Loose at HB
Professional Melter
He told me he’d be there. Where the **** is he
The ambience of the rain was all that interrupted Tim’s thoughts. It was a cold, blustery night in Fantasy Land. His source had told him to meet him “on the corner of Dream Team Drive and SuperCoach Boulevard”. Tim had lived in Fantasy Land his entire life, and yet nobody ever dared to enter the alleyway on the corner of these 2 streets. For good reason, too, for the rumours told that anybody who ever went down the alleyway never came back the same. They started promoting crazy things, like starting with all of Elliot Yeo, Lachie Whitfield and Isaac Heeney, or trading Dayne Zorko in and out 3 times in the same season. But Tim was desperate. Tom Powell at F3 just wasn’t doing it for him. He needed a way out.
The rain continued to teem down as Tim, cutting the shady hooded figure he was, marched solemnly towards his destination. SuperCoach Boulevard was more of a white collar area of town, and Tim was lucky his parents had cushy jobs at the Herald Sun to allow them to live there. Nepotism is a bastard of a thing, he thought to himself as the Boulevard shaped into an opening where Dream Team Drive became visible. He had never really understood why people only one street away could be so different, and why they didn’t understand what he meant when he launched into one of his irrelevant rants about why Zak Butters was better for fantasy football than Connor Rozee. Imbeciles.
Tim arrived at the alleyway, neatly situated on the corner of the two sister streets, with more than a hint of trepidation. He turned to face the opening and found nothing looking back at him but his own fear. Turning back to face the outside world, his heart skipped a beat as the ambience was broken by a harsh, gravelly voice.
Are you that campaigner called Tim?
The figure in front of him clearly had no perception of personal space, as he stood so close that Tim could smell the desperation on his breath, in the same way his contact could likely smell the same feeling on Tim’s own. He appeared dishevelled, a beard reminiscent of Max Gawn but with teeth more reminiscent of your average Collingwood supporter. Tim shuffled uncomfortably in place, adjusting his hoodie around his pencil neck before managing to croak out some semblance of a response.
Yeah, that’s me. Have you got what I asked for?
The man laughed. The Great Forward Premo Drought of 2024 had brought many desperate souls in his direction, not looking for guidance so much as a solution. All the years of Champion Data suspiciously giving 115+ averaging midfielders forward status had made people complacent, and his work scavenging the garbage cans of fantasy football had largely gone unnoticed. Combined with the outbreak of podcasts and YouTube channels, the humble BigFooty Troll found it harder and harder to sell his wares even to newcomers arriving in town. It was just too easy these days.
Until this year. John Longmire’s decision to finally play Isaac Heeney in the midfield after a near decade of blue balling the SuperCoach collective was a bit of a blow to business, but in the wake of Sydney’s bye the fears of SuperCoaches everywhere were laid bare – fears that led them to one place and one place only.
Tim stood in awkward, uncomfortable silence as the Troll remained still, seemingly lost in thought before suddenly snapping back into consciousness. The Troll allowed himself a smirk, before pushing his hands deep into a raincoat that looked like it hadn’t been washed since before Essendon last won a final. He rattled his hands about before removing them and showing Tim 3 translucent globes, each of them varying shades of red.
“Is that it?” Tim asked, and the Troll responded with a solemn nod.
“I haven’t got much left – flogs have come from far and wide for something that even has the scent of a premo. You should have seen how quickly I sold out of that Fyfe model”
“This is all I can offer you. It ain’t much, but you should have thought about that before you started without Flanders”
Tim gulped. Not really what I was hoping for.
“Are there any issues with them?” he asked nervously. The Troll slowly shifted his gaze to meet the panicked, increasingly desperate figure in front of him.
