My Son Wants to be a Hermit

[nokiacasio]

For too long my wife has been cynical around my son, telling him that human nature is corrupt, that everyone is self-interested, and so on. She did this mainly to immunize him from e-mail scams, cult leaders, and real estate agents, but her cynicism has had the unintended consequence of making my son scared of just about all human contact. He seems to have no friends. He works part-time at the pizza shop and he told me that he did this because he was saving up so that he could buy a cheap house in the country where he'd live a subsistence lifestyle with no human contact. He believes this is the only way he can escape human interaction and therefore escape human conflict.

I am worried that if it's not my wife filling his head with cynicism it will be someone else because just about everyone is a cynic.

Anyone here have any ideas on how I can do to fix this problem?

 

[HBK619]

Good one mum!

 

[patsmith]

You are ignoring the possibility that he could be onto a good thing...

 

[bringbackschwarter5]

Women

 

[mantis]

You are ignoring the possibility that he could be onto a good thing...

I was thinking the same thing, also, it could be that he wants to get away from his nutjob father.

 

[Stakerz]

My 8 year old brother said to me, What's this thing on my willy, so I said it's the piece of flesh that is attached to your foreskin, I have one too.

He said he didn't have it there a week ago, I want too cut it off!

Funny little kid he is

 

[the_mighty_pies_3733]

Find him a girl

 

[TorresIsGod]

Find him a girl

Preferably one with teeth (so that rules any Collingwood supporter out)

 

[Forrest Gimp]

My 8 year old brother said to me, What's this thing on my willy, so I said it's the piece of flesh that is attached to your foreskin, I have one too.

He said he didn't have it there a week ago, I want too cut it off!

Funny little kid he is

Maybe he can compete in the BME pain olympics...

 

[suliman]

Is this a serious post? If so, your son needs to see a psychologist and get some therapy for social phobia.

 

[crudbucket]

Way too late, that band split ages ago.

 

[mantis]

Way too late, that band split ages ago.

Mrs Brown you've got a lovely daughter.

 

[Delroy]

Your son grows pot and is moving bush to get a decent setup going.

 

[Mastablingbling]

For too long my wife has been cynical around my son, telling him that human nature is corrupt, that everyone is self-interested, and so on. She did this mainly to immunize him from e-mail scams, cult leaders, and real estate agents, but her cynicism has had the unintended consequence of making my son scared of just about all human contact. He seems to have no friends. He works part-time at the pizza shop and he told me that he did this because he was saving up so that he could buy a cheap house in the country where he'd live a subsistence lifestyle with no human contact. He believes this is the only way he can escape human interaction and therefore escape human conflict.

I am worried that if it's not my wife filling his head with cynicism it will be someone else because just about everyone is a cynic.

Anyone here have any ideas on how I can do to fix this problem?

Let him do it, if that's what he wants

 

[Checkers]

Get rid of your wife because clearly something is wrong with her and get your kid a counselor.

 

[w00dy]

how old is he? > 15 obviously as he works at a pizza shop...

my suggestion would be to try and get him involved in something that he likes doing... that's his best chance of making friends, meeting people with a common interest to his...

it will be impossible to improve the social aspect of his life if you try and force him... he must have some interests... therapy probably wouldn't hurt either...

 

[kaysee]

For too long my wife has been cynical around my son, telling him that human nature is corrupt, that everyone is self-interested, and so on. She did this mainly to immunize him from e-mail scams, cult leaders, and real estate agents, but her cynicism has had the unintended consequence of making my son scared of just about all human contact. He seems to have no friends. He works part-time at the pizza shop and he told me that he did this because he was saving up so that he could buy a cheap house in the country where he'd live a subsistence lifestyle with no human contact. He believes this is the only way he can escape human interaction and therefore escape human conflict.

I am worried that if it's not my wife filling his head with cynicism it will be someone else because just about everyone is a cynic.

Anyone here have any ideas on how I can do to fix this problem?

1st and FOREMOST:
- you do not need a counselor, phsycologist, phsychiarcist or any other input. There are far too many of these professional people analysing things to the Nth degree and as a result over-complicating things.

2nd:
- You Wife is spot on the money. For the most part humans are self-interested... her included. She has educated your Son this way because she wants to protect him and in doing so satisfying her own mothering self-interests. You are now equally concerned for his well-being because of your own self-interests (ie. if he 'fails' as a person you may feel some responsibility in this failing).

By the sounds of it a lot of what has been said is rather accurate... the thing is... it has had an adverse effect on your Son.

First, clear a few things up in your own minds:
- First, is it (his Anthropophobia- fear of society) a problem?
- Is there really any problem with him living as a hermit?

Second, all 3 of you need to have a few discussions about this.

