Coach Ken Hinkley - A Kim Beazley coach, a Dr Seuss game plan and BEREFT of ideas

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From now on, until we finally have to get rid of Ken, this is how we have to describe him to the media. This is how i will describe him.

Like Kim Beazley - Ken doesn't have the Ticker to win the big one. Like Kim, he's a lovely bloke, capable, more than competent, but not leadership material to win you the premiership.

Dr Seuss game plan - its as easy as one of his The Cat in the Hat books to read. Chris Scott explained how easy it is to understand and pick apart.

BEREFT of ideas - only goes in with his standard game plan, but can't change things on the run, because he has very little ideas outside his set routine. Isn't a 360 degrees type thinker. Bereft is the best word I can think of to explain his coaching ideas.

So if you get a chance to speak or write in the media about Ken, think about describing him this way. Explain his failings.

His game plan has gone from kick it to the bloody shithouse and run forward to win the territory game, get it out of bounce and try and win the throw in, and we kept with that until 2019, then in 2020 it straightens up to become bomb it to Charlie and hope for the best from our small forwards crumbing the pack, who tend to worry more about defensive pressure than kicking goals.

Its not a high press, its an unnecessary high high press, so that when we play the good sides, and the heat is really on, they easily pick us apart, we get caught out, and they stream down to their forward line and kick lots of goals from their goal.

We have to bash and crash, get marks out wide and a long way from goal, its always hard work for Port to kick goals against the good teams, and no wonder our players are beaten up come September.

So if you talk to the media - ask them why their analysis of Port's game plan has as much depth to it as a flea's footprint?

Is it because that's how deep Ken is?

Ask them why do they want to boof Ken, have homoerotic feelings towards him, I know Jerry Seinfeld said there is nothing wrong with it, but there is when you are supposed be a well paid analyst of the game, and ask them why they can't understand the Dr Seuss simple game plan is why we fail.

Don't give them an inch for being lazy to understand the real weakness of coach Ken Hinkley - lovely bloke and all - but doesn't have the Ticker come September.
 
From now on, until we finally have to get rid of Ken, this is how we have to describe him to the media. This is how i will describe him.

Like Kim Beazley - Ken doesn't have the Ticker to win the big one. Like Kim, he's a lovely bloke, capable, more than competent, but not leadership material to win you the premiership.

Dr Seuss game plan - its as easy as one of his The Cat in the Hat books to read. Chris Scott explained how easy it is to understand and pick apart.

BEREFT of ideas - only goes in with his standard game plan, but can't change things on the run, because he has very little ideas outside his set routine. Isn't a 360 degrees type thinker. Bereft is the best word I can think of to explain his coaching ideas.

So if you get a chance to speak or write in the media about Ken, think about describing him this way. Explain his failings.

His game plan has gone from kick it to the bloody shithouse and run forward to win the territory game, get it out of bounce and try and win the throw in, and we kept with that until 2019, then in 2020 it straightens up to become bomb it to Charlie and hope for the best from our small forwards crumbing the pack, who tend to worry more about defensive pressure than kicking goals.

Its not a high press, its an unnecessary high high press, so that when we play the good sides, and the heat is really on, they easily pick us apart, we get caught out, and they stream down to their forward line and kick lots of goals from their goal.

We have to bash and crash, get marks out wide and a long way from goal, its always hard work for Port to kick goals against the good teams, and no wonder our players are beaten up come September.

So if you talk to the media - ask them why their analysis of Port's game plan has as much depth to it as a flea's footprint?

Is it because that's how deep Ken is?

Ask them why do they want to boof Ken, have homoerotic feelings towards him, I know Jerry Seinfeld said there is nothing wrong with it, but there is when you are supposed be a well paid analyst of the game, and ask them why they can't understand the Dr Seuss simple game plan is why we fail.

Don't give them an inch for being lazy to understand the real weakness of coach Ken Hinkley - lovely bloke and all - but doesn't have the Ticker come September.

A Collins Class coach in a sea of hunter-killer nukes.
 

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Given the week and dual-historical precedent, if he somehow does manage to pull a win out on Friday night, we’ll almost certainly be treated to blubbering purple-faced snotropes when Abbey Holmes sticks the mic under his nose.

Perfectly normal, perfectly sane situation for such an elite, reliable, battle-hardened coach to be in.
 
