- May 23, 2012
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Hello, and welcome to the 2022 NBA playoffs thread, brought to you by Primetime Pricey 's shelter for degenerate punters - where if you're not raging about overrated spuds ruining your multi, then you're not doing it properly. Allegedly.
When our esteemed moderator peternorth came to me with a mission to preview the NBA playoffs, my first thought was... sod off, I did this last year.
My second thought was that I forgot to ask for any money up front last year. Suffice to say, a big payday was in order. So Northy and I have spent several weeks locked in negotiations that were more thrilling than a political debate between 'ScoMo and Albo', and punctuated by frequent bathroom breaks. Sorry about defiling your shrine to Taylor Swift, Northy, but obviously moderators live in much bigger houses than the rest of us plebs.
In the end, I think we managed to come up with a fair compromise. This humble writer has agreed to a modest pay rise, consisting of one complimentary meal ticket from the Salvation Army, 10% of all future movie rights, and a Zion Williamson 2021-22 season highlights DVD.
In return for these demands, I've agreed to keep the Lakers jokes to an absolute minimum - so, strictly no more than one per paragraph. Tough, but fair.
So without further ado, please enjoy the 2022 NBA playoffs. Particularly those of you whose teams are talented enough to participate.
1. Miami Heat (53-29) vs 8. Atlanta Hawks (43-39)
This will be an odd first round match-up, in many ways reminiscent of when these two teams met in the playoffs 28 years ago, only that time roles reversed. On that occasion it was often hard to tell which team was the top seed and which the eighth. It was also often difficult to tell whether you were watching pro basketball or pro wrestling.
I'm sure Jimmy Butler and friends would be disgusted to see such carry on on the basketball court. Cough.
Miami are a team that still does it primarily with defence. They do pretty much everything well there, particularly packing the paint, which is no surprise given their personnel. The signings of Duncan Robinson and Victor Oladipo haven't worked out that well for them, so naturally the Heat found a bunch of guys like Gabe Vincent, Max Strus and Caleb Martin who have produced a lot of return on minimal investment. hamG doesn't like this.
The Hawks had the post-breakthrough blues for the first half of the season, before righting the ship and closing by winning 26 of their last 40. Accordingly it was not particularly surprising to see them negotiate the play-ins successfully, more just surprising that they found themselves there in the first place. We could have said the same for the Lakers, if they'd only qualified for the play-ins.
Unlike the Heat, the Hawks do you with offence - finishing last (ie best) in the league in turnovers and shooting 37% as a team from beyond the arc are both indicators of a smooth, properly spaced offence. Defence? Eh, well... the Hawks have a lot of opportunities to practice their half court set defence, let's just say that.
Of course news has come through that Clint Capela may be hurt, potentially significantly. I'm not sure playoff Gorgui Dieng is a thing, but the Hawks may have to hope it is.
2. Boston Celtics (51-31) vs 7. Brooklyn Nets (44-38)
I'm not sure anyone on this board is really interested in this match-up, so we'll just move on.
Fine, fine, I'll fulfill my set of contractual obligations and just go through the motions here. If it's good enough for the 2021-22 Lakers, it's good enough for me.
Much like the aforementioned Hawks, Boston played most the first half of the season like the Russian army - firing away indiscriminately from the perimeter, while loudly proclaiming to anyone who would listen that all was well and going perfectly to plan. And always, always hail the wise decisions of the Supreme Leader,Ainge Stevens.
Then suddenly in January everything changed - the Celts started really playing defence rather than just looking busy, while Jayson Tatum went from 2015-16 Kobe to 2007-08 Kobe practically overnight. I'm pretty sure peternorth 's warnings about making that comparison don't apply to me, but if I suddenly disappear, then know that I love you all.
So yeah, the Celtics got good, really really good. Their fans have been really quiet about it too, so you're probably shocked to be reading this.
In the other corner we have the Nets, who haven't fared particularly well since forming a superteam, but then again at least they qualified for the play-ins. It bears remembering that Kevin Durant almost beat the reigning champion Bucks single-handed in last year's playoffs, so the Nets could pretty much surround Durant with four folding chairs and still be in with half a chance of winning this series. Nb. Rob Pelinka - this suggestion was made for comic purposes, and should not be attempted in real life.
And then there's the incense man himself, Mr. Irving. Whatever else happens, I'm sure we can all agree that Kyrie and Boston fans can be counted on to act with an abundance of civil decorum and humility towards each other. If Kyrie could make life decisions as well as he can score the basketball, then the Nets could have avoided this match-up entirely, but here we are.
