Society & Culture The Bigfooty Guide to Getting the Woman of Your Desire (Part 5)

[Caesar]

Jeeze, man up mate and make a decision. Do you want to be with this girl, or do you want to be her friend? Try for both and 95% of the time you'll end up with neither.

Faint heart never won fair lady. I'm not saying steal her from her boyfriend but if you're interested, tell her up front that's what you're after. She'll go away knowing where you stand and thinking about it. You may not ever become best friends forever but I guarantee you'll have more of a shot with her if/when she becomes single than if you hang around and become part of the furniture in the interim.

 

[cAsEy_18]

Have to agree with Caesar here. I can relate to BRACCS alot, just sorta hanging with a girl for ages, being friends, but in the back of your mind thinking, maybe, if she breaks up with her guy you might have a chance because she already knows you. It simply doesnt work, it doesnt work, and I've wasted 6 years of High School thinking it would work.

Just make a decision and make a move. If its being together, great, just tell her. Might make it unlikely given she has a guy, but you'll feel a lot better, just make a move. If it's friendship, no worries, just put the thought of being together out of your mind.

I've tried the "hovering" tactic more times than I can remember, and it has a 0% success rate. They often end up breaking up with their guy because, let's face it, they're only 16-17yrs old, but they find a guy pretty quickly and its never 'the friend'.

 

[BACCS]

Jeeze, man up mate and make a decision. Do you want to be with this girl, or do you want to be her friend? Try for both and 95% of the time you'll end up with neither.

Faint heart never won fair lady. I'm not saying steal her from her boyfriend but if you're interested, tell her up front that's what you're after. She'll go away knowing where you stand and thinking about it. You may not ever become best friends forever but I guarantee you'll have more of a shot with her if/when she becomes single than if you hang around and become part of the furniture in the interim.

The thing I'm worried about though is I know I'll see her again, regardless of what I tell her, and couldn't it make things plain awkward?

And if I do tell her, it'd be better telling her in person right?

Have to agree with Caesar here. I can relate to BRACCS alot, just sorta hanging with a girl for ages, being friends, but in the back of your mind thinking, maybe, if she breaks up with her guy you might have a chance because she already knows you. It simply doesnt work, it doesnt work, and I've wasted 6 years of High School thinking it would work.

Just make a decision and make a move. If its being together, great, just tell her. Might make it unlikely given she has a guy, but you'll feel a lot better, just make a move. If it's friendship, no worries, just put the thought of being together out of your mind.

I've tried the "hovering" tactic more times than I can remember, and it has a 0% success rate. They often end up breaking up with their guy because, let's face it, they're only 16-17yrs old, but they find a guy pretty quickly and its never 'the friend'.

Well she is 19, but yeah, I can understand your point. These actually weren't the replies I was expecting, so it has definitely given me something to think about!

Wouldn't the fact that I've also only had 1 official conversation with her make me look desperate (shhh.. she doesn't need to know!) if I come out and tell her straight away?

 

[fairdinkum]

I don't undertsand, BACCS. Are you saying you really like the girl and want to be her partner, or do you simply find her attractive and want to sleep with her?

If it's the former, then forget about it. If she would dump him for you then she would dump you for the next shmo. Trouble will surely ensue.

 

[BACCS]

I don't undertsand, BACCS. Are you saying you really like the girl and want to be her partner, or do you simply find her attractive and want to sleep with her?

If it's the former, then forget about it. If she would dump him for you then she would dump you for the next shmo. Trouble will surely ensue.

Yes, I would like to date her. I do find her very attractive though, but that's just a bonus.

 

[Lemma]

I personally think there is a code between guys where you don't hit on a guy's girlfriend. There are plenty of single girls out there anyway BACCS

 

[fairdinkum]

I personally think there is a code between guys where you don't hit on a guy's girlfriend. There are plenty of single girls out there anyway BACCS

The guy doesn't live in this country.

Even if there were a 'code' as you suggest - which there isn't - it would be null and void in this situation.

That said, BACCS seems to really 'like' this girl so my advice is to stay away. For his benefit, not the benefit of the shmo overseas right now.

 

[arkie]

Man this thread is good and I've only just discovered it!

I rarely have game at clubs and bars. I'm 21. Not to sound cocky but I'm a pretty good looking guy and girls are always looking at me. My mates always say this when we go out. The thing is I never actually pick up in a club. Mostly because I never really approach the girls who are always eying me but I also don't approach any ladies myself. Many have approached me before but I'm always shy and lack confidence.

I actually do want a girlfriend but it isn't just that. I'd also like to increase my social circles and get more friends. However, it seems like I always have different interests to everyone else and I can never relate to people.

