Aquamarinejewel
Norm Smith Medallist
Murph's latest...very funny!
A fantastic filmic footy team
The Age
Robert Murphy | May 1, 2008
OK, IT'S Fantasy Football League time again! Please check your coats and pessimism at the door on your way into the Field Of Dreams, high up in the Hollywood Hills. And don't forget to grab your footy Record and a hot pie of imagination.
After last year's rocking success of our team of rock stars, I thought we could do it all again, only this time without music. Instead, a motley crew of actors from our silver screens. I know you're all bursting to see who's made the line-up, so without further ado, we welcome …
THE BACK SIX
Robert De Niro: A real in-and-under type. His connections with the underworld are well known, but he says it's all above board. Took much persuading to get him to the club, with president Marlon Brando revealing: "I made him an offer he couldn't refuse."
Anthony Hopkins: Feared competitor who likes to take control of the club barbecue, and his burgers after training are legendary. Of his secret recipe, Hopkins says: "It's all to do with the cut of meat."
Quentin Tarantino: Has brought a hard edge to a team of sensitive souls. Lack of interest in marks, kicks and handballs is supplemented by his thirst for the contest and love of on-field violence. Responsible for more blood rule send-offs than anyone in the game.
Russell Crowe: Was reinstated as a player after a brief stint as coach, when his tendency to smash phones was deemed excessive by president Brando. Russell's focus at training and during games gives him a prickly demeanour, but his teammates love his gladiatorial courage.
Mickey Rourke: Former Rising Star winner back after a sabbatical chasing a boxing dream. Has become the face of the club, although the face looks a little weird after some post-season surgery. Fond of the booze and ciggies on the end-of-season trips.
John Travolta: His twinkle toes have the ability to dazzle fans one minute and leave them frustrated the next. Has benefited from teammate Tarantino's unselfish play. Missed last Saturday night's game with a fever, but is right to play this week.
ON-BALLERS
Hilary Swank: A real tomboy who is not above using her fists to make her feelings known. Former best-and-fairest winner who relies more on determination than finesse.
Steven Seagal: Only rivalled by Nicholson for his accomplishments on the field. Has a swag of awards and trophies and the respect of his peers and the football public. Versatile and elegant, Seagal is an artist with substance and panache.
Daniel Craig: Rookie who has taken all before him in the No. 7 jersey. His emergence from the reserves was pretty amazing, but his emergence from the bay at Port Melbourne last week in his blue euro togs had hearts fluttering.
Sienna Miller: Has played a lot of games in a short period of time at this level, many of them without her jumper on. This has had some critics up in arms, but the male-dominated football public has welcomed the approach as a healthy form of individuality.
Daniel Day Lewis: Reclusive big man who famously forgoes the regular season and plays only finals. Still makes the most of his time on the ground; asked who he'd like to thank after winning last year's Norm Smith Medal, he replied: "My left foot."
Tom Cruise: A few good men have tried to stop this former top gun, but his powers have dimmed in recent seasons. Got himself in hot water with his teammates for imposing on them a leadership program that borders on a religious cult.
FORWARDS
Steve Buscemi: Not so much a sneaky forward as a creepy forward. Not on the huge salaries of some teammates, but always adds something to the side.
James Dean: Icon whose reputation is sure to get even bigger following retirement. Stylish and skilful with his hands. His ability to kick with both feet is well publicised. A real rebel in his heyday.
Tom Hanks:Versatile champion who just keeps on running. His field kicking is exceptional, but you never quite know what you might get in front of goal (much like a box of chocolates). Recent criticism from our very own Robert Walls has been that he plays soft football when Meg Ryan is alongside him.
Jack Nicholson: Had a stint as coach after Crowe, in which he liked to sit at ground level, or "courtside". Back playing now and his credentials are quite simply as good as it gets. Has proven a hit in the social club with the ladies, too. So good, he makes up our entire full-forward line.
THE BENCH
Mel Gibson: Local lad who had a mad start to his career before becoming a lethal weapon up forward. Currently suspended under vilification laws.
Ben Mendelsohn: A local star who hasn't played at this level, and probably won't play this week, but his form in the lower grades is such that this sports journo would like to see his name up in lights.
Kevin Costner: Would have been left out after numerous howlers, but sneaks in because he built the home ground.
Hugh Grant: Burst onto the scene as a youngster with his divine brown hair. His soft efforts and lack of versatility have some calling for a demotion back to local club Notting Hill.
CLUB PHYSIO - Scarlett Johansson: Her position came under scrutiny due to an epidemic of osteitis pubis immediately after her appointment. An inquiry revealed little as the results were lost in translation. With Woody Allen on her CV she can walk into any club she wants.
