Off-topic Survivor: Cockburn. Banter and gossip thread

[Kangaroos4eva]

Uh-oh

Now I'm looking for the "typos"

More so, when l edit bits out and some are accidentally left in.

 

[RelaxMax]

More so, when l edit bits out and some are accidentally left in.

If it helps, they stand out to you more than they do to most of us

 

[JoseMourinho]

Benwah has one of those immunities wrapped up imo.

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Haha wtf Morganashlee

I should go back to writing Danielle Steele fan fiction.

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Bombers hasn't had any fresh meat on NYC island for a while so he's probably otherwise occupied.

I'll probably fit right in there after my latest entry.

 

[Duritz]

Benwah has one of those immunities wrapped up imo.

Is there more than one?

 

[RelaxMax]

Did you monsters eat royals? Where the bloody hell is he?

Press conference is being organised

Milk cartons will go out tomorrow

 

[Morganashlee]

Weirdest thing I've read here since Duritz's tales of NYC Island.

Yeah don't know where that came from lol

 

[Allikat]

Yeah don't know where that came from lol

I'm starting to have 2nd thoughts about going to the vfl with you this year

 

[JoseMourinho]

Is there more than one?

2 per tribe.

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Yeah don't know where that came from lol

Tbh, some of mine came from Cookson's threesome comments last and then my imagination got the best of me.

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Challenge #2 entry






Day 14. A Land Divided


My early apprehension at the prospect of co-habitation with these strangers could not have been more ill-founded. Our small colony has already blossomed and the fruits of our labors will be sweet indeed.

Before I can tell of the good I must talk of the bad; Our intrepid & resourceful leader royals1922 was taken by a shark while attempting to fertilize a sting ray. As the waters churned red we heard him yell "crikey!" and his body was gone. I remain hopeful he lives, but later that day overheard Morganashlee remark "the old man got what he deserved" and saw several others agreeing with her.

That unfortunate comment triggered a chain reaction which culminated in a full-blown split in the group. Six nights ago, in a rare sober state Duritz cursed after our evening meal that he'd "had enough of being told what to do" and promptly announced he was leaving to build a new camp on the far side of the island. He claimed "there's tons of fruit we can ferment into grog over there and not a bloody swamp in sight" and Morganashlee unhesitatingly agreed with him. After a lengthy argument seven of the other survivors joined his cause and they all marched out of our camp, never to return.

I am pleased to say the sad events of that evening have not dampened our spirits or slowed the growth of our colony. We've named our outpost Camp Endeavor after Captain Cook's famous vessel, and have jokingly referred to ourselves as the Cockburn Convicts.

Chappyuk has been named head our chief engineer, and I must say his construction of our camp's second jacuzzi has been even more impressive than the first, though I still rankle at my proposal for an astronomical observatory being delayed until after the chemistry lab is built.
His sense of humor has been a constant delight to us, just yesterday he proposed to construct a fully-functional steam engine out of bamboo! We all laughed, knowing he hasn't even won approval for the railway signal system yet.

Benwah83 is heading up our science department and has already brewed countless potions and salves from the local flora which our chief medic hazard has made use of. Naturally Cooksen is our chef, and boydshow we've named vice-president of the accounting department. We consume most resources as fast as we harvest them so there's precious little counting to be done, but if we drop a box of toothpicks on the floor in his tent that's enough to keep him absorbed for most of the day.

Haduken & DapperJong are our two hunters and have have nicknamed themselves "the dynamic trio". Though undeniably skilled & ferocious (Haduken insists on bringing down game with his bare hands or a stern look) I confess to being worried for them - in what we assumed was a jest Allikat volunteered to be our 'voodoo witch doctor' but to our surprise is actually quite serious about it as the indescribable smells that emerge from his tent attest. Last week he gave us an ominous warning of "great events" happening in the week of the 11th, and pointed his chicken-bone totem (where the hell did he get that chicken from?) at Haduken & DapperJong with a pained look in his eyes. Oddly enough that very same day he claimed I would experience "great thankfulness & jubilation" in the near future. Strange man.

As for myself, I've been elected chief cartographer and record-keeper. Map making is one of my most important duties, which brings me to a disturbing event that even now makes my hands shake to write about. I will set it down as best I can, but know that mere words can never fully describe the horror of that night....




Day 15. Into the jaws of hell


There are uncharted depths to a man's soul into which he is never meant to stare. Some rocks are best not turned over, lest we discover truths that are too frightful to acknowledge.

I have always considered myself a God-fearing man, but on that blackest of nights it was the shrill cackle of Lucifer that echoed in my ears and threatened to drive me mad. I am getting ahead of myself though and must tell the tale in its' proper order.

It began innocently enough. Although Benwah83 is our chief scientist, Chappyuk's word is law where Anthropology is concerned, since a lifetime of living among Geelong residents led him to become a leading expert on cultural decay in primitive societies.
Two days ago he began planning an expedition to the far side of the island to visit our neighbors, the nine former members of our group. "I am worried for their safety" he said "and since our colony is thriving perhaps we can offer them a gift as a token of our friendship". I agreed, and since one of my tasks was to circumnavigate the island I accepted his invitation to join him.