How the heck am I supposed to meet more girls if I can't do it in clubs and bars? I mean, even at 21st birthdays I don't seem to meet new people. I also don't ever really add a lot of girls that I only have mutual friends with and don't actually know personally on Facebook. I know a lot of other guys do this. Is this something I need to consider?

 

[blockman155]

I personally think there is a code between guys where you don't hit on a guy's girlfriend. There are plenty of single girls out there anyway BACCS

Most don't honour that code. Happened to me with my ex.

 

[BACCS]

The guy doesn't live in this country.

Even if there were a 'code' as you suggest - which there isn't - it would be null and void in this situation.

That said, BACCS seems to really 'like' this girl so my advice is to stay away. For his benefit, not the benefit of the shmo overseas right now.

The fact that I've been checking fb all day waiting for a reply sorta shows I like her a bit (I hate being patient..). Why should I stay away? Should I just completely ignore her?

 

[BACCS]

Most don't honour that code. Happened to me with my ex.

Any chance you could explain this more? And he says that he lives out of the country, but then she has a recent status from 2 days ago (I'm fb stalking, come at me) that says she was with him. I'm confused.

 

[deeman12]

Any chance you could explain this more? And he says that he lives out of the country, but then she has a recent status from 2 days ago (I'm fb stalking, come at me) that says she was with him. I'm confused.

Maybe he lives in the 'country' like a small country town and comes into the city often.

This situation is fraught with danger baacs. You've met the girl once, had a good conversation and that's about it. Don't shit where you eat mate, especially given that you share a lot of mutual friends as you say. She has a boyfriend and that should be the end of the matter.

 

[Caesar]

The thing I'm worried about though is I know I'll see her again, regardless of what I tell her, and couldn't it make things plain awkward?

Not really. Things only get awkward after a rejection because someone gets embarrassed and makes things all weird. If you don't make a big deal out of it, it's not a big deal.

Look, whatever you do make a decision. Facebook stalking and checking messages is lame and not good for you. Neither is making friends with a girl you're interested in who has a boyfriend, in the hope you can snag her later.

Either make your play early, or forget about her - at least for the foreseeable future. Anything in between is going to be unsatisfactory.

 

[GreatBradScott]

You guys are aware he is probably going to have a crack. If he lives as far away as BAACS has stated, I don't think it is as fraught with danger as it is made out to be.


I guess this is more of a moral dilemma and is down to your own personal code and what you deem to be right. I think BAACS issue is less should he have a crack or not, and more does this girl want him or not.

 

[BACCS]

Maybe he lives in the 'country' like a small country town and comes into the city often.

This situation is fraught with danger baacs. You've met the girl once, had a good conversation and that's about it. Don't shit where you eat mate, especially given that you share a lot of mutual friends as you say. She has a boyfriend and that should be the end of the matter.

He definitely doesn't live in Australia, unless it's just a joke.

Not really. Things only get awkward after a rejection because someone gets embarrassed and makes things all weird. If you don't make a big deal out of it, it's not a big deal.

Look, whatever you do make a decision. Facebook stalking and checking messages is lame and not good for you. Neither is making friends with a girl you're interested in who has a boyfriend, in the hope you can snag her later.

Either make your play early, or forget about her - at least for the foreseeable future. Anything in between is going to be unsatisfactory.

So do I tell her straight out then, over facebook, or try and organise a catch up?

You guys are aware he is probably going to have a crack. If he lives as far away as BAACS has stated, I don't think it is as fraught with danger as it is made out to be.


I guess this is more of a moral dilemma and is down to your own personal code and what you deem to be right. I think BAACS issue is less should he have a crack or not, and more does this girl want him or not.

That's the thing mate, I don't think I would have made a move unless I knew she had asked about me and was introduced by someone else. I like her, all the hints so far point that way about her feelings too, I dunno, I'm getting such a variety of advice!

 

[cAsEy_18]

Straight out, definately. It's gonna take a bit of confidence to do it, but let's face it, it takes a bit of confidence to ask anyone out and if you can't, you're probably not ready for it (Dont worry, this isn't have a dig at you, you sound very similar to me about 3-4 months ago, I'm 19 now too).

Just make sure if you're going to do it, do it just you and her, not at a club, and not with friends of hers or yours around the corner. You'll get a straight-out answer this way.

 

[Caesar]

So do I tell her straight out then, over facebook, or try and organise a catch up?

Doing it over the internet is weird. Specifically organising a catchup makes it a bigger thing than it needs to be.

You said you see her regularly. Just mention in passing next time you see her that you quite like her and you'd like to get a drink with her sometime.

