Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
- Moderator
- #1
THE BRUCE MCAVANEY COOKING SHOW
Following Hawthorn’s total demolition of the ladder-leading Fremantle Dockers by 72 points, Bruce was so filled with joy and excitement that he had decided to dedicate a cooking show to his favourite player Cyril Rioli and the Hawthorn Football Club in the lead-up to their match with the Sydney Swans.
‘Hello and welcome to the season premiere of the Bruce McAvaney Cooking Show!’ Bruce exclaimed with an exaggerated and slightly creepy grin stretched across his face as the cameras began rolling.
‘Tonight, I’m going to let you all in on an original recipe that I’ve been cooking up for a long time now, something REALLY SPECIAL…EXCITING…DELICIOUS! I call it the Hawthorn Cake!’
‘Now, you can’t just bake this Hawthorn Cake with any ordinary ingredients, you need some special ingredients,’ Bruce reaches down into his cupboard and pulls out some ingredients with some unique brand names.
‘First thing you gotta do is pre-heat the oven, get it really hot, 350 degrees hot. Then take out a cake pan and begin greasing it up with some “Innovative Gameplan Grease” and flouring it with some “Elite Footskill Flour”.’
Bruce reached into his cupboard again and this time brought out some cocoa powder, baking powder, and baking soda. ‘Now take out some more of this “Elite Footskill Flour” and mix it together with some “Bruest Home-made Cocoa Powder”, “Gunston Brand Baking Powder”, and “Roughie’s Baking Soda” then set it aside.’
Once Bruce had finished mixing, he briefly went to his backyard and returned with a hen and then pulled some butter and vanilla from the fridge. ‘This is my pet hen, I named her Mitchell and we’re gonna use some of her eggs now.’
‘OOOOHH YEESSSS!!! YOU BEAUTY!’ Bruce exclaimed as he pulled out the eggs. ‘Now takes these Mitchell eggs and put them in a large bowl, then beat them with some “Burgoyne Butter” and “Lewis Vanilla” whilst gradually adding “Smith and Hill Sugar”.’
Bruce continued vigorously beating the mixture over the next few minutes until it was well mixed. He slowly combined in some of the flour mixture, and “McEvoy Milk”, alternating between the two and continuing to batter until it was smooth. Next, he poured it into the greased and floured cake pan and put it in the oven.
‘You feel like this cake just has the perfect mix and will certainly rise as the heat gets turned up,’ declared as he stood back admiring the cake as it slowly rose in the oven.
‘Now! Off a step, open up the oven and take out the cake. Mmmmmm…delicious, this is a masterpiece,’ Bruce said whilst frothing at the mouth. ‘However, this cake isn’t finished! No! We’ve just gotten to the best part, the icing on the cake and the cherry on top, the finishing touches!’ he declared.
He pulled out a packet of nuts, some popping candy, and a frosting mixture from the cupboard and laid them out as he waited for the cake to cool. ‘Alright, let’s start by crushing some of “Hodgy’s Nuts” and then giving them a nibble,’ he said as he slipped one into his mouth, ‘Mmmmmm, they’re hard as nails.’
Bruce then turned his attention to the frosting, his eyes fixated on the packet as if the contents mesmerized and aroused him. He picked it up, the “Cyril Rioli Special, Delicious Cake Frosting,” ‘This is the key ingredient of the cake,’ Bruce declared with glowing pride, ‘My pride and joy, an original recipe I made myself.’
‘Now just squeezy it out and gently caress it over the face of this cake. Oh yes! This is just sooooo exciting!!! HAHAHAHA,’ Bruce’s excited grin had turned to hysterical laughter as he rubbed the frosting over the cake.
After a while, once Bruce had finally calmed down enough from applying the frosting, he sprinkled some crushed “Hodgy’s Nuts” and “Poppy Candy” on the top of the cake and the Hawthorn Cake was complete.
Before Bruce can taste his magnificent cake, the doorbell rang outside, and onto camera stepped Lance ‘Buddy’ Franklin. Bruce’s mouth opened wide with amazement…
‘Look who came to join in this magical experience!!! Former Hawthorn champion Buddy Franklin!’ he exclaimed.
‘Umm…yeah, I’m playing for Sydney now you know?’ Buddy bemusedly replied.
‘How about a taste of this delicious Hawthorn Cake Buddy? Would you like to caress this big piece down your throat?’ Bruce asked, oblivious to Buddy’s previous reply as he offered the cake to Franklin.
‘Umm…yeah, I have a better idea,’ Buddy replied as he took hold of the cake.