“Well”, the Troll grumbled, “they might break. And unfortunately for you, they’re all out of warranty”
ST. KILDA VS WESTERN BULLDOGS
Round 6 kicks off with 2 teams of utmost SC relevance. Jack Steele has returned to the KOTD specimen of years gone by, hugging and handballing his way to an average of 130 and still presenting some value (albeit much less) at 624k. His right hand man, Rowan Marshall has himself made a case to push aside Tim “Stick Insect” English in the competition to be Max Gawn’s bridesmaid, averaging 115 through 5 rounds before coming face to face with his nemesis this week. Rebounding defenders Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera and Jack Sinclair both present some degree of interest for Coaches, while on the rookie front Darcy Wilson has been slightly underwhelming following significant pre-season hype. He may be soon replaced in teams by Hugo Garcia, a 117k MID/FWD who seems to have the favour of RTB… whether that is a positive or negative, I will leave up to your discerning eyes.
The Dogs will look to bounce back from what can only be described as an utterly shitful performance last time out, with horrible scores from SuperPremos such as Bont and the aforementioned English, who put in an effort last week that a wet blanket would be ashamed of. A paltry 58 has left last year’s R1 suddenly very gettable for potentially 560k in a fortnights time, although Coaches would be looking for a much better effort against Marshall on Thursday night before taking the plunge.
Flog coach Luke “Magnets” Beveridge continues to do his utmost to ruin Ryley Sanders, who should get a reprieve from the sub vest following Tom Liberatore’s concussion. We just hope this means Bevo doesn’t inexplicably shift his eyes to Sam Darcy…
Get ready everyone, he’s about to re-draft Robbie McComb…
ADELAIDE vs ESSENDON
It seems fitting that after just talking about Bevo, we lead into the Crows and Matthew Nicks, who finally decided that playing 4 one paced midfielders WASN’T a winning formula on the way to breaking Adelaide’s drought. Rory Laird and Matt Crouch have scored well early in the season but may find their scoring taking a slight dip if old Nicksy continues to use his brain, which may make Izak Rankine (454k, season average 91, 121 last outing) a legitimate forward option amongst the current graveyard. Jordan Dawson looks like a shell of a footballer in 2024, having not cracked the ton in 5 efforts so far and realistically needs to go if you’re still holding onto him, even though a better score shapes this week with Crouch’s suspension and a comfortable matchup at home.
The Bombers remain one of the hardest teams to predict in the competition, but one man who is not unpredictable is captain Zach Merrett. It is a testament to Merrett’s form that his 108 last weekend was slightly disappointing, and although he doesn’t present a heap of value at present, he shapes as a very likely top 8 MID. Behind the ball, Nic Martin continues to enjoy his transformation into a slightly better version of Aaron Hall with 3 successive tons after a slow start. Given his likely status as a DEF keeper following DPP changes, at 563k he presents reasonable value.
COLLINGWOOD VS PORT ADELAIDE
Collingwood’s only SC relevant footballer in Nick Daicos has had a poor start to the season by his own lofty standards, and has just about bottomed out at 566k. While he remains in 75% of teams, for the ¼ without him he’s probably not going to get much cheaper for the rest of the year.
In contrast, the Power are full of SC relevant footballers, led most prominently by midfield dynamos Zak Butters and Connor Rozee. Butters is generally the slightly better scorer, currently averaging a mammoth 127.8 compared to Rozee’s 116.6, and did play a much better game at the MCG in Round 2 of this year compared to Rozee who has tonned up so far in the 4 games played in Adelaide. Jason Horne-Francis has somehow found his way into 14.8% of teams on the back of 2 big early efforts, but a likely lack of DPP means at 475k you’re picking him to break out into a midfield keeper. Dan Houston is another who has started very well, and with consistency not typically expected of him, with all 5 of his scores between 105 and 121 to date. He remains okay value at 580k.
