Preview Round 3, 2024: Essendon v St.Kilda - Marvel Stadium, Saturday 30th March, 4:20PM AEDT *HASTIE DEBUT*

[gringo2011]

The Wood replacement will be interesting considering how we dominated inside on Thursday night. There doesn't seem to be a desperate need for Brad Crouch to return (yet).

Henry's replacement is easy if Dan Butler is fit.

If King remains suspended, that is either Caminiti or Hayes and they can play relief ruck.

Sharman was moving up and down with the play too. Filled in that mobile marking target role that Wood does. Be interesting to see if that’s a one off.

 

[Dard Ball Get]

Not our fault that millennials are human goldfish and freak out at anything longer than a sentence.

It’s not the length, it’s the explaining back to me exactly what I just said

 

[The Cobra]

Sorry if I missed it but training times this week?

Thanks

 

[Minga]

Ok, now I am going to rank my top 10 Essendon player gifs.

Coming in at number 10:

Bit of a weird one to start us off this one, I get the impression that it wasn’t actually on the agenda for the gif maker to make, but rather an improvisation from the Essendon player depicted. Truthfully, I think it’s rather creepy, which is a running theme with this particular players’ gifs, so keep an eye out for this player in future gifs.

Coming in at number 9:

The speed, the smile, the randomness. This one has a place in my heart, I wonder why the gif maker chose the running pose, but this rather youthful looking player certainly delivered on the assignment. I can almost imagine that’s him running on the wide open plains of the McG. Delightful.

Coming in at number 8:

Back again! I think it’s fair to say some players are a lot better at this gif business than others, and this player especially catches the eye again and again. I was frightened when this gif first popped up in the search results, I thought to myself, who is this man short of stature but large in biceps, flexing himself in my general direction. Maybe Essendon edge is real?

Coming in at number 7:

One underrated component of this curated collection of Essendon player gifs is the acting acumen of the players, or should I say, thespians, involved. In this gif we can see the blonde dreaded man appear to look into the sky, mouth agape. He then looks towards the camera, and raises two thumbs. For me, through my critical lens, I’d say the brilliance of this gif is found in its ambiguity. Both the nuance of the performance, and its context, is truly left up to the interpretation of the viewer - and we are all better off for it.

Coming in at number 6:

The lip bite, the little hop step and fist twirl, the rotatory elegance of those hips and subsequent buttocks. This gif, personally, transports me to a dance floor, perhaps at an esteemed and very untacky venue such as the Espy. I’m dancing away, and suddenly between the crowd I catch a glimpse of this man staring at me, almost as if nobody else is there. The music drops and he does this move, eliciting every component of myself to be drawn towards him and the innate, primal complexities of his swagger and groove. For me, this gif is transportive, and for that, I appreciate it. Well done.

Coming in at number 5:

Another brilliant gif, and again I’d really like to draw our attention and eye towards the acting performance that is occurring here. Blink and you’d miss it, but in fact this is a performance, I dare even posit that nothing is on that phone screen, the Essendon player instead imagines that maybe a funny photo or short form joke is on the screen, mind you, a joke so quickly effective that the time from observation to laugh emittance is indistinguishable. Draw your eye to the complexities here, the arm raise, the head rise and fall with the laugh, the gut being tensed. Terrific!

Coming in at number 4:

The duality of man. Is this Essendon player trying to punch me? Or proffer a friendly fist bump greeting as sometimes is done in modern colloquial parlance. The ambiguous binaries on display in this very special gif leave me, but a humble critic, dismayed, wondrous, wordless above all else. I think he is trying to punch me. Again, contextual evidence points towards Essendon edge.

Coming in at number 3:

The dreaded blonde man is back! Working his way into the highly esteemed top 3, this particular player has a knack for theatrics. In this piece, he does two hand gestures with immense chirality and grace, almost as if to elude a sense of coolness and chill. Truthfully, I must concede that in my research, I found not peer reviewed pieces on the meaning of this hand gesture, and as such, this gif has made itself into my top 3 for its enigmatic attributes. What is the dreaded blonde man trying to tell me? Is it a call for help wrapped in the facade of chiral grace and a wry forced smile? It reflects the deepest question I have on humanity as a whole. Astonishing.

