but he stopped the fight and asked how it started in the first place.
“Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!” replied one of the nuns.
“Well, once I looked at a man’s penis,” she said nervously.
“Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven,” Peter told her.
He then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned.
“Well, once I touched a man’s penis,” she replied. “Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven,” he said.
Peter was clearly getting annoyed at how this day was going. He turned back to the line and found the other two nuns beating the crap out of each other. It took a while, but he stopped the fight and asked how it started in the first place.
“Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!” replied one of the nuns.
- Oct 16, 2011
- 16,277
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Many single moms are called Superwomen because they juggle a career AND children on their own.
I guess maintaining a relationship with the child's father is their kryptonite
I guess maintaining a relationship with the child's father is their kryptonite
timtamWB
Resident Biscuit
I don't know what's worse, this joke or the fact you think it belongs in Pearlers Only.
A guy walks into a bar carrying jumper cables.
The bartender says, "Hey pal, don't start anything in here."
The bartender says, "Hey pal, don't start anything in here."
WAFLfan1969
Club Legend
- Aug 7, 2013
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What's the difference between an 18 year old blonde male and an 18 year old blonde female?
An 18 year old blonde female has a higher sperm count !!!
An 18 year old blonde female has a higher sperm count !!!
WAFLfan1969
Club Legend
- Aug 7, 2013
- 2,674
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Why was Six scared of Seven?
Because Seven was a Registered Six Offender
Because Seven was a Registered Six Offender
- Oct 16, 2011
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It can't be much fun being gay.
Your friends are always moaning behind your back.
Your friends are always moaning behind your back.
- Oct 16, 2011
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Kids are not as interested in the actual toy as the box that it came out of.
Which is weird because that's how most blokes feel about kids.
Which is weird because that's how most blokes feel about kids.
Why did the baker have brown hands?
He kneaded a pooh boom tish!
He kneaded a pooh boom tish!
for some reason I found it funny.
Van Nostrand
Senior List
- Feb 3, 2011
- 208
- 58
- AFL Club
- Brisbane Lions
Q. What's the difference between santa claus and jews?
A. Santa comes down the chimney.
Q. What do you say to 1000 jews on a train?
A. Whatever you want. They're not coming back.
A. Santa comes down the chimney.
Q. What do you say to 1000 jews on a train?
A. Whatever you want. They're not coming back.
WAFLfan1969
Club Legend
- Aug 7, 2013
- 2,674
- 311
- AFL Club
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What do angry mice send each other at Christmas?
Cross Mouse Cards !!!
Cross Mouse Cards !!!
WAFLfan1969
Club Legend
- Aug 7, 2013
- 2,674
- 311
- AFL Club
- West Coast
What do you call a woman with one leg either side of a river?
Bridgette
Bridgette
- Oct 16, 2011
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It's odd that Thelma & Louise spend an entire film challenging sexist stereotypes, then die at the end because of their terrible driving
- Oct 16, 2011
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I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know how it turns out
I'll let you know how it turns out
- Oct 16, 2011
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- Adelaide
Barns?
- May 28, 2013
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I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.
I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection - but she did.
I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection - but she did.
- Oct 16, 2011
- 16,277
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- AFL Club
- Adelaide
The English cricket team visited an orphanage today. "It is really sad to see their little faces with no hope" said Sarah aged 6...
