Media Exclusive Interview With Turbo - Another HecticCheese Production

[damicky]

After The OOBs lucky S35 GF victory, the wheels started to fall off for Tigerturbulance & the Spotswood Academy

The Old Boys Committee Rep Elton Johns Wig has had a lot to say about The Dragons' despicable behaviour over #fumblegate ​

Today. Turbo finally tells his story:


Cheese: Hi Turbo

Thanks for welcoming me in to the Chancellor’s Office at Spotswood Academy for this Exclusive Interview


Turbo: You're welcome cheese and thankyou for taking your shoes off,
that bear skin rug is a favourite of mine and I didn't want you soiling it.
Would you like a Gurkha Black Dragon cigar? I have found recently I love smoking a Dragon or two as it keeps me calm and reflective during this time I am not playing qooty.


Cheese: Which Dragon(s) is/ are in the cigars?

The Off-Season/ start of S36 has been a turbulent one for the OOBs & you in particular

Do you regret naming fumbler in your Squad Submission?


Turbo: Come on cheese, you know there are no actual dragons in the cigars, for a start dragons don't exist and if they did they would taste like sh!t

This off-season has been no different than all our previous seasons since starting up S34. We came in under a barrage of screams from the anti-expansionist slime trying to pull us down and then we followed it up S35 with the Dragons merge and player exodus drama, kicking off another episode of crying from the anti-expansionists mob again. And even with all that going on we took out the Grand Final, as the Captain of the team I am still impressed with how good the Old Boys are. Looking back the start of S36 and only our third season its Old Boys as usual.

Why would I regret signing fumbler in our squad submission. He had agreed to come to Spotswood, the smashed avocado at the Dragons had been informed by me and had acknowledged and accepted fumbler was an Old Boy. The only thing I regret was expecting the Dragons to do the right thing and not use a player who had given so much service to their club as a pawn to take cheap shots at the Old Boys and myself. It really is sad to see a club that can only score points against its opponent through scanning the rules and picking up administration errors and running to committee with them. But guess it shows the character of the club and where its new leadership is taking them.


Cheese: We will get back to T2B_ & The New Dragons soon

Regarding the Player Exodus, can you discuss what you did that upset some of your Teammates late last Season?


Turbo: Have you not been following the story line? We orchestrated the whole exodus story to get buy in for the Dragons merge. For you to still be thinking there was an exodus shows how good we sold it. We had 4 players leave and have added 8 players to our squad, a better question would be about our player influx and why are we the most attractive club to come to.


Cheese: I am asking the questions that my readers have requested

One of the Players who left was Greenery

He was being shopped around with Bonz & Braklet at one stage

Was that all just part of the Exodus Story?


Turbo: Not sure I'd count Greenery as a player, he only played 8 games at Spotswood before doing what he does and leaping to the next club in search of validation. Besides Greendog was not even at the club when we started spinning the player exodus story.

Bonz and Braklet were all part of the fantasy we spun, check our squad list and you might notice they are still Old Boys even after some juicy offers.


Cheese: I had noticed that Bonz & Braklet are still OOBs

Obviously you aren’t a big fan of Greenery at the moment though

Do you find it ironic that he has moved to The Dragons as Co-Captain after the Fake Merger & played a part in screwing over The OOBs?


Turbo: How have the OOB been screwed over? From my vantage point all I see is that the Old Boys have won on every front with this and in the future the Dragons will look back and realize how they screwed themselves over in their haste to get one up on the Old Boys.

For a start:

1. We got fumbler the player the Dragons insisted on naming in their squad sheet for this season.
2. We lost 6 points, how good when we come back from that and go back to back S36, best come back ever
3. I was suspended for 6 games, get to rest my 245kg of Love Muscle and recuperate to come back fitter and bigger than ever
4. Greenery left (another club again) and has shown himself to be disloyal and untrustworthy, it will only be a matter of time before he screws over the Dragons
5. Our team PM and buzz around Spotswood has never been better, the players that left combined with the people we have brought in has really lifted the club socially up another level, its a great time to be an Old Boy.

Cheese:

It is great to hear that you have turned all of these these negatives in to positives

As a Committee Member, I was appalled by the behaviour of the Secret Seven (or 8)

Do you have anything to say to this group?


Turbo:



damicky can we wrap this interview up shortly as I am booked to run the next round of Old Boys applicants interviews. We only have 4 spots left on our squad list so we are being very selective.


