Has there ever been a more soul-crushingly tedious team than Hawthorn?

[Hawkk]

Yes. Dont get your head to far up your own ass and think its just for Hawthorn, happens every year.

It usually happens Elimination Final every year

Oh wait

 

[_007_]

Check cheque did you get the cheque. You may need to check

Czech mate?

 

[Ab__]

Hawthorn? At least they're entertaining. Paul Roos Sydney made me want to throw my television out my window.

 

[HairyO]

Hawthorn? At least they're entertaining. Paul Roos Sydney made me want to throw my television out my window.

Was so glad when Longmire took over. At least he lets his players play.

Roos and Lyon are an abomination.

 

[Josh_hawk]

Okay, let's get this out of the way from the beginning. Firstly, yes Hawthorn are obviously a very good team who can deservedly be placed among the very best of all time. I'm not calling their talent or their achievements into question. Secondly, this is not about petty jealousy. Of course, as a melbourne supporter, I can only dream of the success that the hawks have had recently, but that's not what this post is about. Other teams have had success and it's never motivated me to make a post like this. Nor is it about my hatred for Hawthorn; in fact, the complete absence of strong feelings I have for the team is part of the problem. This thread is solely motivated by the fact that Hawthorn are one of the most appallingly boring and unwatchable teams from a neutral perspective that I have ever seen.

Why do I say this? Let me run through some reasons.

• They have a boring style. It's based on uncontested possession along the wing and blanket zoning, neither of which are remotely attractive. They had about 12% more uncontested possessions than any other team this year, and if there was a stat for uncontested marks taken in opposition 50 from sideways kicks then the Hawks would have the records tumbling.
  
  When Geelong were at their peak, they were worth watching even when the result was predictable; there was something captivating about watching them just cream other teams. Sydney used to have a boring style, but at least that produced close games. Hawthorn games don't really have either quality They'll do what they need to to win by 50-60 points and kill off the game as a contest by half time, but they play without flair or doing the kind of things that blow you away as a neutral. They do exactly what they need to do to get the result and that's it. The last three grand finals have been amongst the most forgettable in history.
  
• They don't have any interesting players. There are no flawed geniuses, no unique talents, no hard luck stories, nothing. There are only soulless robots who seem to play the exact same game, with the exact same statistics, with the exact same blank look on their faces every week.
  
  Sam Mitchell typifies this perfectly. One of the best midfielders of all time. Never makes a mistake. Routinely amasses 30 possessions. His highlight real over his career would fill all of 12 seconds. I can't remember any career-defining game like I can with most other champions. He just exists and wins. Gunston is the same. Uncontested mark, set shot, 3.0-4.0 every week. Just doesn't miss. But who wants to watch that?
  
• They have a team full of ring-ins. It shouldn't matter so much, but they had 7 players on their team yesterday who were brought into the club as already established players from other, less successful teams. It feels like a bought dynasty. Compare that to Geelong (and all other premiers, really) who developed their own players and kept them together for a decade or more. It was much easier to grow to love or hate them. What possible attitude can I take to a mail-order success story like Ben McAvoy? Oh boy, here comes David Hale, that'll be sure to stir a strong emotional reaction in me. And isn't there something distasteful about the fact that James Frawley is now and forever a premiership player? Isn't there?
  
• They haven't got any real rivalries, or been involved in man memorable games. There was the Geelong rivalry, but that was mostly just Geelong beating up on Hawthorn until they went into decline. I can 't think of a single hawthorn game I was pumped to watch as a neutral over the past 3 years. They don't have many historical rivalries, and they haven't had many teams challenging them for top spot overthe past three years either. With due respect to west coast, they wouldn't have made it to the grand final most other years. Hawthorn peaked at just the right time; they don't have a credible challenger at the moment.

.

Anyway, I could go on but I'll spare you. Yesterday was the first grand final I haven't watched live since I started following football because I knew exactly how it would play out. 50 point win? Check. Game dead by half time? Check. Mitchell 30 odds disposals? Gunston 4.0? Loads of uncontested possessions? Check, check, check. Congrats on the three-peat Hawks, but the game will be far more interesting to watch when someone else starts winning instead.

TLDR

 

[benneth]

Please, please don't refer to league as rugby. League is gentlemans game played by thugs, Union is a thugs game played by gentlemen.

As an outsider to both, I have NFI what to make of that.

 

[benneth]

Take any club in the land, pull a game plan out of a hat, put 3 on the trot under their belt and you're gonna get threads like this.

 

[TiggerMan22]

It usually happens Elimination Final every year

Oh wait

Don't take it so personally guy.

