Wife gave my friend $15000 behind my back

[the_interloper]

The word 'divorce' was posted above and all of your Bigfooty alerts went off?

Damn son

 

[Alberto_Magnifico]

And what is that exactly?

Ask him to use loob next time he @#$& you up the #@$

 

[Syd]

The word 'divorce' was posted above and all of your Bigfooty alerts went off?

Just checking it wasn't me (again)

Pfew!

 

[Power Raid]

I trusted her so I never paid attention to the account. I am definitely not rich.

I am still trying to get to the bottom of what exactly happened. Before I make decisions with my emotions I want to get some rational advice from multiple sources or from someone who had a similar situation... From family, friends, lawyers and bigfooty members...

this is likely to be a situation which your position as to what to do, will not be about the facts. Rather it is how you feel and can you live with the facts........or will it eat you up and as a result sabotage your relationship.

My advice would be, you will know very quickly and either work hard at your relationship or end it immediately. The other choice is a painful process that leads to only one outcome.

 

[kickazz]

this is likely to be a situation which your position as to what to do, will not be about the facts. Rather it is how you feel and can you live with the facts........or will it eat you up and as a result sabotage your relationship.

My advice would be, you will know very quickly and either work hard at your relationship or end it immediately. The other choice is a painful process that leads to only one outcome.

Yeah, to paraphrase - you must confront this, and confront it with honesty. No half measures on that account. By all means be supportive if that is what you want to do but no skirting around the issue.

 

[William Wonka]

That would be the most logical thing to do by outside looking in but the last 10 years has been great and I don't want to make a mistake and later regret it.

It is in fact a completely illogical thing to do.
$15k is SFA compared to a divorce settlement.

Yu have two separate issues.
1. Your relationship with your missus
2. A campaigner who owes yu cash.


The relationship is no rush- yu can screw her sister in five years time for instance, or as much or as little as yu choose but its on your terms.
No hurry at all.
Make friends with her and act like yu think she is the victim.


As far as your cash goes it depends on what sort of bloke your ex mate is really.
Just remember demanding money with menaces is a very serious crime.

However damage to property...
Disputed ownership...
The old 'fair exchange = no robbery' is a very true adage.

 

[Taylor]

Almost $600 a week. What was he spending this on? That's a mortgage.

I'd be wanting to see all the communications between the two to understand and if somehow this didn't involve your wife doing the dirty behind your back then you make a plan together on how to deal with it and move on.

Unfortunately the best outcome here might be that you paid $15,000 to have someone removed from your life.

 

[Power Raid]

when it comes to you wife she is your "partner" and more important a partner than your business partners

like your business partners you trust them with your bank account, your credit cards, their name on titles, your family trust

but it goes further, they have your heart, your kids, your family and you at your weakest moments


trust, respect and honesty


I couldn't give a fk about the $s but the trust, respect and honesty breach would have me questioning if I was in a partnership or not

That said I am very forgiving and very much anti-divorce (as a starting point)


Good luck

 

[norway blue]

My wife gave my friend $15,000 behind my back from our joint account. She did it by taking cash out within a 6 month period and put it into his account. Now she confessed to me she did it.

Now he won't give the money back. What is the best thing to do ?

That’s not right at best.


On iPhone using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[Plugger35]

You didn't miss $15,000 go missing over time.....doesn't sound like you have much of a problem Mr Rich [emoji1787]

Sounds like she was probably ******* him and he blackmailed her [emoji848]

Sent from my CPH2005 using Tapatalk

Blackmail is what I was thinking too, I can't see any other reason why she would hand over 15k to this so called friend, she's probably been having an affair with him and he told her to cough up the cash or he would blow the whistle on it, this whole "feeling sorry for him" story sounds like a ruse to me.

I've seen enough Dr Phil to see how this plays out, my advice would be to cut them both loose and move on, I'm sure Dr Phil would say the same thing.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

The bigfooty community sometimes might be not renound for their wisdom and perspicacity but it has helped me a lot in the past... I got over my alcohol addiction and built up a successful business because of a advice someone from bigfooty told me over 10 years ago.

What advice if you dont mind me asking?

 

[Kappa]

What advice if you dont mind me asking?

"Stop drinking and start a successful business"

 

[Red Black and Blue]

 

[Paul66]

My wife gave my friend $15,000 behind my back from our joint account. She did it by taking cash out within a 6 month period and put it into his account. Now she confessed to me she did it.

Now he won't give the money back. What is the best thing to do ?