Somehow the presence of a leprechaun is the most believable thing in this unfinished story.
3. Milwaukee Bucks (51-31) vs 6. Chicago Bulls (46-36)
So, here we have the reigning champs up against a team who have lost a lot of games against top ranking opponents. Or so I've heard.
The Bucks have been winging it practically all season long, winning just enough to keep them at the pointy end without ever really looking like they were in danger of breaking a sweat. The main guys were kept to 2,200 minutes or less during the regular season, which is probably sensible for a team coming off a championship run, as well as a late-finishing 2020 COVID-affected season.
Milwaukee's defence fell off in the absence of Bropez, as they gave up an uncharacteristic 54% shooting inside the arc. One suspects those numbers might change in the absence of the Jordan Nworas and Rodney Hood's of this world, but it's something to keep an eye on.
Other than that... well, Giannis is really, really good. See, this is why I deserve that negotiated pay rise.
As for the boys from Windy City: apparently it's no Lonzo, no Bulls. Gee, you'd hate to be the team that gave Lonzo away for sh1ttrucks like Satoransky and Temple, wouldn't you?
Chicago started out gangbusters going 26-10 to lead the East, plateaued somewhat to go 13-11 during the oft-forgettable middle part of the regular season, and then finished with a whimper, losing 15 of their last 22. If these trends continue, we can expect the Bulls to be competing with the Lakers for the #1 draft pick in 2023. Only in Chicago's case, they'd actually get to keep their pick.
As to the immediate task at hand, it's tough to make much of a case for the Bulls against a team that's as primed as the Bucks are. Chicago really need Vuc to pull his finger out. Billy Donovan probably didn't expect a defensive behemoth when he planned out the season, but he probably DID factor in his costly big man sinking more than 31% of his threes.
The Bulls are/were fun to watch in full flight, and DeMar had a hell of a season... but it probably stops here.
4. Philadelphia 76ers (51-31) vs 5. Toronto Raptors (48-34)
A lot of people have an opinion on the Sixers. Chances are you've heard a few this year.
This seems like the ultimate 'put up or shut up' season for Philly, but the reality is that they haven't been responsible for most of the noise, the notable exception of James 'Jim' Harden aside. Sure the Simmons situation in the playoffs last season could have been handled slightly differently, but it wasn't THAT outrageous.
12 months and one MVP-calibre season from Joel Embiid on, and it's a slightly different equation for Doc Rivers and the Sixers. Then, it was a question of fit. Now it's a question of longevity. There's reason to think that this will not be the ultimate, definitive version of the Embiid/Harden Sixers. For now, however, the external noise continues.
The good news in the city of brotherly love has included Tyrese Maxey's breakout performances, and the plugging of one of several noticeable gaps through the bench shooting of Georges Niang. They did look to have solved another problem through the off-season acquisition of Andre Drummond, but for now they'll have to get by on DeAndre Jordan Island. Again, these are probably not the finished Sixers.
They will however be expected to beat a Toronto team that was unconventional in every sense of the word. How else would you describe a team whose entire threadbare bench seems to consist entirely of big men? And in an age of load management - some of which has been promised to me for some time by peternorth - the Raps had FIVE guys who averaged more than 35 mpg. I could have sworn that Thibs was coaching the Knicks, not Toronto...
If the Raptors were decidedly old-school in their approach to man-management, then they were neo-modern in their approach to defence. Siakam, Anunoby, Barnes, VanVleet, Boucher, Achiuwa, Young - those 'tweener, switch-everything, long-limbed bodies keep coming at you.
Offensively the Raptors don't exactly have the superstar firepower of some of the other playoff contenders, and this is the area that Philly will no doubt seek to exploit. If VanVleet and Gary Trent Jr can't hit consistently from the perimeter it might be a long series for Toronto - and there's zero guard depth behind them.
Also get your free throw attempts post number bets in now - Primetime Pricey is at the phone waiting to take your call, since the Knicks won't be gracing us with their presence.
1. Phoenix Suns (64-18) vs 9. New Orleans Pelicans (36-46)
And here we come to the playoff series that you've no doubt been waiting for - the unstoppable force that constitutes the Phoenix Suns vs the slightly wonky, moveable object that is your New Orleans Pelicans. The old Master, Monty Williams, vs his protégé Willie Green - practically Darth Vader and Obi Wan all over again, only with less intergalactic sword-fighting and more polite chatting and hugging. The raging championship favourite against the upstart Cinderella team who everybody loves - but we'll get to the Suns later.
