Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
- 17,792
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AFLW 2024 - Round 10 - Chat, game threads, injury lists, team lineups and more.
Lame jokes
- Thread starter oaksy
- Start date
- Tagged users None
- Status
ClarkeM
Wonders 🏆🏆🏆🏆
- Mar 14, 2007
- 56,600
- 56,589
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- Collingwood
Lame and not funny.
What did Carlton say after the Judd trade.
Tank you.
***I told you it wasnt***
What did Carlton say after the Judd trade.
Tank you.
***I told you it wasnt***
- May 9, 2002
- 16,147
- 126
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- Brisbane Lions
- Other Teams
- North Adelaide Roosters
BOOM BOOM
- May 9, 2002
- 16,147
- 126
- AFL Club
- Brisbane Lions
- Other Teams
- North Adelaide Roosters
Have a few bee jokes
Q: What is a Bee's favorite Singer?
A: Sting
Q: What goes zzub zzub zzub?
A: A bee flying backwards
Q: Where does a bee go to go to the toilet
A: A BP Station
Q: What is a Bee's favorite Singer?
A: Sting
Q: What goes zzub zzub zzub?
A: A bee flying backwards
Q: Where does a bee go to go to the toilet
A: A BP Station
- May 9, 2002
- 16,147
- 126
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- North Adelaide Roosters
like that
MinerBoy
Brownlow Medallist
Veteran
10k Posts
Red Centre Kangaroos Player - BFFCL
Hawthorn Hawks - Conor Nash Player Sponsor 2017
Hawthorn Hawks - James Cousins Player Sponsor 2017
Hawthorn Hawks - Kaiden Brand Player Sponsor 2017
Hawthorn Hawks - Alex Woodward, Jed Anderson and Jermaine Miller-Lewis Player Sponsor 2015
Hawthorn Hawks - Lowden, Anderson, Woodward Player Sponsor 2014
- Jan 9, 2007
- 29,887
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- Other teams?
- May 3, 2007
- 96
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- Banned
- #332
Two vampire bats had just moved into a new cave. One of them decided
to go look for food. About 10 minutes later he returns, with blood
dripping from his mouth and fangs. "Where did you find the meal?" asked
his friend.
"Do you see that tree over there by the cave entrance?" he replied.
"Yes" said his mate.
"Well, I didn't!"
el D
to go look for food. About 10 minutes later he returns, with blood
dripping from his mouth and fangs. "Where did you find the meal?" asked
his friend.
"Do you see that tree over there by the cave entrance?" he replied.
"Yes" said his mate.
"Well, I didn't!"
el D
ClarkeM
Wonders 🏆🏆🏆🏆
- Mar 14, 2007
- 56,600
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- Collingwood
HAHA
- Sep 16, 2004
- 12,469
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- Team van Berlo, Sturt
- Banned
- #334
I don't get it
Equus
????????????
What do you call a priest on fire?
HOLY SMOKES!
HOLY SMOKES!
knock knock
who's there?
little old lady
little old lady who?
stop yodelling and open the f*cking door!
who's there?
little old lady
little old lady who?
stop yodelling and open the f*cking door!
Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
- 17,792
- 14,021
- AFL Club
- Port Adelaide
- Other Teams
- Power, Magpies, Swamprats, Whales
Equus
????????????
What did the dog ticket inspector say to the passengers?
TICKS FLEAS!
TICKS FLEAS!
AFKAJR
Club Legend
Why are elephants big, grey and wrinkly?
Cos if they were small, white and smotth they'd be aspirin.
Cos if they were small, white and smotth they'd be aspirin.
The Construction Site
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese bloke are hired at a construction
site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy
"You;
sweeping."
To the Irishman he says "You; shovelling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You; supplies."
"Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent
in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours, and when he returns, the
pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies "I didn'ta have a broom. You said the Chinese a guy was
in a charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I coulda no find him."
