Media TiFnews Exclusive: Breaking News - Test Tickle Out... of Hospital!

[Barrybran]

Big news day Baz, it's doing abit!

It's amazing I've actually got this far given the past week. I've had some help though which I'll credit accordingly when I get the thread in order.

 

[TRUMAN#1]

LOL, great media piece.

Get well soon Test Tickle, but don't say I didn't warn you that you weren't up to the Ruck challenge for a whole season.

 

[AceAndy]

Ah, so that explains why Test Tickle dropped from being the #1 ranked player in Baz Stats this week (yes, I've caught up finally)

Tough break for Test Tickle up against a league powerhouse yesterday. Tried hard just not up to it.

 

[TRUMAN#1]

The SIM finally turned his back on him LOL

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

The SIM finally turned his back on him LOL

After the SIM savaged pantskyle to a couple of mangy bones and abit of skin, it had to satisfy it's insatiable appetite elsewhere.

 

[AuntyBlindEye]

LOL, great media piece.

Get well soon Test Tickle, but don't say I didn't warn you that you weren't up to the Ruck challenge for a whole season.

He would be if the other rucks didn't play three times as dirty against him because the mere sight of testy makes their sphincters shrink into a singularity.

 

[TRUMAN#1]

He would be if the other rucks didn't play three times as dirty against him because the mere sight of testy makes their sphincters shrink into a singularity.

Oh dear, good on for sticking up for him, but he's yesterdays news, heck you may even do a better job in the Ruck.

 

[Elton Johns Wig]

If the Test Tickle is out, why doesn't someone just tuck it back in?

Won't somebody think of the children?

 

[TJASTA]

I was hopeing that Test Tickle did his ACL. Sad reacts only.

 

[Carson Dial]

If the Test Tickle is out, why doesn't someone just tuck it back in?

Won't somebody think of the children?

It’s the worst case of fly eyes I’ve ever seen.

 

[Grand Uncle Horace]

If the Test Tickle is out, why doesn't someone just tuck it back in?

Won't somebody think of the children?

It's tne one teste, one child policy.

 

[philreich]

The man is soft. I'm so unfit that I get a stitch when my nose runs, but I still get out there each week.

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

Bears paws for thought
by Jon Qalph

The Las Vegas Bears are still yet to issue a formal statement on the matter, preferring to dismiss reports, as Test Tickle appears to have gone underground since his surgery on Sunday. A key figure at the embattled Las Vegas club gave an interview tonight under the condition of anonymity.

Qalphy:
So what's your take on this shocking news?

Anon:
Weak as piss from the Tickla. For a fellow that has long spruiked a 'team-first' mantra, to only last 10 weeks with a hammy hanging off the bone and three displaced spinal discs is a real exposition of his true nature. When one thinks about it, this very disposition has been encapsulated by his form all season long. Dominating the stoppages, getting clearances, racking up the pill - and yet where do the Bears sit?!? fu**ennn haven't checked the ladder but I'd wager it looks something like this:

The guy's quite simply gone and gotten ahead of himself. The ELITE slogan, the gallivanting down the wing GIF, the prophesying of a Mobbs & All-SFA Captaincy, "It's ruck craft big boy", the bestial hollering in the showers; all tell-tale signs of a character who has let a bit of good form go to their head.

Qalphy:
Some strong sentiment there, as a leade... key figure at the club, that's some strong talk. Do you stand behind him and back his recovery?

Anon:
I'm not saying Teste isn't a fine guy, but it's become clear to me that some vices have taken hold, and that his radiant innocence and community-spirited glee have been savagely corrupted. I also find it hard to believe that his time spent around the likes of known rogues
Gina Talia, Tigerturbulance and AceAndy could be conducive to virtuous and concerted application. It's little wonder that 2T#1's injury has coincided with 2T#2 careering off the rails with his run-ins with the law.


Qalphy:
What do you think is next for the big fella, he's pretty important to your season. Will he get back?

Anon:
We're hoping Test Tickle can take the time to consider what he really values in life, and what brings the most fulfillment to his qootballing career - what he fell in love with as a young, optimistic and talented player. We'll be standing by our guy for this period of transformation, but only he can take those steps. A miraculous finals berth beckons for the crew out in Vegas, but we'll need every bit of fortune and cunning to make that a reality. I know that I, like the rest of the competition, am thrilled to see what those exhilarating and nimble hands can produce at the back end of the season.

Also please stop camping outside of my villa.

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

Test Tickle Out... Of Hospital!
By Jon Qalph

One of, if not THE biggest star of the SFA in Season 28 and arguably one of its biggest names, Test Tickle has been on everyone's lips this week.