The Pels of course only secured their playoff place this afternoon with a thrilling yes-no-yes victory over the Clippers. I should know because I was watching and ready to celebrate, before Iwas forcibly conscripted volunteered to write this preview for our resident hoops junkies.
You've probably seen the stats by now; the Pels started 3-16 before clawing their way past several young, promising, hungry teams such as the Spurs, Clippers and Lakers and clinching a cherished playoff berth. Unlike was the case with say, Boston, what happened in New Orleans wasn't so much a revolution as an evolution. The Pels pretty much played .500 ball for most of the season, if you ignore that god-awful start. And let's be frank, most of you probably did. You're all welcome on the bandwagon now, however.
Herb Jones helped a lot. Zion... well, I hear Portland is nice this time of year. Of course I've heard playing pro basketball is pretty fun too, if you can be bothered.
Meanwhile in Phoenix, the Suns evolved too. And by that, I mean they evolved from a team used to trip over their own shoelaces on the way out on to the court into a team that basically never loses. Holy cow Batman, the Suns were good this season. And last season. Offence, defence, inside, outside, shooting, length - Phoenix pretty much have it all covered. They have more weapons than Look2Me4Guidance has jokes, and we haven't even touched on the dearly departed Frank Kaminsky yet.
According to Anthony Davis, the Suns were lucky to win their first round series last year. Me thinks they might not need so much 'luck' this season, but here's to a fun series.
2. Memphis Grizzlies (56-26) vs 7. Minnesota Timberwolves (46-36)
You just know that someone at ESPN is going to lose their job for this one.
Here we have a potentially intriguing first round match-up between two up-an-coming western conference powers. I mean technically Memphis are more east than west, and Minnesota is probably closer to the North Pole than any of its NorthWest division 'rivals', buuuut... until the Supersonics are revived, this is officially a western conference match-up.
If the Raptors were unconventional, then their erstwhile Canadian cousins were a very strange cat indeed. The Griz seem to bat 11 deep, and if cricket teams had 13 players then I'm sure the Griz would probably bat thirteen deep too. If you couldn't tell DeAnthony Melton, Tyus Jones, Brandon Clarke or John Konchar from Steve who lives down the block, then you're probably far from alone. In fact, I guarantee you the national broadcasters are furiously flicking through reference guides and looking for media day photos as we speak.
Ja Morant sidelined? No biggie. Dillon Brooks out for most of the season? Have some Desmond Bane in you. Make Steven Adams a perfectly functional player in a modern NBA offence? No sweat. I have no idea what Memphis's secret is, I just know that small market teams like my Pels should probably be copying them.
On the other side we have another of this season's heartwarming stories, alongside the Griz themselves, the Cavs, the Pels and the Lakers. Rewind 12 months, and I remember lamenting as my full-strength Pels had their arse handed to them by players who I could have sworn were made-up characters on an NBA-2K story arc. Jon McLaughlin, Jaylen Nowell, Naz Reid, Jarred Vanderbilt... who knew that far from being disgraced by these unknown names, that the Pels were actually ahead of the curve? The Wolves may have some star names, but much like the Griz, it's their no-name, bargain-basement role players who are making things tick.
Of course the stars are also nice. If Towns is having an off night, throw the ball to Edwards. If it ain't Ant's night, well perhaps it's a D'Angelo Russell special. I doubt long-suffering Wolves fans such as our own Dannnnnnnnnn care, they're having too much fun winning to notice.
Oh and BTW - if you see an ad for 'Towns vs Morant', that's really just creative shorthand for 'Memphis vs Minnesota'. Both places really exist, I swear... a long, long way east of LA.
Back in ancient history, Iggy played for the Nuggets. Not pictured: George Karl, moles
3. Golden State Warriors (53-29) vs 6. Denver Nuggets (48-34)
OK, up next is the Andre Igoudala grudge-match. Remember that? Yeah, I'm old.
A juicy match up, in which will be treated to two MVPs sharing the same floor, night after night. Kinda like when the Lakers play, except only this time involving playoff basketball.