A fantastic filmic footy team
The Age
Robert Murphy | May 1, 2008
OK, IT'S Fantasy Football League time again! Please check your coats and pessimism at the door on your way into the Field Of Dreams, high up in the Hollywood Hills. And don't forget to grab your footy Record and a hot pie of imagination.
After last year's rocking success of our team of rock stars, I thought we could do it all again, only this time without music. Instead, a motley crew of actors from our silver screens. I know you're all bursting to see who's made the line-up, so without further ado, we welcome …
THE BACK SIX
Robert De Niro: A real in-and-under type. His connections with the underworld are well known, but he says it's all above board. Took much persuading to get him to the club, with president Marlon Brando revealing: "I made him an offer he couldn't refuse."
Anthony Hopkins: Feared competitor who likes to take control of the club barbecue, and his burgers after training are legendary. Of his secret recipe, Hopkins says: "It's all to do with the cut of meat."
Quentin Tarantino: Has brought a hard edge to a team of sensitive souls. Lack of interest in marks, kicks and handballs is supplemented by his thirst for the contest and love of on-field violence. Responsible for more blood rule send-offs than anyone in the game.
Russell Crowe: Was reinstated as a player after a brief stint as coach, when his tendency to smash phones was deemed excessive by president Brando. Russell's focus at training and during games gives him a prickly demeanour, but his teammates love his gladiatorial courage.
Mickey Rourke: Former Rising Star winner back after a sabbatical chasing a boxing dream. Has become the face of the club, although the face looks a little weird after some post-season surgery. Fond of the booze and ciggies on the end-of-season trips.
John Travolta: His twinkle toes have the ability to dazzle fans one minute and leave them frustrated the next. Has benefited from teammate Tarantino's unselfish play. Missed last Saturday night's game with a fever, but is right to play this week.
ON-BALLERS
Hilary Swank: A real tomboy who is not above using her fists to make her feelings known. Former best-and-fairest winner who relies more on determination than finesse.
Steven Seagal: Only rivalled by Nicholson for his accomplishments on the field. Has a swag of awards and trophies and the respect of his peers and the football public. Versatile and elegant, Seagal is an artist with substance and panache.
Daniel Craig: Rookie who has taken all before him in the No. 7 jersey. His emergence from the reserves was pretty amazing, but his emergence from the bay at Port Melbourne last week in his blue euro togs had hearts fluttering.
Sienna Miller: Has played a lot of games in a short period of time at this level, many of them without her jumper on. This has had some critics up in arms, but the male-dominated football public has welcomed the approach as a healthy form of individuality.
Daniel Day Lewis: Reclusive big man who famously forgoes the regular season and plays only finals. Still makes the most of his time on the ground; asked who he'd like to thank after winning last year's Norm Smith Medal, he replied: "My left foot."
Tom Cruise: A few good men have tried to stop this former top gun, but his powers have dimmed in recent seasons. Got himself in hot water with his teammates for imposing on them a leadership program that borders on a religious cult.
FORWARDS
Steve Buscemi: Not so much a sneaky forward as a creepy forward. Not on the huge salaries of some teammates, but always adds something to the side.
James Dean: Icon whose reputation is sure to get even bigger following retirement. Stylish and skilful with his hands. His ability to kick with both feet is well publicised. A real rebel in his heyday.
Tom Hanks:Versatile champion who just keeps on running. His field kicking is exceptional, but you never quite know what you might get in front of goal (much like a box of chocolates). Recent criticism from our very own Robert Walls has been that he plays soft football when Meg Ryan is alongside him.
Jack Nicholson: Had a stint as coach after Crowe, in which he liked to sit at ground level, or "courtside". Back playing now and his credentials are quite simply as good as it gets. Has proven a hit in the social club with the ladies, too. So good, he makes up our entire full-forward line.
THE BENCH
Mel Gibson: Local lad who had a mad start to his career before becoming a lethal weapon up forward. Currently suspended under vilification laws.
Ben Mendelsohn: A local star who hasn't played at this level, and probably won't play this week, but his form in the lower grades is such that this sports journo would like to see his name up in lights.
Kevin Costner: Would have been left out after numerous howlers, but sneaks in because he built the home ground.
Hugh Grant: Burst onto the scene as a youngster with his divine brown hair. His soft efforts and lack of versatility have some calling for a demotion back to local club Notting Hill.
CLUB PHYSIO - Scarlett Johansson: Her position came under scrutiny due to an epidemic of osteitis pubis immediately after her appointment. An inquiry revealed little as the results were lost in translation. With Woody Allen on her CV she can walk into any club she wants.