How would I attempt to fix the problem? (will try to keep this brief)
- Don't try to fix the effects!!! I.E. Him wanting to live as a hermit... etc.
- Rather build on what has already been said and what his current thoughts are.
- Reinforce that your Wife is right and that... in a way we are all self-interested... maybe kindly point out that him wanting to be a "hermit" is in his self-interests.
- Build on that whilst he needs to be careful of some peoples harmful self-interests... the polar opposite of that is that some peoples self-interests are actually good. The whole ying-tang, dark-light theory.
- Reiterate this by using your Sons personal characteristics and self-interests as examples... IE Johnny you buy me a Birthday gift b/c you want to make me to enjoy that day, and you like making me happy.
- Let him know that both You and your Wife's self-interests are to try educate him to recognise the good from the bad.

To summarise... and it is really hard to with what limited information I know... but you goal should be:

Build on the idea that self-interests don't always have to be a bad thing... and use personal examples. Also be open and honest with what you're both trying to achieve.

If he still wants to live his life as a hermit, clarify if you as parents can still see him and that you would like to And what other family/friends can have contact with him. If he nominates a list of people he would like to see... then use this as subtle reminders that there are people out there he does like having contact with and not to right-off the rest of humantity.

HTH... if you want to discuss further feel free to PM me.

 

[haywood jablome]

Give the morning show a call with larry and kylie

 

[nokiacasio]

Is there really any problem with him living as a hermit?

That's an interesting question. Perhaps it won't be so bad. My wife however had expectations that my son would grow up to be very wealthy and ambitious. My son has turned out to be satisfied with little and not at all ambitious. In fact, he often seems lazy.

My son claims that once he becomes a hermit he will spend the rest of his life reading books, watching DVDs, and exercising on a treadmill. He plans to start living as a hermit once he has enough money in his Netbank Savers account to produce interest that can pay for his food, rent, and entertainment.

It seems like a comfortable lifestyle. He will be doing what he loves and he will never work again, yet he will have enough to put food on the table and a roof over his head.

Like I said, my wife had a different idea of how he would grow up, and she seems upset because we invested a lot in him, e.g. private school, etc, and there will be little return from that investment.

However, there may be some honor in a person who does not conform to the expectations of others, including the expectations of his mother.

My wife is also worried that a hermit lifestyle will make my son very unattractive to females. He will thus not produce any offspring and we will have no grandchildren.

You Wife is spot on the money. For the most part humans are self-interested... her included.

When I say that my wife is cynical, I mean that when he hears about stories of human goodness she sneers and always thinks that there is some greedy or corrupt motive underlying it. For example, when Bob Geldof tells people to feed the hungry, she says, "He's just doing it to improve his career."

I think her cynicism is the result of frustration. She may be angry with the world so she tries to talk badly about it.

My son wants to be a hermit not only because people may be self-interested but because he believes that all people are inherently bad and that personal relationships with other humans will inevitably lead to conflict and pain. To insure himself against that risk, he will simply not have any friends.

 

[gerta]

He plans to start living as a hermit once he has enough money in his Netbank Savers account to produce interest that can pay for his food, rent, and entertainment.

Looks like you'll be seeing for son for another couple of decades before he begins his hermit life..

 

[raboyle]

I know exactly what your feeling nokiacasio.

Although in my case, it had absolutely nothing to do with my parents, it was all my decision to shut myself away thanks to a long period of life under attack during my school life and pretty much decided that was the way everyone would be and it took a while to discover otherwise. I still to this day have very little trust in most people that I have regular contact with, of course that doesn't mean everybody. And I don't confine myself to a house.

Do something about it before its too late.

 

[raboyle]

My son wants to be a hermit not only because people may be self-interested but because he believes that all people are inherently bad and that personal relationships with other humans will inevitably lead to conflict and pain. To insure himself against that risk, he will simply not have any friends.

That is exactly what I used to think... and in some cases, that is very much how things are even today for me. I just remind myself that there are those who have given me a chance.

 

[nokiacasio]

Looks like you'll be seeing for son for another couple of decades before he begins his hermit life..

He already has $40,000 in his bank account. He claims he can live off $100,000. Netbank gives 7 per cent per year, so that means $7000 per year, $3500 on rent and $3500 on food. He claims that a cheap place to live is Horsham.

 

[w00dy]

He already has $40,000 in his bank account. He claims he can live off $100,000. Netbank gives 7 per cent per year, so that means $7000 per year, $3500 on rent and $3500 on food. He claims that a cheap place to live is Horsham.

well for starters tell him interest rates change and he's not always going to get that much return from a bank account like that... it could easily drop to 3 or 4%, even lower, and his annual income is halved... further, while inflation will continuously increase prices, his return isn't going to continue to increase, so that isn't a long term solution financially...

from what you say it sounds as if he has had a long time to think about this, and it will be extremely difficult to change his mind...

 

[gerta]

He already has $40,000 in his bank account. He claims he can live off $100,000. Netbank gives 7 per cent per year, so that means $7000 per year, $3500 on rent and $3500 on food. He claims that a cheap place to live is Horsham.

Tell him to go to ING for 8.25 %

I though Horsham would be a bit big for being a hermit, i would at least be going further up into the mallee more..

Why not take him for a drive to have a look at god's own country.