The Dubs had a nice bounce-back season, to the surprise of exactly nobody who remembers the vice-like hold they had on the rest of the NBA between 2014 and 2019. Steph Curry can still hoop, despite not always shooting like a Curry. Draymond is a defensive force who still kicks arse and possibly balls (hands up, I haven't been paying attention on the latter). Otto Porter might not be a great max contract guy, but he's a great depth player if you're lucky enough to snare him for a minimum chips. Iggy himself might be an offensive non-entity nowadays, but the man hasn't forgotten how to blanket a superstar or two.
And of course there were the nice surprises. Dubs fans rejoining us after a two-year hibernation might be surprised to learn that Jordan Poole is a player, and a decent one at that. Jonathan Kuminga flashed some serious potential. And finally Klay rejoined pro-basketball after what seemed like a decade away. Seriously, the last time Klay was playing regularly, the Lakers and Knicks still both sucked, and... oh.
Meanwhile over in Denver, it turns out this Nikola Jokic fella is quite good at the basketball. How this guy ever made it to the 40th pick in the draft defies comprehension, but that's another story for another time. The Nuggets and Mike Malone continued to make do in the absence of their second and third best players, playing hard and leaning heavily on their burly superstar. Seems to me that some other NBA teams could take a lesson from the Nuggets in coping with adversity, but I won't be petty and name names.
Comparing the two teams, and it'll shock you to learn that Denver's main strength is running a top-6 offence through their cerebral, MVP big man. The Dubs? They've been doing it more with defence, boasting the second meanest record in the league there. I'm not sure there's any defence that offers a 100% moneyback guarantee in quieting Jokic's influence, but if there is then the Warriors stand a better chance than most in unlocking it.
My brother keeps telling me that Andrew Wiggins and Gary Payton III have actually been very good players for Golden State this season. If there's any truth to that, then put me down for a Dubs series victory. I'd ask fidstar to verify, but apparently he decided that opening week of playoffs was the perfect time to go on holiday. Pffft, priorities.
4. Dallas Mavericks (52-30) vs 5. Utah Jazz (49-33)
Finally we come to a series between a man who used to be the No. 2 coach in LA, versus an evil genius who is rumoured to be the front-runner as the next Lakers coach. This is how we couch non-Laker related team previews, right?
Dallas were... weird this season. Doncic started like a busted arse (pun intended) while the Grand Porzingis Experiment came to its seemingly inevitable, deflating conclusion. And yet the Mavs won 52 games. 52 freaking games. Yeah, I have no clue either.
Dorian Finney-Smith might be named like a minor character in a Jane Austen novel, but he gets the job done. Jalen Brunson is those rarest of things - a non-Luka Mavs draft pick in the last 20 years that actually panned out. Reggie Bullock might have been one of the low-key recruits of the season. Dwight Powell and Maxi Kleber somehow held down the middle against much more vaunted opponents. Spencer Dinwiddie had a sudden renaissance. Something's going on in Dallas, and for once we're not talking about sexual harassment lawsuits, although they probably happened too.
And of course when Luka finally got his... arse... into gear, the Mavs won 36 of their final 48 games. Little life lesson for Zion there.
On the other hand, the Jazz's season was the inverse of Dallas's. Utah started out gangbusters, winning 28 of their first 38 and looking likely to challenge the Suns for top spot in the West again. Then the wheels fell off, and much like the Mavs' turnaround, it's difficult to pinpoint why.
They didn't look themselves for long stretches, but they still finished with best offensive efficiency in the entire league. Mitchell and Gobert's numbers look OK. They didn't suffer abnormally much from injuries, just patches here and there. Their defence wasn't vintage Jazz from five years ago, but it was still top-10. So what then?
There have been whispers of chemistry problems, although the Jazz themselves deny it. Mike Conley hasn't quite been the star that they'd hoped they were trading for, but it's not like he has been bad or anything. Jingles was a loss, but was hardly having a great shooting year either. Their bench actually looks improved on last year, with Whiteside in particular a valuable pick-up, so it's not that. It's more just that the whole seems less than the sum of its parts, which is the antithesis of what the Jazz have been for the last five or so years.
So, seems like a go-with-form-team kinda series, right? Well yeah, except... the Mavs lost Doncic to injury for <insert your predictions here> playing in the dying minutes of the final regular season game of the season. Oh, Jason... what have you done?
It's worth remembering that both these teams coughed up 2-0 series leads a year ago, and if their regular season performance were anything to go by they still trend towards up-and down fluctuations. We're probably not looking at either of the eventual NBA champions here. But that's OK, you've got to be in it to win it, which is precisely the mindset the Lakers had when trading for Russell Westbrook this season. OK, bad example, but the rule of thumb still applies.