If she declines and says she has a boyfriend, no harm no foul. Act like it doesn't matter and carry on as normal. Minimal awkwardness that passes quickly, and you won't die wondering.

If she does break up with her boyfriend in the future, she knows where you stand and she might come calling. If not, you've moved on to bigger and better things anyway.

 

[BACCS]

Straight out, definately. It's gonna take a bit of confidence to do it, but let's face it, it takes a bit of confidence to ask anyone out and if you can't, you're probably not ready for it (Dont worry, this isn't have a dig at you, you sound very similar to me about 3-4 months ago, I'm 19 now too).

Just make sure if you're going to do it, do it just you and her, not at a club, and not with friends of hers or yours around the corner. You'll get a straight-out answer this way.

I've decided to do it.

 

[BACCS]

Doing it over the internet is weird. Specifically organising a catchup makes it a bigger thing than it needs to be.

You said you see her regularly. Just mention in passing next time you see her that you quite like her and you'd like to get a drink with her sometime.

If she declines and says she has a boyfriend, no harm no foul. Act like it doesn't matter and carry on as normal. Minimal awkwardness that passes quickly, and you won't die wondering.

If she does break up with her boyfriend in the future, she knows where you stand and she might come calling. If not, you've moved on to bigger and better things anyway.

Well a close mate of mine said that I should ask for her number, which I have done over facebook (trying to make it a passing comment), just so I don't have to rely on talking to her over there. Yeah but regularly could mean another couple of months away, wouldn't that be too long?

I should have just done this last night, damn it.

 

[blockman155]

Any chance you could explain this more? And he says that he lives out of the country, but then she has a recent status from 2 days ago (I'm fb stalking, come at me) that says she was with him. I'm confused.

Just meant that this guys hit on my ex while we were still together. Unwritten law that you don't hit on other guy's girls.

 

[CrippsonBlue]

Coming straight out and saying something is too soon imo. Regardless of her interest for you or her current bf, surely she won't dump this guy for you on the back of one conversation.

I was in a similar situation to you - 1st year uni, she had a bf, we had same friend group so potentially awkward but I still went for it. I even had to see this guy on a semi regular basis afterwards.

In terms of ethics, truth is this guy is nothing to you, no serious implications like breaking up a marriage etc. to worry about, and if she is prepared to leave him for you all that says is they were going to to end it eventually anyway. We are now married fwiw.

I'd just ask her to catch up, and then start upping the time you spend together. If she may be interested, she won't have a problem spending a lot of time with you, and if she becomes somewhat reluctant to wanting to catch up often, then you probably have your answer without the awkwardness.

If nothing naturally happens, then I would come out out say something. Maybe like after a couple/few weeks of hanging out a fair bit. Also shouldn't be too awkward afterwards then if she says no.

 

[BACCS]

Coming straight out and saying something is too soon imo. Regardless of her interest for you or her current bf, surely she won't dump this guy for you on the back of one conversation.

I was in a similar situation to you - 1st year uni, she had a bf, we had same friend group so potentially awkward but I still went for it. I even had to see this guy on a semi regular basis afterwards.

In terms of ethics, truth is this guy is nothing to you, no serious implications like breaking up a marriage etc. to worry about, and if she is prepared to leave him for you all that says is they were going to to end it eventually anyway. We are now married fwiw.

I'd just ask her to catch up, and then start upping the time you spend together. If she may be interested, she won't have a problem spending a lot of time with you, and if she becomes somewhat reluctant to wanting to catch up often, then you probably have your answer without the awkwardness.

If nothing naturally happens, then I would come out out say something. Maybe like after a couple/few weeks of hanging out a fair bit. Also shouldn't be too awkward afterwards then if she says no.

Cheers mate, that is actually brilliant advice. Didn't think about it in that way, but it makes perfect sense. Shall let GD know how it goes!

 

[BACCS]

Just meant that this guys hit on my ex while we were still together. Unwritten law that you don't hit on other guy's girls.

Is that who she is with now?

 

[blockman155]

Is that who she is with now?

Unfortunately yes.

 

[fairdinkum]

You guys are aware he is probably going to have a crack. If he lives as far away as BAACS has stated, I don't think it is as fraught with danger as it is made out to be.

I don't think it is fraught with danger in the physical 'I'll smesh you bro' sense.

However, if BACCS is this hung up over a girl he has only met once (to the point of fb stalking her), even if he did manage to snag her, he would only end up too emotionally attached too early and it would end in serious tears.

A man's gots to know his limitations.

Anyway, Caesar's advice is on the money, imo. Go early or go home etc.