CARLTON vs GWS
The Blues decided that the best way to welcome back returning superstar Sam Walsh was to forget how to kick for goal, in a disappointing loss to Adelaide that nearly undermined the impressive nature of Walsh’s return. A whopping 166 made it feel like Walsh had never been away, and although he represents great value at 576k the safer play is to watch this week to ensure his body continues to hold up. Skipper Patrick Cripps offers some consistency with 4 consecutive tons, but in all likelihood will end up M8 at best while his protégé Jack Carroll likely needs to go after an underwhelming sub effort that brings his breakeven up to 46 and stunts his cash gen. Down back, Coaches everywhere are just hoping Zac Williams somehow continues to dodge the Blues’ soft tissue crisis…
What do you mean you guys aren’t injured yet?
Giants ball pig Tom Green burst out of the blocks with 3 massive scores over 130, stamping himself as a must-have just in time for him to dump a paltry 72 and troll all the Coaches who paid up at 650k for this Clayton Oliver rip-off. A rebound in form should see him only dip to about 600k, which still makes him much more accessible to those without him. Lachie Whitfield is another who somehow remains yet to break and presents rather fantastic value at present, averaging 110 through 5 rounds yet only being priced at 550k. His BE remains 120 following an injury affected score in Round 4, but he should be on the radars of most if you are willing to stomach his paper-mache body composition and extra bye. In other news, Jacob Wehr has been a steady Opening Round rookie, as has Harvey Thomas despite finding the time to shit out an 18 in between 2 impressive scores.
BRISBANE vs GEELONG
The Lions this season have somehow found themselves the home of the POD – not one single Brisbane player has an ownership over 5%! Despite a slow start to the season, midfielders Lachie Neale and Josh Dunkley both have healthy averages and a low score of 96 between the 2 of them, with Neale yet to dip below the three figure holy grail. While a second bye in Round 12 is a major turn off for most, they should remain on the radar due to their significant scoring potential. Another man with scoring potential but also significant burn potential is ex-skipper and full time flog Dayne Zorko, who seems to have made the injured Keidean Coleman’s seagulling role his own. There are no forwards, he’s averaging 104.4, and is currently priced at 528k. Make of that what you will.
Geelong look to continue their unbeaten start to 2024 and SC campaigners everywhere hope that Campaigner Data remember how much they love Tommy Stewart. An average of 104.6 after 5 rounds has been disappointing for an initial outlay of 635k and he looks prime to bottom out at approximately 560k next week, making him very gettable for those without him. The Cats’ other major contribution to SC 2024 has been two rookies with significantly contrasting fortunes to date – Ollie Dempsey has been a green light in a forward line wasteland, making it to 298k but looking very close to topping out should another “normal” rookie effort be delivered this week. Owners of Jhye Clark, on the other hand, would have killed for anything resembling a normal rookie effort and a sub-affected 2 means his cash gen is dead before it really even began.
The tale of Geelong rookies..
WEST COAST vs FREMANTLE
If you’re looking at the Eagles, you’re looking at them for 2 players – Elliot Yeo (who not that many people have unless you’re on BF) and Harley Reid (who everyone has… unless you’re on BF). Yeo monstered Richmond’s VFL midfield on the way to a massive 157, backing up a 130 against the Swans the week before and he genuinely looks back to his best. At 530k he is amazing value for a DEF keeper in current form – however there is always the worry about his body and more durable options may yet present themselves. His young teammate in Reid has well and truly picked up following a slightly slow (read: normal) start to his career with scores of 91 and 108 in consecutive weeks, raising the possibility he may hit 400k after all. His BE remains low at -18.
Freo have far too many SC relevant campaigners for me to count so because I’m lazy I’m just going to list them off here:
SYDNEY vs GOLD COAST
For years, campaigners across the land had been duped by Horse Longmire claiming “Isaac Heeney will play midfield” every February. For years, campaigners were seduced by this sexy blonde bastard and the promise of what should be a Super Premo. In 2024, the Peen has finally been released and he has absolutely delivered. 5 games, 5 HUGE scores (his lowest is 128… let that sink for a minute) and although an average of 144 surely won’t last, he is the absolute definition of “must have”. Errol Gulden has been slightly inconsistent SC wise to date, while Brodie Grundy doesn’t really shape as the R2 keeper most coaches were hoping he would, a Round 0 destruction of Max Gawn very much an outlier with regards to his general performance. Down back, Matt Roberts has probably been the season’s best rookie to date and a BE of 13 with 2 reasonably soft fixtures on the horizon means he shouldn’t be leaving many teams at this stage.