Enjoy the playoffs.
When our esteemed moderator peternorth came to me with a mission to preview the NBA playoffs, my first thought was... sod off, I did this last year.
My second thought was that I forgot to ask for any money up front last year. Suffice to say, a big payday was in order. So Northy and I have spent several weeks locked in negotiations that were more thrilling than a political debate between 'ScoMo and Albo', and punctuated by frequent bathroom breaks. Sorry about defiling your shrine to Taylor Swift, Northy, but obviously moderators live in much bigger houses than the rest of us plebs.
In the end, I think we managed to come up with a fair compromise. This humble writer has agreed to a modest pay rise, consisting of one complimentary meal ticket from the Salvation Army, 10% of all future movie rights, and a Zion Williamson 2021-22 season highlights DVD.
In return for these demands, I've agreed to keep the Lakers jokes to an absolute minimum - so, strictly no more than one per paragraph. Tough, but fair.
So without further ado, please enjoy the 2022 NBA playoffs. Particularly those of you whose teams are talented enough to participate.
1. Miami Heat (53-29) vs 8. Atlanta Hawks (43-39)
This will be an odd first round match-up, in many ways reminiscent of when these two teams met in the playoffs 28 years ago, only that time roles reversed. On that occasion it was often hard to tell which team was the top seed and which the eighth. It was also often difficult to tell whether you were watching pro basketball or pro wrestling.
I'm sure Jimmy Butler and friends would be disgusted to see such carry on on the basketball court. Cough.
Miami are a team that still does it primarily with defence. They do pretty much everything well there, particularly packing the paint, which is no surprise given their personnel. The signings of Duncan Robinson and Victor Oladipo haven't worked out that well for them, so naturally the Heat found a bunch of guys like Gabe Vincent, Max Strus and Caleb Martin who have produced a lot of return on minimal investment. hamG doesn't like this.
The Hawks had the post-breakthrough blues for the first half of the season, before righting the ship and closing by winning 26 of their last 40. Accordingly it was not particularly surprising to see them negotiate the play-ins successfully, more just surprising that they found themselves there in the first place. We could have said the same for the Lakers, if they'd only qualified for the play-ins.
Unlike the Heat, the Hawks do you with offence - finishing last (ie best) in the league in turnovers and shooting 37% as a team from beyond the arc are both indicators of a smooth, properly spaced offence. Defence? Eh, well... the Hawks have a lot of opportunities to practice their half court set defence, let's just say that.
Of course news has come through that Clint Capela may be hurt, potentially significantly. I'm not sure playoff Gorgui Dieng is a thing, but the Hawks may have to hope it is.
2. Boston Celtics (51-31) vs 7. Brooklyn Nets (44-38)
I'm not sure anyone on this board is really interested in this match-up, so we'll just move on.
Fine, fine, I'll fulfill my set of contractual obligations and just go through the motions here. If it's good enough for the 2021-22 Lakers, it's good enough for me.
Much like the aforementioned Hawks, Boston played most the first half of the season like the Russian army - firing away indiscriminately from the perimeter, while loudly proclaiming to anyone who would listen that all was well and going perfectly to plan. And always, always hail the wise decisions of the Supreme Leader,
Then suddenly in January everything changed - the Celts started really playing defence rather than just looking busy, while Jayson Tatum went from 2015-16 Kobe to 2007-08 Kobe practically overnight. I'm pretty sure peternorth 's warnings about making that comparison don't apply to me, but if I suddenly disappear, then know that I love you all.
So yeah, the Celtics got good, really really good. Their fans have been really quiet about it too, so you're probably shocked to be reading this.
In the other corner we have the Nets, who haven't fared particularly well since forming a superteam, but then again at least they qualified for the play-ins. It bears remembering that Kevin Durant almost beat the reigning champion Bucks single-handed in last year's playoffs, so the Nets could pretty much surround Durant with four folding chairs and still be in with half a chance of winning this series. Nb. Rob Pelinka - this suggestion was made for comic purposes, and should not be attempted in real life.
And then there's the incense man himself, Mr. Irving. Whatever else happens, I'm sure we can all agree that Kyrie and Boston fans can be counted on to act with an abundance of civil decorum and humility towards each other. If Kyrie could make life decisions as well as he can score the basketball, then the Nets could have avoided this match-up entirely, but here we are.