After the shocking news of the collapse and breakdown of the form player of the competition, having wide ranging implications across the league and sending betting markets into a spin, the landscape of the Sweet FA season looked set to shift dramatically as the brutal physical toll his form has taken on the rampaging ruckman this season became clear to the broader SFA and qooty fans across the country.

Despite the club and it's leaders declining to comment, the Las Vegas outfit struggled to, and were ultimately unsuccessful, in keeping the news under wraps, particularly after the star himself gave an exclusive, and at times expansive account to us here at TiFnews.

Well, in one of the most remarkable episodes to take place in Sweet FA history, today there have been further astonishing developments in this amazing story.

Today, despite suffering multiple potentially career ending injuries, incredibly the firebrand Bears juggernaut has discharged himself from hospital, and declared himself a certain starter for the Las Vegas outfit in their Round 11 clash tomorrow with JackNah_8 and the Roys FFC at Brunswick Junction Oval.

This extraordinary news adds another element to the ongoing appeal relating to the Bears' erroneous teamsheet submission this week, with sources at the club suggesting club powerbrokers, at the urgings of the great ruck himself, were persuaded not to drop the gun ruckman from the squad, rather leaving an asterisk by his name as Testy became more and more confident he would make a miraculous recovery. Unfortunately for captain JoshWoodenSpoon, the confirmation that Test Tickle would indeed be making the most unlikely of all returns came mere hours after the teamsheet submission deadline, as the decision to retain the ruckman in the squad was debated by the Las Vegas board and was only ratified once the deadline had passed.

However, club officials were only too happy to sacrifice the spot of their skipper to keep their marquee player on the park, also risking the prescribed financial penalty of a whopping $20,000 ClarkeMonies as per the Sweet FA bylaws. The Bears prepared to take that hit, knowing the naming of their biggest drawcard would see door takings far exceed any penalty the governing body may apply.

The young tyro read from a prepared statement just moments ago outside Sweet Medical Centre as he addressed the media.

"I was never going to miss a week of qooty, I am Test Tickle.
Broken bones, torn hamstrings and fractured ribs will never stop me.
I am walking out of hospital UNASSISTED and playing qooty with my team on Sunday.
No medical certificates, no doctor clearances and no bandages, I AM PLAYING.
The Bears are making a late charge to the Finals and I WILL BE THERE.
Thank you all for your support.
Now GTFO of my way!"



Well, this is definitely going to go down as one of the most incredible comebacks in Sweet FA history, as the qooty world watches on in disbelief at Testy's superhuman return and this reporter can't wait to see what transpires at one of the most highly anticipated games in recent memory.


Follow Jon Qalph on twitter at @QalphyTIFnews​

 

[TJASTA]

who the **** cares about this guy

 

[Test Tickle]

who the fu** cares about this guy

Get stuffed

 

[Agent93]

Excellent news. The question remains - will he sit out a match in solidarity with his captain who he ****ed over last week?

 

[Far Kern]

Excellent news. The question remains - will he sit out a match in solidarity with his captain who he f’ed over last week?

Full disclosure: his captain who you also f’ed over last week?

 

[JoshWoodenSpoon]

Excellent news. The question remains - will he sit out a match in solidarity with his captain who he f’ed over last week?

I hear this measure is still being weighed up by match committee.

*

 

[Agent93]

Full disclosure: his captain who you also f’ed over last week?

Quorum was reached. The outcome would have been the same had the charge been downgraded to medium impact, thus essentially you and I (and the entire committee) voted the same outcome regarding Testy ****ing over his captain. I'm merely asking whether he'll take a voluntary rest rather than an enforced one, as was your preference.

 

[Far Kern]

Quorum was reached. The outcome would have been the same had the charge been downgraded to medium impact, thus essentially you and I (and the entire committee) voted the same outcome regarding Testy ******* over his captain. I'm merely asking whether he'll take a voluntary rest rather than an enforced one, as was your preference.

And it’s an excellent question. The teste of the man.

 

[Barrybran]

And it’s an excellent question. The teste of the man.

So you're asking if JoshWoodenSpoon has the ball to drop his ruckman?

 

[Far Kern]

So you're asking if JoshWoodenSpoon has the ball to drop his ruckman?

No. JoshWoodenSpoon should be immediately sacked.

As Agent93 has so empathically suggested, if Test Tickle is leadership material he should volunteer to stand out for a week.

We will all be watching and hoping that he is the sort of person that we hoped.

 

[Test Tickle]

Actually we only playing Gumbies this week, might be a good time for a rest.