 

[Lunchlady Doris]

Take any club in the land, pull a game plan out of a hat, put 3 on the trot under their belt and you're gonna get threads like this.

Nah, Lions played great footy, nearly Cats-level.

Hawks chip around, shepherd the man on the mark so you can handball 10 metres to an army of loose flankers game style is just poor viewing.

Chip over the top until Rioli's running into an open goal on his own - rinse and repeat. Dull as dishwater.

 

[Murraj1966]

I will say i dont find them entertaining as a neutral but as a saints fan I'd take success over flashy play because we've had our share of flash. 6 points is 6 points whether from the boundary or 25m out with a slight angle

In 20 years nobody is going to say West coast 2015 were an amazing team to watch they'll be talking about Hawthorns ruthless efficiency.

 

[Hawkk]

Nah, Lions played great footy, nearly Cats-level.

Hawks chip around, shepherd the man on the mark so you can handball 10 metres to an army of loose flankers game style is just poor viewing.

Chip over the top until Rioli's running into an open goal on his own - rinse and repeat. Dull as dishwater.

But Cats level is squibbing it when it matters

 

[Badesumofu]

Nah, Lions played great footy, nearly Cats-level.

Hawks chip around, shepherd the man on the mark so you can handball 10 metres to an army of loose flankers game style is just poor viewing.

Chip over the top until Rioli's running into an open goal on his own - rinse and repeat. Dull as dishwater.

Recalling how confident you and your ilk were that Hawthorn had missed its only chance after 2012 and were guaranteed to drop off because Mitchel and Hodge and co were too old and over the hill - there is really nothing you can post about us right now that will do anything but give me (and any other Hawthorn poster with a memory) a smile and a chuckle.

 

[Lunchlady Doris]

Recalling how confident you and your ilk were that Hawthorn had missed its only chance after 2012 and were guaranteed to drop off because Mitchel and Hodge and co were too old and over the hill - there is really nothing you can post about us right now that will do anything but give me (and any other Hawthorn poster with a memory) a smile and a chuckle.

You have an amazing imagination.

 

[Roby]

If the other teams are so entertaining and this team is the most boring, why are most of the threads of the main board about the Hawks?

 

[Lunchlady Doris]

If the other teams are so entertaining and this team is the most boring, why are most of the threads of the main board about the Hawks?

That's a really dumb question, even for you.

 

[Pessimistic]

Nah, Lions played great footy, nearly Cats-level.

Hawks chip around, shepherd the man on the mark so you can handball 10 metres to an army of loose flankers game style is just poor viewing.

Chip over the top until Rioli's running into an open goal on his own - rinse and repeat. Dull as dishwater.

Perfect description of geelon a few years back. Chip. Run chip run appeal for free, repeat

 

[Hawkk]

Perfect description of geelon a few years back. Chip. Run chip run appeal for free, repeat

Back when they had hacks like Stokes, Byrnes and Blake rolling around the field

What a dynasty

 

[TyHawk]

Nah, Lions played great footy, nearly Cats-level.

Hawks chip around, shepherd the man on the mark so you can handball 10 metres to an army of loose flankers game style is just poor viewing.

Chip over the top until Rioli's running into an open goal on his own - rinse and repeat. Dull as dishwater.

Three in a row.

 

[SydCrow]

At least they don't hug the boundary Pies style under Mick

 

[Lunchlady Doris]

Perfect description of geelon a few years back. Chip. Run chip run appeal for free, repeat

Obv we'll never see eye to eye on this.

 

[Lunchlady Doris]

Three in a row.

And still insecure

 

[HairyO]

Nah, Lions played great footy, nearly Cats-level.

Hawks chip around, shepherd the man on the mark so you can handball 10 metres to an army of loose flankers game style is just poor viewing.

Chip over the top until Rioli's running into an open goal on his own - rinse and repeat. Dull as dishwater.

Placing your club above the 2 clearly better sides - The Geelong Way.

Ducking and sooking and bitching about being cheated out of a dynasty. That is the lingering memory of Geelong 07-11.

 

[Lunchlady Doris]

Placing your club above the 2 clearly better sides - The Geelong Way.

Ducking and sooking and bitching about being cheated out of a dynasty. That is the lingering memory of Geelong 07-11.

Vivid imagination.

 

[TyHawk]

And still insecure

Nah, just not allowing dumb idiots like you have it all their way with stupid comments.

 

[Pessimistic]

Obv we'll never see eye to eye on this.

I do see similarities.so im not pulling the holier than thou thing.

Agreee the lions were more entertaining than both, shame about the wooden spoon stinking up their history

Team footy style may result in players having more longevity snd possibly more success