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Scotsman replies , "Aye, ye did lad. But I couldna get meself a shovel.
Ye left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn'a find him."
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off toward the pile of sand
looking for the Chinese bloke...
Just then, the Chinese bloke springs out from behind the pile of sand and
yells, "SUPPLISE!, SUPPLISE!"
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese bloke are hired at a construction
site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy
"You;
sweeping."
To the Irishman he says "You; shovelling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You; supplies."
"Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent
in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours, and when he returns, the
pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies "I didn'ta have a broom. You said the Chinese a guy was
in a charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I coulda no find him."
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Scotsman replies , "Aye, ye did lad. But I couldna get meself a shovel.
Ye left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn'a find him."
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off toward the pile of sand
looking for the Chinese bloke...
Just then, the Chinese bloke springs out from behind the pile of sand and
yells, "SUPPLISE!, SUPPLISE!"
back in the day when ronaldo and david beckham were still at real madrid...
one day ronaldo, raúl and beckham are at the training ground, and they're sitting down to their packed lunches
ronaldo opens his lunchbox... "bloody egg sandwiches again. I tell you, I'm that sick of egg sandwiches. if I have egg sandwiches again tomorrow I'm jumping off the roof of the bernabeu stadium."
raúl opens his... "¡putamadre! ham and cheese again. another day of ham and cheese and I'll jump off the stadium roof too."
and beckham opens his... "damn, marmite again. if I get marmite again tomorrow I'm jumping off the stadium roof as well."
of course you know what happens next
and at the funeral, the wives are standing round talking
mrs ronaldo says "poor ronnie, if only he'd told me he was sick of egg sandwiches he'd be with us now"
mrs raúl says "why couldn't he have told me he was tired of ham and cheese sandwiches? such a waste"
and victoria says "I can't understand it. david always made his own sandwiches."
one day ronaldo, raúl and beckham are at the training ground, and they're sitting down to their packed lunches
ronaldo opens his lunchbox... "bloody egg sandwiches again. I tell you, I'm that sick of egg sandwiches. if I have egg sandwiches again tomorrow I'm jumping off the roof of the bernabeu stadium."
raúl opens his... "¡putamadre! ham and cheese again. another day of ham and cheese and I'll jump off the stadium roof too."
and beckham opens his... "damn, marmite again. if I get marmite again tomorrow I'm jumping off the stadium roof as well."
of course you know what happens next
and at the funeral, the wives are standing round talking
mrs ronaldo says "poor ronnie, if only he'd told me he was sick of egg sandwiches he'd be with us now"
mrs raúl says "why couldn't he have told me he was tired of ham and cheese sandwiches? such a waste"
and victoria says "I can't understand it. david always made his own sandwiches."
a guy was watching 2 council workers one day.
one would dig a hole and the other would fill it straight in again.
confused he went up and asked what they are doing and one says
"oh the guy who plants trees is sick today".
one would dig a hole and the other would fill it straight in again.
confused he went up and asked what they are doing and one says
"oh the guy who plants trees is sick today".
Marklar_33
Brownlow Medallist
Very good... when I read it, I thought it was a lame chickens_law joke or something... and then it clicked!
- Banned
- #345
Apparently true ...
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No"
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: "Well turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now...Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too ****ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!"
The bat flew into the tree...
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No"
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: "Well turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now...Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too ****ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!"
The bat flew into the tree...
monty1104
Brownlow Medallist
Thats pretty good benno.
Here are some more apparantly true things people have said, this time, they are all football related.
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." - (Shane Wakelin)
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (Mick Malthouse - Collingwood)
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (Peter Bell - Fremantle - on his University Law studies)
"You guys line up alphabetically by height," and "you guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." (Barry Hall Sydney Captain at training)
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." (Brock Maclean - Melbourne) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt.