Cheese: I have paid you enough ClarkeMonies to finish this important interview

Who are you interviewing today?


Turbo: Unfortunately due to confidentiality issues I cannot say, but amongst the applicants are a few current and active high profile players who will make great additions to our already star packed team.


Cheese: So you don’t really have any Applicants

Do you have any regrets?


Turbo: LOL regrets, I was All-SFA Captain & Premiership Captain in the same season and play in a team with the best posters in the SWEET F.A. - wouldn't change a thing except for trading Callums_Guns last mid-season, that I would change, I traded a great qooty player for a cardboard cut out- what was I thinking!


Cheese: Poor CG … he has ended up at the Phoenixeses now

Is there anything else that you need to get off your oversized chest before we wrap things up?


Turbo: please stop applying to join the Old Boys cheese, Spotswood is a lactose free zone and will stay that way for the foreseeable future


Cheese: Thanks for inviting me over anyway

I look forward to seeing you back on the Qooty field after your extended break


Turbo: not sure if I will come back, the beach life is intoxicating

 

[Headless]

Regrets the mid-season trade. Almost like the process resulted in the outcome!

 

[T2B_]

Poor Turbo, he just sounded harassed in this interview and like he wanted to be anywhere else!

 

[TRUMAN#1]

The Sweet FA shouldn't worry, The Old Boys LG is still Punishing Tigerturbulance for that diabolical trade of Callums_Guns .

We should stop his punishment soon.

 

[damicky]

Poor Turbo, he just sounded harassed in this interview and like he wanted to be anywhere else!

Nice deflection

If only you showed this level of concern for Turbo when you should have

 

[T2B_]

Nice deflection

If only you showed this level of concern for Turbo when you should have

Just calling it as I see it homes

 

[Elton Johns Wig]

Just calling it as I see it homes

 

[The Filth Wizard]

 

[Supersuns]

 

[Tonga Bob]

"Turbo finally tells his story".

I have a question: whose story has Tigerturbulance been telling until now?

 

[Pickitt]

):

 

[damicky]

"Turbo finally tells his story".

I have a question: whose story has Tigerturbulance been telling until now?

Don’t be that person, TB

 

[Wosh]

"Turbo finally tells his story".

I have a question: whose story has Tigerturbulance been telling until now?

fumbler is probably his ghost writer.

 

[Tonga Bob]

Don’t be that person, TB

Which person is that my lactose-filled friend? Just seemed as though Turbo has been telling his story for a while now, hence my question. Nothing wrong with asking for clarification I would have thought.

 

[damicky]

Which person is that my lactose-filled friend? Just seemed as though Turbo has been telling his story for a while now, hence my question. Nothing wrong with asking for clarification I would have thought.

There is some new material in this Thread

Turbo didn’t mind taking my ClarkeMonies for the interview

 

[T2B_]

There is some new material in this Thread

Such as?

 

[Robertio]

Which person is that my lactose-filled friend? Just seemed as though Turbo has been telling his story for a while now, hence my question. Nothing wrong with asking for clarification I would have thought.

The Tigerturbulance story is just beginning.

 

[Supersuns]

Lot of ****ing whinging in that interview aye.

 

[T2B_]

Lot of ******* whinging in that interview aye.

Strangely more by the interviewer than the interviewee. Really makes you think.

 

[Mrs Turbo]

We lost 6 points, how good when we come back from that and go back to back S36, best come back ever

"Turbo finally tells his story".

I have a question: whose story has Tigerturbulance been telling until now?

At a guess, its probably mine -
You may know me as the ALT!

 

[Tonga Bob]

There is some new material in this Thread

Turbo didn’t mind taking my ClarkeMonies for the interview

All you need to say then is that Tigerturbulance is an onion and you've peeled off one of his layers.

He also makes people cry, but that's beside the point.

 

[damicky]

Strangely more by the interviewer than the interviewee. Really makes you think.

Do you need a hug?

 

[T2B_]

Do you need a hug?

 

[Tonga Bob]

At a guess, its probably mine -
You may know me as the ALT!

You see now that would be an interesting origin story - The Courtship of Mr & Mrs Tigerturbulance ! It would write itself.

"It was a dark and stormy internet chat room...", and so on. Slap a Mills & Boon cover on that bad boy and you'll make literally tens of Clarkemonies.

 

[damicky]

All you need to say then is that Tigerturbulance is an onion and you've peeled off one of his layers.

He also makes people cry, but that's beside the point.