Official Team Thread East Side Hawks :: Season 30 :: The Festival of the Biggie! Headliner: The Jesus!

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Nah it’s more that we aren’t even invited to their BnF...

...I mean I have meetings for the next 2 hours so assume it’ll be over by then but still.
If he wants us to #JointheWonders he's going about it the wrong way.
 
*bell ringing*

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Hi Hawks, it's Postman Bob.

Remember that Christmas when you posted a letter to Santa but he didn't get it then you cried and cried and your dad called you a weak prick but your mum felt sorry for you and ghostwrote you a reply on Santa's behalf and you wondered why Santa had the same handwriting as your mum but you still believed in Santa because of it even though your deadbeat dad drank the milk and ate the cookies that you left out for Santa on Christmas Eve RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE DAD YOU PIECE OF SH*T? Well I'm you, mum is me, dad is Tonga Post and the letter to Santa is the postcard I sent you.

Cheers.

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*bell ringing*

View attachment 1018027

Hi Hawks, it's Postman Bob.

Remember that Christmas when you posted a letter to Santa but he didn't get it then you cried and cried and your dad called you a weak prick but your mum felt sorry for you and ghostwrote you a reply on Santa's behalf and you wondered why Santa had the same handwriting as your mum but you still believed in Santa because of it even though your deadbeat dad drank the milk and ate the cookies that you left out for Santa on Christmas Eve RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE DAD YOU PIECE OF SH*T? Well I'm you, mum is me, dad is Tonga Post and the letter to Santa is the postcard I sent you.

Cheers.

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Weird ears? Hmm.... must've been swimming in some nuclear waste somewhere...

Enjoy those beers mate!
 
Bonga's been playing a bit too much Fallout.
ME: I can count the number of times I've played Fallout on one hand.

ALSO ME: I've played Fallout 14 times.
 

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I didn't know they had acceptance speeches for 24th place?
acceptance speech/ Brendan Fevola 2009 Brownlow style melt when he said "Lets get a bit political" to James Hird and then Fev cracked the poos and went "Oh what, am I not good enough for you?"
 
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I'll be out getting drunk

so available to do an acceptance speech if needed

I came 16th last year. Considering we didn’t make finals and you didn’t get a Gun nom you should be managing your expectations.
 
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Festival of the Biggie
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It's 2020. COVID-19 has ravaged the planet, decimating the festival circuit. A small but loyal band of DJs and producers have staged a resistance taking gatherings virtual in order to continue the gurn and keep up productions of the world's supply of PLUR. The East Side Hawks join this resistance and present to you (virtually) the Season 30 Festival of the Biggie!

Welcome all to the season recap and Biggie-est cup count for the East Side Hawks in season 30 of the Sweet FA. Let's start of with a quick refresher of some of the big events across the league in the season that was:
  • The East Side Hawks had an absolute shocker of a season and finished second last. Only the Wonders (led by de factos ClarkeM and SSwans2011) were more shite.
  • Real life events took their toll. Bears captain Test Tickle disappeared forcing MWPP to take the reins for real.
  • League admin Ant Bear anointed former Hawk NaturalDisaster as his successor for Season 31.
  • The All SFA anouncement was unexpectedly the same team the committee consensus decided, still the requisite melts came.
  • Speaking of the committee, it was delightfully peaceful with the absence of a certain purveyor of poor punctuation.
  • The Jesus and NinjaSwan rejoined the Hawks after their expansion plot was shot down by league fuddy-duddies.
  • Shermy was convinced to vacate the Bombers and join his former teammate eth-dog at the Hawks
  • The league was wowed by the insane goalkicking of rookie forward pocket 11kgm, and the electrifying league presence of draft afficionado PMBangers.
  • Agent93 dominated Fact or Crap until Tigerturbulance did the dirty on him, which was utter crap. Also who gives a **** about peacocks?
  • Several low profile randoms (including The Half Back) begged other clubs to take them for Season 31.

Now that you're up to date let's recap the Hawks' season and count down the chase for the Biggie-est cup which recognises the player who has performed best on-field across season 30. The Biggie-est cup is named for former club captain, leading possession winner, and current teammate, Biggie!

This season, owing to the flaws inherent in the Player Ratings system (which still favoured midfielders) the system was re-jigged offering a more positional focus and for the first time every incorporating goals against. We will see the impact of the terrible defenesive play of certain midfielders, as well as the fine stopping of our wonderful defenders. I have renamed this new player ratings system The New Player Ratings System. Recent past winners include spookism, The Half Back, Agent93, and Loonerty. Who will get up in the Season 30 Festival?

In addition we'll be preseting the YOTC Plate for the club's top goal-kickers, the Mr Eagle captain's Trophy, The Filth Medal for the best new Hawk in the league, and the larrikin award: the player's choice of the best poster. Let's get virtually cranking!

*Note: for newcomers to the Festival of the Biggie this will take a couple of days to complete. Don't expect some wham bam 2 hours and it's done thing, this is a festival. Luxuriate. Hydrate. Roominate.
 
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Welcome
Obligatory notification of the Hawks:

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2. Biggie
3. Itsmyshow
5. go you pups
6. larrikin
9. Golumless
10. Snake_Baker
11. The Jesus
14. Loonerty (vc)
15. jackenny
19. Drunkgoliath
21. 11kgm
22. PMBangers
23. SM
24. TY24 (lg)
33. eth-dog
34. jusjoshin
37. Shermy
40. por_please_ya (vc)
41. Red mist
50. Chipmunk (lg)
91. NinjaSwan
93. Agent93 (c)
96. Milera2Betts
99. Drunken Wookie
 

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Official Team Thread East Side Hawks :: Season 30 :: The Festival of the Biggie! Headliner: The Jesus!

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