After 10 long years, he has finally ascended to his rightful place
The Suns currently have FIVE players averaging 115 or above – 4 of them being the superstar midfield quarter of Touk Miller, Noah Anderson, Matt Rowell and Sam Flanders, who nearly all teams will have at least one of and many more than 2. Miller’s scoring credentials have never been in question and he’s still decent value at 582k, as is Anderson who is probably the least consistent of the group but also the most likely to go extremely large. Matt Rowell has 4 scores 129 or above, meaning that whatever’s in the grass down at Carrara (do we still call it that) clearly has some special abilities.
All of this is irrelevant, however, when the Suns also have Sam “GAJ wishes he was me” Clohesy, the 102k saviour of our decrepit backline benches who has ripped out scores of 108 and 124, leading into a breakeven of -174 and a potential price rice not seen since Errol Gulden 3 years ago. Dimma’s generosity continues by also providing us with Will Graham, a 117k D/M who should be in every serious team along with GOAT Clohesy before lockout kicks in.
NORTH MELBOURNE vs HAWTHORN
As a schoolboy, the highlight of my junior footy career was racking up 9 possessions in the first quarter of a Year 9 school footy practice match, ensuring I made the team for the Round 1 match the week after. Watching Harry Sheezel makes me feel like CD would have given me 50 points for that glorious display of seagulling, as North’s only good player continues to run around unimpeded behind the football doing as he pleases. He’s get to dip below 113 so far this season and last week’s 159 has pushed him out to nearly 630k. A date with Finn Maginness surely awaits, in hope for those without The Sheezgull…
Beyond this, the Roos have also provided something resembling a forward premo in Tom Powell, who sits at 425k with a season average of 98, as well as a very popular rookie option in Charlie Comben whose breakeven of -75 means he will find his way into many a team this week. Colby McKercher unfortunately needs to go, following a sub affected 6 while eyes will be keenly watching Bigoa Nyuon and Blake Drury to see if they can back up reasonable first time outings.
The Hawks, by contrast, are pretty irrelevant in an SC sense unless you were one of the fabled few who decided to jump on our Lord and Saviour Lloyd Meek. An 81 vs Jarrod Witts was respectable and gained him 44k, heading into a matchup with Tristan Xerri who has tended to leak points to opposing rucks. Massimo D’Ambrosio might actually ton up this week if that campaigner Mitchell lets him get off the pine, while James Sicily still hasn’t really returned to form but will be one to watch if he does indeed drop below 500k. If for some reason you’ve still got Jai Newcombe – jump the **** off.
Wishing everyone the best for another ****ing best 18 week. May your cash gen be as large as your chols, may the KOTD be poured generously over all of your players, and may Bevo and Smitch stop doing their utmost to **** us all over. Oh, and one last message…
**** THE BYES
The ambience of the rain was all that interrupted Tim’s thoughts. It was a cold, blustery night in Fantasy Land. His source had told him to meet him “on the corner of Dream Team Drive and SuperCoach Boulevard”. Tim had lived in Fantasy Land his entire life, and yet nobody ever dared to enter the alleyway on the corner of these 2 streets. For good reason, too, for the rumours told that anybody who ever went down the alleyway never came back the same. They started promoting crazy things, like starting with all of Elliot Yeo, Lachie Whitfield and Isaac Heeney, or trading Dayne Zorko in and out 3 times in the same season. But Tim was desperate. Tom Powell at F3 just wasn’t doing it for him. He needed a way out.