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." (Kevin Sheedy on James Hird)
"It's basically the same, just darker." (Jonathan Brown) on night Grand Finals vs Day Games
"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Barass, I don't know and I don't care' ". (Ron Barassi talking about Gary Cowton)
"I want to kick 70 or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first." (Barry Hall - Sydney) when asked about the upcoming season:
"Luke Hodge - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago." (Dermott Brereton)
"Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator." (Mark Williams)
"He scored that goal after only 22 seconds - totally against the run of play." (Dermott Brereton)
"We actually got the winning goal three minutes from the end but then they scored." (Ben Cousins - West Coast Eagles)
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body". (Luke Darcy)
"That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical." (Dermott Brereton)
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them serious." (Adrian Anderson)
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." (Andrew Demetriou)
"I would not say he (Chris Judd) is the best centreman in the AFL, but there are none better." (Dermott Brereton)
"I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." (Terry Wallace)
(Garry Lyon) "Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?" (David Swartz) "On what?"
"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw." (Dermott Brereton)
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." (Dermott Brereton)
Here are some more apparantly true things people have said, this time, they are all football related.
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." - (Shane Wakelin)
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (Mick Malthouse - Collingwood)
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (Peter Bell - Fremantle - on his University Law studies)
"You guys line up alphabetically by height," and "you guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." (Barry Hall Sydney Captain at training)
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." (Brock Maclean - Melbourne) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt.
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." (Kevin Sheedy on James Hird)
"It's basically the same, just darker." (Jonathan Brown) on night Grand Finals vs Day Games
"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Barass, I don't know and I don't care' ". (Ron Barassi talking about Gary Cowton)
"I want to kick 70 or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first." (Barry Hall - Sydney) when asked about the upcoming season:
"Luke Hodge - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago." (Dermott Brereton)
"Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator." (Mark Williams)
"He scored that goal after only 22 seconds - totally against the run of play." (Dermott Brereton)
"We actually got the winning goal three minutes from the end but then they scored." (Ben Cousins - West Coast Eagles)
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body". (Luke Darcy)
"That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical." (Dermott Brereton)
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them serious." (Adrian Anderson)
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." (Andrew Demetriou)
"I would not say he (Chris Judd) is the best centreman in the AFL, but there are none better." (Dermott Brereton)
"I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." (Terry Wallace)
(Garry Lyon) "Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?" (David Swartz) "On what?"
"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw." (Dermott Brereton)
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." (Dermott Brereton)
ClarkeM
Wonders 🏆🏆🏆🏆
- Mar 14, 2007
- 56,600
- 56,589
- AFL Club
- Collingwood
Well done
All those quotes come from other sports around the globe. (Murray Walker etc) and someone has mischieviously put a few AFL names on then.
Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
- 17,792
- 14,021
- AFL Club
- Port Adelaide
- Other Teams
- Power, Magpies, Swamprats, Whales
This was recently in the Seattle Paper... The title of the article was "Best Come Back Line Ever."
In summary, the police arrested Robert Aylor, 59+ year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday night.
On Monday, at the County courthouse, Aylor was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session he decided to stop. "You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around" he stated in a telephone
interview.
Aylor went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. "Guess I was really into
it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Aylor failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to Mr. Aylor and he's just banging away at this pumpkin."
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Aylor. "I said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?" He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said.....
"A pumpkin? ..... Shit...is it midnight already?"
In summary, the police arrested Robert Aylor, 59+ year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday night.
On Monday, at the County courthouse, Aylor was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session he decided to stop. "You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around" he stated in a telephone
interview.
Aylor went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. "Guess I was really into
it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Aylor failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to Mr. Aylor and he's just banging away at this pumpkin."
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Aylor. "I said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?" He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said.....
"A pumpkin? ..... Shit...is it midnight already?"
What do you call an asian girl leaning up against a fence?..
Pai Ling
_________________________________________________
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?..
two... one to screw in the light bulb and one to suck my d**k
Pai Ling
_________________________________________________
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?..
two... one to screw in the light bulb and one to suck my d**k
- Status