Somehow the presence of a leprechaun is the most believable thing in this unfinished story.
3. Milwaukee Bucks (51-31) vs 6. Chicago Bulls (46-36)
So, here we have the reigning champs up against a team who have lost a lot of games against top ranking opponents. Or so I've heard.
The Bucks have been winging it practically all season long, winning just enough to keep them at the pointy end without ever really looking like they were in danger of breaking a sweat. The main guys were kept to 2,200 minutes or less during the regular season, which is probably sensible for a team coming off a championship run, as well as a late-finishing 2020 COVID-affected season.
Milwaukee's defence fell off in the absence of Bropez, as they gave up an uncharacteristic 54% shooting inside the arc. One suspects those numbers might change in the absence of the Jordan Nworas and Rodney Hood's of this world, but it's something to keep an eye on.
Other than that... well, Giannis is really, really good. See, this is why I deserve that negotiated pay rise.
As for the boys from Windy City: apparently it's no Lonzo, no Bulls. Gee, you'd hate to be the team that gave Lonzo away for sh1ttrucks like Satoransky and Temple, wouldn't you?
Chicago started out gangbusters going 26-10 to lead the East, plateaued somewhat to go 13-11 during the oft-forgettable middle part of the regular season, and then finished with a whimper, losing 15 of their last 22. If these trends continue, we can expect the Bulls to be competing with the Lakers for the #1 draft pick in 2023. Only in Chicago's case, they'd actually get to keep their pick.
As to the immediate task at hand, it's tough to make much of a case for the Bulls against a team that's as primed as the Bucks are. Chicago really need Vuc to pull his finger out. Billy Donovan probably didn't expect a defensive behemoth when he planned out the season, but he probably DID factor in his costly big man sinking more than 31% of his threes.
The Bulls are/were fun to watch in full flight, and DeMar had a hell of a season... but it probably stops here.
4. Philadelphia 76ers (51-31) vs 5. Toronto Raptors (48-34)
A lot of people have an opinion on the Sixers. Chances are you've heard a few this year.
This seems like the ultimate 'put up or shut up' season for Philly, but the reality is that they haven't been responsible for most of the noise, the notable exception of James 'Jim' Harden aside. Sure the Simmons situation in the playoffs last season could have been handled slightly differently, but it wasn't THAT outrageous.
12 months and one MVP-calibre season from Joel Embiid on, and it's a slightly different equation for Doc Rivers and the Sixers. Then, it was a question of fit. Now it's a question of longevity. There's reason to think that this will not be the ultimate, definitive version of the Embiid/Harden Sixers. For now, however, the external noise continues.
The good news in the city of brotherly love has included Tyrese Maxey's breakout performances, and the plugging of one of several noticeable gaps through the bench shooting of Georges Niang. They did look to have solved another problem through the off-season acquisition of Andre Drummond, but for now they'll have to get by on DeAndre Jordan Island. Again, these are probably not the finished Sixers.
They will however be expected to beat a Toronto team that was unconventional in every sense of the word. How else would you describe a team whose entire threadbare bench seems to consist entirely of big men? And in an age of load management - some of which has been promised to me for some time by peternorth - the Raps had FIVE guys who averaged more than 35 mpg. I could have sworn that Thibs was coaching the Knicks, not Toronto...
If the Raptors were decidedly old-school in their approach to man-management, then they were neo-modern in their approach to defence. Siakam, Anunoby, Barnes, VanVleet, Boucher, Achiuwa, Young - those 'tweener, switch-everything, long-limbed bodies keep coming at you.
Offensively the Raptors don't exactly have the superstar firepower of some of the other playoff contenders, and this is the area that Philly will no doubt seek to exploit. If VanVleet and Gary Trent Jr can't hit consistently from the perimeter it might be a long series for Toronto - and there's zero guard depth behind them.
Also get your free throw attempts post number bets in now - Primetime Pricey is at the phone waiting to take your call, since the Knicks won't be gracing us with their presence.
1. Phoenix Suns (64-18) vs 9. New Orleans Pelicans (36-46)
And here we come to the playoff series that you've no doubt been waiting for - the unstoppable force that constitutes the Phoenix Suns vs the slightly wonky, moveable object that is your New Orleans Pelicans. The old Master, Monty Williams, vs his protégé Willie Green - practically Darth Vader and Obi Wan all over again, only with less intergalactic sword-fighting and more polite chatting and hugging. The raging championship favourite against the upstart Cinderella team who everybody loves - but we'll get to the Suns later.
