Lame Jokes Part 2

[timtamWB]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his pants.

Bartender says, "Hey! Did you know you have a steering wheel coming out of your pants?"

Pirate says, "Aye! It's drivin' me nuts!"

But why is it a pirate? Is it like a ship's wheel, because that would be hilariously big. If it was more like a car's steering wheel, then why does a pirate have a car steering wheel? It's the completely wrong time period.

So many unanswered questions!

 

[WAFLfan1969]

What do you do when your wife is staggering?

Shoot her again !!

 

[Freofalcon]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who can play the drums ?

Clever Dick.

 

[WAFLfan1969]

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50 ?

Your Honour

 

[Freofalcon]

What does D.N.A stand for ?

National Dyslexics Association.

 

[worbod]

One day a first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, “.... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!’”

The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?”

One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said: 'Holy shit! A talking chicken!’''

 

[worbod]

· A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
· I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
· How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
· I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

 

[WAFLfan1969]

Did you hear about the Mexican Train Killer?

He had loco-motives

 

[Double the Fist]

Did you hear about the Mexican Train Killer?

He had loco-motives

groan....

 

[WAFLfan1969]

groan....

That's 10 seconds of your life wasted reading that joke

 

[WAFLfan1969]

Why are hurricanes usually named after women?

Because they are wet and wild when they come, and take your house and car when they leave

 

[WAFLfan1969]

Why don't women blink during sex?

There isn't enough time!!!!

 

[WAFLfan1969]

What do you call a man with a car number plate on his head?

Reg

 

[WAFLfan1969]

What do you call a man with cat scratches on his face?

Claude

 

[WAFLfan1969]

Could a naked man with no arms hitchhike ?

Yes, but he would have to be really excited about where he was going !!!

 

[worbod]

· This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
· I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
· I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

 

[WAFLfan1969]

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

 

[WAFLfan1969]

What comes with the new Divorced Barbie doll?

All Ken's stuff

 

[pebblestone]

Did you hear about the Mexican Train Killer?

He had loco-motives

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the roof?

Tequila!

 

[GiantRooBoy]

What do you call a bloke who cuts himself shaving?


NICK

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Remember, if anyone tells you that you've got ADHD... pay no attention.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Q: What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
A: You can unscrew the light bulb.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Q: What did the left nut say to the right nut?

A: Don´t talk to the guy in the middle, he´s a dick.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

what do you call an Asian woman with one leg?

Irene

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Dr: When did you first notice you had diarrhea?

Patient: When I took off my bicycle clips.