The rain continued to teem down as Tim, cutting the shady hooded figure he was, marched solemnly towards his destination. SuperCoach Boulevard was more of a white collar area of town, and Tim was lucky his parents had cushy jobs at the Herald Sun to allow them to live there. Nepotism is a bastard of a thing, he thought to himself as the Boulevard shaped into an opening where Dream Team Drive became visible. He had never really understood why people only one street away could be so different, and why they didn’t understand what he meant when he launched into one of his irrelevant rants about why Zak Butters was better for fantasy football than Connor Rozee. Imbeciles.
Tim arrived at the alleyway, neatly situated on the corner of the two sister streets, with more than a hint of trepidation. He turned to face the opening and found nothing looking back at him but his own fear. Turning back to face the outside world, his heart skipped a beat as the ambience was broken by a harsh, gravelly voice.
Are you that campaigner called Tim?
The figure in front of him clearly had no perception of personal space, as he stood so close that Tim could smell the desperation on his breath, in the same way his contact could likely smell the same feeling on Tim’s own. He appeared dishevelled, a beard reminiscent of Max Gawn but with teeth more reminiscent of your average Collingwood supporter. Tim shuffled uncomfortably in place, adjusting his hoodie around his pencil neck before managing to croak out some semblance of a response.
Yeah, that’s me. Have you got what I asked for?
The man laughed. The Great Forward Premo Drought of 2024 had brought many desperate souls in his direction, not looking for guidance so much as a solution. All the years of Champion Data suspiciously giving 115+ averaging midfielders forward status had made people complacent, and his work scavenging the garbage cans of fantasy football had largely gone unnoticed. Combined with the outbreak of podcasts and YouTube channels, the humble BigFooty Troll found it harder and harder to sell his wares even to newcomers arriving in town. It was just too easy these days.
Until this year. John Longmire’s decision to finally play Isaac Heeney in the midfield after a near decade of blue balling the SuperCoach collective was a bit of a blow to business, but in the wake of Sydney’s bye the fears of SuperCoaches everywhere were laid bare – fears that led them to one place and one place only.
Tim stood in awkward, uncomfortable silence as the Troll remained still, seemingly lost in thought before suddenly snapping back into consciousness. The Troll allowed himself a smirk, before pushing his hands deep into a raincoat that looked like it hadn’t been washed since before Essendon last won a final. He rattled his hands about before removing them and showing Tim 3 translucent globes, each of them varying shades of red.
“Is that it?” Tim asked, and the Troll responded with a solemn nod.
“I haven’t got much left – flogs have come from far and wide for something that even has the scent of a premo. You should have seen how quickly I sold out of that Fyfe model”
“This is all I can offer you. It ain’t much, but you should have thought about that before you started without Flanders”
Tim gulped. Not really what I was hoping for.
“Are there any issues with them?” he asked nervously. The Troll slowly shifted his gaze to meet the panicked, increasingly desperate figure in front of him.
“Well”, the Troll grumbled, “they might break. And unfortunately for you, they’re all out of warranty”
ST. KILDA VS WESTERN BULLDOGS
Round 6 kicks off with 2 teams of utmost SC relevance. Jack Steele has returned to the KOTD specimen of years gone by, hugging and handballing his way to an average of 130 and still presenting some value (albeit much less) at 624k. His right hand man, Rowan Marshall has himself made a case to push aside Tim “Stick Insect” English in the competition to be Max Gawn’s bridesmaid, averaging 115 through 5 rounds before coming face to face with his nemesis this week. Rebounding defenders Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera and Jack Sinclair both present some degree of interest for Coaches, while on the rookie front Darcy Wilson has been slightly underwhelming following significant pre-season hype. He may be soon replaced in teams by Hugo Garcia, a 117k MID/FWD who seems to have the favour of RTB… whether that is a positive or negative, I will leave up to your discerning eyes.