Coming in at number 2:

Where to begin with the runner up? My first thought seeing this gif, was oh yay, Essendon fc have done something good to elicit a positive response from this player, conveyed by the leant back posture, flexed arms and mouth mouthing the words “come on!” and I felt at peace and very jovial about the celebration, but then, as all good art does, it twists your perception of reality, and for me in this piece, that is represented in the sudden presence of this players gaping tongue. My joviality immediately turned into discomfort, as I came to grips with the harsh reality of human nature - a very dark and revealing piece that breaches the very sanctity I have naively came to expect in textual representations human kind, and the Essendon football club. In my research, I also found it bearing resemblance to this fellow, attached below for addition cross examination in the human form.


The video for reference for any fellow researchers out there

Honourable Mentions:

Here are some honourable mentions I’d like to acknowledge before revealing my personal number 1 favourite Essendon gif.

I call this one the smack, in brief, allow me to draw your attention to the accompanying smile, very evocative, very off putting for some reason.

Our first non-human, in a series where I have called upon humanity numerously, I though it apt to include this alien like creature, spinning turntables in the first gif I believe, as important context to the range of Essendon gifs out there. The second gif adds to the undeniable discomfort of all Essendon gifs out there, and the repeat themes I have touched on in this ranking, humanity and non-humanity. Go explore for yourself, there is much to be discovered and felt through Essendon gifs, and these gifs remind me of that.

Another “come on!” style gif, which is a personal favourite of mine, very applicable in many contexts, but on a deeper level I am really drawn to the fake exasperation in his eyes.

The weirdest nod I’ve seen. Another case for the non-human. This player in particular, seems to have a lot of weird gifs, if I knew anything about them beyond them as Essendon player gif, I would think they were fairly suspect.

And finally, drumroll please…..

Coming in at number 1!!!!!

I’d like to think that out of all the gifs I have
ranked here, that this is the only one which speaks for itself. This is Essendon.

——

Thank you for going on this journey with me as I attempt to provide a critical contemporary lens on the Essendon gifs, I hope you have equally gone though the ups and downs of this list as I have, touching upon every possible human emotion and really digging into what it means to be human, and what it means to be Essendon, sometimes known as Essington, injectingon, depressingdon etc. And worry not, I will continue to only post Essendon gif related content in this thread.

Disagree with my list? Make your own top 10s and share them below! Continuing discourse is an important part of the process, and we all deserve to enjoy Essendon gifs together.

 

[George]

One of the girls my wife studied with is working on a sports concussion project at Monash. Spoke to her about it and she reckons time off after concussions should be longer and if you have a second concussion in short succession it looks like it does more serious damage so needs much longer lay-offs. They really need something like 4 weeks for a first concussion and for a second hit in the same season maybe 8 weeks or something. Well from what I understood anyway. The codes want players playing so can't see it adopted.

I had a few blackout concussions when young so hope the long breaks between them are going to save me.

Dard Ball Get add it to the list of Gringo connections

 

[Dard Ball Get]

Dard Ball Get add it to the list of Gringo connections

List? It’s a single word, “everyone”.

 

[luca77]

List? It’s a single word, “everyone”.

He puts Kevin Bacon to shame.

 

[Ducky Tie]

Expecting to see Sinclair closer to his best. Looked like he needed the run last week. A nine day break should help him. Bonner was below his best too but I felt he improved a bit as the game went on. If the two of them and NWM can gel well, it's an incredibly potent trio. Easily our biggest weapon and unparalleled in the league really.

 

[Ads734]

Expecting to see Sinclair closer to his best. Looked like he needed the run last week. A nine day break should help him. Bonner was below his best too but I felt he improved a bit as the game went on. If the two of them and NWM can gel well, it's an incredibly potent trio. Easily our biggest weapon and unparalleled in the league really.