The Pels of course only secured their playoff place this afternoon with a thrilling yes-no-yes victory over the Clippers. I should know because I was watching and ready to celebrate, before I
You've probably seen the stats by now; the Pels started 3-16 before clawing their way past several young, promising, hungry teams such as the Spurs, Clippers and Lakers and clinching a cherished playoff berth. Unlike was the case with say, Boston, what happened in New Orleans wasn't so much a revolution as an evolution. The Pels pretty much played .500 ball for most of the season, if you ignore that god-awful start. And let's be frank, most of you probably did. You're all welcome on the bandwagon now, however.
Herb Jones helped a lot. Zion... well, I hear Portland is nice this time of year. Of course I've heard playing pro basketball is pretty fun too, if you can be bothered.
Meanwhile in Phoenix, the Suns evolved too. And by that, I mean they evolved from a team used to trip over their own shoelaces on the way out on to the court into a team that basically never loses. Holy cow Batman, the Suns were good this season. And last season. Offence, defence, inside, outside, shooting, length - Phoenix pretty much have it all covered. They have more weapons than Look2Me4Guidance has jokes, and we haven't even touched on the dearly departed Frank Kaminsky yet.
According to Anthony Davis, the Suns were lucky to win their first round series last year. Me thinks they might not need so much 'luck' this season, but here's to a fun series.
2. Memphis Grizzlies (56-26) vs 7. Minnesota Timberwolves (46-36)
You just know that someone at ESPN is going to lose their job for this one.
Here we have a potentially intriguing first round match-up between two up-an-coming western conference powers. I mean technically Memphis are more east than west, and Minnesota is probably closer to the North Pole than any of its NorthWest division 'rivals', buuuut... until the Supersonics are revived, this is officially a western conference match-up.
If the Raptors were unconventional, then their erstwhile Canadian cousins were a very strange cat indeed. The Griz seem to bat 11 deep, and if cricket teams had 13 players then I'm sure the Griz would probably bat thirteen deep too. If you couldn't tell DeAnthony Melton, Tyus Jones, Brandon Clarke or John Konchar from Steve who lives down the block, then you're probably far from alone. In fact, I guarantee you the national broadcasters are furiously flicking through reference guides and looking for media day photos as we speak.
Ja Morant sidelined? No biggie. Dillon Brooks out for most of the season? Have some Desmond Bane in you. Make Steven Adams a perfectly functional player in a modern NBA offence? No sweat. I have no idea what Memphis's secret is, I just know that small market teams like my Pels should probably be copying them.
On the other side we have another of this season's heartwarming stories, alongside the Griz themselves, the Cavs, the Pels and the Lakers. Rewind 12 months, and I remember lamenting as my full-strength Pels had their arse handed to them by players who I could have sworn were made-up characters on an NBA-2K story arc. Jon McLaughlin, Jaylen Nowell, Naz Reid, Jarred Vanderbilt... who knew that far from being disgraced by these unknown names, that the Pels were actually ahead of the curve? The Wolves may have some star names, but much like the Griz, it's their no-name, bargain-basement role players who are making things tick.
Of course the stars are also nice. If Towns is having an off night, throw the ball to Edwards. If it ain't Ant's night, well perhaps it's a D'Angelo Russell special. I doubt long-suffering Wolves fans such as our own Dannnnnnnnnn care, they're having too much fun winning to notice.
Oh and BTW - if you see an ad for 'Towns vs Morant', that's really just creative shorthand for 'Memphis vs Minnesota'. Both places really exist, I swear... a long, long way east of LA.
Back in ancient history, Iggy played for the Nuggets. Not pictured: George Karl, moles
3. Golden State Warriors (53-29) vs 6. Denver Nuggets (48-34)
OK, up next is the Andre Igoudala grudge-match. Remember that? Yeah, I'm old.
A juicy match up, in which will be treated to two MVPs sharing the same floor, night after night. Kinda like when the Lakers play, except only this time involving playoff basketball.
The Dubs had a nice bounce-back season, to the surprise of exactly nobody who remembers the vice-like hold they had on the rest of the NBA between 2014 and 2019. Steph Curry can still hoop, despite not always shooting like a Curry. Draymond is a defensive force who still kicks arse and possibly balls (hands up, I haven't been paying attention on the latter). Otto Porter might not be a great max contract guy, but he's a great depth player if you're lucky enough to snare him for a minimum chips. Iggy himself might be an offensive non-entity nowadays, but the man hasn't forgotten how to blanket a superstar or two.