The Dogs will look to bounce back from what can only be described as an utterly shitful performance last time out, with horrible scores from SuperPremos such as Bont and the aforementioned English, who put in an effort last week that a wet blanket would be ashamed of. A paltry 58 has left last year’s R1 suddenly very gettable for potentially 560k in a fortnights time, although Coaches would be looking for a much better effort against Marshall on Thursday night before taking the plunge.
Flog coach Luke “Magnets” Beveridge continues to do his utmost to ruin Ryley Sanders, who should get a reprieve from the sub vest following Tom Liberatore’s concussion. We just hope this means Bevo doesn’t inexplicably shift his eyes to Sam Darcy…
Get ready everyone, he’s about to re-draft Robbie McComb…
ADELAIDE vs ESSENDON
It seems fitting that after just talking about Bevo, we lead into the Crows and Matthew Nicks, who finally decided that playing 4 one paced midfielders WASN’T a winning formula on the way to breaking Adelaide’s drought. Rory Laird and Matt Crouch have scored well early in the season but may find their scoring taking a slight dip if old Nicksy continues to use his brain, which may make Izak Rankine (454k, season average 91, 121 last outing) a legitimate forward option amongst the current graveyard. Jordan Dawson looks like a shell of a footballer in 2024, having not cracked the ton in 5 efforts so far and realistically needs to go if you’re still holding onto him, even though a better score shapes this week with Crouch’s suspension and a comfortable matchup at home.
The Bombers remain one of the hardest teams to predict in the competition, but one man who is not unpredictable is captain Zach Merrett. It is a testament to Merrett’s form that his 108 last weekend was slightly disappointing, and although he doesn’t present a heap of value at present, he shapes as a very likely top 8 MID. Behind the ball, Nic Martin continues to enjoy his transformation into a slightly better version of Aaron Hall with 3 successive tons after a slow start. Given his likely status as a DEF keeper following DPP changes, at 563k he presents reasonable value.
COLLINGWOOD VS PORT ADELAIDE
Collingwood’s only SC relevant footballer in Nick Daicos has had a poor start to the season by his own lofty standards, and has just about bottomed out at 566k. While he remains in 75% of teams, for the ¼ without him he’s probably not going to get much cheaper for the rest of the year.
In contrast, the Power are full of SC relevant footballers, led most prominently by midfield dynamos Zak Butters and Connor Rozee. Butters is generally the slightly better scorer, currently averaging a mammoth 127.8 compared to Rozee’s 116.6, and did play a much better game at the MCG in Round 2 of this year compared to Rozee who has tonned up so far in the 4 games played in Adelaide. Jason Horne-Francis has somehow found his way into 14.8% of teams on the back of 2 big early efforts, but a likely lack of DPP means at 475k you’re picking him to break out into a midfield keeper. Dan Houston is another who has started very well, and with consistency not typically expected of him, with all 5 of his scores between 105 and 121 to date. He remains okay value at 580k.
CARLTON vs GWS
The Blues decided that the best way to welcome back returning superstar Sam Walsh was to forget how to kick for goal, in a disappointing loss to Adelaide that nearly undermined the impressive nature of Walsh’s return. A whopping 166 made it feel like Walsh had never been away, and although he represents great value at 576k the safer play is to watch this week to ensure his body continues to hold up. Skipper Patrick Cripps offers some consistency with 4 consecutive tons, but in all likelihood will end up M8 at best while his protégé Jack Carroll likely needs to go after an underwhelming sub effort that brings his breakeven up to 46 and stunts his cash gen. Down back, Coaches everywhere are just hoping Zac Williams somehow continues to dodge the Blues’ soft tissue crisis…
What do you mean you guys aren’t injured yet?
Giants ball pig Tom Green burst out of the blocks with 3 massive scores over 130, stamping himself as a must-have just in time for him to dump a paltry 72 and troll all the Coaches who paid up at 650k for this Clayton Oliver rip-off. A rebound in form should see him only dip to about 600k, which still makes him much more accessible to those without him. Lachie Whitfield is another who somehow remains yet to break and presents rather fantastic value at present, averaging 110 through 5 rounds yet only being priced at 550k. His BE remains 120 following an injury affected score in Round 4, but he should be on the radars of most if you are willing to stomach his paper-mache body composition and extra bye. In other news, Jacob Wehr has been a steady Opening Round rookie, as has Harvey Thomas despite finding the time to shit out an 18 in between 2 impressive scores.
