Off-topic Survivor: Cockburn. Banter and gossip thread

[Wosh]

The Huawei Islands lol

 

[DapperJong]

Hahahaha

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Hahahaha

I watch too many college humour videos Kim Jong Un.

 

[hufus]

Missed this for another year, oh well.

 

[Morganashlee]

Missed this for another year, oh well.

HUFUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Morganashlee]

Starburns_ Please replace Boymod with Hufus.

Cheers.

 

[Allikat]

Missed this for another year, oh well.

It's not too late!!! Unless of course it's too late. Then it's too late

 

[Dinsdale]

Missed this for another year, oh well.

Hey, good to see you again, too bad on missing out on this, but be happy in knowing you wont have wasted any time on it!

p.s. do you know I still haven't got my flippin' #marginMania Champion badge yet!

 

[RelaxMax]

bikini-wearing short people smeared in some kind of Yoplait. It could possibly be Fruit of the Forest; although it was hard to tell from up here

LOL

*goes back to reading*

 

[Yidaki]

Well Ricky likes reading about his favourite subject: Ricky.

Remember that for next time.



Hey Shit-dicky, if you're too slow to recognise self-deprecating humour then maybe you should stick to your initial excuse of "how you don't have enough time to participate" despite making 50 posts in this thread already.

#TootToot!

Aww. Did I hit a nerve there benny?

28 posts friend, 28.

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

Challenge #1 entry

My mood was morose.

YouDontKnowJack had texted me immediately before I boarded the plane for the island. Petracca’s busted his toe. 4-6 weeks. My #positivity is waning.

I texted back - This is why we can’t have nice things, Jack. My summer vacation is ruined. #fistedforever. Gotta go. Pray for the toe.

My mood hadn’t lifted when I arrived at the island. Far from this being a summer vacation of Hawaiian shirts, beach volleyball, and hot Amazonian women offering snu-snu, it appeared we had arrived as a fetid hellhole. Then there was the tingling in the tips of my extremities (including my penis) which had come on about 30 minutes after BJD’s mysterious injection. What was in that syringe? I hope he kept a spreadsheet…

I opened my bag, took my 6 Hawaiian shirts, and threw them in the swamp.

“Don’t stand to close to the swamp, Benwah. It’s not safe”, came a voice over my shoulder. I turned around to see a Kevin James / Paul Blart lookalike. boydshow.

“Huh? What are you on about?”

“Don’t make me issue you with an infraction point”.

I considered throwing him in with the shirts, but figured that might result in my immediate disqualification from the competition. I bit my tongue.

“Shirts. SHIRTS! DON’T THROW THEM AWAY! I’LL TAKE THEM!”

A bloated beetroot of a man came barreling through Boydshow and myself and launched himself into the swamp. “OOOH! HAWAIIAN TOO! Kim will love these!”.

Dragging himself out, he looked at me. “Do I know you?”, he asked.

“I paid you for 5 hand shandies 6 months ago, Nixon” I snapped back. “You only ever dealt out 3. Then I couldn’t contact you. You changed your phone number. You conniving piece of shit!”

“Hey, hey, hey! Don’t be like that!” TootToot! responded. His beetroot face went even redder. Crimson. “We’ll have plenty of time together over the next few weeks. I’ll pay up, I will. #TootToot!”.

TootToot galloped off.

I then looked around the rest of the group.

A Cut Above and Haduken were already arguing.

JoseMourinho had taken to following Boydshow around pretending to be a hall monitor, under some illusion that he could pull off being a real-life elias and not be identified.

Red mist was completely high and giggling at tree shaped like a phallus.

Morganashlee had fashioned a crown out of some thorns she found in the undergrowth of the jungle “I am your queen! The sole survivor from last season! YOU ARE MY SERVANTS SO STOP ACTING LIKE DICKHEADS!”

Oh gawd. This trip is going to be torture.

I crouched down and looked again at the swamp. The ripples caused by Nixon’s bloated sack of a body had settled and a calmness had returned. The sunlight struck the water.

“Why am I here?”, I whispered.

A face stared up me from the swamp. I jumped.

“You are here to find yourself, Benwah” whispered Jack Watts “It is too late for me – I am a broken man. But you, YOU must embrace the #positivity. The light shines brightest in the darkness, and trust me, there isn’t much that’s darker than Bay 13 in the off-season, or indeed this island.”

“What’s this island called, Jack?” I asked.

“Benwah, look closely at the trees. Look closely at the ground”

I examined the ground carefully. The rocks. The grains of sand. Hell, even the shrubs all consisted of blurry squares! I walked up to a tree to look at it, but it didn’t get any clearer as I approached it. I run my hand over the bark and found it to be made up of blurry squares too.

I walked back to the swamp and looked at Watts. “It’s called Huawei Island, isn’t it?”

Jack nodded.

“And why am I seeing you in the swamp?”

“Because I’m your spirit guide”.

Jack’s face faded, and was replaced by the face of a middle-aged Croatian man. “SHUT UP D/H!” echoed loudly in my head.

I stood up and steeled myself for the challenge ahead.

Jack Watts – my spirit guide. This day just keeps getting better and better

Loved it - it was reminiscent of the Dee's boards Unofficial Previews.

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

I had a lot of funny with the short writing, kudos to the others with their stories, all gave me a chuckle or two.

 

[Starburns_]

Starburns_ Please replace Boymod with Hufus.

Cheers.

Too late, too many flogs already in, and it doesn't seem fair to punish Boydogs for finally paying attention to the stickies.

all this nastiness and name-calling already in round 1?! Or are these not-so-subtle deflections from the alliances already made?

SuspiciousOfEveryone.gif

Look at you trying to create divisiveness amongst alliances.

 

[royals1922]

Wait, there's... Alliances?

**** you campaigners

Poland had an alliance with England before World War 2.

That helped a shit load....

 

[DapperJong]

Haha allikat nailed my accent

 

[royals1922]

ITS NOT ABOUT THAT TRYING TO MAKE FRIENDS

Just show them your cannon collection and say " I blew my uncle out of this cannon and my niece out of that one"

Works a treat

 

[Allikat]

Haha allikat nailed my accent

I listen to pilots saying that shit all day

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Well it worked. Look how quickly K4E liked the post where his balls were sufficiently cupped

It's always nice when someone's balls are cupped.

 

[Morganashlee]

K4E likes every post though.

It appears not lol

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

K4E likes every post though.

Here have a like and a quote.

 

[JoseMourinho]

Must be rag on Jose week.....month..... year.......decade......century.....

 

[ChappyUK]

Jose should be threadbanned for being the worst judge since the Madden Brothers

Tempting.

 

[Stan_Darsh72]

Like this post Kangaroos4eva

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

View attachment 205052

It appears not lol

Here, seem
You're feeling left out.

 

[JoseMourinho]

He's such a kiss-arse too, hoping to farm likes from the posters who arses he's kissed.

GTFO Jose.

How else am I going to enter the 2:1 Like club then?