Obviously, the emotional scarring is still very raw, given that your post is pretty new.
People here saying it's blackmail from an affair. It could also be that she's gambling, and is blaming a friend to cover up her addiction.
You're saying that you're very trusting and don't necessarily want the marriage to end.
My suggestion is that while this is ( or seems to be ) a very new issue, it'll have to get worse before it gets better. By that, honest communication is the key. Tell her that you need to know the truth. Ask what behaviour was going on to make her feel manipulated. What was the friend up to to make her hand over money ? Maybe ask why it's taken six months for her to confess. Remember, she feels very bad at letting you down, and you have to respect that. She knows she's done wrong. Try to be calm and rational instead of angry. Your anger will only make her retreat into her shell. Mind you, she has to realise that, most likely, every detail has to be put on the table for your relationship to continue. It's a terrible time for her. She's stuffed up, but she's also owned up. $15k is a significant amount of cash, but maybe it needs to be written off for the relationship to continue.
As for the "friend", you could try approaching him about repayment, but be prepared to accept that it's gone and that you've lost a friend.
If my suggestion is correct and she's been gambling, tell her that you'll stand by her and support her overcoming her addiction.
You sound like a good husband. Good luck champion. I hope that you get the answers you need and that your marriage is able to survive this setback.

On SM-G781B using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[Poetic Justice]

I think you need to get to the bottom of why she was doing it or why friend needed it before going any further - there could be a heart breaking reason that you end up understanding despite the cost.

Having said that, let this be a lesson to all people that if you're not the one managing your affairs in a relationship you should still always scan over your internet banking app at least once a week.

 

[perthblue]

You need to speak to your wife and get to the bottom of why she did what she did. You probably won't get the money back.

Regardless of her reason, this is a massive betraya and you will have a difficult time trusting her again. You will probably need couples counselling to save your relationship.

 

[Gigantic]

Could be an affair, could be gambling, could be said friend needed money to seek medical treatment for something he's ashamed to ask his friends for help with... it really could be anything. Either way it sucks that your wife went behind your back and trust was broken. Hope you can get to the bottom of it and find the truth, OP.

 

[WCErevival]

Have you talked to the "mate"?

 

[The Passenger]

The money is gone. Unless there is a seriously good reason, that mate should be gone. But I can't think of a legitimate scenario where he needed cash and couldn't have told you himself. So almost certainly the friendship is severed. Being brutally honest, plenty of people have paid more than 15K to find out their mate is a campaigner. A heavy price to pay sure, but could have been worse.

As for your wife? That's a tough one. I think you are well within your rights to see all communication between them. Best case scenario here is your mate is a manipulative scumbag who conned your trusting wife. In this case the marriage is still alive but you'd certainly tighter control over your money. Worst case scenario it's blackmail for an affair. In this case, 15K is actually a cheap price to pay to get that info.

Impossible to say without seeing their emails, messages and texts. Don't forget many applications have "hidden conversation" features and if you start seeing a whole heap of deleted messages that is a huge red flag.

The shit thing about this is saying you want to go through her phone to see their Comms, it makes you feel like an untrusting dick, but the whole scenario is on her head.

I don't think you can simply take her at face value if she says he manipulated her into giving him cash to feed an addiction. You need to see what was written between them.

 

[peternorth]

Have you tried hitting her?

/bigfooty

Do a barrel roll

/bigfooty


Was the money spent on the best deal in town?

/chief

 

[rank and file]

Ditch your wife,next time you'll be cleaned out properly.
The person who received the cash is not your friend.
A fool and his money are soon parted,but you already know this.

 

[dumb]

best of luck navigating your way to an outcome you're happy with.

in your shoes i wouldn't doubt the friend has been emotionally abusive. i would doubt how long they were abusive for though, as money could easily have changed hands on different, nicer terms before it got to that point. it's easier to tell a white lie about one thing while confessing completely to another.
but, that's me potentially being way off base. you'll have to ask your wife for those sorts of details.

does your friend know that you know? your 'friend' may have their own version that contradicts your wife.

 

[raskolnikov]

Blackmail is what I was thinking too, I can't see any other reason why she would hand over 15k to this so called friend, she's probably been having an affair with him and he told her to cough up the cash or he would blow the whistle on it, this whole "feeling sorry for him" story sounds like a ruse to me.

I've seen enough Dr Phil to see how this plays out, my advice would be to cut them both loose and move on, I'm sure Dr Phil would say the same thing.

Dr Phil is a narcissistic grub.

 

[Plugger35]

Dr Phil is a narcissistic grub.

 

[Dan Moody]

You're not telling the full story.
You don't notice $15k go missing over a period of 180 days?
She gives said money to friend for fear of blackmail or abuse?

I don't want to sound unsympathetic but you are either :

1. Trolling Bigfooty with this story
2. The dumbest bloke God put breath into
3. Being taken for a huge ride by your wife

If, by some strange chance, this story is true, you need to divorce your wife on the grounds of financial abuse and then punch the living shit out of that campaigner mate