BRISBANE vs GEELONG
The Lions this season have somehow found themselves the home of the POD – not one single Brisbane player has an ownership over 5%! Despite a slow start to the season, midfielders Lachie Neale and Josh Dunkley both have healthy averages and a low score of 96 between the 2 of them, with Neale yet to dip below the three figure holy grail. While a second bye in Round 12 is a major turn off for most, they should remain on the radar due to their significant scoring potential. Another man with scoring potential but also significant burn potential is ex-skipper and full time flog Dayne Zorko, who seems to have made the injured Keidean Coleman’s seagulling role his own. There are no forwards, he’s averaging 104.4, and is currently priced at 528k. Make of that what you will.
Geelong look to continue their unbeaten start to 2024 and SC campaigners everywhere hope that Campaigner Data remember how much they love Tommy Stewart. An average of 104.6 after 5 rounds has been disappointing for an initial outlay of 635k and he looks prime to bottom out at approximately 560k next week, making him very gettable for those without him. The Cats’ other major contribution to SC 2024 has been two rookies with significantly contrasting fortunes to date – Ollie Dempsey has been a green light in a forward line wasteland, making it to 298k but looking very close to topping out should another “normal” rookie effort be delivered this week. Owners of Jhye Clark, on the other hand, would have killed for anything resembling a normal rookie effort and a sub-affected 2 means his cash gen is dead before it really even began.
The tale of Geelong rookies..
WEST COAST vs FREMANTLE
If you’re looking at the Eagles, you’re looking at them for 2 players – Elliot Yeo (who not that many people have unless you’re on BF) and Harley Reid (who everyone has… unless you’re on BF). Yeo monstered Richmond’s VFL midfield on the way to a massive 157, backing up a 130 against the Swans the week before and he genuinely looks back to his best. At 530k he is amazing value for a DEF keeper in current form – however there is always the worry about his body and more durable options may yet present themselves. His young teammate in Reid has well and truly picked up following a slightly slow (read: normal) start to his career with scores of 91 and 108 in consecutive weeks, raising the possibility he may hit 400k after all. His BE remains low at -18.
Freo have far too many SC relevant campaigners for me to count so because I’m lazy I’m just going to list them off here:
- Luke Ryan – average of 136!!! Worst score 111, all the rest are 127 and up, 2 over 140. Freo doctors are absolute campaigners for saying he had some issue with his foot in PS meaning he can’t kick. He’s a must have, but he’s not coming down any time soon
- Caleb Serong – averaging 128, but elevated by a 170 in R1 and has been a bit quieter last fortnight. 632k, BE 155. Wait a week or so if keen
- Andy Brayshaw – are we forgetting about him? 2.7% ownership, averaging 110, low score of 97 with all others above 100, 594k
- Luke Jackson – 1 massive outlier score against North, the rest very much in keeping with his usual SC scoring (average 93.5 outlier game aside, very close to what he was priced at). If you’ve got him I wouldn’t trade, if you don’t he’s probably a target when he bottoms out assuming Darcy doesn’t kill him completely
- Jordan Clark – probably better options. Good POD, Freo play a very slow deliberate possession heavy style so floor is reasonable but I don’t think he ends up top 10
- Hayden Young – GAGF campaigner. Couldn’t hit a barn door first 2 weeks, 3 successive 110+ to follow after 20% of teams (half his ownership) jumped off. 550k now and probably the best value he will be all year if his scoring continues. Now or never if you are really convinced
- Nat Fyfe – has done well, and TBH even though his scoring isn’t that much better than the likes of Dempsey or Darcy he’s a safe option on field and I don’t think he’s much of a sub risk this week, as Eagles are more competitive than expected
- Jeremy Sharp – great rookie, although needs a big game this week. Even with 75, his BE will be in the high 60s next week which will mean he likely needs to be shipped off
SYDNEY vs GOLD COAST
For years, campaigners across the land had been duped by Horse Longmire claiming “Isaac Heeney will play midfield” every February. For years, campaigners were seduced by this sexy blonde bastard and the promise of what should be a Super Premo. In 2024, the Peen has finally been released and he has absolutely delivered. 5 games, 5 HUGE scores (his lowest is 128… let that sink for a minute) and although an average of 144 surely won’t last, he is the absolute definition of “must have”. Errol Gulden has been slightly inconsistent SC wise to date, while Brodie Grundy doesn’t really shape as the R2 keeper most coaches were hoping he would, a Round 0 destruction of Max Gawn very much an outlier with regards to his general performance. Down back, Matt Roberts has probably been the season’s best rookie to date and a BE of 13 with 2 reasonably soft fixtures on the horizon means he shouldn’t be leaving many teams at this stage.