From now on, until we finally have to get rid of Ken, this is how we have to describe him to the media. This is how i will describe him.

Like Kim Beazley - Ken doesn't have the Ticker to win the big one. Like Kim, he's a lovely bloke, capable, more than competent, but not leadership material to win you the premiership.

Dr Seuss game plan - its as easy as one of his The Cat in the Hat books to read. Chris Scott explained how easy it is to understand and pick apart.

BEREFT of ideas - only goes in with his standard game plan, but can't change things on the run, because he has very little ideas outside his set routine. Isn't a 360 degrees type thinker. Bereft is the best word I can think of to explain his coaching ideas.

So if you get a chance to speak or write in the media about Ken, think about describing him this way. Explain his failings.

His game plan has gone from kick it to the bloody shithouse and run forward to win the territory game, get it out of bounce and try and win the throw in, and we kept with that until 2019, then in 2020 it straightens up to become bomb it to Charlie and hope for the best from our small forwards crumbing the pack, who tend to worry more about defensive pressure than kicking goals.

Its not a high press, its an unnecessary high high press, so that when we play the good sides, and the heat is really on, they easily pick us apart, we get caught out, and they stream down to their forward line and kick lots of goals from their goal.

We have to bash and crash, get marks out wide and a long way from goal, its always hard work for Port to kick goals against the good teams, and no wonder our players are beaten up come September.

So if you talk to the media - ask them why their analysis of Port's game plan has as much depth to it as a flea's footprint?

Is it because that's how deep Ken is?

Ask them why do they want to boof Ken, have homoerotic feelings towards him, I know Jerry Seinfeld said there is nothing wrong with it, but there is when you are supposed be a well paid analyst of the game, and ask them why they can't understand the Dr Seuss simple game plan is why we fail.

Don't give them an inch for being lazy to understand the real weakness of coach Ken Hinkley - lovely bloke and all - but doesn't have the Ticker come September.

I am Ken. I am Ken. Ken-I-Am

That Ken-I-Am! That Ken-I-Am! I do not like that Ken-I-Am!

Do you like scrutiny and game plans?

I do not like them, Ken-I-Am

I do not like scrutiny and game plans
 

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I was deep within the Oval,
when suddenly I spied him,
A bogan failure chrome dome,
bereft of ideas inside him!

I wasn't impressed but yet I stopped,
What could this man be there for?
What could a heartless loser,
Be coach of an AFL team for?

And then he failed? This empty man!
He kind of started weeping.
And then my boos, I must admit,
Kind of started shrieking.

So he got sacked. He got sacked too slow.
Too slow to save my membership, sir.
I wasn't impressed. Cause coaches like that.
I do not care for, no sir.
 
At least it's something he's good at, Home & Away Ken

Showdowns, games in Queensland, games at Kardinia Park, and night games at home excepted.

The most fraudulent ‘60%’ win-loss record in the history of world sport.
 
Before the game Ken’s a gambler. He risks injured players, sometimes makes bold statements etc.
During a game he’s Mr conservative. Sticks to his game plan. Reluctant to make moves, plays safe when in front early in the game.
 
From now on, until we finally have to get rid of Ken, this is how we have to describe him to the media. This is how i will describe him.

Like Kim Beazley - Ken doesn't have the Ticker to win the big one. Like Kim, he's a lovely bloke, capable, more than competent, but not leadership material to win you the premiership.

Dr Seuss game plan - its as easy as one of his The Cat in the Hat books to read. Chris Scott explained how easy it is to understand and pick apart.

BEREFT of ideas - only goes in with his standard game plan, but can't change things on the run, because he has very little ideas outside his set routine. Isn't a 360 degrees type thinker. Bereft is the best word I can think of to explain his coaching ideas.

So if you get a chance to speak or write in the media about Ken, think about describing him this way. Explain his failings.

His game plan has gone from kick it to the bloody shithouse and run forward to win the territory game, get it out of bounce and try and win the throw in, and we kept with that until 2019, then in 2020 it straightens up to become bomb it to Charlie and hope for the best from our small forwards crumbing the pack, who tend to worry more about defensive pressure than kicking goals.

Its not a high press, its an unnecessary high high press, so that when we play the good sides, and the heat is really on, they easily pick us apart, we get caught out, and they stream down to their forward line and kick lots of goals from their goal.