And of course there were the nice surprises. Dubs fans rejoining us after a two-year hibernation might be surprised to learn that Jordan Poole is a player, and a decent one at that. Jonathan Kuminga flashed some serious potential. And finally Klay rejoined pro-basketball after what seemed like a decade away. Seriously, the last time Klay was playing regularly, the Lakers and Knicks still both sucked, and... oh.
Meanwhile over in Denver, it turns out this Nikola Jokic fella is quite good at the basketball. How this guy ever made it to the 40th pick in the draft defies comprehension, but that's another story for another time. The Nuggets and Mike Malone continued to make do in the absence of their second and third best players, playing hard and leaning heavily on their burly superstar. Seems to me that some other NBA teams could take a lesson from the Nuggets in coping with adversity, but I won't be petty and name names.
Comparing the two teams, and it'll shock you to learn that Denver's main strength is running a top-6 offence through their cerebral, MVP big man. The Dubs? They've been doing it more with defence, boasting the second meanest record in the league there. I'm not sure there's any defence that offers a 100% moneyback guarantee in quieting Jokic's influence, but if there is then the Warriors stand a better chance than most in unlocking it.
My brother keeps telling me that Andrew Wiggins and Gary Payton III have actually been very good players for Golden State this season. If there's any truth to that, then put me down for a Dubs series victory. I'd ask fidstar to verify, but apparently he decided that opening week of playoffs was the perfect time to go on holiday. Pffft, priorities.
4. Dallas Mavericks (52-30) vs 5. Utah Jazz (49-33)
Finally we come to a series between a man who used to be the No. 2 coach in LA, versus an evil genius who is rumoured to be the front-runner as the next Lakers coach. This is how we couch non-Laker related team previews, right?
Dallas were... weird this season. Doncic started like a busted arse (pun intended) while the Grand Porzingis Experiment came to its seemingly inevitable, deflating conclusion. And yet the Mavs won 52 games. 52 freaking games. Yeah, I have no clue either.
Dorian Finney-Smith might be named like a minor character in a Jane Austen novel, but he gets the job done. Jalen Brunson is those rarest of things - a non-Luka Mavs draft pick in the last 20 years that actually panned out. Reggie Bullock might have been one of the low-key recruits of the season. Dwight Powell and Maxi Kleber somehow held down the middle against much more vaunted opponents. Spencer Dinwiddie had a sudden renaissance. Something's going on in Dallas, and for once we're not talking about sexual harassment lawsuits, although they probably happened too.
And of course when Luka finally got his... arse... into gear, the Mavs won 36 of their final 48 games. Little life lesson for Zion there.
On the other hand, the Jazz's season was the inverse of Dallas's. Utah started out gangbusters, winning 28 of their first 38 and looking likely to challenge the Suns for top spot in the West again. Then the wheels fell off, and much like the Mavs' turnaround, it's difficult to pinpoint why.
They didn't look themselves for long stretches, but they still finished with best offensive efficiency in the entire league. Mitchell and Gobert's numbers look OK. They didn't suffer abnormally much from injuries, just patches here and there. Their defence wasn't vintage Jazz from five years ago, but it was still top-10. So what then?
There have been whispers of chemistry problems, although the Jazz themselves deny it. Mike Conley hasn't quite been the star that they'd hoped they were trading for, but it's not like he has been bad or anything. Jingles was a loss, but was hardly having a great shooting year either. Their bench actually looks improved on last year, with Whiteside in particular a valuable pick-up, so it's not that. It's more just that the whole seems less than the sum of its parts, which is the antithesis of what the Jazz have been for the last five or so years.
So, seems like a go-with-form-team kinda series, right? Well yeah, except... the Mavs lost Doncic to injury for <insert your predictions here> playing in the dying minutes of the final regular season game of the season. Oh, Jason... what have you done?
It's worth remembering that both these teams coughed up 2-0 series leads a year ago, and if their regular season performance were anything to go by they still trend towards up-and down fluctuations. We're probably not looking at either of the eventual NBA champions here. But that's OK, you've got to be in it to win it, which is precisely the mindset the Lakers had when trading for Russell Westbrook this season. OK, bad example, but the rule of thumb still applies.
Enjoy the playoffs.
