Vicky Park
Premium Platinum
US
FB Q, Our Frampton, Maynard
HB Hyphen, Darce, Pendles
C Johnny F*cking Noble, Taylor Adams, Jaicos
HF Sidey, Brody, Bobby
FF Jamie, Cameron, Naicos
FOL McStay, Jordy, Crispy
IC Brownlow Tom, RamBeau, Murph, COX
EMG Bianco, Trey, Reef, JC
PORT ADELAIDE: SELF-LOATHING WRAPPED IN INSECURITY
The best thing to happen to the hamlet of Port Adelaide was Stuey Dew eating its serial killers.
The AUKUS subs deal has trumped this.
Port Adelaide will be the repository, suppository if you prefer, of the subs’ nuclear waste. The resulting mutations will double the IQ of the slack-jawed frothers who try to hum to INXS.
Getty Images mutant stock photo 3,145,678 downloads:
Imagine detesting your club's jumper? The frothers have form: sequentially abandoning blue and white, pink and white, magenta and blue – all lovely combos for a 4-star Kuta resort towel – before adopting their prison drab for a stint. Several times a year, these relevance mongers whine because they chose throw-cushion-teal. As my late father said, ‘what a pack of d*ckheads!’
3 REASONS WHY WE ARE WINNING – Off the field
Jarrod Wade
He looks like the plumber who fixed our sewage pipe on Xmas Eve for a fair price. He has a peoples’ beard. And he has the team capable of outlasting anyone.
Daicosery
Seeing Peter hug the whole team as they entered the changing rooms last week was magnificent. This family is cultural gold within the club.
Fly
This bloke can coach.
WHY WE WILL WIN – On the field
Scott Pendlebury is so smart he could get 30 possessions, coach the team, and teach the frother’s cheer squad to read by three-quarter-time.
Tom Mitchell will be the bargain recruit of 2023. He extracts like a Double Bay dentist and is the perfect mentor for our junior mids.
Norm Smith is Jordy’s destiny. Another 3 goals this week and a calm night on Insta.
Nick Daicos to kick a couple as Fly out-manoeuvres Potato Head’s tagger.
McStay, I’m still on your bandwagon.
Another entertaining day of run and attack through the corridor.
2 in a row
Collingwood by 64 points
Magnificent Walt, one of your best.
I’m sulking because I’m in Brisbane for the weekend for a family ‘do’, and I won’t see us win by 24 points tomorrow. Boo hoo.
On the important topic of ‘why we are winning’, thank you for highlighting the invisible man, Wade. He’s our secret ingredient, our stealth bomber. He brings something no one else has or can see. He makes us fit and he doesn’t cause soft tissue injuries. For these two reasons we should sign him up for the rest of the century.