Buddy took the cake walked off to another room as cameras followed him and…
Prediction: Swans by 5
Following Hawthorn’s total demolition of the ladder-leading Fremantle Dockers by 72 points, Bruce was so filled with joy and excitement that he had decided to dedicate a cooking show to his favourite player Cyril Rioli and the Hawthorn Football Club in the lead-up to their match with the Sydney Swans.
‘Hello and welcome to the season premiere of the Bruce McAvaney Cooking Show!’ Bruce exclaimed with an exaggerated and slightly creepy grin stretched across his face as the cameras began rolling.
‘Tonight, I’m going to let you all in on an original recipe that I’ve been cooking up for a long time now, something REALLY SPECIAL…EXCITING…DELICIOUS! I call it the Hawthorn Cake!’
‘Now, you can’t just bake this Hawthorn Cake with any ordinary ingredients, you need some special ingredients,’ Bruce reaches down into his cupboard and pulls out some ingredients with some unique brand names.
‘First thing you gotta do is pre-heat the oven, get it really hot, 350 degrees hot. Then take out a cake pan and begin greasing it up with some “Innovative Gameplan Grease” and flouring it with some “Elite Footskill Flour”.’
Bruce reached into his cupboard again and this time brought out some cocoa powder, baking powder, and baking soda. ‘Now take out some more of this “Elite Footskill Flour” and mix it together with some “Bruest Home-made Cocoa Powder”, “Gunston Brand Baking Powder”, and “Roughie’s Baking Soda” then set it aside.’
Once Bruce had finished mixing, he briefly went to his backyard and returned with a hen and then pulled some butter and vanilla from the fridge. ‘This is my pet hen, I named her Mitchell and we’re gonna use some of her eggs now.’
‘OOOOHH YEESSSS!!! YOU BEAUTY!’ Bruce exclaimed as he pulled out the eggs. ‘Now takes these Mitchell eggs and put them in a large bowl, then beat them with some “Burgoyne Butter” and “Lewis Vanilla” whilst gradually adding “Smith and Hill Sugar”.’
Bruce continued vigorously beating the mixture over the next few minutes until it was well mixed. He slowly combined in some of the flour mixture, and “McEvoy Milk”, alternating between the two and continuing to batter until it was smooth. Next, he poured it into the greased and floured cake pan and put it in the oven.
‘You feel like this cake just has the perfect mix and will certainly rise as the heat gets turned up,’ declared as he stood back admiring the cake as it slowly rose in the oven.
‘Now! Off a step, open up the oven and take out the cake. Mmmmmm…delicious, this is a masterpiece,’ Bruce said whilst frothing at the mouth. ‘However, this cake isn’t finished! No! We’ve just gotten to the best part, the icing on the cake and the cherry on top, the finishing touches!’ he declared.
He pulled out a packet of nuts, some popping candy, and a frosting mixture from the cupboard and laid them out as he waited for the cake to cool. ‘Alright, let’s start by crushing some of “Hodgy’s Nuts” and then giving them a nibble,’ he said as he slipped one into his mouth, ‘Mmmmmm, they’re hard as nails.’
Bruce then turned his attention to the frosting, his eyes fixated on the packet as if the contents mesmerized and aroused him. He picked it up, the “Cyril Rioli Special, Delicious Cake Frosting,” ‘This is the key ingredient of the cake,’ Bruce declared with glowing pride, ‘My pride and joy, an original recipe I made myself.’
‘Now just squeezy it out and gently caress it over the face of this cake. Oh yes! This is just sooooo exciting!!! HAHAHAHA,’ Bruce’s excited grin had turned to hysterical laughter as he rubbed the frosting over the cake.
After a while, once Bruce had finally calmed down enough from applying the frosting, he sprinkled some crushed “Hodgy’s Nuts” and “Poppy Candy” on the top of the cake and the Hawthorn Cake was complete.
Before Bruce can taste his magnificent cake, the doorbell rang outside, and onto camera stepped Lance ‘Buddy’ Franklin. Bruce’s mouth opened wide with amazement…
‘Look who came to join in this magical experience!!! Former Hawthorn champion Buddy Franklin!’ he exclaimed.
‘Umm…yeah, I’m playing for Sydney now you know?’ Buddy bemusedly replied.
‘How about a taste of this delicious Hawthorn Cake Buddy? Would you like to caress this big piece down your throat?’ Bruce asked, oblivious to Buddy’s previous reply as he offered the cake to Franklin.
‘Umm…yeah, I have a better idea,’ Buddy replied as he took hold of the cake.
Buddy took the cake walked off to another room as cameras followed him and…
Prediction: Swans by 5