After 10 long years, he has finally ascended to his rightful place
The Suns currently have FIVE players averaging 115 or above – 4 of them being the superstar midfield quarter of Touk Miller, Noah Anderson, Matt Rowell and Sam Flanders, who nearly all teams will have at least one of and many more than 2. Miller’s scoring credentials have never been in question and he’s still decent value at 582k, as is Anderson who is probably the least consistent of the group but also the most likely to go extremely large. Matt Rowell has 4 scores 129 or above, meaning that whatever’s in the grass down at Carrara (do we still call it that) clearly has some special abilities.
All of this is irrelevant, however, when the Suns also have Sam “GAJ wishes he was me” Clohesy, the 102k saviour of our decrepit backline benches who has ripped out scores of 108 and 124, leading into a breakeven of -174 and a potential price rice not seen since Errol Gulden 3 years ago. Dimma’s generosity continues by also providing us with Will Graham, a 117k D/M who should be in every serious team along with GOAT Clohesy before lockout kicks in.
NORTH MELBOURNE vs HAWTHORN
As a schoolboy, the highlight of my junior footy career was racking up 9 possessions in the first quarter of a Year 9 school footy practice match, ensuring I made the team for the Round 1 match the week after. Watching Harry Sheezel makes me feel like CD would have given me 50 points for that glorious display of seagulling, as North’s only good player continues to run around unimpeded behind the football doing as he pleases. He’s get to dip below 113 so far this season and last week’s 159 has pushed him out to nearly 630k. A date with Finn Maginness surely awaits, in hope for those without The Sheezgull…
Beyond this, the Roos have also provided something resembling a forward premo in Tom Powell, who sits at 425k with a season average of 98, as well as a very popular rookie option in Charlie Comben whose breakeven of -75 means he will find his way into many a team this week. Colby McKercher unfortunately needs to go, following a sub affected 6 while eyes will be keenly watching Bigoa Nyuon and Blake Drury to see if they can back up reasonable first time outings.
The Hawks, by contrast, are pretty irrelevant in an SC sense unless you were one of the fabled few who decided to jump on our Lord and Saviour Lloyd Meek. An 81 vs Jarrod Witts was respectable and gained him 44k, heading into a matchup with Tristan Xerri who has tended to leak points to opposing rucks. Massimo D’Ambrosio might actually ton up this week if that campaigner Mitchell lets him get off the pine, while James Sicily still hasn’t really returned to form but will be one to watch if he does indeed drop below 500k. If for some reason you’ve still got Jai Newcombe – jump the **** off.
Wishing everyone the best for another ****ing best 18 week. May your cash gen be as large as your chols, may the KOTD be poured generously over all of your players, and may Bevo and Smitch stop doing their utmost to **** us all over. Oh, and one last message…
**** THE BYES