We began the trek late morning, but by the time we found a way across the narrow mountain range which effectively marks a border between the two territories it was almost nightfall. Finding their camp was easy, and in good spirits we strode up to it expecting to be welcomed warmly.



It is only after long moments of staring at this page in silence that I can bring myself to continue. What I saw in that camp resembled scenes from the infamous documentary Cannibal Holocaust, imagery from Bosch's Garden of Earthy Delights, or simply a hellish vision of The Pit itself.

There were carcasses everywhere, of what kind of animal I do not know. Many had been partially gnawed, some slashed and torn in random, nonsensical fashion. Blood was everywhere. The ground was covered in primitive markings that even Chappyuk could not identify, but it was obvious to both of us they had been scrawled in human feces.

We came across a dilapidated tent, ripped and burned with only shreds flapping noisily in the wind. Inside we saw Red mist who had dressed himself as a kind of heathen priest. He was attended by Dinsdale and iBeng, both of whom were chanting foul obscenities in a guttural language. Clearly a sacrifice was in progress, and we hurried off in case they decided we'd make a nice offering for the uncouth pagan Gods they prayed to.

I regret to say things only became worse as we ventured deeper into the camp. We heard noises on ahead and came upon a large pit overflowing with dead fish, flies and other indescribable things.
That was not the worst of it. In the center of that maggot-ridden hole was a wild, filthy creature who reminded us of Morganashlee. She was being taken from behind by JoseMourinho and the sound of their frenzied coupling was loathsome. Kangaroos4eva appeared from a nearby hut -stark naked- and immediately entered the pit, taking the wild thing by the hair and pleasuring 'her' from the other end. We were still more disgusted when Stronzo approached from the opposite direction and with a yelp of delight began stroking his manhood over all three of them.

One final scene of repugnance greeted us in that God-forsaken abode. Steeling our nerves we ventured bravely down the last remaining path of the camp. An ominous feeling of evil close at hand overwhelmed us and soon the path opened up into a small clearing.

There, perched upon a crude throne of skulls, straw and mud sat the depraved King Of All Perversions in all his disgusting glory, Duritz. He was crowned with barnacles, wielded a rusty tyre iron scepter, and wore the sly grin of a sex offender. Seated near his foot was a bald, hairy monkey the like of which I'd never seen before, but whenever Duritz spoke the money would cackle TootToot! shortly after. Despite all our efforts communication with the mad king proved impossible, as the only phrase he would ever utter was "the horror.... the horror".

We left him & his camp behind as fast as our legs would carry us, but one other noteworthy event occurred as we were leaving. We found Stronzo sprawled out on the path in front of us with a blissful look of satisfaction after discharging himself on the creature in the pit. To our surprise he recognized us and asked if we could spare a cigarette or a key forward. After conversing for a short time Chappyuk asked if the inhabitants of the camp had chosen a name for themselves, to which he replied with a smirk "we are The Maggot Folk and we are the dreamers of dreams."

Bloody hell Bosk, you're trying to out weird me?

 

[JoseMourinho]

Dapper should secure the other immunity on the other tribe.

 

[DapperJong]

Dapper should secure the other immunity on the other tribe.

Your judgement in this case is acceptable.

 

[RelaxMax]

I am speechless

I am without speech

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Your judgement in this case is acceptable.

It was really good.

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

You heartless pricks should feel ashamed.

I hope you feel bad for what you have done ...

View attachment 205542

Vale Royals

There's a bit more to that.

 

[bontshow]

Sorry Allikat

Bully

 

[Morganashlee]

There's a bit more to that.

Well get it all out in the open if you know so much ...

 

[JoseMourinho]

This Survivor really is srs bsns, I didn't realise that the people voted out had to cancel their BF accounts.

Can you guys vote out Jose next?

Can't vote me out when I win immunity

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Well get it all out in the open if you know so much ...

Our of respect for him, l won't, the reasons are his own. I just wanted people to know it wasn't due to any goading and the such in this thread.

 

[KardiniaPark]

Our of respect for him, l won't, the reasons are his own. I just wanted people to know it wasn't due to any goading and the such in this thread.

LOL. Mop and bucket to the rear of royals, he's done himself a mischief. LAST ONE FYFO

 

[BoringRoss]

Accounting jokes, boring Fremantle jokes and now soccer jokes. Make it stop

Ross approves of these jokes JoseMourinho.

Please keep the boredom coming.

 

[Morganashlee]

Our of respect for him, l won't, the reasons are his own. I just wanted people to know it wasn't due to any goading and the such in this thread.

What a bloody coincidence it is then

Too much time in the sympathy* thread for you K4E ... Stop drinking the kool aid

 

[RelaxMax]

Our of respect for him, l won't, the reasons are his own. I just wanted people to know it wasn't due to any goading and the such in this thread.

Thanks for the heads up