It's interesting, usually clubs seem to have two running half backs. Perhas we can change the game and have 3/4 ie Nas, sincs, stock Bonner

 

[Ducky Tie]

It's interesting, usually clubs seem to have two running half backs. Perhas we can change the game and have 3/4 ie Nas, sincs, stock Bonner

Yeah it's definitely ambitious. I guess we have a very sound defensive system overall. They must be banking on the team defence limiting the small forwards' ability to impact against us. Bonner might have to play a slightly more defensive role, although he doesn't seem suited to that.

 

[FQFjt]

It's interesting, usually clubs seem to have two running half backs. Perhas we can change the game and have 3/4 ie Nas, sincs, stock Bonner

Flags are usually won by the teams with the innovative systems not the copy cats.

 

[sammm]

Yeah it's definitely ambitious. I guess we have a very sound defensive system overall. They must be banking on the team defence limiting the small forwards' ability to impact against us. Bonner might have to play a slightly more defensive role, although he doesn't seem suited to that.

I think that was wrong with him at port

 

[gringo2011]

It’s not the length, it’s the explaining back to me exactly what I just said

With depth and context. Something your generation struggle with.

 

[moirae42]

Round three and a must win game.
Have to do our duty to keep this mob down.

 

[Ephemeral Hope]

Crouch out for a month ****s sake

 

[The Punter]

Injury Update: Knee surgery sidelines inside mid

Brad Crouch will miss between six to eight weeks of football after injuring his knee in Friday's VFL game against Collingwood.

www.saints.com.au

Butler in for Henry
Collard in for Wood

Caminiti in for King (if suspension is not overturned)

 

[BrutThough]

Geez, our injury situation turned bad really quickly.

 

[Klaatu]

Injury Update: Knee surgery sidelines inside mid

Brad Crouch will miss between six to eight weeks of football after injuring his knee in Friday's VFL game against Collingwood.

www.saints.com.au

Butler in for Henry
Collard in for Wood

Caminiti in for King (if suspension is not overturned)

Maybe Garcia for Wood instead of Collard

 

[Ducky Tie]

Geez, our injury situation turned bad really quickly.

It's a bit of a mess. The amount of injuries is a worry but it's even more that they seem to blow out every time. Very few 1-2 week injuries. Everything tends to be 4-8. Clark was listed as 4-6 a month ago. It's still 3-4 now. Wood, Crouch, Henry etc all miles away.

We're just hanging on and should be ok at the moment, but 2-3 more and the depth will be extremely stretched. Dow and Hayes hopefully back very soon. They'll both need VFL returns, but it's better than nothing. Dow will be a good chance to come in pretty quickly.

 

[BrutThough]

It's a bit of a mess. The amount of injuries is a worry but it's even more that they seem to blow out every time. Very few 1-2 week injuries. Everything tends to be 4-8. Clark was listed as 4-6 a month ago. It's still 3-4 now. Wood, Crouch, Henry etc all miles away.

We're just hanging on and should be ok at the moment, but 2-3 more and the depth will be extremely stretched. Dow and Hayes hopefully back very soon. They'll both need VFL returns, but it's better than nothing. Dow will be a good chance to come in pretty quickly.

The blow-out of timelines was a bit of an issue last year too.

 

[Stan_Darsh72]

Geez, our injury situation turned bad really quickly.

Same as last year, we can pump games into the youf and keep on winning we will be going great guns.

 

[sunny3193]

Not our fault that millennials are human goldfish and freak out at anything longer than a sentence.

And….
Speaking of goldfish, do you know how you can tell if your goldfish is constipated?

 

[stavro#4]

So available for selection outside of the current side:

Caminiti
Shoenmaker
Garcia
Collard
Hastie
Heath
Hotton
Keeler
McLennan
Campbell


And Butler who comes straight back in.

Yikes that is slim pickings. Effectively in debut territory from here.

 

[Minga]

Hoping to see Dow and Windy locking down midfield spots by the time Crouch is healthy again.

 

[Remboy]

So available for selection outside of the current side:

Caminiti
Shoenmaker
Garcia
Collard
Hastie
Heath
Hotton
Keeler
McLennan
Campbell


And Butler who comes straight back in.

Yikes that is slim pickings. Effectively in debut territory from here.

Looks like Sandi might struggle this week.