We have to bash and crash, get marks out wide and a long way from goal, its always hard work for Port to kick goals against the good teams, and no wonder our players are beaten up come September.

So if you talk to the media - ask them why their analysis of Port's game plan has as much depth to it as a flea's footprint?

Is it because that's how deep Ken is?

Ask them why do they want to boof Ken, have homoerotic feelings towards him, I know Jerry Seinfeld said there is nothing wrong with it, but there is when you are supposed be a well paid analyst of the game, and ask them why they can't understand the Dr Seuss simple game plan is why we fail.

Don't give them an inch for being lazy to understand the real weakness of coach Ken Hinkley - lovely bloke and all - but doesn't have the Ticker come September.


The most exciting bit about the day Ken is gone is seeing a new game plan that is smarter not harder.
 
I wish I had consciousness of the dimension where we appointed Chris Scott end of 2012 and what happened thereafter
 
I wish I had consciousness of the dimension where we appointed Chris Scott end of 2012 and what happened thereafter

This current Port has been molded after Koch. Hinkley fits into the regime. Scott doesn’t.

Koch is a pretender. (Hinkley is too.) Thus, pretending is good enough. We don’t aspire more.

Port just needs to be in the mix. We are just a little suburban South Aussie club, after all. If we can honestly pretend to be in contention, we are doing great.

Hinkley can pretend to be a great coach. Koch can pretend to be respecting the club’s history. We can pretend to be satisfied, happily clapping both for their “accomplishments”.

Maybe we would have had a different Koch with a different coach. It’s possible.

I think ultimately we would still fall into this. There could have been some different results that would make it all less clear for us. It would take us longer to be here.

Koch wouldn’t leave as a hero. He drinks his own bathwater. He would have overstayed and found a Hinkley. These people are always looking for each other.
 
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Showdowns, games in Queensland, games at Kardinia Park, and night games at home excepted.

The most fraudulent ‘60%’ win-loss record in the history of world sport.

He would thrive in Finals-less leagues.

(I miss the days when the Brazilian soccer league had Finals.)
 
Had some help from GPT on this one :D


Reporter: "What went wrong tonight, Ken?"

Ken I am:
"What went wrong, oh, what went wrong?
Let me tell you in this song!
I’ll tell you now, I’ll tell you then,
For I am Ken, yes, Ken I am.

We kicked it here, we kicked it there,
But missed the goals, missed everywhere!
We tried to run, we tried to stand,
But slips and trips, they filled the land.

Ken I am, Ken I am,
These are the learnings, yes, Ken I am!

We dropped the ball, we missed the mark,
We chased and chased but missed the spark!
The other team, they ran so fast,
Our hopes of winning didn’t last.

Would we kick it through the posts?
Would we run right past the hosts?
No, not tonight, not here, not there,
We couldn’t quite get anywhere!

But here’s a fact, yes, true it be,
There’s learnings here for all to see!
Ken I am, Ken I am,
We’ll learn and grow, you bet we can!"
 
I was deep within the Oval,
when suddenly I spied him,
A bogan failure chrome dome,
bereft of ideas inside him!

I wasn't impressed but yet I stopped,
What could this man be there for?
What could a heartless loser,
Be coach of an AFL team for?

And then he failed? This empty man!
He kind of started weeping.
And then my boos, I must admit,
Kind of started shrieking.

So he got sacked. He got sacked too slow.
Too slow to save my membership, sir.
I wasn't impressed. Cause coaches like that.
I do not care for, no sir.

I read that in Raymond J. Bartholomeuz's voice.
 
If Ken was cast in Hogan's Heroes, he would be perfectly suited to the Colonel Klink role, but in reality the Producers would have wanted him to play the additional role of Sergeant Schultz too.

In terms of politicians, William McMahon became PM before I was born, but I've often heard he was one of Australia's worst Prime Ministers.

He had a bit of a resemblance to Ken, and wiki tells me McMahon was a Govt Minister for a record 21 consecutive years, so that almost seems in line with Kern as well.

McMahon's wife was reportedly a little domineering, so that seems like the Hinkley situation too.

In US politics, he'd probably be Nixon. "I am not a coach" seems about right. Unfortunately for us there was no Chinagate that led to his downfall, although GoldCoastgate or Greyhoundgate really should have seen the end of him.
 
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Coach Ken Hinkley - A Kim Beazley coach, a Dr Seuss game plan and BEREFT of ideas

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